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Rain was a give and take sort of thing.
On the off-hand, the rain caused a hold up in flying, and difficulty in sailing from one point to another. The gang would have to settle for pulling over to nearby land and resting within the closed spaces of the ship. On the other hand, however, these rainy days would prove to be good for taking care of menial tasks that were often overlooked on their quest.
Giving away time to take advantage of opportunities- that’s the beauty of rainy days.
Agnès tended to chorework to keep her mind busy, Edea would polish up on the weaponry, and Ringabel would take time to write down his thoughts and close himself off to only his most private spaces.
Tiz might count up the stock of food and supplies, and he may do a round check-in on everyone to see if they were okay. They usually were. Most often, though, he’d just lay down in one of the bunkers and try to sleep. ‘Try’ being the keyword. He’d actually just be locked away in a room, staring at the ceiling as he listened to the rumbling rain. It wasn’t as calming as he thought it’d be. The constant rumbling was as nauseating as a ticking clock, making him anxious about how slow time dragged on.
The rain just kept coming down and down, harder and harder, longer and longer...like a drawn-out lecture that no one wanted to attend.
In fear of his limbs becoming matted to the sheets, he pulled himself up to stretch. But as soon as he stood up, it was as if weights were suddenly strung to his ankles. He spent more time just standing in one spot, with a horrible feeling in his gut. Yeah, rainy days were just the worse.
After finally gaining back some sort of consciousness, he realized that it’d probably be best to leave the stiffness of his room, or at least that’s what Agnès always told him. “Nothing will ever come from you wilting yourself away.” She’d say, and regardless of how true that statement was, it would never make him feel better.
Walking outside was probably a mistake.
Upon opening the door, a fistful of water smacked the top of his head and rolled down his face. It was a little cold compared to the humidity of the room, but he’d manage just fine. He left the door and walked to the deck of rough winds and rain. The little specks of water that hit him felt like painful shots of life against his skin. It was cold, and sharp, but it felt alive.
“You will surely catch something horrible out there!” Tiz snapped his head at the faint voice against the calling winds around him. Ringabel was peeking from the Drunken Pig entrance, and while his figure was only barely visible behind the shower, Tiz felt his stomach flip at his presence. He almost felt lighter.
“Where have you been?” Tiz asked, smiling as he gripped the wet fabric against his skin- when did it suddenly get so cold?
Ringabel motioned for him to come inside where it was warm, but Tiz was hesitant to move. He almost liked it out here. The rain was just starting to feel like a tender touch, the pain had gone away, why would he want to leave?
“Well, I was having myself some coffee-” Ringabel paused to step forward. “-all by my lonesome-” He squinted at the bits of rain that hit his eyes. “-and I’d like some company. Come inside now. You have no business being out there.”
Tiz frowned and felt his chest swell in faint guilt. He nodded and walked inside without a word. His shoulders were quickly surrounded by a towel, but it didn’t help the fact that he was now soaking wet and freezing.
“I thought you were asleep in the room.” Ringabel said, now beaming as he lead him to a lone table.
“I was.” Tiz replied as he sat down, feeling tingly at the sight of such a radiant smile. It quickly faltered as he realized what he said. “-I mean, no I didn’t- I tried to, but, y’know…” Tiz paused and slumped in his seat. “It’s not a good day.”
Ringabel pierced his lips and pushed his coffee towards him. “Drink it, you need it. I don’t like seeing you so exhausted.” Tiz chuckled and rested his hands on the warm mug, trying to ignore how one of his fingers snagged the edge of Ringabel’s glove. Tiz stared into the deep pool of the coffee, his own reflection staring back at him expectantly.
“Don’t worry, I’m used to it.” He sipped it and felt no better than he did before. If anything, this would make him feel worse. The caffeine in the coffee will inevitably make his body energized, but his sluggish mind won’t be able to keep up. He’ll just feel mentally burnt out and physically anxious; he knew he would, he did this everyday.
This was the horrid cycle of his own obligation, pushed forward by the weight of everyone’s expectations and needs. The lone survivor of Norende- what good would he be if he just stayed back at Karl’s inn and wasted the days away? With everything gone, he figured that helping Agnès would be his way to give back to everyone else in spite of what happened, and ultimately, his way of getting back his home.
But some days were just especially hard.
“Well, don’t be.” The other’s voice momentarily snapped him out of his thoughts. “There’s enough negativity on this ship already and I’d rather not… nevermind that.” Ringabel cleared his throat and shifted his gaze.
“So where are we?” Tiz asked, avoiding the topic. “Where have we landed, I mean.”
“I’ve stopped us along an island I saw. I’m sure the map has it listed somewhere, but I’m not sure.” Ringabel shrugged. He pulled out his book and started jotting something down. Tiz squinted, trying to read the upside-down letters. Ringabel must have noticed since he sharply adjusted the book upwards, only leaving the cover visible. It must have been personal, so he just stared back at the coffee.
