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“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“Language, young man!”
Moving on autopilot, Chuuya flipped off the overly tall skeleton man, gaze not leaving the strange mouse-dog-bear thing in front of him (and really, what the actual fuck?)
“I’m afraid I’m not,” the mouse-bear-dog replied, his tone appearing genuinely apologetic but Chuuya had spent far too much time around Dazai to fall for that shit. The little rodent was sipping from a small cup of tea, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the room (yeah right) and Chuuya had to fight the urge to reach across the table and turn that damn cup into a projectile to fling at that smug face.
As if sensing his thoughts, Dazai’s hand brushed against his under the table, acting as a warning. At the same time the Discount DazaI Clone’s eyes flashed red.
Chuuya leaned against the back of his chair, arms crossed deliberately over his chest.
“What Chuuya was trying to say,” Dazai drawled, his amber gaze flicking from one interrogated to the next before settling back on Nedzu (it was too long to think of him as Mouse-bear-dog-thing so his name would have to do). “Is that this all seems a bit...convenient for you.”
“Oh it is,” Nedzu agreed, completely uncaring as Dazai’s gaze remained fixed on him. Chuuya had to give the furry menace credit. There weren’t many that could stomach being looked at like that without averting their gaze or some other shit. “But that doesn't mean we shouldn’t take advantage of the opportunities we are given, hmm?”
“Hmm,” Dazai made an affirming noise and Chuuya had to resist kicking the bastard under the table. What the hell was he playing at? “And what would we be getting out of this little arrangement you’re proposing?”
“An excellent question,” Nedzu said, tone approving as he took another sip of tea before setting the cup down gently before him. “You see, Dazai-kun, Nakahara-kun, at the moment neither of you exist according to government records.”
Chuuya tensed, eyes narrowed on the little rat bastard.
“We’re willing to fix this for you,” Nedzu continued, seemingly ignoring Chuuya’s clearly rising irritation. Was the little shit as suicidal as Dazai? More likely he was sure that his companions could deal with them if push came to shove.
Yeah right.
“In exchange for us watching over your students,” Dazai’s tone was perfectly mild, even and Chuuya desperately wanted to shake him. He couldn’t seriously be considering this.
Dazai,” he growled, tone warning.
Dazai turned a lazy gaze towards him, seemingly unbothered and gave a long, slow blink. Chuuya frowned, eyes narrowed as he took in Dazai’s expression before letting out an angry huff.
“Fucking fine! ” He hissed, turning once again to glare at the three across the table. “If this bandaged bastard thinks it’s worth it, fine. But we’re getting paid for this shit. I’m not watching over your brats-“ he pointed at Discount Dazai “-for nothing.”
“It wouldn’t be for nothing but I do see your point,” Nedzu hummed, a smile turning up the corners of his lips. Chuuya resisted the urge to reach over and strangle the little shit with his own tie.
“We can talk about your pay later,” Nedzu continued, ignoring the angry blue eyes like he stared down the vessels of gods every day “As i said earlier, your accommodation will be taken care of alongside meals and clothing.”
That all seemed...reasonable. Chuuya knew better then to trust anything that sounded reasonable coming from someone that reminded him so much of Dazai and Mori.
“And how, pray tell, will we be babysitting your brats?” Chuuya sniped, turning his attention to Discount-Dazai again. Even if it was the little rat making the deal, it was this guy’s kids that they’d be body guarding. That meant that they’d likely be in far more contact with him then Nedzu which meant Chuuya would need to get a good handle on him quickly. He’d leave dealing with the scheming one to Dazai.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Discount-Dazai drawled, his tone clearly tired and so beyond done with this entire situation. Funny, Chuuya could relate. “What age do you two currently look?”
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh fuck no.
Dazai, from beside him, sat straighter in his chair from where he’d been slouching and glared across the table at the scarf wearing man. Huh, apparently the bastard hadn’t seen this coming.
“I am not going to play at being one of your goddamn students!” Chuuya hissed, slamming a fist down on the table for emphasis. It was only thanks to the contact between he and Dazai that he didn’t create a crater. Even so, there was a very solid thump and rattle as his fist connected but he ignored it, gaze never leaving the bloodshot ones across from him.
“Did I forget to mention that, by attending UA’s hero course, you’ll be able to legally utilise your abilities?” Nedzu chimed in. Chuuya felt a vain throb near his temple.
“When was the last time either of you were in school?”
“...I was homeschooled,” Dazai replied, tone casual. Chuuya wanted to snort. Was that what he was calling it now? He supposed that was one way of looking at Mori’s teachings.
“And you, Nakahara-kun?” Nedzu questioned.
Chuuya deliberately didn’t answer. He didn’t need to tell these bastards shit. So what if he never went to school? He could read, write, fill out reports (very fucking well thank you very much) and kick someone’s head in without breaking a sweat.
“I thought as much. You are not only behind your own times standard of schooling but doubly so now. If you do not want it to be obvious - or even if you just want to build a life here, you may want to consider taking this seriously.“
“Tch,” Chuuya grumbled. He’d managed just fine on his own. This was going to be utterly pointless and a complete waste of his time.
