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The first time Billy kisses him, Steve has the hiccups. It’s a Tuesday afternoon, so the video store is empty, and they’re sitting in the back room looking at college applications and talking lazily. It’s quiet, gentle, just how Billy likes it.
Except for Steve’s hiccups.
“Seriously, Harrington, make them stop,” Billy complains, not for the first time. “I’m trying to concentrate here.”
Steve laughs, although the sound is frustrated. “You think I’m doing it on purpose?” He hiccups again.
“Drink some water,” Billy suggests.
“I’ve drunk half a gallon,” Steve moans, but he picks up his glass of water anyway, taking a long sip. There’s a pause, and then his chest heaves with another hiccup. “Jesus!”
Billy drums his fingers on the tabletop. “Hold your breath,” he says, although there’s a smile curving his lips. Steve’s already tried that too, held his breath until his face was bright red. He doesn’t bother with it again, just gives Billy a hard glare.
He hiccups again. “Jesus Christ,” he says again. Billy, in spite of himself, chokes down a laugh. “Shut up,” Steve growls.
Apparently, that’s all it takes for Steve to burst into another long, loud cacophony of hiccups. For a moment or two, it’s funny, but then it’s just annoying. Steve’s cheeks are pink, and his chest contracts over and over again, the irritating sounds bursting out his mouth. Billy waits, his eyebrows rising in increasing incredulity as the hiccups just don’t stop.
And don’t stop. “Harrington,” Billy says. “Steve.”
Steve hiccups again. “They won’t… stop…” he pants.
Billy looks at him. His hair is flopping over his face, and he looks… frustrated. And cute. And Billy kisses him.
For a second, Steve is frozen in place. He doesn’t move, barely even breathes, underneath the hot pressure of Billy’s mouth on his. He also, Billy can’t help but notice, doesn’t hiccup. Billy should be worrying that he judged this wrong, that Steve doesn’t want the kiss, but somehow the thought doesn’t enter his brain; he’s too lost in the softness of Steve’s lips, in the rightness of finally kissing him after all these months of teasing each other and hanging out and pretending there’s nothing there.
Then Steve starts kissing him back, and there’s nothing to worry about anyway.
They don’t really talk about it. All through the fall, as the weather gets colder and the nights get longer, Billy and Steve spend every fucking second together, and they kiss and kiss and don’t say a word about why. Billy was already staying at Steve’s place three or four nights a week, but now it’s more like six, and instead of crashing on the couch he’s in Steve’s bed.
He loves the way Steve’s body feels in his arms, broad and soft and warm and nothing like the girls he’s been with before. He loves running his fingers through Steve’s hair, kissing his temple when they’re both so tired they can’t keep their eyes open for another second. He loves the way Steve’s hands feel around his face, the way Steve kisses his collarbone and his shoulders and looks at him almost reverently, like Billy is something special.
The turning point comes when Billy has a nightmare. He tries not to think too much about his brush with death, about the way the terrible claws dug into his flesh and ripped him apart, about choking on his own blood and hearing Max scream like the sound was torn out of her. He’d been so sure he was going to die. There are scars across his body, coiling over his arms and chest and ruining the muscular surface he’d spent so long perfecting.
He tries not to think about it. But his dreams… he can’t control those, can’t help the images that play out in his head when he’s sleeping. He remembers the things his body did without his permission, and he wakes up in a cold sweat and has to force himself to blink the desperate tears away.
For a while, it seems like being with Steve makes it easier. But then it happens again, and he’s back there, there in the darkness and the madness with nothing but death around him. Death and pain, the indescribable agony of having his soul mutilated and his body mangled.
He wakes up with a cry on his lips, although he’s learned not to be too loud; his dad hates when he makes too much noise in the night. Then it’s the same routine of trying not to let himself break into sobs, of choking it back inside.
“Hey,” Steve says softly, and his lips are against the back of Billy’s neck. “You’re okay.”
Billy can’t answer; he’s still caught in the dream. But hearing Steve’s voice makes it just a little easier to slow his breathing.
