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Wei Wuxian was like nothing he had ever seen before.
By all means, Lan Xichen was the more sociable of the two Jades of Lan. As a result, he was oft more willing to go out and speak to people outside of their sect outside of a business setting, rather than sitting quietly at their uncle’s side and only speaking when absolutely necessary. So in comparison to his younger brother, he had much more experience of the broader world, though even he could admit he was still sheltered in some regards, the pressure of their sect’s teachings still weighing down on him. But when Wei Wuxian had arrived in the Cloud Recesses with his brother and a whirlwind of fiery passion and trouble, even Lan Xichen couldn’t help but stop and stare.
At first, his interest in the guest disciple had been from pure curiosity. There was an innate talent in that young man, there had to have been. He was the head disciple of the Yunmeng Jiang sect despite not being blood-related to the main family. He was sharp-witted, though still unrefined and rough around his edges and in his youth as his mouth still spoke faster than his mind did. More often than not, he landed himself in trouble with his uncle. Seeing him leaving the Library Pavilion was a common occurrence during his stay. Wangji of course, was closer to Wei Wuxian’s age and was the one who most often had to deal with Wei Wuxian by being all definitions of a model disciple for the Gusu Lan sect.
Lan Xichen had been all too happy to allow Wangji to become the one who watched over all the punishments in the Cloud Recesses. Perhaps a bit selfish on his own part, forcing a duty that he should be performing as the heir of the sect onto his younger brother, but he had never been fond of the duty at all. Despite the fact that the two of them together were the Twin Jades, Xichen knew that his perfect Jade covering was cracked from the inside. Perhaps to the outside world his own misdemeanors were barely worth mentioning, let alone getting punished for, to the Lan sect he was their future leader. The fact that he had not only broken rules before, but easily swept them under to avoid getting punished because the elders of their sect had such trust in him made guilt twist in his stomach any time he had been made to inflict punishment on others for mistakes he had gotten away with.
Wangji on the other hand, was truly the picture perfect disciple. Xichen’s heart felt heavy knowing that his younger brother had thrown himself deeply into following their sect’s teachings after the passing of their mother and the seclusion of their father. There had been moments, where Xichen thought he could quietly help his brother out of his shell by insisting that the rules didn’t have to be so vehemently followed. But his brother, still so young and naive, had just assumed his elder brother was testing him and he held steadfast on with the rules, never budging. Lan Xichen had truly feared that he would stay locked up behind his self-made walls, until the arrival of Wei Wuxian.
He had been overjoyed, seeing the guest disciple’s pestering of his younger brother. He could see it in Wangji’s eyes, other than the more obvious signs of annoyance, there was a veiled curiosity there as well. The two of them stood on opposite sides of personalities, and if Wei Wuxian was new and interesting to Lan Xichen, he must be other-worldly to Lan Wangji.
And for some time, he was content in watching the two of them attempting to find balance between their heavily clashing personalities, with Wei Wuxian plowing forward with his attempts at friendship and Lan Wangji sidestepping him but never actually leaving.
If only things had stayed as simple as that.
While he had shown some interest in Wei Wuxian, it had always been passive. He had always watched his brother’s reactions to Wei Wuxian, not Wei Wuxian himself exactly. After all, he just wanted his dear brother to find a friend. But without fully realizing it, his gaze began to slide towards Wei Wuxian instead of his brother, watching his actions instead of watching his brother’s reactions. He’d see him tear through the Cloud Recesses, garnering and promptly ignoring the reprimands from older members of the Lan Sect and Lan Wangji himself. He’d hear stories from the guest disciples who still haven’t gotten the ‘no gossiping’ rules into their heads, about the strange things that would slip out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth without thinking and discussing how long it took him to get kicked out of class. He used to watch Wangji’s reaction to these stories, and feel satisfaction when there was just a hint of fondness in his eyes, but lately he could only think about the flash of Wei Wuxian’s devilish smile when he’d job past him and receive no reprimand from Lan Xichen.