The two of them collectively let out a sigh, savoring the hum of the beating rain.
Ringabel placed his book down and leaned his cheek on his glove, staring past Tiz and out the doors. He watched as the water crept up the wood in frantic dots as the winds increased.
Breathlessly, he spoke again, “I just love the rain, don’t you?” Tiz still stared at himself through his drink, counting his blinking like counting sheep. He could hardly listen to his words with the roaring of winds, the taps of water and the hypnotic tone of Ringabel’s voice.
“So powerful, like a woman’s unwavering gaze. Yet gentle, like her sweet touch. The rain does things to me, Tiz. I feel so sheltered by its wrath, it’s almost haunting.”
Tiz’s eyes started to feel heavy as he followed the voice. He didn’t hear any of the words but he sure felt them.
“But perhaps that’s just me. I find myself attracted to… things that are feisty yet loving. And really, is that not what the rain is? Oh yes, she’ll tear everything apart limb by aching limb, but she’ll also wash away my woes without question. I love her dearly.”
Tiz succumbed to the pulling feeling surrounding him and dropped into a split second sleep. As his forehead touched the table, he was attacked with flashes of horrific faces. All of his friends and family being ripped from his grasp. His brother, holding onto him for dear life, watching him with fearful eyes. His own arm, weak and trembling, losing grip of his brother’s, and watching him fall. The bright flash wave encompassing the land- and finally, darkness.
He ripped himself from his dream and shot up suddenly. The jump caused the coffee to tip and spill over onto the floor, but frankly, Tiz could care less. He didn’t even want to see his reflection anymore. He wanted to disappear, to crumble away from this world just as he should have on day one.
His eyes finally focused on reality and caught Ringabel watching him with wide eyes. Tiz could see shock and worry painted all over his face, but that only made the situation worse.
“Are you-?” Tiz heard Ringabel start but he had long left the table, leaving behind a soaked towel. He escaped what felt like an interrogation and out to his chambers. He didn't want to listen to Ringabel anymore, he didn’t even want to look at him again. But he knew once Ringabel sees him again, he’d be bombarded with questions. Questions that’d lead to more questions, and more answers he just didn’t have.
Once he shut the door to his room, he felt numbingly sick, as if at any moment his body would collapse on itself. He figured a walk could ease his nerves. Yeah, a nice long walk.
He threw open his dresser and pulled out a jacket. It was Ringabel’s. He won it at a market sale on one of their stops. It was dingy and cheap, but the saleswoman was pretty, so Ringabel got it anyway. That’s how things usually went.
Without another word, Tiz left the ship. Quietly of course, he wouldn’t want to snag the attention of his friends. That’d be a hassle and hah! So much to explain! Where was he going, they’d ask. Why should they know, he doesn’t even know himself!
He just walked onto the shore they were perched on and just took off. It looked like a small island, but he didn’t care. He walked and walked until his legs burned with strain and tension. He couldn’t tell where he was after some point. The rain fogged his surroundings into a gravy of white and gray. The sand sucked his boots into the ground with his weight, and a large part of him wish it’d just pull him in. Soon enough, the sand became muddy dirt and then swampy grass. Pieces of grass would blow up and swipe his face like a knife. He loved it.
He loved feeling this alive. Being so vulnerable.
“You hear that world?” Tiz spoke out against the winds. They slowed down, as if to let him speak. “I don’t hate this! I love it!” His voice cracked when he attempted to yell, but he didn’t notice. He just planted his foot and beamed at the sky. “You think this hurts? You’re wrong! This feels amazing!”
Thunder shook the skies in rage. The rain crashed down harder than before, which could only be the world’s response to his cries. Tiz’s cheeks hurt with how hard he was grinning.
“You can’t hurt me anymore!” He started to laugh even, albeit very dry and choked. He laughed harder by the second, so hard that tears started to come out. They were unusually hot against his skin- so hot he felt himself return to reality.
Then he came crashing down from the transience of his high.
It was suddenly very cold. He couldn’t see where he was. He couldn’t even hear his thoughts anymore.
Tiz allowed his body to collapse by a nearby tree, pulling the jacket over his head to shield his face from the cutting rain. His throat clenched up considerably as he choked out some sobs. “Everything hurts…” His body shivered dangerously. “I need to g-g-go back-k..” Tiz tried to push himself up but something within him stopped him. His mind freaked out at his unwillingness to move, but no matter how hard he tried, his legs wouldn’t budge.
He squeezed his eyes shut in anger. “Damn you…” He shot them opened and clutched his stomach. “Damn you! I don’t want to die!” He clawed at himself in frustration. He couldn’t die here. He had too much left to do. Too many were counting on him to survive-!
