Chapter Text
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“I don’t know how you deal with it.”
“Oh, come on Dave. It’s not that bad.”
Dave sighs, leaning over to breathe against the frosty pane of the car’s window. “I can see my goddamn breath. It’s not natural to live in a fucking tundra.” He flicks out his index finger, lazily tracing shapes on the fogged up glass. A hand smacks against his thigh.
“Stop that. I don’t want fingerprint smudges.”
Dave looks over and smirks. “Cheeky.” His companion rolls her eyes, replacing her hand on the wheel. “I hate the cold as much as you do, Dave. I’m an island girl, remember? But you have to learn to live with it!” She glances outside the car’s frosted pane, her lips melting into a fond smile as the snow-tipped skyline of the city sparkles under the first sun’s rays. “Besides, I think it’s rather pretty.”
Dave snorts, slouching down in his seat and rubbing his hands together. “Till you freeze your ass off in it.”
“Language! You’re going to get us in trouble one of these days.”
A short bark of laughter is his response. “Please, Jade. If a pissy 3 year-old can get away with it, so can I.” He glances out the window, drumming his fingers on the door as the car begins to slow. “Speak of the little horned devil.”
Jade groans under her breath, jerking the wheel to the left as the car turns and coasts on the ice to stop neatly between the parking lines. “You can’t be serious.” She readjusts her glasses, yanking her seatbelt off and snagging her keys from the ignition. “It’s below freezing! I’m assuming he’s alone, of course.”
“Course. I wouldn’t believe this kid even had parents if not for the checks coming through the mail.” Dave yawns, arching his back off the seat and he unbuckles himself. “John says he gets picked up on time, though. Must be a killer morning job.”
Jade’s already out the door and into the frostbitten air, hurrying up the frozen steps of the building as fast as she dared. A small bundle is huddled by the door, its likeness to a pile of forgotten clothes betrayed only by occasional movement. A small head peeps out at the sound of Jade approaching. She leans down and pants, smiling as a stubborn glare and rosy nose greet her with a sniff.
“Good morning, Karkat. Let’s get you inside, okay?”
Another sniff. The bundle stands, and a small child totters over to Jade’s side, letting one hand dart from his cocoon of warmth to tug on her dress impatiently. She scoops him up in her arms, letting him burrow his head against her neck and tug her scarf down over his ears. Jade sighs and turns around to look down at Dave, who is taking his sweet time to emerge from the heated car.
“Come on, Strider!” she calls impatiently, tapping her foot and shifting the child in her arms. “Out of the car!”
Dave exhales irritably, pushing himself out and slamming the car door shut. He sticks his hand into his pocket, fishing out a set of keys as he jogs up the stairs. He nods at Jade, eyeing the child swaddled in clothes and pressing into her chest. “Wow.” He raises an eyebrow, jamming the keys into the lock and turning. “He’s letting you hold him?”
Jade shrugs, pushing past him as the door unlocks. “It’s pretty freaking cold. Come on, coolkid, let’s go get warmed up.” She trudges down the hall, pausing mid-step to glance back at him with a knowing grimace. “Oh, don’t you dare.”
Dave snaps his mouth shut, swallowing his cheeky retort. He bows mockingly, kicking the door shut behind them. “Wouldn’t think of it.” Jade laughs, swapping the child to her left side to reach over and flick on the lights.
Cheap, white bulbs flicker to life, flooding the room with dim lighting. An expanse of toys lies out across the room, some tucked into cubbies and some pushed to the corners of the room. A small, orderly kitchen is placed in the right corner of the room, and two twin doors marked ‘Restroom’ occupy the left. Various pillows and dollhouses litter the floor, along with stray boxes filled with clothes, damaged toys, and craft materials.
Dave kicks the box labeled ‘Broken parts – Equius’ out of his way as Jade plops Karkat onto a beanbag, grabbing a nearby blanket and swathing the shivering child in it. She smiles down at him, patting his head gently as he grumbles at the touch. “Stay here. I’ll make you some cocoa as we get ready, okay?” The child sticks out his tongue in response, turning on his side to lie down on his makeshift bed. Jade chuckles, looking over her shoulder at Dave. “Go sign him in, would you?”
The blonde shrugs, trudging over to the beaten appliance. He brushes a few stray magnets off the screen, courtesy of Sollux, and taps three keys absently as the machine hums to life. A few clicks later, he pushes himself up from the chair, the ‘Signed In’ box for Karkat firmly checked. He didn’t know why they ever bothered un-checking it.