Steve’s arms wrap around him, secure and warm, holding him like he’ll never let go. “You’re safe,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you.”
Billy’s cheeks are wet, but for the first time since everything happened, he feels safe.
They’re doing what they’re doing, and they’re not talking about it - but they’re not not talking about it either. Billy finds that he doesn’t need to talk to Steve about what exactly it means when Steve comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Billy’s waist, leaning his cheek against Billy’s back and leaning up to kiss the back of his neck. All he needs to know is that it makes him feel better than he has… ever.
They go to see a movie with Jonathan, Nancy and Robin. Billy likes Robin, has an easy back and forth with her, often teams up with her to rip into Steve. He gets on well with Jonathan too, even if the dude has terrible taste in music, but Nancy Wheeler? She scares the shit out of him. She’s eased up since Billy got out of the hospital, but she’s still frosty with him, or maybe that’s just her way with everyone. He makes sure as many people as possible are between them as they walk.
“Well, I liked it,” Steve says. Robin, Billy and Jonathan all stop to look incredulously at him. “What? I thought it was good!”
Robin laughs. “Of course you did,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Steve, it was a kid’s film,” Jonathan says.
Billy doesn’t say anything. He just shakes his head.
“I thought it was okay,” Nancy comments. No one speaks; maybe they’re all too afraid of her to make fun of her, or maybe it’s just that no one really cares what Nancy Wheeler thinks of The Goonies.
They head towards the arcade; now that the mall has been destroyed, the kids are hanging out there again. They’re all responsible for at least one of the kids, all except Robin. Billy still thinks Steve’s friendship with the curly-haired kid is fucking hilarious.
“Bet they complain,” he says. “Bet they’re not ready to come home.”
“They’re never ready to come home,” Steve says. Jonathan laughs.
Sure enough, the kids are full of arguments once they get to the arcade. Max and El, predictably, are the most outspoken, which means that Billy - somehow his repertoire of thirteen-year-old girls has expanded to two - bears the brunt of the attitude. Mostly he’s glad that he and Max are in such a good place these days - she’s not afraid of him anymore, and it feels like he has a teammate at home.
Mostly he’s glad.
“Why can’t you just go for a walk or something?” Max demands. “Or go and see another movie. We’re not done.”
“I told you I’d be picking you up after the movie,” Billy says. “I told you when—”
El folds her arms. “Not done,” she says, voice hard. Behind him, Billy hears someone snicker.
“I don’t care,” Billy says. “Get in the freaking car.”
“ No!” Max exclaims.
Billy casts an exasperated look back at the others. Jonathan and Robin aren’t even trying to hide their amusement, and even Nancy has the twitch of a smile on her face. Why the fuck does Max always have to push back? Mike and Will have finished up their games, packed their things up. Steve’s little mophead is already standing next to him. Even Lucas is ready to go. All of them except Max and El, the two that Billy is responsible for. So he’s the one who has to stand here arguing with a kid.
“Max,” he starts, but Max just crosses her arms and stares him out, one eyebrow raised.
Billy closes his mouth. And that’s when he feels a warm hand slip into his.
He starts, but doesn’t pull his hand away, because it’s Steve, of course it’s Steve. As simple as though it doesn’t mean anything, Steve is just standing there, holding Billy’s hand. They’ve never done this in front of anyone else, never done anything to show that they’re something more than friends. Never talked about it.
Billy hasn’t really thought about it. He’s happy with Steve, happy with whatever it is that they’re doing together, and he doesn’t need anyone else to know about it. But having Steve’s hand in his, right here, in front of Jonathan and Max and everyone else, feels… nice.
“Max,” Steve says, while Billy stands there like an idiot with his mouth open. “Go and get in the car.”
Max is staring. Not in the confrontational way she had been before; she’s staring at the place where Steve and Billy’s hands are joined together. She stammers: “W-What?”
“Get in the car,” Steve repeats. And she does.
