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If Kim Sunwoo had the option to mute and block every single boygroup stan on Twitter, he would. It’s kind of common sense for girlgroup stans to dislike boygroup stans, really; there is only a certain amount of times he can watch the same TXT fancam being flooded in the replies to a tweet by one of the many edgy accounts he follows until he gets sick of the member and the song before mutes everything possibly related to the idol in question and their respective group. Most boygroup stans are tasteless, unfunny, fake edgy and fake deep. Not that girlgroup stans are any better — like, DIA fans made boygroup stans believe DIA is a rookie group when they actually debuted in 2015, name something more troll-like than that — but girlgroups by themselves are superior, so by default, his taste is superior and every boygroup stan’s suck.
Girlgroup stans have Twice and what do boygroup stans have? Straight Kids or whatever they’re called?
Yeah, right.
Long story short, Sunwoo isn’t exactly fond of boygroup stans. He’s on Twitter to have fun, joke around trolls and edgy accounts and spam fancams under Allkpop ”news articles”, not to have to deal with boygroup stans. Sunwoo has set up his entire Twitter profile in a way that screams ”I’d rather kill myself than to listen to Side Effects more than once”, or at least shoo them away with the lack of male idols on the stan list on his Listography. Hating on boygroup stans isn’t necessarily a personality trait, but Sunwoo does wish it was.
Sunwoo thinks it’s kind of obvious that he doesn’t like boygroup stans. But that doesn’t stop this random EXO-L from following him on his main account.
hyunjae @cluelessbaek followed you
Sunwoo stares at his phone as if he had just received an unwanted dick pic — read: disgusted. What on good Earth does an EXO-L want by following him? For him to complain under every tweet by SM Town as if their oppas were some poor idols mistreated by their company when they're very successful and booked nationally and internationally? Pfft.
sunwoo @jensoonism
omg you guys… a b*g stan just followed me
The replies to his tweet are pretty predictable: his closest mutuals reply with ‘F’ and the same 5 LOONA fancams. He laughs when someone (Chanhee) drops a WooWa Clown Music Remix, then closes the app and goes back to studying.
When he checks his phone again, he notices two very interesting notifications in the notification tab.
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (6:57pm)
yo
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (6:57pm)
did you just subtweet me?
Well, what is he supposed to say? No?
sunwoo @jensoonism (8:19pm)
is that even a question lol
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (8:21pm)
well if you’re going to subtweet me at least complete the mutual so you can see when i subtweet you lmao
Sunwoo cocks an eyebrow. Okay then.
He completes the mutual.
sunwoo @jensoonism (8:23pm)
happy?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (8:24pm)
pretty much, yeah
nice to meet you, oomf
the name is hyunjae btw
but it’s late for me now, so…
ttyl
hyunjae @cluelessbaek
omg you guys… a g*g stan just followed me
Sunwoo grins at his phone. He likes the tweet.
Okay. Maybe boygroup stans can be funny. He’ll give them that.
sunwoo @jensoonism (9:13am)
hey there my favorite bg stan
today i have a very important favor to ask you
girl of the month (gotm) is a nugu group from a very small company, sadly they don’t have a lot of fans :(
they’re coming back tomorrow and we really wanted to get the mv to 100k views as a gift for the girls
if you can, can you please watch and like their mv when it comes out tomorrow? thanks <3
*sent a link*
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (9:15am)
isn’t that loona tho?
sunwoo @jensoonism (9:16am)
nope, loona is a different group lol
this is girl of the month, they’re from blackberry corp.
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (9:19am)
nah man i’m pretty sure that’s loona
didn’t yall pull the korean lesbian billionaires prank on locals with chuu and yves?