Jade hurries back over to Karkat, placing a steaming mug of instant-cocoa on the floor. The child doesn’t stir, but grunts once in acknowledgment.
Jade slips her glasses off, rubbing the fogged lenses against her shirt as Dave wanders over. She smiles, standing up and nudging him once in the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get set up before the rest get here.” She grabs him by the sleeve, tugging the reluctant coolkid over to where their aprons were hung. “And Kanaya will be here soon, okay Karkat?”
Grunt.
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“Good morning, Equius. Nepeta! Oh, let me brush that fur off your jacket.”
Jade ushers the children in one by one, giving cheerful waves as the parents ebb in and out. Their only pause comes by the computer to sign in their offspring before giving them a pat on the head and rushing out the door. Troll parents sure were busy.
Dave mans the hangers, stripping wriggling kids of their soaked jackets and mittens to place them neatly on the hooks lining the walls. For the most part, this is done with little resistance as Dave is usually upon them before they have time to muster so much as an indignant squawk. Sniffly, wet heaps of clothes go in; dazed, mussy-haired trolls come out. Until…
“Eridan.” His voice is deceptively calm as he tries to pry the child’s clawed fingers apart. “Give me the scarf.”
“No!” A snap of teeth narrowly misses his wrist. Dave glares down at the struggling troll. “Yes, Eridan. It’s totally soaked. Give it to me.”
“No!” Eridan snarls, swiping at Dave’s leg. Dave narrows his eyes as he side-steps the flailing hand, keeping a firm hold on the offending accessory. He glances around for Jade until his eyes land on a much better solution.
“Eridan, look.” Dave cautiously removes one hand to gesture at a corner of the room. His finger points directly at two trolls typing away at the spare computer. “See that? Sollux is playing Freddi Fish with Feferi.” Eridan’s eyes lock onto his opponent, chest swelling up with the outright indignation of an enraged 4 year-old.
“I know… Freddi Fish is your favorite game, isn’t it?” Dave’s voice is soothing now, his hands slowly tugging the scarf through Eridan’s relaxing fingers. “But Sollux is pretty good at it too, hm? He might even show her…” and at this Dave is leaning close, whispering in the child’s ear, “…where all the purple sea urchins are.”
At this Eridan loses it, shrieking as he launches himself across the room at Sollux. Dave whips off the forgotten scarf with a satisfied smirk. He folds it neatly and places it on the rack, humming his favorite tune as Eridan and Sollux grapple and hiss, tumbling to the floor in a flurry of kicks and bites.
Feferi wails and in an instant Jade is beside her, grabbing the two off the floor by the scruff of their necks. She scolds incessantly as Sollux is deposited in a chair in the corner of the room and a flailing Eridan in the other. She dusts her hands off, striding up to Dave with an irritated scowl and hands on her hips.
“Clothes are hung,” he says brightly, ruffling her hair as he side-steps past her. She manages to smack him on the arm before he escapes, her scowl deepening. “Don’t encourage them!” she hisses. He shrugs in response, heading for the kitchen to avoid her wrath.
-----------------
Terezi is there, sitting on the floor with folded legs and an impish grin on her lips. She immediately latches onto his leg as he steps past her, tongue darting forward to leave a slobbery trail up and down his pants legs. “Hello, Terezi,” he says fondly, bending down to ruffle her hair. He’d long grown accustomed to the incessant licking. He’d just made a note never to set her on his shoulders again. Troll spit was hard to get out of perfectly styled hair.
She cackles, gripping his leg with surprising force as he attempts to shake her off, limping towards the counter. After a few moments of desperate leg-wriggling, he gives up and settles on being clung to as he begins to divide up small plates of crackers. She was a lot stronger than she looked.
Jade is suddenly at his side, a child tucked against her shoulder as she bends down and rifles through the fridge. Dave doesn’t even bother looking at her. He knows the image by heart. “Tavros get picked on?”
“Yep.” Jade sighs, pulling out a small cookie and offering it to the sniffling boy. “2 minutes through the door, and she’s at it again.”
“If he learned to walk, this wouldn’t be an issue,” Dave drawls, tossing a stray cracker into his mouth. An argument, also known by heart. He can hear Jade’s reply before it’s out of her mouth.
