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Gestalt wasn’t stupid.
Gestalt knew something was definitely wrong with Myfanwy Thomas, and the fact that she wasn’t telling them the truth was killing them. She was acting strangely. She even left with Monica without a word. She was always nervous and more silent than usual, as if she was scared to say something she shouldn’t have. She also rejected them twice, then kissed them and showed them she was comfortable around them. And yet, her attitude was so bizarre. Was it only because of what happened at the Founders’ feast, or? Something else? Why was she lying? Was she afraid of them because of the brutal change in their relationship? Was it because Gestalt was clearly too eager for all of this? Or because they told her it was a mistake when they only thought it was what she wanted to hear after a full weekend with her ignoring their messages and calls? Was she regretting what happened?
But she kissed Eliza.
But she looked out for Bristol.
But she was flirting with them.
They were lost. They didn’t understand. They used to be close, they used to eat at her place, they used to laugh with her at silly things. And now she was always serious, always on the edge, always nervous.
Gestalt thought it was because of the sex episode. They also knew that the situation with the vultures wasn’t helping. But why? Why was she in the middle of all of this? Why the vultures tried three times to get her? They knew she was part of the Checquy, she was untouchable! And yet they wanted her so badly, as if they owned her.
And why was she so nervous? Did she finally stop taking her pills? But then why didn’t she tell them about it? She knew they would help her, they would do anything for her. Because they loved her.
And all of those questions whirling in their heads were driving them insane.
But it wasn’t the worst. No. There was another thought. A cruel one that made them feel sick every time it was crossing their mind. It was even haunting them.
What if she had sex and then kiss them to prevent them from stopping her to do something? What if she knew something and wanted to keep it hidden from them? What if all of this was only a game? A manipulation? An illusion? What if Myfanwy Thomas didn’t feel anything for them? What if they broke something inside of her the momnt they made love to her? What if she didn’t have any feeling for them?
Gestalt was feeling so hurt. And confused. And lost.
They were missing her, even though she was there. Or seemed to be there. Something was wrong. So wrong. She didn’t look like the Myfanwy Thomas they used to know. Something was wrong and they had a way to test her.
At the feast, she proved them she was able to differentiate the twins, no matter their clothes and aspect. She knew them to well, she knew the way Alex’s body was smiling, the way Teddy’s body was walking. The Checquy made them act a certain way with each bodies. Of course, with Robert and Eliza it was easy, but with the twins it was another story. Back at Glengrove, they had that game with Myfanwy; she needed to guess which body they were mimicking with another one. She was always laughing very loudly when Eliza was being all giddy as Alex, or all seductive as Robert, or all intimidating as Teddy.
She used to know them. So well. Yes, “used to” was the key word, and Gestalt wasn’t able to understand why everything changed that way. So what? Couldn’t they find a bit of happiness for once? They were finally with their dream girl and a few hours later, they had lost their closest friend and lover. They couldn’t sleep at night. They were overthinking every gestures and words of them.
But what if the problem wasn’t coming from them?
They went to her flat. They wanted to talk to her. But they also needed to test her, since she wasn’t answering them. Alex went there in Teddy’s clothes and hair cut. If she was able to see through it at the feast, less than a week ago, she would be able to see it now too. That way, they would know if she was still paying attention to them, if she was still knowing them the way she used to.
Of course, they would be very embarrassed at the moment she would call them out on it, but at least they would be certain it was still their Myfanwy.
They went to her flat, the doorman made them wait and announced Teddy Gestalt at the intercom. She quickly arrived, in a hurry actually, which raised more suspicion from them. Then, instead of making them come up to her flat, she tugged Alex by the arm and brought him down the street.
Gestalt was both confused and even more suspicious. Why was she acting that way? She never... There was something… or someone in her flat and she didn’t want them to know. Why? Could it be Bristol? No, no way, she couldn’t… But at the same time she looked for him in the old reports of the Checquy. Shit. Had she find a new way to hurt herself? Were the blades not enough? She needed to stop doing this to herself, she deserved so much better. Robert did everything he could to show her love when they had sex with her, and yet she preferred being hurt by this fucking arsehole?!
Anger was boiling inside of them, but instead of yelling at her for having sex with the bird cunt – and choosing him over them for the second time in their lives –, Alex simply asked, in a very soft tone:
“Where are we going? I want to talk.”
“Go ahead, talk away.” Myfanwy answered as she walked faster
“Can I not come up?” Alex insisted, they just wanted to see who was there, and to punch their face against the wall.
“Can we walk? It’s just... I have been sitting all day.” Myfanwy replied, getting closer to them, then walking away one more time
Gestalt noticed her nervousness.
She was lying. Like every time she talked to them, for a whole week now.