“You know,” Discount Dazai broke in, tone just as tired as before (did the man need to take some sleeping pills or some shit?). “You might say you’re 22 but you’re acting just as bratty as one of my students.”
“Why you-“
He’d pushed his chair back, standing with his hands pressed flat against the table before he registered he’d moved, leaning over it to glare at the asshole who did not just imply that he was acting childishly. Chuuya was tired. Chuuya was stressed. Chuuya was turned into a fifteen-year-old ! And, to top off the steaming pile of shit that had been his life for the last few hours, Chuuya was two hundred years in the future with only Dazai for company and support.
He was going to strangle this fuckhead with his own scarf and he was going to laugh while he did it. He was going to-
“Chuuya.”
Chuuya froze immediately, hand already outstretched towards the scarf bastard. Said bastard’s eyes were now gleaming red, his hair floating around him. Chuuya didn’t take his eyes off that red gaze but the fact that he’ stopped told Dazai he was listening.
That particular tone wasn’t one Dazai used frequently. It was serious, deadly serious and Chuuya had learned quickly that, when they were in situations that required that tone of voice, he had better pay attention. It grated though and a part of him hated that his instinctive response was still intact even after four years apart. Why did Dazai still hold so much power over him?
Not the time. He could contemplate that later.
“Chuuya,” Dazai repeated, voice still bearing that steely tone but with an undercurrent of...something...which Chuuya couldn’t pinpoint. “You’ve made your point. You can sit down now.”
Breaking eye contact with that burning gaze, Chuuya straightened his posture before deliberately sitting back down. Every movement was calculated, a predator ready to strike at a moment’s notice. Dazai might’ve stopped him but he wanted to make it clear to these fucks that he could (and quite possibly would) deal with them if the need became apparent.
“He is rather reminiscent of young Bakugou,” Skeleton-man chimed in, eyes darting back and forth between Chuuya and Discount-Dazai with a frown. Chuuya resisted the urge to flip him off again.
Ignoring him, Chuuya turned his gaze to Dazai, dismissing Discount-Dazai and focusing instead on actual, irritating Dazai.
“You cannot be serious,” he growled.
“What other choice do you think we have, Chibi?”
“A fucktonne!”
“Oh really?”
“Yes really! We’re not kids Dazai. We’re perfectly capable of-“
“Of what Chibi?” Dazai interrupted, tone back to being mild but still with that steel undercurrent. “Disappearing without a trace? Possible but there may have been advancements in the last two hundred years or so that would allow them to track us down. Of living on our own? Also possible although there is a lot of information we’d need to gain rather quickly. I could, of course, manage this but a Chibi like you would likely find it rather difficult-“
“Get to the point Dazai!”
“My point ,” Dazai replied, tone clearly conveying that he thought Chuuya was being a massive idiot (what else was fucking new?). “Is that, for now, they hold all the cards. Oh we could avoid them, probably have a lot of fun while we’re at it but the question remains. Do we want to?”
What sort of question was that? Of course they didn’t want to be under the thumbs (paws?) of these assholes. They may look like children but they were grown adults. They could surely manage to look after themselves without these assholes helping them. Chuuya continued to glare at Dazai, knowing that there was more that the bastard wasn’t saying (which, to be fair, was probably a good thing considering they still had an audience).
“Do you seriously think you can play at being a teenager?’
It wasn’t a yes but it wasn’t a no either. Chuuya hated that he was starting to consider this, hated that, once again, he was under the thumb of someone who he didn’t know, didn’t trust. He wasn’t even afforded the protection of a high profile position like he had with the Port Mafia. He’d worked hard to get that executive position and now, here he was, a fifteen-year-old with no influence and who needed a goddamn licence to use the thing that had kept him alive for as long as he could remember.
Chuuya hated this.
“I was a genius at fifteen,” Dazai replied, tone airy as he waved a dismissive hand. “I’m sure I can manage to replicate that adequately.”
“...” Chuuya stared at him in disbelief. Really? His disbelief must’ve been clearly written across his face because Dazai was pouting at him now, eyes going wide as he affected a hurt tone.
“Chuuu-yaaaa!”
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“But you were thinking it!”
“Fine, you act the way you did at fifteen, they’ll send you to the nearest psyche ward and throw away the fucking keys!”
“Chibi’s being so mean -!”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Discount-Dazai (what was his actual name again? Asano? Aizano...Aizawa, that was it) barked, breaking through their bickering as easily as Mori would (huh...colour him impressed.) “If you keep that up, I’m sure you’ll blend in just fine.”
Chuuya glared at Dazai who was smirking. He just knew the bastard had done that on purpose. It also, he thought, looking at the slightly relaxed forms of Aizawa and the Skeleton-man. Intellectually, they knew that they were dealing with two adults, fully trained and dangerous with their abilities but right now, in front of them, their eyes were seeing a pair of bickering teenagers. Chuuya longed desperately to reach up and play with the ends of his long hair only to stop himself at the last moment, remembering that he’d still kept it short at fifteen. Fuck that meant he’d have to spend ages growing that shit out again. At least his choker still fit. He would’ve felt almost naked without it.
