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Gray used to find Natsu’s (surprisingly well-hidden) infatuation with Lucy utterly hilarious.
Now, it wasn’t as if he couldn’t understand why Natsu was in love with her; even from a purely platonic standpoint, Gray recognised that Lucy was attractive – and paired with her resourcefulness, respectable magical prowess, infectious smile, unfailing compassion and her generally warm personality – it wasn’t hard to see why his guild-mate was attracted to her.
No, Gray simply couldn't fathom being so completely head-over-heels for a person that you’d repress your own feelings in fear of jeopardizing the already existing relationship. Possessing such a strong love for someone that you’d set aside your feelings just to be there for them, regardless of whether the love was requited or not. To be so in love with someone that you’d do anything for them – strive for any goal, travel to any distant place – despite the fact that it was unknown whether those feelings would ever be returned.
Not to sound like some damn motivational speaker, but it had always been Gray’s opinion that if you liked someone, telling them outright was the best play. Seeing people dance around each other was just cringe-worthy; the second-hand embarrassment alone was suffocating.
Now… He just felt sympathy for the dragon-slayer. Because - damn him – Gray was in love too.
So thanks, Gods; it’s much appreciated. As if his life wasn’t already a complete mess.
Juvia Lockser. An enemy turned guild-mate turned teammate turned “I would die for you.” Gorgeous in every sense of the word. Driven, compassionate, loyal, empathetic. A kickass magician, both fierce and gentle.
When she first became acquainted with the guild, it seemed as if nothing could cheer her up; as if she had never known any trace of happiness. She was almost constantly on the verge of tears, self-hatred evident in every minuscule gesture and expression. It killed him to even think about that time, now.
It never made sense to him, when he was younger – when he’d hear old men refer to their wives as “the most beautiful woman in the world”. Surely they were exaggerating? How could all of them be the “most” beautiful? Why did all the other men agree whenever it was said? That kind of belied their own statements.
Now, their meaning was crystal clear to Gray. Listening to Juvia’s laugh was becoming his favourite pastime, tied only with making her laugh. Any iteration of her smile – be it a soft upturn of her lips or a wide and toothy grin – was more appealing to him than any work of art. He was certain he could listen to Juvia talk for literal hours.
He looked back on himself from just a few weeks ago and cringed; he used to think Natsu was utterly hopeless, likening him to a puppy chasing the heels of its human companion.
Well, guess that means Gray’s a dog, now.
He knew Juvia had feelings for him – she’d told him herself on numerous occasions. For the vast majority of that time, he can truly say those feelings were in no way reciprocated. He didn’t view her in any respect aside from platonic. Her love was totally one-sided for, well, years. Then bam! One day - like taking a sledgehammer to the face - he comes to the abrupt and daunting realisation that he was in love with Juvia Lockser.
But now, after so long, it felt… Wrong… To try an initiate any kind of romance with her. She’d been in love with him for so long, and Gray had no intention of pursuing a romance, but now, by some strange twist of fate, Gray was in love with her. He felt guilty for it, in a way.
It killed him to even think about it, but maybe it was time she moved on. Forgot about him. Fell in love with someone else. As long as she was still a part of his life in some capacity – friend, acquaintance, whatever – he’d make do.
He’d been stewing on the realisation for a few weeks now, Tartarus’ defeat and the disbanding of Fairy Tail still fresh in his mind.
God, they both could have died. Everyone could have died. Death was right around the corner during that whole, hellish encounter – and while it may not have crossed the threshold to visit Gray, it did indeed visit his father, and Natsu’s father, too, for that matter. Not to mention the loss of Aquarius.
It only took a guild of demons, a reappearance of Acnologia and a brief encounter with Zeref himself to get Gray to realise that ‘oh Gods I’m in love with her.’ If Silver were with him, he suspects the man would slap him upside the head for his foolishness.
He really should apologise the next time he saw Natsu. Was this the way he felt about Lucy? Did his heart ache when he was away from her? Did his soul burn when he considered the possibility of losing her? Did he too lay awake at night analysing every negative thing he’d ever said to her and wondered how he could have said such foul things?
He’d have to apologise to Natsu the next time he saw him – whenever that would be.
Gray sat up in his bed, sheets pooling at his waist, and turned his head to gaze at Juvia, across the room. It wasn’t quite dawn yet, but there was enough light peeking through the window to illuminate her sleeping figure, covered to the shoulder with a matching set of sky blue sheets. Soon, Gray would have to infiltrate a dangerous cult, Avatar, to destroy the organisation from the inside, with help from Gajeel, Levy, Lily, and the Magic Council.
He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay right where he was, feign sleep for a few hours and "wake" when Juvia did. Spend his morning making her laugh so hard she cried. He wanted to spend every morning like that, for the rest of his life.
Gray closed his eyes and flopped back into his bed, drawing the sheets up to his shoulders, and casting another glance at the beauty across from him.
He was in love, all right, and he wouldn't have it any other way.