“Nonsense. She’d just find something else to tease him about. Tavros can crawl until he’s comfortable, can’t you Tavwos?” Jade coos to the child tentatively nibbling on the offered treat. Tavros shyly peeks over at Dave, who smiles in spite of himself.
“Ahhhh, it’s okay, Tavros,” he grins, reaching over to ruffle the boy’s hair. “You’re a good kid.” Tavros squeaks, burrowing back down into Jade’s shoulder. “I suppose it’s my turn to have a talk with her?” Dave drawls as Jade stands back up.
“If you could,” she answers, snagging a cracker off the plates. “Oh, and the fatality count today is up to 2 crayons and the Talk-a-Phone.”
Dave smacks his hands to his cheeks in horror. “Not the Talk-a-Phone!”
-----------------
Snack time passes with relative ease. Naturally, Vriska doesn’t listen to a word Dave says through her daily lecture and, naturally, Equius crushes his crackers into powder until Jade is forced to scoop them into his mouth. A few stray crumbs litter the floor, which Nepeta pounces on in delighted mewls until Dave picks her up and tosses her into the plushie pile so they could get some cleaning done.
Jade sweeps the floor as Dave balances a tray, attempting to navigate through the children rushing to and fro under his feet. He makes a swift pivot to avoid one of them sprawled out atop of a pile of horns, finally making his way back to the kitchen with a relieved sigh. He jerks on the faucet, grabbing the sponge as Jade returns and dumps the dustbin into the garbage. She dusts her hands off firmly, placing the broom to the side and giving Dave a tentative smile. He nods, glancing back over to the child passed out on the mountain of horns. “Have we ever bought those things?”
Jade follows his gaze, raising an eyebrow and dropping her voice to a hush. “No. I think he gets them from home, but I’ve never seen him bring one in.” She gives him an off-handed shrug, turning back to the other children as a high-pitched scream punctuates their conversation. She knew that shriek. Everyone knew that shriek.
“Eridan, honey,” she coos, stepping over a pile of discarded crayons to make her way to the center of the room. The child was plopped down in the middle, wailing his head off as he thrashed on the floor and beat his fists on the carpet. The others were beginning to take notice, skirting away from the disturbance with irritated groans.
“Eridan,” she tries again, stooping into a crouch and giving a sympathetic smile, “Oh, what’s wrong sweetie?”
The child sniffles, looking up at her through tear-filled eyes as his lip quivers dramatically. He inhales sharply, forcing out the words through blubbery sobs. “F-f-fef-feri a-a-and K-k-kan a-are p-play-i-ing d-d-dress-u-up a-a-and K-k-kar i-is p-play-i-ing but they won’t let meeeeeeee!” Another screech and he’s back on the floor, more hysterical than ever.
Jade heaves a sigh, gently patting the writhing child before standing back up. “I’ll go talk to them, okay?” she says sweetly, turning on her heels to eye the two mentioned girls. They are dolled up to the max. Kanaya sports a frayed green dress pulled over her clothes and a smudged dash of lipstick, and Feferi nearly blinds Jade with a sparkling pink tutu, complete with fairy wand and plastic crown. They shrink under her stare, backing up slightly and shoving a third troll behind their backs. The two then stand up primly, lacing their fingers together as they give Jade twin innocent looks.
“Kanaya… Feferi…” she says slowly, crossing her arms and taking a step forward. They take one back, bumping into their hidden accomplice. Jade raises an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you letting Eridan play with you?”
Kanaya puts her hands on her hips indignantly. “No boys allowed!”
“We’re bein’ princesses,” Feferi adds, giving a twirl for good measure.
Jade waggles a finger and tsks. “Ah, ah, but you’re letting Karkat play, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, but-” Kanaya blurts out before snapping her mouth shut and biting her lip. Jade gives her a weighty stare. “But what?”
“Kar’s bein a princess too!” Feferi says brightly.
Jade blinks once. Twice.
Feferi nods eagerly, reaching behind to grab hold of their friend’s wrist before he could retreat. She tugs with all her might, pulling forward a hissing and spitting form for Jade to see.
-----------------
The first thing Jade sees is pink. Pink and ruffles and the poofiest little dress that a girl could wish for. It trails to the floor, expanding and rippling over a good 2 feet as clawed fingers tug angrily at the carefully-bunched sleevs. Jade follows the movement up to the child’s face, staring blankly as Karkat oh lord they put glitter in his hair bites his lip and puffs out his flushed cheeks out, giving the impression of an angry bulldog. He drops to his floor with a thud, small fingers curling into fists as his eyes begin to water and his teeth clench. Crap.
