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He doesn’t know why he’s surprised, or why he isn’t pushing him away, or why it feels so much better to be in front of the press with their hands in a disorganized clasp, just enough PDA to slow his heartrate down, but not too much to make people start questioning what really goes on between them. Liam is off his rocker, Noel’s sure, too many drinks on the plane, probably a few lines, or more than a few, and God knows Liam’s never cared about people seeing them before. The whole mixture is a recipe for disaster, but that’s okay, Noel gives him a break because the blowjob he’d given him the night before was the best he’s ever done. That deserves a reward, and if that means letting the kid (Noel isn’t sure why he still calls him a kid either, but that’s beside the point) hold his hand in a crowded airport with cameras in their face, then okay. He can do that.
Liam is on cloud nine, and he swears he’s high from the feeling of holding Noel’s hand alone, and the fact that Noel hasn’t pushed him away yet sends him further down the rabbit hole, even though he knows he’ll be shoved off once they step outside, can’t have everyone out there see, not yet, and that’s alright because this is enough, this is good. He leans in to his brother’s ear, whispers a soft ‘love you’ and Noel rolls his eyes to make it seem like Liam has told him some stupid shit, knowing people wouldn’t have a hard time believing that, but inside he’s melting and he shouts I love you, I love you forever, you and only you Liam, and Liam knows.
They ride in separate cars to the hotel, they check into different rooms, and Liam is in the middle of searching through the room to see if any drinks were provided for them when there’s a knock, and he huffs, slamming the cabinet shut with his knee before striding over to the door in his usual Liam way. A quick glance in the peephole and he’s trying to not smile, God, he’s really trying, but it’s impossible, so he allows himself three seconds to be giddy before he’s back to the nonchalant attitude he possesses, and the door is opened.
“Hey,” he mutters, and Noel just stares at him before he walks inside, shoulder brushing against Liam’s chest, and it’s enough to send fireworks off in his veins, and he has to remember how to breathe. He wonders why it hasn’t faded, that lovesick feeling, those butterflies, the sparks. It’s cheesy as hell, he knows, but there’s no other way to describe it. He turns around and hands are gripping his face, pulling him into a slow, gentle kiss, and he’s melting. His body is hot and his heart is a torch, and it’s all burning so fast, it keeps growing, growing, growing.
Liam moves to slip his hands under the jumper Noel’s wearing (he’s changed since they got to the hotel but he smells the same and it’s the coziest Liam has been in years, he believes) but Noel stops him, grabs his hands and holds them against his chest, over the fabric, and Liam looks lost, scared, worries it might be over because hell, every second is a threat to this ending, and Noel knows so he kisses Liam’s jaw, his chin, the base of his throat.
“Can we jus’.. lie down?”
Liam can’t remember the last time Noel’s voice has been that soft, and it takes him back, but he’s even happier than before, he doesn’t get this opportunity often, to have Noel without the bloodsucking kisses and the rough blowjobs and the relentless pounding, and while that’s all good and well, fucking heavenly, nothing else makes him feel the way he does when Noel holds him.
“Yeah, yeah, ‘course,” he quickly agrees, and Noel kisses him again, holds onto him while Liam moves them towards the bed, kisses pressed all over the smooth skin of his neck, under his hair and behind his ear and below his collar, and Liam wants to cry because it’s all he ever fucking wants and it’s all he’ll ever want for the rest of his life.
It isn’t cold, but it isn’t warm, so Liam pulls his shirt over his head, wants Noel to stay in his sweater because he looks so sweet, so cute, and he almost tells him this, but he knows that if he does, it’ll be over, and he can’t have that, he really can’t. They lay on their sides, facing each other, legs entangled and noses almost touching, and Noel’s eyes are intense, burning, Liam can see he’s desperate, needs something, but he knows better than to ask, knows the answer anyway. He just wishes Noel could say it.
“Love you, y’know?” Noel whispers, and his thumb brushes over Liam’s eyebrow, both of their hearts tightening because this is the way it should be all the time.
“Yeah, I know,” Liam whispers back, just as quiet, “Love you more.”