They also noticed the way she was walking ahead of them. Was this a sort of metaphor of their actual situation? They weren’t on the same page any longer. Had they lost her? But how and why? She never did that kind of thing before. She even used to walk by their side, her small hand in theirs. But at this moment, she was afraid. Of whom? Of them? But she knew they were on her side no matter what.
And as always, they followed her. Alex touched his hair in confusion and concentration. She didn’t say anything about them switching their personas. Alright, then they needed to push her. They needed her to say something about it, about their past, about what they used to have before this very chaotic week.
They walked in silence, then, near the bridge, Alex said out of nowhere:
“Do you remember back in Glengrove when we hid in the kitchen after curfew?”
What Gestalt really wanted to say was “Do you remember when we hid in the kitchen after curfew to bake with you some cookies and drive the supervisors insane? Do you remember our complicity back in the time? Do you remember that it was generally at this moment of the day that you told me everything even things I wouldn’t want to know between Bristol and you? Do you remember when I told you he was bad for you? Do you remember the way I poorly tried to flirt with you? Do you remember the way I was able to make you feel happy even when you were thinking you weren’t enough?”
But the only answer they got was a really indifferent:
“That was a long time ago.”
“Come on.” Alex smiled, a smile that Teddy shouldn’t have on his features because it wasn’t his ethos. Gestalt was disappointed in her reply too. She had to remember it. They pressed her to answer by adding: “How often did you break curfew?”
The question seemed innocent, but it wasn’t. Myfanwy broke curfew as much as them, since they were always in trouble together. Once again, they added, in the hope she would react:
“We barricaded the door with milk crates, remember?” He paused, waiting for her to say anything. But she didn’t. It was like if she wasn’t remembering at all. “One of you, two of me and some others kids I forgot” Gestalt tried to obtain an answer from her, in vain. Of course, they forgot about the others kids, Myfanwy was the only one they cared about, in the past like now.
He paused, but still no reply.
“You hadn’t gotten the concept of me yet. Still thought we was all siblings, not all… me”. This time Gestalt was going to be less subtle. They needed to know about their relationship.
“Yeah, well, it takes a while to get the hang of you” Myfanwy finally said, trying to avoid looking at them
“Do you remember how I convinced you?” Gestalt asked, wanting nothing more than to hear this story coming out from her mouth. She had to remember it, because they were still dreaming about this episode of their lives at Glengrove, before everything got wrong, before Myfanwy even choose Bristol over them.
However, she didn’t answer, confusing even more Gestalt. How could she not remember it?
“You touched Eliza… and asked if I could feel it. It was your idea.” Gestalt said.
They were in the girls room, the five of them. They were playing truth or dare and Myfanwy dare them to prove her they were one shared consciousness. Gestalt didn’t know how to do it, so Myfanwy stood up, took Eliza’s hand in her and brought her to the adjoining bathroom. The boys couldn’t see them any more. Myfanwy appeared at the threshold and told Alex:
“Alright, if you’re not just siblings, you should be able to tell me what I am doing with Eliza in the bathroom, even though you can't see us.”
Gestalt agreed with this, both excited and nervous. They didn’t know what was Myfanwy’s plan. She pushed Eliza against the wall and slowly touched her arm. Her fingers trailed on Eliza’s bare skin, making all of them shiver. They were almost certain she was using her power on them.
“What do you feel?” Myfanwy asked Alex, and he replied with difficulty – the feeling of Myfanwy’s hand was making them feel dizzy:
“Your fingers on the left arm”.
Then Myfanwy’s hand went under Eliza’s shirt, caressing her waist.
“And now?”
“Waist”
Myfanwy brushed her lips against Eliza’s one and the only thing Gestalt could thing was that they needed to kiss her, now.
“Alex?” She called out
“So close to my lips...” He breathed out
Myfanwy stepped away.
“So that’s the truth”.
And they didn’t kiss her.
“Yeah sorry, I-I-I don’t… There’s a lot from that time that I’ve to block out.” Her replied brought them back to reality.
But they couldn’t believe what she just said. She couldn’t have forgotten about them. They weren’t Bristol; they never hurt her. And if she was still fucking with him, why would she act that way with them? Was it because of what happened at the feast? But it was making no sense. The only explanation was that she was torturing them. And enjoying it.
They were under the bridge by now. Gestalt stayed silent during a few instants, they needed some time to process the fact that the girl they were in love with, for so long, was refusing to remember the permanent attraction between them. They tried the soft way, now they will be direct and a bit harsh. They wanted an answer. They wanted to know the truth. It was their right as a friend, a co-worker, a lover.