Sunwoo feels like throwing his phone out the window. Literally, how dare he, this stinky boygroup stan, know our Lords and Saviors LOONA, and play the Korean lesbian billionaires card on him, of all people? Like, how dare he know LOONA and one of the most iconic pranks Orbits have ever pulled and willingly not stan them?
sunwoo @jensoonism (9:20am)
can you please just watch their mv when it comes out tomorrow
orbits suck at streaming and we could really use some help
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (9:22am)
bold of you to assume exo-ls can stream on youtube
but i’ll send it to some of my gcs and ask them to check it out
i know some blinks
streaming is the only thing they’re good at
sunwoo @jensoonism (9:23am)
true…
thanks for the help btw
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (9:26am)
oh, it’s nothing
hope you guys can get to 100k views
sunwoo @jensoonism (9:23am)
yeah but still
thanks again
oh, and btw
stan loona for clear skin and good grades <3
If you’re wondering why Sunwoo still hasn’t softblocked this Hyunjae guy — you’re not the only one wondering, don’t worry, all his gg stan mutuals are wondering why the hell this @cluelessbaek dude keeps popping up on the top 5 users that interact with him the most — after following him for an entire month and subtweeting him every time he tweets about the boygroups he’s into when Sunwoo is well aware he could just mute him or simply break the mutual, here’s why: Jaehyun is funny. Which is something we’ve already established that isn’t associated with dry ass boygroup stan humor.
Yes, Sunwoo dislikes boygroups and their fans because it’s probably a personality trait by now. Yes, everyone is allowed to like whatever they like and that’s none of Sunwoo’s business; he won’t kinkshame people who listen to the same generic EDM song sung by different artists or whatever boygroup music sounds nowadays. Yes, Jaehyun may have terrible taste when it comes to kpop, but the guy is funny, whether he’s trying to crack an edgy gg stan joke but being a bg stan or just being this amusing internet grandpa trying to get along with them fellow kids, and he’s considering stanning Blackpink after their Coachella performances, so he’s safe.
As long as he acknowledges that Jennie and Jisoo are best friends, girlfriends and soulmates, they should be fine.
Girlgroup stans can befriend boygroup stans, contrary to popular belief.
sunwoo @jensoonism (12:57pm)
dude i never really asked you this
is your name really hyunjae?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:02pm)
we’ve been talking for months and you only realized you didn’t know my name now?
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:03pm)
so it’s not your name
okay
what is it?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:06pm)
that is… not the point
you really haven’t read my carrd at all have you
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:07pm)
what the fuck is a carrd dude
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:07pm)
stfu everyone on stan twt has one
i thought you had one, too
how come?
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:10pm)
i’m not everyone??
i’m an edgy gg stan ok i have dia fancams to spam i don’t have the time to make a card or whatever it’s called
you still havent answered my question, not hyunjae
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:17pm)
you’re so dumb at times i swear
i should really lend you our shared braincell sometimes
my name is jaehyun
hyunjae is my internet persona name
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:19pm)
and you thought it was obvious???
if it was so obvious i would have figured it out
so you’re like nct jaehyun’s lost name twin
basically
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:25pm)
not lost at all
we have the same name and were born in the same year
that kinda sounds like soulmatery to me tbh :/
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:28pm)
what about johnny tho?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:32pm)
i’ll date him too
we’ll be a poly throuple
me and my emotional support kpop boys <3
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:37pm)
what about baekhyun then?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (1:43pm)
this ain’t about him
he’s too busy thirdwheeling xiuchen to come date me
but hey baek if you’re reading this
come fight me in my preferred wendy’s parking lot
sunwoo @jensoonism (1:44pm)
if you say so...
Sunwoo calls Jaehyun for the first time on Jaehyun’s birthday. He made this terrible, terrible edit on Photoshop, compiling some pictures from his Instagram, others from their KakaoTalk chat and the rest from the posts of some of his IRL friends on his Facebook. It isn’t anything too intricate or particularly difficult to do as it’s mostly copying, cropping and angling pictures and screenshots from his Finsta, but it turns out as funny as he expects, and he hopes Jaehyun finds it funny too.
He insists to call Jaehyun the second it turns midnight in his time zone before he changed his current header, a beautiful picture of Jung Jinsoul in a police uniform, to the edit he made with Jaehyun’s face in a variety of angles and different pictures on top of the Trixie Tang shrine Veronica from Fairly Odd Parents has in her bedroom. His digital publishing and postproduction lecturer would’ve probably fainted seeing his edit. Not that he minds. If everyone else finds it ugly but it still makes Jaehyun laugh, or crack a smile, then it will be worth it.
