Work Text:
one time park jimin tries to say ‘i love you’ to kim seokjin is in the way he wakes up.
seokjin liked to wake up before everyone else - likes to see the sunset from the floor-to-ceiling window in their apartment living room. jimin saw him at it once, on one of those unscheduled days they all savour for a lie in. he couldn’t sleep, so he left his room to make himself a drink before reading a book, and there his hyung was, alone and cross-legged on the floor. it was like a scene from a movie and it made jimin’s heart squeeze when he saw seokjin there, serenely watching the first rays of sunrise peek over the trees from the nearby park. it was stupidly angelic in the way the rosy rays seem to swathe his face, and then body as it all slowly turned into hues of orange and gold. jimin didn’t know how long he was stood there for, but his own cup of tea had long-since turned cold. but seokjin turned around, and he looked so warm, so ethereal with honey eyes, honey skin, honey everything.
“you okay, jimin-ah?” he asks.
jimin doesn’t know what to say. what can he say? seokjin-hyung, i’ve liked you for so long - All The Way Back Since Debut kind of long, but now having watched you watch a sunrise, my heart feels like it’s going to burst. i think i love you.
instead, he shakes his head and ignores the way that his heart threatens to rip itself apart. “just woke up early to make myself a drink. didn’t know you were awake hyung.”
why was it that jimin felt like the sky had decided to place it’s weight against his heart, after watching something do something so trivial?
seokjin quietly chuckles, and leans in the direction of jimin, as if sharing a secret.
“when namjoon, yoongi and hoseok first got their studios, they wouldn’t come back until the early hours of the morning. so it really started off like that, but then i saw the sunrise, and the tranquility of everything. jungkook and taehyung don’t play games at this hour, and everyone else is asleep. it was really pretty so then the habit just stuck.”
he pulls away, and leans back until his hits the side of the couch. with a quiet grunt, he stretches and they both hear his bones pop and click.
jimin pretends to gag and turns away before seokjin can see his smile “ew, hyung, you’re so gross. im leaving now!”
he hears a huff and then “good morning to you too, jimin.” comes a good-natured jab.
when jimin gets back to his room, his book lays forgotten on his messy bed and he paws at hoseok. “hey-hey, hoseokie-hyung, get up. wanna get up early and go for some early morning runs?”
hoseok blinks blearily, and rubs at his eyes. he looks at the clock on the wall, blinks again, and looks at jimin. “jimin, what’s the time. i don’t think i read it correctly.”
jimin looks over and prods at hoseok again “it’s 5:37 in the morni- hey hyung, don’t go back to sleep!”
so enlisting hoseok to join him in the mornings didn’t work. which was a shame, but jimin wasn’t really put out. that night, he sets an alarm for some time at four and settles down to bed. he was determined to wake up with seokjin, and with a distant thought of choreography, he drifts off into sleep.
-
he doesn’t wake up to his alarm. in fact, he sleeps through it. all the way to noon. he emerges from his bedroom and meets a tired looking hoseok in the kitchen, who pins him down with a hard look. taehyung sits down at the table and hands them both a plate of food. “hobi-hyung, you don’t look like you got much sleep, are you okay?”
hoseok smiles weakly at taehyung “yeah, i woke up to an alarm at four in the morning. and i couldn’t sleep after that.” he glares at jimin, and it’s not at all playful, and he at least had the decency to look ashamed about it.
the rest of the day passes by uneventfully, and jimin wonders how seokjin was able to wake up so early and have so much energy throughout the day; with everything from practice, recording and all the different work they all did.
when they all wind down for the day, hoseok asks him why he wants to wake up so early, and an excuse comes to him easily - because somehow, he feels like it’s a little weirdly intimate for him to say that he’s trying to wake up for seokjin. “i just want to take a jog through the park. i’ve been feeling a little weak lately, and we have concerts coming up soon. i guess i just wanna raise my stamina,” he pats his stomach. “feels like i’ve been eating a little too well recently, ha.”