“Peter Van Syoc didn’t kill those people at the bridge… or at the bank. I fought him toe-to-toe and he, well, he didn’t even show a trace of that kind of power. But you know who does?” Alex paused, looking at Myfanwy, his blue eyes screaming “You” to her face. “Then you’re attacked by the Lugat. Massive breach of code. And while we’re cleaning up that mess, you fuck off to Bristol, of all people.” Gestalt couldn’t hide this information any longer. They wanted to know what the fuck was going on with Myfanwy, and first of all why she went to him when they were here for her, when they would never hurt her the way Bristol broke her.
“How long have been following me?” She stopped him, getting closer to him, but didn’t deny any of Gestalt’s accusations. So she was admitting she was the one who killed those people? It didn’t really matter. She was admitting she had sex with Bristol, that she was seeing him. Why? Why, Myfanwy?
“This week had been chaos, full blown hell. And it all leads back to you” Alex added, without answering her. She didn’t have to know they were always keeping an eye on her, day and night.
They wished they could have told her “All leads back to you” under others circumstances. They wished they could have told her that no matter with whom they were, they were thinking about her, that no matter how hard they tried to suppress those feelings for her, they never stopped to grow during all these years.
Alex stepped closer to her. They were so close to each other, exactly like the day Myfanwy almost kissed Eliza.
Alex was almost kissing her.
They were in her personal space. They would have stepped away if she looked uncomfortable, it wasn’t the case. Gestalt felt a little hopeful. She might tell them the truth after all. She knew she could trust them.
Being so closed to her, always touched them in a way no one could. Gestalt was feeling her hot breath against Alex’s face and they could also smell her perfume. They just wanted to kiss her and to forget about all of this mess.
And yet, they couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t have been professional. And Gestalt refused to be fooled, even by her. Especially by her. They were too in love with her not to know the truth, even if it had to hurt them, to kill them.
“You know you make me dizzy. You’ve always known. But you’ve never come near me like that till this week.” Alex began. It was only facts for them, but they needed to tell her out loud. “You need to stop fucking lying and tell me what kind of shit you’re in. Otherwise, what am I supposed to think, hum?” He paused, looking straight into her eyes, she was unreadable and it was killing them. “Except that you fucked me to fuck with me to get me out of the fucking way.”
They waited for her to answer, but she didn’t.
It hurt more than they could ever admitted. They felt tears building into Robert’s eyes. Eliza threw her phone against the nearest wall. Teddy sat on a chair, emotionless.
They were nothing to her. She knew they had always loved her and she finally acted on it just to use them.
“Yeah.” Alex stepped back enable to stay in her presence any longer. He put his hands on his pockets, the way Alex always did. He managed to smile, a sad and hurt smile coming across their face. It wasn’t a test any more, Gestalt was enable to compartmentalize this fulgurant pain. They wished they could stop feeling anything.
“That’s all I need to know.”
They walked away, hiding their face to her. Robert wasn’t the only one crying now.
All of this meant nothing to her.
They made love to her, they kissed her, and yet, it was just an illusion. A way to lie to them. Yes. She had a secret, they knew it, and instead of telling them the truth, she toyed with their feelings to prevent them from doing their job. She manipulated them.
She will never loved them. They knew it now.
She tried to protect Bristol, that was it, and they were stupid enough to believe that all of this was real.
“Teddy” They heard her said, then “Fuck”
But it wasn’t Teddy and she didn’t see it.
And it wasn’t Alex, it was Gestalt and she didn’t see it either.
Later in the day, they kept thinking about it. Something was terribly wrong. And they knew it. It was clear she didn’t feel anything for them, that she just used them.
However, it didn’t explain the fact that she seemed to not be able to remember their past together. They wanted to bring back their complicity thanks to those memories, but she didn’t react the way she should have. Actually, she was only nervous and silent. Why would she be acting that way? Why didn’t she say anything about Alex and Teddy having switch their personas?
It wasn’t their Myfanwy.
It was making no sense, because she looked exactly the same. Same body, same voice, same perfume, same way to kiss them, same way to make them feel dizzy. And yet, it wasn’t really her. Was it because of the lie? No. Did someone was possessing her body? Linda wouldn’t be protecting her that way if… Linda had to know. Shit. This bitch couldn’t live without being surrounded by lies. What if something happened to Myfanwy during a “session” with Bristol? He could have brainwashed her (again) or she could have suffered a brain injury by falling and… and… No, no, no. I wasn’t making any sense.
Perhaps that Gestalt was just trying to avoid the most painful and cruel truth they ever had to accept. Perhaps that the only possible explanation was that she was regretting having sex with them. Perhaps that Myfanwy Thomas never been their and that they lost her so many years ago, when she destroyed Glengrove and her sanity with it.