Work Text:
Ritsuka looked out of the window of the train. He caught Mafuyu’s reflection staring along, with his hands restlessly fiddling with his guitar bag.
He wanted to take his hand and calm him down for some reason, but he didn’t actually know in what way it would help as he didn’t entirely know what was going through Mafuyu’s head.
Where were they even going? Honestly, Ritsuka had no clue.
Ah, no. That was a slight lie.
His gaze moved to the real Mafuyu who was seated next to him. There was something about the way his eyes were invested on his guitar that made him suspicious of where they were headed to. He didn’t want to guess. It would be weird to guess, wouldn’t it? It definitely would.
Should he grab his hand? Calm him down?
That would be even weirder… right?
Directly after school ended, Mafuyu had appeared in front of his classroom, as he would per usual, but something had been different about the way he made eye contact with Ritsuka. Shogo and Ryou also seemed to notice the shift in atmosphere around Mafuyu. They knew something was going on, too, and didn’t make a weird remark for once. Yes, he had found it weird, but it had simply passed him in the moment.
“We’re going two more stops before getting off, okay?” All of a sudden, Mafuyu spoke. It caught Ritsuka off guard for a second and stared at his boyfriend. “Uenoyama-kun?”
He blinked. “Oh, yes, that’s fine,” Ritsuka answered him. Two stops, huh. That made his options narrow down, although his assumption grew a little
He let the hand as it was. He didn’t hold it. An empty feeling remained.
They rode the train in silence. Ritsuka wanted to say something… but what? No doubt, it would be better not to. So, a calm and quiet train ride it was. Trees and bushes passed quickly and the closer they came, the more nervous Mafuyu seemed to get. Ritsuka got restless as well.
Should he still grab Mafuyu’s hand? Maybe he should. He started reaching out.
“The next stop is—”
“Ah!” Mafuyu clapped his hands together and made attempt in standing up. “This is our stop, Uenoyama-kun.” He looked at Ritsuka, a soft smile wove his way to his face. “Let’s go, Uenoyama-kun,” he said, repeating his name once more. Now, in a way that usually sent shivers down his spine, making Ritsuka all the more nervous.
He simply nodded, got his guitar back on his back and moved upwards. “Yush,” he mumbled, tucked his guitar safely behind his back. “Let’s go.”
Getting of the train, Mafuyu started walking closer to Ritsuka than he usually would do. Ritsuka noticed he was getting antsy. Mafuyu would sometimes reach out to hold his hand in the open crowd, but wasn’t making any move towards that motion in the moment.
“Mafuyu,” Ritsuka started, breathing in. Was he really going to go there? “Are you okay? You have been kind of fussy…” He needed to know.
“I’m fine, Uenoyama-kun.” Mafuyu smiled at him.
Ritsuka knew he wasn’t. Even more, the way his voiced had wavered, he knew that they were headed to where he thought they were headed.
It was really time, huh… Ritsuka had been wondering when it was going to happen. If it even ever was going to happen. But apparently today was the day. His hunch was not a hunch anymore. It made him move closer. Their shoulders touched and Ritsuka retrieved his hand from his pocket to reach out to Mafuyu’s hand. He softly grabbed it, his fingers brushing over his hand first before entwining them together, squeezing him delicately. He heard his boyfriend sigh contently. He didn’t look at his face, kept looking forward, but the grip on his hand created the feeling that Mafuyu had needed that touch.
The walk was long and silent. Ritsuka was unknown to the route they were walking, but Mafuyu knew it well enough.
No surprise there…
Ritsuka slowed down in his steps little by little so Mafuyu was leading the way for two of them, pulling Ritsuka along.
It didn’t take long for them to reach the site. The air was dreadful. Ritsuka hadn’t been to a cemetery in… ever…
Mafuyu sucked in a breath and took a long time exhaling. This time, it was him who squeezed Ritsuka’s hand. “I can do this,” he mumbled to himself.
Ritsuka didn’t know if he had to say something, however, he opened up his mouth. “Only when you’re ready.” He squeezed back. “You can do it.”
They made eye contact and Mafuyu slowly, calmly, and gently, pulled Ritsuka along the path.
“I haven’t been here in a while,” Mafuyu confessed.
“Oh?”
“Yes. I used to come here every week. Until…”
“Until…”
“Until I… joined the band.”
“Ah…” Had he been the cause Mafuyu hadn’t come by often?
“But that’s okay! That’s… why I wanted to take you today, Uenoyama-kun.”
Ritsuka looked at him.
“Um… so… yeah. I haven’t been here for a while because of the band. But like I said, that’s fine. Because it’s doing what I love and doing what he loved. I can’t tell myself enough that I deserve this life that I’m currently living. I feel bad when I think about him, but it makes me feel great when I’m with you, Uenoyama-kun.” Mafuyu looked at his boyfriend, smiling softly. “I’m glad you’re tagging along today, Uenoyama-kun.” He stopped. “We’re here.” His eyes went glassy. He bit down on his teeth, clenching his jaw.