It seems like everyone is pretty speechless. Nancy’s eyes are wider than saucers. The only person who doesn’t look surprised is Robin; there’s a tiny smile on her freckled face, and Billy realises that she already knows. Whether she’s guessed it or Steve’s kept her up to date, she knows about Steve and Billy’s… whatever it is they have.
Steve doesn’t let go of Billy’s hand, all the way out of the arcade and down the street to where their respective cars are parked. Dustin, in particular, looks like he’s bursting with everything he wants to say, but nobody says a word. Maybe it’s the shock of it, or maybe he’s still slightly afraid of Billy.
“See you tomorrow,” Steve says, when they’re both at their cars. He knows what he’s done; his cheeks are slightly pink, and he won’t meet Dustin’s eyes, but he’s still smiling.
Billy grins at him. “Yeah,” he says. “See you.”
And then he lets go of Steve’s hand, and gets in the car.
After that, they don’t hide it. When they go to the movies, Steve always sits next to Billy, and holds his hand. When Billy hangs out at the video store, Steve touches his arm, gives him secret smiles even when Robin is around. Max keeps giving Billy sideways glances, like she wants to ask, but she never does. Billy isn’t brave enough to raise the subject himself.
“Dustin’s decided he likes you,” Steve tells him, one evening when they’re lying tangled together in Steve’s bed. They’re both bare-chested, and Billy’s breathless and sore-mouthed from kissing.
He glances over at Steve. “He does?”
“Yep,” Steve says. His hand finds Billy’s, and squeezes.
Billy thinks about this. He doesn’t mind Dustin, doesn’t really mind any of the kids except Mike - that kid is just annoying - but he’s never really thought about whether or not they like him. He apologised to Lucas, months ago now, and that’s been the end of it.
He can’t deny it’s nice, though, hearing that Dustin likes him. “Cool,” he says.
After that, though, he tries to be a little nicer to Dustin. And then Max tells him that Lucas has noticed it, and he’s wondering if Billy likes Dustin better than him. So then Billy has to be nicer to Lucas too. He’s already pretty damn nice to Will. And if that makes Mike feel the difference more acutely… well, Billy’s still petty enough to find that kind of amusing.
He’s over at the Byers’ place when Hopper loses his temper. They’re all there, all the older generation of kids - Jonathan, Nancy, Robin, Steve and Billy. They’re gathered in the lounge, talking lazily and flicking through some of Jonathan’s magazines while Mrs Byers putters about in the kitchen. Steve is sitting next to Billy on the couch, knees tucked up underneath him and his head resting just slightly on Billy’s shoulder.
When the door opens, no one really blinks. Jonathan’s place is the centre of the Upside Down gang, so it could be the kids, back from wherever they’ve been. It turns out that it’s Hopper. He stays here more nights than he doesn’t these days, according to El.
“Hey, Hop,” Mrs Byers says, coming to stand in the doorway. She’s smiling. Billy likes Mrs Byers. She’s always kind to him, treats him the same as she treats all the kids - like he’s one of her own.
Hopper doesn’t look like he’s in the mood for her smiles. “Joyce,” he barks, and Billy tenses. He knows that voice, knows what it means when a guy like Hopper walks into the house and talks to his girlfriend like that. He’s heard it before.
Steve, no doubt feeling the change in Billy’s body, lifts his head.
“You okay?” Mrs Byers asks the Chief.
“Goddamn kids!” Hopper growls angrily. “They broke into the goddamn mall, again! Goddamnit, Joyce, they know what’s down there better than anyone!”
“Hop, calm down,” Mrs Byers says. “They’re kids. Nothing’s down there anymore.”
The Chief takes his hat off, his fist clenching around the brim. “You try telling Owens that!” he snarls, and there’s a look on his face, a look that Billy recognises, and before he can even think about it he’s on his feet.
“Don’t speak to her like that,” he snaps.
Hopper turns around, frowning. “What?”