Noel knows it isn’t true, knows he’d give everything up for Liam if only he could find the courage. He loves the boy more than anything, the man. It was so much easier when he was a boy, but his love hasn’t lessened and it never will; Liam is his soulmate. He wants to paint it in the sky, name a star after Liam, the brightest one, he wants national landmarks made for the boy, he wants seas and rivers and the tallest mountains to be named after his brother because Liam is everything and always has been and always will be, and it’s about time the whole fucking world knows it.
“I liked – I… I liked when ya grabbed my hand,” Noel manages to get out without dying from the overwhelming fear of loving Liam, and it hurts for a moment, but when he sees how those eyes light up and how the boy is trying so hard to not smile – again – it’s worth it. The pain is worth it, the agony, the self-deprecation, the misery, the guilt. All of it is worth it and he would go through this lifetime over and over and over if it meant he could see that smile and those eyes.
“Me too, that’s all I wanna do, Noel. Just want the world t’know I love you, man,” he’s nuzzling against Noel’s neck, and Noel thanks God or Satan, whoever allowed this to happen, because he can’t look anymore, can’t let Liam see how his eyes are glazing over, waterlines becoming red from emotion. They lay like this for a while, a lot longer than either of them expected, but it’s needed. It’s been too long since they’ve done anything but fuck, and Noel knows Liam has a breaking point, even though the boy won’t ever admit it, and Noel’s been afraid that he’s reaching it, that every day it’ll be the final straw and Liam will pull out because he’ll finally accept that he deserves more, that Noel can’t ever give him what he needs. But you can, you just won’t Liam always argues and Noel could scream, but he doesn’t, just simply tells him you know it isn’t that easy. Liam knows, just wishes Noel didn’t care so much.
There are kisses shared, barely there little pecks on each other’s lips and all over faces and necks, and Noel presses a few to Liam’s chest while the younger runs his fingers through Noel’s hair that’s gotten longer, a lot longer, and it’s beautiful, so Liam tells him, and he swears that Noel’s cheeks turn pink, but before he can get a good look, Noel is nuzzling against his chest and pulling him closer, nearly hugging the breath out of him. Liam doesn’t mind, he’d happily die in the arms of Noel at any moment. (A part of him knows he will.)
A few hours later, they go on a walk, find a nice pond, pretty isolated, and Liam is standing so close to Noel that his heart hasn’t stopped racing, and he feels like he might have a heart attack any second now, but that’s okay too. He gasps, though, when he sees two swans, necks curved in the shape of a heart, and God, it’s so fucking corny that Noel can’t stop from smiling as Liam points, his eyes as bright as when Noel had told him how pretty he was earlier.
“It’s us, Noel… look, it’s us,” Liam is laughing, and Noel’s heart is going to beat out of his chest because this is heaven and Liam is his angel, and everything is too right, it’s so right, and Noel remembers when they were young, Liam only six, flashbacks pour into his mind, and it hurts so much, hurts so good.
Liam’s eyes shine as they watch the coyote pups fighting on the tv, some stupid documentary that he left on because the animals were too cute, and Noel, for once, let him be in charge of picking.
One of the pups growls and you’d have thought the most amazing thing to ever happen just occurred right in front of his eyes, he’s smiling too hard, cheeks hurting, and he’s giggling the way Noel hates because of how his whole being reacts to it, and his hands clap, small little hands smacking together, and finally Noel has to grab them to make him stop.
“They’re just animals, Liam, s’nothing fuckin’ special –“
“Noely, look!” He practically squeals, and Noel has gone deaf, but he looks at the tv and sees the pups rolling around, growling even more and barking high pitched barks, and Noel hates himself for melting at the sight, but they’re too fucking cute, just like his baby brother. “It’s us, Noely… tha’s me and you.”
“Don’t you think so? I know it’s pretty queer and that, but I think it’s –“ He’s snapped back to reality, too many years later, but he’s just as happy, just as in love.
“Yeah. It’s us, kid.” Noel grabs his hand again, doesn’t even care if anyone sees because he needs Liam so bad, needs him close, needs him the way he’s always dreamed of. It’s us, baby, it’s always us.