He had been patrolling the walls of the Cloud Recesses one night when he had heard a thump followed by scratches coming from the roof tiles of the building he was next to. He looked up while preparing to deal with a potential fight, but his shoulders immediately relaxed when he was a familiar mane of messy hair. Wei Wuxian was not aware he had been seen yet, as he tried to covertly slide his way down the tiles.
“Young Master Wei.” Lan Xichen called lightly.
The Yungmeng Jiang disciple flinched slightly, nearly dropping the jars he had been holding onto so preciously. Once his load was more safely situated closer to his person, he peered down at Lan Xichen with his trademark grin on his face.
“First Brother Lan!”
“It is past curfew.” Lan Xichen informed him, but there was no bite behind his words.
Wei Wuxian laughed, a bit guiltily. “Well yes. But you see, I had been planning on arriving back within the curfew but while I was on my way back there was-”
Lan Xichen raised his hand up, and the rest of the words on Wei Wuxian’s tongue faded away. “Do not worry. As long as it doesn’t happen again.”
Wei Wuxian gaped at him for a few seconds, and he quickly landed softly on the ground next to Lan Xichen, beaming so brightly he could have been mistaken for the sun. “Are you sure you’re related to Lan Wangji? I’m sure if it had been him who caught me I would have already received punishment!”
Xichen chuckled. “That isn’t incorrect, but…” He had never told anyone about his own misdemeanors, and he wasn’t quite sure why it felt like it’d be so easy to admit to Wei Wuxian, “...I must admit, I perhaps have bent or broken rules on occasion.”
“Really?” Wei Wuxian was practically vibrating at this revelation. “One of the esteemed Twin Jades of Lan admitting that he’s broken rules before? I knew there had to be some people in the sect who were like this!” He nudged Lan Xichen’s shoulder. “You really are a very agreeable person, First Brother Lan! I swear on my own life that I will not blatantly break the rules again, because of your kindness to me!”
“Well, just make sure to keep your haul a bit more...” He glanced down to the jars of alcohol. “...hidden, on your way back to the guest dormitories.”
Wei Wuxian gave him a salute, before carefully shuffling into the darkness as to avoid the jars bumping against each other and making noise.
Lan Xichen shook his head fondly after the boy disappeared fully into the shadows.
They both knew Wei Wuxian would forget his promise at least by next week.
And yet, that didn’t upset him. If anything, he had almost hoped that they would meet again under the moonlight, though he didn’t know what excuse he could make to allow himself to let Wei Wuxian go unpunished. All he knew was that he wanted to see him again.
Wangji beat him to the punch.
His younger brother’s manner of dealing with Wei Wuxian was quite different from his own. Lan Xichen wasn’t sure exactly what happened the night when Wei Wuxian got caught sneaking in again, but the next day he had found himself overseeing the punishment. He had been shocked when his uncle had informed him of this responsibility, as punishments usually fell to Lan Wangji. But he had to do it, because one of those being punished was Lan Wangji.
When he saw his younger brother and Wei Wuxian together, there was a strange, heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. The feeling morphed into pain and got worse, as the punishment began and all he could hear was Wei Wuxian’s yelps of pain. His brother, of course, was silent, taking the punishment as any person of the Lan sect would. But Wei Wuxian was different. He had only ever copied text before. He noted that since he had entered, Wei Wuxian had avoided eye contact with him. Lan Xichen was well-versed in reading people’s faces, having perfected the art as he had communicated with Wangji. As such, it was easy to see what Wei Wuxian was feeling, with the way he so easily left his heart on his sleeve. When they finally made the briefest amount of eye contact, he saw it for what it was. Shame.
Was..Was Wei Wuxian scared he had disappointed him?
No. Lan Xichen could never be disappointed in him. Not when he spent so much time on his own coming up with excuses for things Wei Wuxian hadn’t even done yet. He would never feel disappointment in the boy who brought such an air of destruction, of excitement into their sect and even managed to crack the walls of his dear younger brother. As he thought, the two disciples receiving their punishment disappeared from his sight as his mind became clouded. Thoughts and memories were swirling like a tempest, never lasting long enough to be fully realized in his mind. But they were all of one subject.
Wei Wuxian.
Wei Ying.