“Billy, honey, it’s okay,” Mrs Byers says, but Billy is already shaking his head, because it isn’t okay. He won’t say a fucking word for Susan Hargrove, because she’s never said a word for him, but Mrs Byers is different.
“Pipe down, kid,” the Chief says. “Do me a favour and tell your sister to knock off the break-ins.”
He sounds a little less angry, but Billy is still simmering. “They’re kids,” he says guardedly.
Hopper takes a step towards him. “Yeah, they’re kids, but they should know better!” he says heatedly. “You know how hard this cover-up has been? You know how much smoothing over I’ve already had to do with Owens?”
“You know what, no, I don’t,” Billy says angrily. “I guess I was too busy getting stabbed in the fucking chest to concentrate on the coverup. And those kids? I guess they were too focused on fighting the freaking Mindflayer. So before you complain about your job, maybe you should pipe down.”
“Okay, hold it,” Hopper exclaims, holding up a hand. “Take a breather, kid, alright, this isn’t about that, this is about a few kids and some… some petty vandalism!”
Billy is shaking. “Yeah, so why the fuck are you yelling about it, huh? Do your fucking job and lay off the kids, lay off Mrs Byers, and fuck off.”
Hopper takes another heavy step forward. “Kid,” he begins.
“Back off.” Billy turns almost blindly at the sound of Steve’s voice. He’s standing up, an unusually serious expression on his face. “Hop, back off.”
The Chief is frowning. “What?”
“Back off,” Steve says again. He’s speaking quietly, but forcefully. His hand comes to touch Billy’s arm. “Billy, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
Joyce comes over to him. “Billy, sweetheart,” she says softly. “Sit down, okay? You’re okay.”
“What’s going on?” Hopper asks. He doesn’t sound angry anymore, just confused, and Billy feels his trembling begin to settle under Steve’s touch. Slowly, he sits back down on the couch.
“Maybe lay off on the yelling,” Steve says to Hopper, sitting next to Billy. He brings his arm up, around Billy’s shoulders, and the world begins to stop shaking around him.
“I wasn’t—” Hopper begins, but he subsides at a glance from Mrs Byers.
“It’s okay, Billy,” Steve says quietly. His arm is a warm weight on Billy’s shoulders, and Billy finds himself relaxing, lets his head drop onto Steve’s shoulder. He has no idea what Mrs Byers and Hopper know about them, and he doesn’t care. All he cares about is that having Steve here makes everything feel easier.
Billy gets into Purdue. Steve’s been looking at colleges too, but in the end he doesn’t apply; he comes to West Lafayette with Billy to look around the campus. It’s February, the air frosty and cold, and Billy huddles near Steve for warmth as they walk between the buildings.
“It looks pretty good here,” Steve says. His voice is just slightly stilted, and Billy glances at him.
“You’re coming with me, right?” he asks.
Steve smiles.
The last time Billy kisses him - in Hawkins - it’s the summertime, and Steve is suntanned and needs a haircut. He doesn’t have the hiccups.
“I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” Steve says, grinning at him. Their cars are packed, and they’re about to leave Hawkins, Indiana. Their gang, their little family - and God, Billy can’t quite believe he can use that word, but he can, and he is - are gathered around to say goodbye.
They’ve both already said their goodbyes - such as they were - to their parents. Billy doesn’t count his dad as part of his family anyway.
He looks at Max. “I’ll call you at the weekend,” he says.
She folds her arms and looks away. “Whatever,” she says.
“Max,” Steve says.
She huffs, and then hugs Billy. A year ago, the idea of hugging his sister - of even calling her his sister - would have been laughable; now, he holds her tightly to him, just for a moment or two.
When they break apart, Mrs Byers reaches in to take Max’s place. “You’re going to be amazing, sweetheart,” she whispers in his ear. Billy blinks, his throat suddenly tight.
He clears his throat when Mrs Byers moves away, and meets Steve’s eyes. “See you soon,” he says. Then, quickly, because he’s never done it in front of anyone before, he moves forward and kisses him.
It’s the last time in Hawkins. It won’t be the last time.