“jimin…” the soft concern that slips into hoseok’s voice when he calls his name makes jimin realise that his words weren’t as blasé as he perhaps had intended them to be. he looks up, startled and immediately tries to right his words “and don’t worry, hyung! i’m okay, really. i just wanted to make a few tweaks to my horrible sleeping habits!”
hoseok still looks like he’s having a little trouble believing him, but lets a wry smile worm its way onto his face as he snorts. “don’t know how you’re gonna fix your sleeping habits by waking up at the asscrack of dawn, man. if that’s all, then you probably wanna sleep now.”
jimin nods, and they turn the lights off.
“hey jimin-ah,” hoseok mumbles into the darkness. jimin hums in response, eyes slowly closing. “are you sure you don’t want me to wake up with you?”
jimin hums again, and a smile works its way onto his lips “yeah, i’m sure, hyung.”
-
the alarm that shrilly rings in jimin’s ears the next morning really do make him wonder if everything was worth it really. the bed was so warm, and it was still dark out, so jimin had half a mind to just switch it off and sleep some more. who even set it to this annoying shriek of a tone anywa- oh wait, he did. then he remembers; seokjin bathed in pastel sunlight. seokjin, all alone in the serenity of the early morning. seokjin, and the ridiculous rush of schoolgirl crush emotions that well up in jimin any time he’s in the vicinity.
so, he turns off his alarm, and slips out of bed as quietly as possible. hoseok stirs in his sleep from the next bed, but doesn’t wake. jimin sighs in relief. he uses his phone as a flashlight and sneaks into the bathroom to change. he emerges feeling clean, but still wanting the comfort of his bed and then steps into the living room. it’s still pretty dark outside, but at least seokjin wasn’t there yet. then he freezes.
what was it that he was going to do for seokjin?
he realises that he had been so focussed on waking up, he had no idea of what the next step from there was supposed to be. he huffs in exasperation of himself, and helps himself to a fruit, and munches on it while looking around the kitchen to find some last minute inspiration.
he stops in front of the sink, and sees their mugs glinting back at him in the meagre light. and jimin smiles to himself.
jimin is out of the apartment within the next ten minutes, on the morning run that he had told hoseok he would be doing from now on, and when seokjin walks into the living room, there’s a cup of fresh tea waiting for him on their coffee table.
when jimin comes back to the apartment, thoroughly sweaty and breathless, he sees seokjin in the kitchen, with his phone wedged between his cheek and shoulder as he talked to his brother about their restaurant in japan. he’s washing a mug and distractedly greets jimin when he walks by, and jimin smiles to himself.
maybe, he supposes, waking up that early wasn’t so bad after all.
and so, he continues to leave out a drink for seokjin every morning he can. hoseok clocks onto him a few weeks later, but it does nothing to tamp down his feelings.
he could confess now, but there's always next time.
---
another time jimin tries to tell seokjin that he loves him is when namjoon complains that there’s too much cup ramyeon in the cupboards. he’s learnt that sad seokjin is a hungry seokjin and that hungry seokjin really liked to eat noodles. seokjin never tells anyone that he’s upset, and usually tries to deal with everything on his own, even if the dorm rules are that all worries are to be shared with the rest of the members, no matter how slight. it’s never noticeable either, because seokjin will tease and whine and play just like he does every other day. when someone jokes that he’ll have a bloated face the next morning, he laughs and tells them that ‘he's a hungry man first, and a handsome one second.’
jimin isn’t sure when he managed to figure out that seokjin was sad, but he’s glad that he did, because if he catches seokjin, he’ll tug at his sleeve and tell him to watch such and such kdrama with him, or an old anime he knows seokjin will like. his hyung will whinge for a second about wanting to do other things, but he always joins him in the end. and maybe about half an hour in, jimin will ask him small things - like how his parents are, if his older brother was well. things that didn’t really require much effort to answer, but something that could open up a conversation, if seokjin wanted to talk.
it almost always worked, and seokjin would always thank him a few days later, regardless of whether his mood had improved or not. it often left him wondering if he should just tell seokjin right there that he liked him. but he didn’t, because to jimin it felt selfish, and rude - as if jimin was telling seokjin that he was there only out of obligation. and so, he never did.
but these days, seokjin comes to him to talk, and the cup ramyeon in the cupboard stays to a minimum, so he thinks that the unspoken affection did manage to get through.
he thinks to himself again, there's always next time.