“Daaaaaaaaave!”
The moment the high-pitched squeal leaves her mouth Dave is at her side, throwing Karkat the briefest of glances before reaching down to yank the offending garment over the boy’s head. Before the child has time to blink, he pivots on his heels, clapping his hands together as his voice rises to a boom. “Yard time!”
The room becomes a blur as Dave darts between the children, throwing on their coats and scarves as they give muffled cries of indignation and confusion. Bam, bam, bam, he grabs them by the waist and chucks them out the door, flinging them head-first into a nearby snowbank.
As soon as the last child leaves Dave’s hands, he slams the door shut and slumps against it. After a few moments he glances back at a dazed Jade, who still hasn’t moved from her spot. “They’re gone now,” he says quietly.
A cough. Then a snicker, then a snigger, until Jade is pressing both hands over her mouth as laughter bubbles out. She’s positively shaking with mirth and tears are beginning to form before Dave allows his poker face to drop, breaking into a broad grin. He walks over and claps her on the shoulder as she begins to wipe her eyes. “O-oh, thank you,” she gasps, patting him on the hand, “I-I didn’t w-want to see me l-laugh at…” At this she bursts into a fit of giggles once more.
Dave chuckles, running his free hand through his hair. “I know,” he grins, glancing back at the door, “God, that kid. How high do you even..”
“Shhhh,” Jade sniggers, bending down to wipe her hands on her apron. “K-kanaya totally b-bullied him into it, you could so tell.”
Dave shrugs, sticking his hands into his pockets and giving her a knowing smirk. “I dunno, Jade… Wouldn’t matter how scary the chick was, you’d never catch me in that monstrosity.” He sighs mournfully. “Poor kid. Must be hard growing up confus-”
“Oh hush.” Jade rolls her eyes, standing up straight again to grab his sleeve. “Come on. Who’s doing Yard Duty, you or me? We’ve left them alone long enough as it is.”
Dave breaks free from the grasp with a pivot, gripping her by the waist to lower her into a graceful dip. “Milady,” he says in an all-too serious tone as she sputters, “I have both lectured the spiderbrat and clothed the children in your time of need.” He flicks her nose. “They are all yours.”
In a flash Jade is back on her feet, blinking dumbly as Dave gives her a smirk and saunters off for the fridge. After a few moments of dazed processing, she sticks her tongue out. She turns for the door with a groan and yanks it open, warnings flying out of her mouth before she’s taken so much as a step. “VRISKA! No pushing on the slide! NEPETA! Spit that poor bird out! SOLLUX! Is that my phone?! Give that back ri-”
Dave chuckles as the door slams shut, cutting off her verbal assault. Sucker. He turns back to the fridge and rifles through its contents, triumphantly plucking out a can of soda. He cracks it open, letting it hiss and froth before relaxing against the counter for a victory swig.
“Hello.”
-----------------
Dave chokes, spraying the air with spit and slamming the can back on the counter. He sputters and wipes his mouth with his sleeve, eyes darting around the room suspiciously.
“Down here.”
Dave locks on to the voice and glances at his feet to find a smile child curled in the kitchen’s corner, nose buried in a rather hefty tome. She doesn’t look up.
“Aradia,” he breathes, rubbing his temples and giving her an awkward smile. “I didn’t know you were still in here.”
“I know.” Her voice is dull and flat, her eyes trained on the book. She licks her finger, flipping a page.
Dave hesitates for a moment, and then crouches down to look at her clearly. “Er… can’t say I remember you coming in today. When did you get here?”
“Don’t know.” Flip.
“You don’t?”
“Nope.” Flip.
Dave exhales, pushing himself back up. “Right. Well… I’m going to clean up. Shouldn’t you, ah, go outside?”
Aradia raises her head a bit, glancing at the door and then back at her book. “It’s cold.” Flip. “I’m reading.”
Dave shrugs, grabbing the broom to the left. “Whatever. Just… sit there and… don’t make a mess.”
“Okay.” Flip.
Dave hefts the broom and turns his back to her, face twisting into a pained grimace.
Eesh.
-----------------
When Jade returns, she has an inch of snow on her head and two armfuls of troll. The other children rush in shrieking and giggling, dumping their freshly-soaked coats onto the floor before scampering off. Dave sighs wistfully. He’d just cleaned that.