“If I may interject,” skeleton-man’s voice cut through Chuuya’s thoughts. He turned to look at the tall blonde, ice blue eyes meeting sunken but nevertheless bright ocean blue. “Though I understand this will be difficult for you, why not see it as an opportunity?”
“An opportunity for what exactly?” Chuuya sniped. The man blinked, clearly taken aback by Chuuya’s response.
“Well...to be heroes of course? It’s what all our students aspire to be. You clearly have the talent and drive to-“
“I’m no hero,” Chuuya cut in, eyes narrowed. “Never have been, never will be.”
Nedzu made a strange humming sound (almost reminiscent of a laugh) which Chuuya deliberately ignored. He didn’t want to know what that little bastard thought he knew.
“But...why not?” Skeleton-man sounded absolutely baffled by Chuuya’s tone and he barely held in a snort. What the fuck did he think this was, a comic book? Like he and Dazai were the fucking protagonists of some shitty series where they foreswore their previously villainous ways and became agents of good or some shit like that? Don’t make him laugh. Dazai might’ve bought into that crap when he left the Port Mafia but Chuuya was far beyond giving a damn.
“I’m no hero,’ he repeated, tone firm as he continued to hold the gaze of the skeleton man (he’d learn his name at some point, he was sure). Was it just his imagination or did it look like he’d just kicked a puppy? That was certainly the look he was getting - how the hell did a man who had to be over two meters tall standing straight pull off that expression so well? The fuck?
“Like it or not, you became a hero when you took down one of the most prolific villains in recent memory while barely breaking a sweat,” Aizawa’s voice cut across his thought process and he turned to give the man an incredulous look.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You probably didn’t notice,” the man said dryly. “But there were quite a few reporters and news stations watching the fight at Kamino ward.”
...fuck.
“That means,” continued Aizawa. “They saw you step between two extremely powerful individuals, take down the villain without any bystanders getting hurt and, to everyone who saw you, you look like a teenager. They’re going to think you’ve been receiving special training and you’ll be in the public eye.”
Fuck. Even if he wanted to disappear (which he really, really did) with that much attention on him (and probably Dazai since it’d been him that stopped Chuuya earlier) then it would be a lot more difficult, almost impossible depending on how wide-spread the news was. Judging by the destruction, the apparent high profile of the situation and whatever the fuck had been going on before Chuuya and Dazai even got involved.
“...we really don’t have a choice do we?” He muttered, slumping in defeat in his seat.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Dazai patted his shoulder in sympathy but Chuuya shrugged him off.
“Really, it won’t be that bad,” Nedzu attempted to soothe. “I know this is a very difficult situation you both find yourselves in and you’re both dealing with it far better than any of us could have expected.”
Difficult didn’t even begin to describe the mass of roiling emotions Chuuya was feeling right now. His eyes darted to Dazai but, as always, the bastard was completely calm. Chuuya knew better though, knew that there would be a pit just as deep, just as tangled as he himself possessed. Dazai wouldn’t show it here though, not in front of these strangers. Hell he wouldn’t even show it around Chuuya and they'd known each other for nearly eight years (counting the time Dazai had been gone).
“Principal,” Skeleton man said, his voice more subdued than before. Good; Chuuya didn’t see what there was to be cheerful about (even if he still felt rather like he’d kicked a puppy). “Where will they stay until…?” He trailed off and Chuuya understood that he must be referring to the accommodation they’d been promised as part of their compensation for watching the brats.
That was a good question.
“Hmm…” Nedzu tapped his chin thoughtfully but Chuuya wasn’t fooled. By the narrowing of Discount-Dazai’s eyes, he wasn’t either.
“You’re planning something,” Aizawa accused, tone wary but also resigned.
“You still have an extra room available in your apartment, correct?”
Discount-Dazai froze, eyes narrowed as their bright gaze turned on the rat bastard. “Excuse me?”
“It’s only logical,” Nedzu insisted, still with that infuriating calm. He and Dazai should really play a game of chess some time.
..On second thought. That wold be terrifying and Chuuya regrets even contemplating the idea.
“I’ve got too much to do. I don’t have time to babysit them,” Discount-Dazai insisted and Chuuya was once again glaring at him. Was he trying to get his head kicked in?
“Yamada-kun will be there to keep an eye on them,” Nedzu insisted. “And, even though he’s not in the hero course just yet, it’ll give Dazai-kun and Nakahara-kun a chance to meet one of their future classmates.”
“ Potential future classmate,” skeleton man broke in. “”There are not yet any openings in the hero course.”
Nedzu waved that statement away as if it were of little consequence.
“My point is,” Nedzu continued. “They’ll have someone to keep an eye on them, help them start to acclimatise while also getting to know one of their future classmates. I cannot think of a better solution, can either of you?”
That, Chuuya was pretty sure, was a trick question. Judging by the look on Aizawa and Skeleton man’s faces, they knew so too. Aizawa’s shoulders slumped and he let out a long suffering sigh. Chuuya felt like joining him.
“I need a drink,” he muttered.
“Is Chibi forgetting what age he is now?’
“...fuck.”