The realization was a slap on the face, leaving Lan Xichen nearly staring at the guest disciple with a dumbstruck expression, quickly covered before anyone took notice of his change in demeanor. He could feel his brother’s intense gaze on him when the punishment finally ended and he quickly stepped forward to help Young Master Jiang hoist up his brother. He was intensely aware of the warm weight of Wei Wuxian’s arm around his shoulders, the warm ragged breaths wavering by his collarbone.
“I know of a place that will help soothe the injuries and heal.” He heard himself telling Young Master Jiang. “I can take him there.”
Jiang Cheng seemed a bit hesitant in leaving his brother, clearly out of concern and the need to discuss what had happened given how often Wei Wuxian got himself into trouble. No doubt the increase in punishment warranted a letter home to Sect Leader Jiang. But given that it was Lan Xichen asking, he seemed to concede and allowed him to take his brother before walking off with Nie Huaisang in tow.
Left alone, the two walked slowly as Lan Xichen took care of not aggravating the injuries on Wei Wuxian’s back. Lan Xichen’s mind was still in turmoil, half wanting to look at Wei Wuxian to drink in his features, and the other half wanting to avoid his gaze at all costs for fear of falling deeper into the hole he had found himself in.
When had this happened? He had been so pleased to see his brother making a friend, making connections with someone outside of their sect. But now, he almost felt ashamed at how little he even wanted to think of his brother, his mind so focused on the one next to him.
“First Brother Lan…?” Came an uncharacteristically quiet voice.
He was unable to break his gaze now, looking down and staring at Wei Wuxian. “Yes?” It hurt him to hear Wei Wuxian sound like anything other than joyful.
“I’m sorry.”
“Whatever for?”
Wei Wuxian looked at him, puzzled. “I broke the rules again. After I said I wouldn’t. I mean sure I wanted to get more Emperor’s Smile and knew that in general is against the rules let alone trying to get it during the day, but I figured that maybe I’d run into you again and you’d…” He seemed to realize he was rambling, his face flushed slightly. “You’d let me go?” He finished, uncertainty in his voice.
“I must admit,” Lan Xichen said slowly, taking care with his words, “...I believe I might have let you go as well, had we crossed paths again.”
After all, expecting Wei Wuxian to not break rules was like expecting the sun not to rise.
Any worry or shame that had been on Wei Wuxian’s face melted away. “Really? Ah, First Brother Lan is too kind. If I had run into you then I wouldn’t have suffered this punishment.” He heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Lan Wangji is so strange! Though it’s fun poking him like this, making him break a rule on accident, I didn’t expect him to take the punishment! He could have passed it off, but he didn’t!”
Ah, that did indeed sound like Lan Wangji. Though if it had been for Wei Wuxian, Xichen wondered if he’d take the punishment as well.
Wei Wuxian let out an appreciative whistle when they arrived at the cold springs. “You guys have something like this here?” And without a second to spare, Wei Wuxian’s robes were suddenly flying through the air as a loud splash echoed around them. Some distance away in the water, Wei Wuxian’s head popped up and he let out a howl from the chilled water as Xichen folded his robes, all the errant hairs of his messy fringe flattened and heavy from the water trickling down him.
“Aren’t you going to join me, First Brother?” Wei Wuxian paddled closer to the bank, as though this were a normal pond and not a freezing cold spring. “No wait, Lan Huan? Lan Huan are you coming in?”
Lan Xichen could feel his ears heating up at the sudden familiarity, but he made no motion to stop it. “Young Master Wei, are you quite sure…?” He hadn’t expected this.
“Yes! Come on Lan Huan! It’s not as fun being the only one in the water!” Wei Wuxian bobbed up and down in the water in excitement. “And enough of that ‘Young Master’, aren’t we friends by now? Friends bail each other out of punishments after all!”
“Ah...Wei Wuxian?”
He shook his head.
Lan Xichen blinked at him, unsure if he really should. Was Wei Wuxian like this with everyone? He was sure he had heard his brother call him by his name at least once. “....Wei Ying?”