Jade shoots him an irritated glare, stomping over to dump a thrashing Sollux into his arms and re-adjusting Tavros in her own. Dave grunts, struggling to hold on to the wriggling child. “What happened?”
Jade huffs, sticking her hand into her apron’s pocket to fish out a rather beaten cell-phone. “Time-out for him. He stole and re-programmed my phone.”
“Reprogrammed?” Dave snorts, tossing Sollux over his shoulder. Teeny little teeth sink into his neck in reciprocation. He ignores them. “He’s 3, Jade.”
Jade shoves the phone in his face, scrolling with her thumb as the screen flashes before his eyes. “He changed the language setting to Mandarin, Dave. Mandarin. That’s not even an option!”
Dave blinks, turning his head to look at the little tyke attempting to nibble him to death. “Well,” he says, reaching up to pat Sollux’s head with his free hand, “Aren’t you a clever little fellow.”
Jade groans, reaching over to slide the phone between his fingers. “Put him in the corner, and tell him he can’t come out till he fixes it. And no computer for the rest of the day!” She turns on her heels, storming off in a huff. Tavros’ chin bounces up and down on her shoulders, squeaking as he struggles to cling to her.
Dave gives the kid a little wave before returning attention to his own problem. “Alright, mister,” he says sternly, “Time-out for you.” He strides over to the corner, prying reluctant fangs off his neck before dropping his charge into the chair. Sollux crosses his arms, turning away as Dave pulls the cell-phone from his pocket. He bends down, tapping the boy’s back expectantly.
“Come on now. You know you shouldn’t have taken it.” He offers the device to the child, who gives him a withering glare before sticking his nose in the air. Dave sighs, prodding the boy again. “Fix it, Sollux. We need it in English.” A raspberry in his face.
Dave grits his teeth, absently wiping troll spit off his nose as his mind whirs for ideas. He notices Eridan watching out of the corner of his eye, a savage grin plastered across his face. Sollux is in trouble, Sollux is in trouble…
“Tell you what, Sol,” he says finally, returning his attention to the nuisance in the chair. “I’ll make you a deal. You will change the phone back to English, and,” he says abruptly, holding up a hand as the boy’s tongue begins to protrude again, “AND… you will change her ringtone to Big Booty Bitches. If you do, I will give you a cookie and this will have never happened.” Sollux gives him a weighty look. Silence stretches between them. Finally, he snatches the phone from Dave’s outstretched palm and nods once. The deal is struck.
Dave smiles and stands, wiping the last of the lingering spit off his face. He hums cheerfully, sauntering back over to Jade. He leans over to tousle Tavros’ hair as she glances back at him. “You got it worked out with him?”
“There is no issue that cannot be worked out between gentlemen, Jade.”
He’s met with a suspicious stare. “… He’s 3, Dave.”
“True.”
“…Dave?”
“Yes?”
“Am I going to get my phone back with a ringtone about butts?”
“You know, Jade, it is possible that we spend entirely too much time together.”
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The rest of the morning goes by in a blur. The tantrums, the spills, even the part where they had to call an ambulance because Sollux got into the honey… it all seemed to fade away in Jade’s mind. She catches herself staring wistfully at the ticking arms of the clock, counting down under her breath as each minute passes. Dave seems just as pre-occupied, barely noticing Terezi jumping onto his back with a delighted cackle.
Jade chuckles, glancing back at the clock. Three more minutes.
“Miss Harley, Equius broke the rocking horse!”
Two more minutes.
“Vriska’s cheating at Candyland!”
One more freaking minute.
“I fink I’m gonna frow up…”
Click.
“Alright, everyone!” Jade exclaims loudly, clapping her hands together. 11 heads swivel to look up at her. “It’s 12 o’ clock, and you know what that means!” She instinctively claps her hands over her ears as Dave does the same.
The response is instantaneous and deafening.
NOOOOOIDONWANNATAKEANAPWHYDOIHAVETOSLEEPNEPETABITMEIDONWANNACAN’TWEPLAYALITTLELONGERIDONWANNA-
“OI!” Dave yells, “QUIET!” The noise peters out, the shyer trolls shirking at the command while the more stubborn ones fall into petulant grumbles. Jade sighs in relief, cautiously removing her hands. We really should invest in earplugs.