He is Jaehyun’s BF, after all. Best friend and biggest fan. He needs to play his part as the president of Lee Hyunjae’s fanclub and honor their internet friendship the best he can. Even if he’s not physically there to smear icing all over his face and sing happy birthday and clap obnoxiously louder than everyone else so it will be known who his biggest fan really is, Sunwoo has to come up with creative, inventive ideas to make up for the 13 hour difference and countless miles that set them apart.
Sunwoo anxiously waits for Jaehyun to pick up the phone, tapping his fingers on his notebook.
“Hey, hyung.” He sighs in relief.
He’s listened to Jaehyun’s voice before, he knows what it sounds like from all the videos and audio messages Jaehyun sends him, but this, talking to him on the phone, it’s something so new for them and their friendship that somehow feels so oddly familiar and comfortable. “Hey, Sunwoo. How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you, birthday boy?”
“I’m fine. Besides, you know, being old and shit. I’m too old to stay up until midnight. I hope you know I’m only awake now because of you, you brat.”
“Hyung, don’t be so mean!” Sunwoo whines. “I just wanted to be the first one to wish you happy birthday. Am I the first one to congratulate you?”
“You’re the third one to call. Younghoon and Juyeon beat you to it for a matter of minutes.”
“I can’t believe those hags were faster than me.”
“You can try again next year.” Jaehyun sighs tiredly. “Thanks for calling me. I really appreciate it. I missed hearing your annoying voice. Send me more voice notes on KKT.”
“I’ll record myself singing happy birthday to you later today, then.” Sunwoo smiles at the spinning fan on the ceiling. He stares and at the alarm clock on his desk. He should really let Jaehyun get some sleep because he has work early in the morning and it’s already late. “Oh, one last thing, check your Twitter for me, will you?”
“What did you do now, Kim Sunwoo?”
“Just open it, hyung.”
Jaehyun’s laugh is just like he imagined it would sound like. It’s kind of obnoxiously loud and explosive in a way that gets Sunwoo laughing too.
“You’re unbelievable, Sunwoo. How long did you spend doing that?”
“Just a few minutes.” He lies through his teeth. He doesn’t want Jaehyun to lecture him on his poor time management skills and stop spending his free time with useless montages on Photoshop. “Do you like it?”
“Are you kidding? I loved it. It’s genius. You’re a genius, Sunwoo.”
“I get called that a lot.”
“What, genius?”
“No. Sunwoo.”
Jaehyun laughs again. “See? This is why you’re my baby brother. You’re funny, quirky and smart just like me.”
“Sounds a lot like you’re describing me rather than yourself, hyung.”
“Brat.” Jaehyun teases. “I’m gonna go now, Sunwoo. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Good night, baby.”
“Good night, hyung.”
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (2:56pm)
dude look at this
i’m dying
*sent a video*
Sunwoo is in class when he gets Jaehyun’s text. He glances at the notification tab quickly, pondering whether he should make a move to grab his phone discreetly without being noticed by his lecturer. Not that he doesn’t text in class or anything, but he doesn’t want to risk being called out in front of this group of law students that are watching the same class with him. He pulls his phone from the inside of his pencil case and unlocks it, ignoring the groupchat notifications and going straight to see Jaehyun’s DMs.
It’s a video of a cat. Jaehyun’s cat, Mr. Jinggles, more precisely, doing, well, something that Sunwoo isn’t quite sure of what. The video starts with Mr. Jinggles doing something that Sunwoo now assumes would make more sense if he could listen to the video, but then Mr. Jinggles realizes he’s being filmed and shows Jaehyun his teeth as a response to being filmed. Jaehyun has told that Mr. Jinggles is camera shy before, but he’s never seen the transition from being a cat doing cat things to being pissed at the camera from Jaehyun’s phone.
It’s quite amusing, really.
Sunwoo wonders how many times Mr. Jinggles has tried to murder Jaehyun’s phone for sport.
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:01pm)
i can’t watch it with audio rn
what is the crybaby doing?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:02pm)
he’s jamming to fancy!!
look at him go
he said stan twice
he’s learning from you
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:07pm)
well at least someone in this house has taste
tell him to jam to loona - hi high next
or jennie sono
i’d looooove to see his rendition of BITCH naneun solo
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:11pm)
don’t cuss near my cat
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:13pm)
i’m literally texting you????