The genuine brightness of Wei Wuxian’s smile was strong enough to dispel any doubts in his mind. Perhaps he would take care not to act so familiar to him as long as he could while they were in public, but in his mind he was already chanting Wei Ying, Wei Ying, Wei Ying.
Wei Ying paddled around him, so similar to an excited puppy as they continued to chat together. His mouth would go a mile a minute, talking about anything and everything about his home in Lotus Pier, about his senior sister, about Jiang Cheng. Lan Xichen took care to include his own stories, delighting Wei Ying with his own tales of rule-breaking, and taking his teasing comments about his ‘exploits’ with pride he never thought he’d feel when it came to what he considered past shames. He even told him some stories about Wangji, even though seeing Wei Ying brighten slightly at the mention of his brother left a sour taste in his mouth.
Such perfect moments must always come to an end though, and it indeed came to a halt when his younger brother finally made an appearance at the cold springs, his steely gaze boring right through them. The fog that had been clouding Lan Xichen’s mind cleared in that moment, as he and his brother locked eyes for the first time in what felt like years when in reality it had only been a day.
Betrayal.
He had wanted Wangji to make a friend. He had been aware that it was Wei Ying who had formed the cracks on the walls around his brother. But he realized he had miscalculated just how much of a profound effect Wei Ying had on Wangji in the short amount of time he had been at the Cloud Recesses. Had he become so caught up in his own thoughts that he had forgotten how glad he was about Wei Ying and his brother?
He felt a weight pressing down on his shoulders as he swam to the bank, grabbing his robes and dressing himself as the weight got heavier and heavier while he snuck glances as Wei Ying, who was looking between the two brothers with indecision. He hated the feeling of raw satisfaction coursing through him when Wei Ying began to paddle towards him. Not to Wangji, but to him.
“Well, I won’t stick around to bother you!” Wei Ying called out to Wangji, before turning to Xichen and following close behind him.
As they left, Lan Xichen didn’t dare look behind him, knowing that Wangji’s gaze was still fixated on the both of them, not willing to see his brother’s heart breaking right in front of him.
That night, he couldn’t sleep. His mind was overflowing with thoughts and feelings, guilt, selfishness, regret, joy, love. It all came crashing over him in waves every minute. He’d feel lighter than air when Wei Ying’s face flashed behind his tightly shut eyes, and he’d feel himself cowering at the sight of his brother’s broken expression, the inevitable disappointment in his uncle’s eyes if he found out. Would Wangji tell Uncle? Tell him that Xichen had acted so promiscuously with a guest disciple, and one that he hated so deeply?
But, you have always done so much for the both of them. You tried for so much of your life to help Wangji out of his shell after your mother passed and your father all but abandoned you two. You constantly help Uncle every day and perform your sect duties to the point of perfection. Yes, there were some missteps as you broke rules and swept them under the rug, but he was not alone in breaking the rules in the Lan sect. This was love. After losing so much and dedicating so much of your time pleasing others don’t you deserve your own piece of happiness?
But happiness at the expense of his brother’s?
It was so much to ask.
He hadn’t even realized that perhaps Wangji harbored the same feelings towards Wei Ying as he did.
But he doesn’t seem to be quite aware of it yet. His selfish mind pressed on. It’s still a bud, it hasn’t bloomed. Wei Ying chose to leave with you, rather than stay with Wangji.
Wei Ying’s smile.
Wei Ying’s passion.
His intelligence.
His heart.
His everything.
It was rash. It was too rash for him to decide so suddenly. And yet could it have happened any other way, given his own father?
The next morning, he pointedly avoided his brother’s gaze, even though he knew he should be thankful since his uncle seemed wholly unaware of anything that had occurred yesterday outside of the punishment. He knew he would have to talk to Wangji at some point, he had to, before he broke him even further than he already had. But for now, he pushed forward. The only thought on his mind was a certain someone’s smile, direct towards him and only him. He found him sitting beneath the magnolia tree in the Library Pavilion, and his heart felt tight when Wei Ying beamed at him, waving in excitement.
“Lan Huan!”
Yes, this is what he wanted.
“Ah, Wei Ying.”
I’m sorry, Wangji.