Maybe he did want to die.
He shoved that thought away from his head instantly. If he fell down that rabbit hole it’d be over. This was just a battle of will-power, all he had to do was move.
Move.
Why couldn’t he move?
Tiz felt his body drift off into its own slumber. He had no will to fight it, nor did he want to. Everything just seemed so hard. As his eyes closed, every tree and plant life around felt as though they caved in on him.
All he saw was wallpaper.
It was odd to say, but it was true. He awoke in a house of wallpaper, all of different colors and patterns. Each wall was covered with no opening of paint. Colors of red and blue and yellow surrounded him like a plague. Too many colors, all so gaudy and loud. The patterns all spread together like a cluttered mess- he almost wanted to rip his hair out at the sight.
He traversed the house as if it was his home- who was he kidding? It was his home.- and found only empty rooms and long hallways. There was a kitchen with a dripping faucet, and a dining room with a table set for four.
drip… drip…
Tiz panicked. He turned back and tried to open the front door, but it was locked! How did he get in?
Oh yeah. This was his house. How could he forget?
drip… drip…
He turned back to the hall and- was the wallpaper changing?- found a singular window at the end. He looked outside. It was absolutely gorgeous. It was so light and bright and… white. Only white. Nothing except white. He tried to open the window to explore its beauty, but it was locked.
drip… drip…
He went back to the kitchen to stop the haunting dripping. But as he turned the handle to stop the leak, the water simply dropped faster. So he tried turning it the other way, and then it wouldn’t budge.
drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip
Tiz quickly left the kitchen as if he was being followed. He entered the dining room and saw that the table was set with three plates. The room suddenly felt uneasy for some reason, and he went back to the hall.
drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip
The wallpaper peeled off the walls like a flayed prisoner. Senselessly, almost unconsciously, Tiz reached to tear the wallpaper off. It ripped into scraps, as if it didn’t want to be torn. But when it was hanging so freely, how could one not be tempted? Tiz peeled and peeled, layer after layer of the cursed wallpaper. Each tear revealed another pattern underneath, and he’d pinch and pull again to remove the paper from the walls. How long was he doing this now? It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes right? Or maybe hours? He had no sense of time.
drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip
Did time even exist?
drip.. drip.. drip.. drip.. drip..
As he kept peeling the wall away, Tiz wondered if this was what death was like. Was this the fate he was cursed to? Was this the escape from the horrid reality of life he was used to? It was criminally unfair.
Drip… drip… drip...
One last final pull and he finally saw what could have been the end of the wallpaper. He tore off the piece to reveal a soullessly black wall. It had no texture, nor did it have shine. It was just a black abyss underneath the color of the house. He reached his hand over and grazed the surface- it felt like a wall.
drip.
As if this was message, Tiz reflexively turned back to the window. It was open now, freely blowing wind into the still house, the scraps of paper flying past him like a bad memory. That light was so warm. He walked towards it as if he was strung on a path. The hallway was long, but he’d make it. He had to get to that light. He had to leave the house.
The wallpaper peeled from the walls on their own accord, layers falling at his feet like rain drops. But he kept walking anyway. The blackness of the wall came forward and shadowed him whole. But he kept walking anyway. The light was getting closer, and so was he. And he kept walking and walking and walking…
Tiz awoke to a stuffy room and a dimly lit lantern. It was a little hard to breath and it was hot. As he adjusted himself, he felt his skin stick to the sheets from his own sweat. Nausea took over his body in waves.
And then he heard a voice, “ Tiz! You’re awake!” From his side he saw what looked like Agnès, jumping from her seat and rushing to his side. Edea came forward too- was he back on the ship?
“Don’t ever scare us like that again!” Edea shook him in what he could only assume was anger, but there were tears in her eyes. Tiz fell back against the sheets.
“How’d I get back?” He asked, his voice hoarse.
“We don’t know. It looked like you were dragged back. There was a trail of mud behind your body. We found you on the shore near ship.” Ringabel’s voice came from his other side, and he so desperately wished to look over and see his face again- but he couldn’t find the strength to move again.
“Horribly sick, you mean! We found you passed out and fevered! Absolutely drenched and wounded!” Agnès leaned into his field of vision, she looked upset. “What were you thinking leaving like that ?! Were you trying to kill yourself?!”
Everyone went silent, probably waiting for Tiz to answer. His body felt hot and worn. It craved more sleep, although everything in him was holding out for another minute- just one more minute before he had to go back to that dream.
“I just wanted to play in the rain.” He choked out in a whisper, gritting his teeth in contempt of himself. Then, as if a sea of weight crashed over his body, his eyes fluttered closed for more rest.