Dave begins rolling out the mats as Jade herds the children towards their cubbies. “Alright, everyone grab their blankets, no pushing, come on now, hurry up.” Jade skirts between them, reaching up to grab a bin off the top rack as they dart around her feet. “Yes, yes, everyone will get their cuddle-buddy, I saw that Vriska, wait your turn…” She begins to pull an assortment of plush creatures from the basket, tossing them down into the clamoring crowd below. “Alright, Lemonsnout for you Terezi… Here’s Aurthour and Pounce, quit leaping Nepeta, oh and look it’s Tinkerbull…”
Jade continues handing out toys to the grabby little hands until only one is left in her grasp. Her eyes search about the room, finally finding her target curled up in the corner. She edges past Dave, who is gently tossing the kids onto their respective mats, and cautiously tip-toes over to the child.
“Feferi?” she says kindly, placing her hand on the girl’s back. “It’s nap time, sweetie. Don’t you want to cuddle with Miss…” Jade pauses, peering at the toy in an attempt to distinguish exactly what it was. “Uh… this?” The girl stiffens.
“No!” she shrieks, whirling around to smack the toy to the floor. Before Jade can even form a reprimand, Feferi is clinging to her skirts and shaking like a leaf. Jade exhales slowly, crouching low to wrap the girl in a comforting embrace. “There, there Feferi,” she murmurs. “It’ll be okay.”
“'M-m s-sorry M-miss H-h-harley...” Feferi sobs, burying her face into Jade's shoulder. “I j-just d-don’ like i-it when S-s-sollux…” Unable to finish, she dissolves into wails as Jade gently strokes her head.
“Oh, I know honey…” Jade sighs, folding her legs to sit on the floor and pull the child into her lap. “I don’t like it either. But he’ll get better, okay? He’ll come see you tomorrow.” Feferi sniffles as Jade gives her a comforting squeeze, rocking her back and forth. “Promise?”
“I promise.” Jade leans down to kiss her forehead. “Let’s go lie down, okay?” She stands with an oompf, pulling the child to her feet. Feferi gives her a hesitant smile, blinking back the last of her tears. “Kay.”
Jade turns, starting as she nearly knocks over another child behind her. “Oh!” she exclaims. “Eridan!” The little boy stares at the floor, carefully glancing at Feferi before looking back down and squeezing his plush whale. Jade smiles, raising a curious brow. “Yes?”
Eridan flinches, wrenching his gaze to the left before striding forward and shoving the whale into Feferi’s arms. “Here!” he says firmly, refusing to meet her questioning look. “Take it!” Feferi blinks, tentatively taking the offered toy. “B-ut… but this is yours, Eri,” she stammers out.
“Yeah, w-well!” Eridan bites his lip. “You need it more than me. So!” His eyes clench shut. “You gotta stop crying! … Okay?” After a few moments of silence he creaks open one eyelid, face flushing as Feferi stares at him in complete bafflement. He whips around and dashes back to his mat, inciting a few irritated groans as he burrows back under his blanket.
Jade chuckles awkwardly, shooing a nonplussed Feferi back to her bedding before making her way back over to Dave. He folds his arms, shaking his head as she approaches. “What a stud.”
“Oh, hush!” Jade hisses, nudging him in the shoulders playfully. “He was trying so hard.”
Dave snorts. “Doesn’t make it less funny.”
Jade ignores him, preferring to survey the room like a satisfied mother hen. Although they always placed the mats at a respectable distance from each other, friends constantly abandoned their own beds to burrow in with others. Nepeta was curled up atop Equius, purring contentedly. Terezi and Kanaya had managed to sandwich a wriggling Karkat between them, giggling softly as they cuddled their reluctant pillow. Tavros was already asleep but Gamzee had wandered over to keep the boy company, even if all he was doing was vacantly chewing on the other’s hair.
Jade sighs happily, leaning against Dave with a peaceful smile etched across her face. “Aren’t they adorable?” she whispers.
“One of them vomited in the bathroom.”
“Dave…”
“It’s on the mirror.”
“Dave.”
“I think they had spaghetti.”
“DAVE.”
“What?”
“No talking. Please.”
Dave rolls his eyes, reaching up to ruffle her hair. “You’ve done well with your babies, Momma Jade.”
Jade chuckles, ducking out from his hand. “Come on, coolkid. Let’s clean up before John and Rose get here.”
“I think we should leave the bathroom for John.”
“Dave…”
“No seriously, I bet he’d get a kick out of it. ‘Oh man, gross, haha!’”
“No, Dave.”