---
“hey jin-hyung, wanna go out next week?” is the last time jimin tries to hint to seokjin that he loves him. he’s a bundle of nerves, and the usually casual question was about as easy to say as it would be to swallow a mouthful of chilli paste.
seokjin checks his phone. the nineteen seconds it took for him to do that (jimin absolutely did not count those nineteen seconds, he swears to himself) feels like minutes and when seokjin replies with ‘yeah, do you have a date in mind?’ jimin has to try not to hit himself from excitement.
“yeah, does the fourteenth sound okay to you?”
seokjin smiles and nods.
“okay, cool. fourteenth of february,” jimin says, and he turns around to walk to his room. he somehow manages to keep his composure until the door closes, and then once he hears the door click shut, he silently fist-pumps. yes, he’s scored a date with seokjin. and on valentines day to boot.
a gentle knock pauses him in his celebrations. he turns around and finds seokjin’s head peeping from the frame. jimin’s heart sinks. was seokjin about to crush his dreams and suddenly say that he couldn’t make it on that day?
“i’m sorry jimin,” he starts. oh no, that didn’t sound too positive. jimin gulps, and holds his breath.
“yeah? what’s up, hyung”
seokjin smiles sheepishly “i sort of forgot that i had to pick up my new glasses on the fourteenth. so um…” he looks away for a second. jimin bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to sound too dejected. “so you won’t be able to make it for then?”
seokjin frowns “wait, what? no - i just wanted to ask if you could meet me in town after eleven, instead of us leaving together - that’s all. i still want to go, you know.”
jimin blinks. “oh. that’s fine. that’s more that fine - that’s great!” and the smile that literally shoots on jimin’s face is enough to explain just how happy he was again.
seokjin leaves with a chuckle and jimin tries not to clutch his pounding heart. “be still, be still.” he whispers to himself but to no avail.
-
the fourteenth comes around in no time at all and jimin finds himself standing outside a quaint café sometime around half eleven. in his sweaty grasp, he has a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, and he watches all the other couples walk by, some looking more enthusiastic than others. he wonders what their lives are like, how they came to be together, and wonders what his life would have been like if he hadn’t been an idol.
“wait, you got me flowers and chocolate?”
jimin stops dreaming, and turns to face seokjin, who’s blanching like the blood had been forcibly drained from him. jimin sees his life flash before his eyes in that moment. why the fuck did he bring flowers and chocolate to a day out with seokjin anyway? he was supposed to be a little more low key than this. he looks over behind seokjin’s shoulder and finds a poster of seokjin staring back at him solemnly. he’s never been so thankful of miracles in his life. “ha, i blend in with the valentines crowd perfectly, don’t i?” he says, and tries to really choke down the upset that was threatening to spill in his eyes. he pushes the items into seokjin’s hands and says “we’re here to congratulate you making your film debut, hyung! you’re a cool person who’s actually using your degree now.”
seokjin lets free a breath and he smiles warmly “oh thank god. i thought for a moment that you were about to confess.”
jimin’s heart doesn’t shatter when seokjin says that. it merely splinters into a thousand tiny pieces, all barely held together.
he thinks about his predebut days, when seokjin used to whisper to him about how he used to get flowers from boys on valentines day, how he says he missed holding someone’s hand. how he told jimin the deepest secrets in his heart, and how he helped jimin stand on his feet as their years as bangtan members grew in number.
jimin thinks of every way he tried to love seokjin and just kept finding more ways to fall harder. every joke he laughed at was only a way to have seokjin notice him at first, but then he genuinely found everything seokjin said hilarious. or the time he went to a chicken farm with him, and only ended up being more endeared with him.
seokjin doesn’t break jimin’s heart. jimin just breaks it for him.
“god, no. that would have been the worst”
-
and jimin is sure that whatever they did for the rest of the day was wonderful, but he was just caught up in the pain and embarrassment to have been able to enjoy it at all.
looks like this time around, there was no next time.