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:15pm)
okay and?
don’t cuss near the baby
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:20pm)
i thought i was your baby but okay
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:22pm)
sunwoo
i love you, but don’t get me wrong
know your place lmao
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:24pm)
so why don’t you sell me and buy another mr. jinggles instead
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:29pm)
because you’re my baby and i wouldn’t trade you for the world
my heart is big enough for you and mr jinggles
don’t worry
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:33pm)
fuck you man
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:36pm)
stop texting and go pay attention to class
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:37pm)
you literally texted me first?
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (3:38pm)
and? now i’m telling you to pay attention to your lecture
text me when you get home btw
sunwoo @jensoonism (3:43pm)
okay
will do
bye hyung
ttyl
Sunwoo opens Instagram. Scroll through his feed liking people’s posts mindlessly. Comments when he finds fitting or that he has something interesting to say about the post or the caption, which is almost never. Skips through most people’s stories. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Except today, this very fine day, it’s National Sibling’s Day, as he’s been informed by multiple people who don’t really get along with their siblings in real life, but still managed to pose together for the sake of an Instagram post or story. His annoying biological sister had already wished a happy National Sibling’s Day through text, telling him he’s doing a decent job of being her older brother, so he deserves kudos for that. He replies with a “I love you too, spawn of Satan <3” , and gets heart eyes emojis in response.
He’s already congratulated his younger sister. He’s already texted Jacob.
He stares at his conversation with Jaehyun on Twitter. The last message he sent was just him gushing over how cute Song Dongpyo from X1 is, now that Jaehyun decided he will get Sunwoo to stan Dongpyo based on his cuteness, girlgroup dance covers and being a Choi Yoojung look alike.
But something doesn’t feel right.
He’s already congratulated the two people he considers his siblings. His real, annoying younger sister who sleeps in the room next to his, and Jacob, his long-term internet best friend, who he was lucky enough to meet in real life.
But it doesn’t feel right that he doesn’t congratulate Jaehyun too.
sunwoo @jensoonism (7:38pm)
hey, hyung
happy brothers’ day
love you <3
It’s just a text message. It’s just a text message like many others he’s sent Jaehyun before. It shouldn’t make him nervous, because it’s just a text message, but at the same time, it’s a text message professing his undying platonic love for this guy he met on Twitter. Being rejected by your crush sucks, but being rejected by someone you consider your best friend and older brother? It’s the worst possible kind of rejection — considering someone your best friend, or sibling, or both, in this case, and them not feeling the same way about you. Sunwoo could move on from his crush on Chanhee and find himself another boyfriend. But replacing Jaehyun and their friendship? It’s impossible at this point.
(There’s no one that laughs at Sunwoo’s questionably unfunny jokes quite the way Jaehyun does. There’s no one that bickers with him whilst spoiling him rot the same way Jaehyun does. There’s no one that makes Sunwoo feel so special and loved the way Jaehyun does. There’s no one quite like Jaehyun in his life.)
It’s just a text message. It shouldn’t matter so much. But to Sunwoo, it does.
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (8:20pm)
awwwww, sunwoo baby :(
i love you too!!! my baby <3333
can you believe you wished me a happy siblings day when my actual sibling didn’t? lol
this is why i like you better than my sister
i have to go now but!!!
don’t forget i love you loads baby!!
thank you for reminding me <3
good night seonu <3333
sunwoo @jensoonism 9:33pm
good night hyung
love you <3
sunwoo @jensoonism (11:54pm)
i know you’re probably asleep now but
thank you for being my friend
i know i don’t say this often but i’m really grateful for you being my friend
i love you a lot
i hope you know that
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (6:59am)
sunwoo, baby
you don’t have to thank me
you’re the baby brother i always wanted
i love you, okay?
don’t forget that
Sunwoo smiles at his phone. He stares at the heartfelt, meaningful messages, teary eyed, and writes his reply.
seonu @jensoonism (08:42am)
well, maybe if you stanned loona you wouldn’t be such a sap
maybe if i stanned loona i wouldn’t be crying.... but anyways
i hate you
hyunjae @cluelessbaek (08:50am)
i love you too, brat
<3