Ritsuka let go of his hand and stepped back. They were both silent, one of them not knowing what to say and the other calmly trying to collect his words.
“Yūki, I’m back,” he started, sitting down in front of the grave. “Checking in with you again, you know, like I used to do every week. I haven’t been coming a lot lately, and I feel really bad… But I have a good reason! Yūki, I have met someone else… You might have already seen this from wherever you are, but I wanted to say this aloud to you.”
Mafuyu sighed. Ritsuka looked at him.
Was he really going to..?
Mafuyu continued. “His name is Uenoyama-kun, ah, Uenoyama Ritsuka. Yūki, I wish you could have met him. Yūki, Uenoyama-kun is one of the sweetest, most caring, most loving people I have ever met in my life.”
And just like that, Ritsuka’s heart stopped in his throat.
“Yūki,” he stopped for a second, “Uenoyama-kun has been the best thing that has happened to me this past year. When you passed away, Yūki, I thought my life was over. But Uenoyama-kun came along my way, taught me how to play the guitar—like I have told you before! I’ve gotten better, Yūki, I’ve been doing well lately. All thanks to Uenoyama-kun!”
He looked away from the grave, at him, and smiled. He moved his eyes back. He sighed with satisfaction. Ritsuka’s breath stopped. He had heard Mafuyu struggling to find words. Was he tearing up? His own breath stopped, too. He wanted to put his hand on his shoulder but Mafuyu continued and he decided against it.
“I’m happy now, Yūki. Really happy.” Mafuyu raised his eyes skywards. “Uenoyama-kun is really sweet to me, and the band I’m in is great. And… Ritsuka…kun and I are going out.”
Ritsuka’s heart stopped for one second. Time stopped and the wind took him back to that moment they confessed their feelings in front of the sea.
He’d called him by his first name.
Mafuyu had finally called him by his first name.
He’d never done that before…
Holy shit, Mafuyu’d called him by his first-fucking-name. At the cemetery… in front of his former boyfriend.
And just like that, time resumed.
“This is him, Yūki. This is my current boyfriend, Uenoyama Ritsuka. I still miss you, Yūki, I can’t deny that. But he’s given me lots of good thoughts as of late, and I’m truly grateful for meeting him.”
Ritsuka went through his knees to sit next to him. Was it weird for him to speak? It was awkward when he didn’t, but also awkward if he did…
“Hi, uh, Yoshida-san… I’m Uenoyama Ritsuka… I hope you’re not angry with me.” He laughed nervously.
Oh, shit, he was really doing this, huh.
And the words started coming and coming. “I’m thankful for you; the you who made Mafuyu happy for a good period of his time and… I think I’m ready to take over… No, I know I’m ready to take over. Thanks for all the love and support you’ve given Mafuyu over the years. But… it’s me now. I’ll take care of him.”
Ritsuka’s eyes suddenly grew wide. Did he go out of line? He whipped his head around to look at Mafuyu, who wasn’t looking back at him, whose eyes were covered by his hair.
“Mafuyu…” he started, but didn’t know where to go from there. Had he gone too far? He didn’t know how to handle these things. He went to reach up to his shoulder, but Mafuyu moved out of the way. “Mafuyu?”
Suddenly, he turned to look Ritsuka straight in the eye. It threw him off guard. Were that..?
Mafuyu sniffled.
It was.
“Thank you, Uenoyama-kun. That meant a lot to me.” He smiled sweetly. His eyes were half-closed, glistening in the light of the sun.
Right then and there, Ritsuka’s heart exploded into the air.
“Uenoyama-kun?” Mafuyu knocked him on the head. “Uenoyama-kun?” The tears were still in his eyes. Without thinking, Ritsuka moved his hand upwards and carefully removed the tears from his boyfriend’s eyes, making sure not to poke him. Had he ever done that to somebody else and not stabbed them? No! Too late to back out now.
Carefully now… Shit.
He pulled back his hand. “Ah, sorry!”
Mafuyu laughed behind his hand. “It’s okay. Thanks again, Uenoyama-kun.” He made an attempt standing up, but Ritsuka grabbed onto his hand.
“Are you okay?” He wasn’t looking back at him, but was focused on the engravings of Yūki’s name.
“Mm-mm,” Mafuyu hummed, “Yes.” He pulled Ritsuka up, had him stand next to him. Close to him. Mafuyu clasped onto his hand with both of his own, and hugged his arm. “I think Yūki knows, Uenoyama-kun. I think he’s known for a while now, but it felt good to tell him with you next to me.”
Ritsuka pulled him in for a hug. “Thanks for taking me, Mafuyu. It meant a lot to me, too. You’re amazing for doing this,” he whispered.
Mafuyu returned the hug and smiled. “I know. Thanks for coming. Even though I dragged you along, I’m glad you complied.” He sighed, released himself from the hug and looked at the grave. “Promise you won’t get jealous, Yūki. Ah, also, I don’t think I’ll be coming that much anymore… I hate to say this aloud, but it’s really time… Once more, I’m so happy, Yūki. Really, really happy.
Ritsuka smiled softly, squeezed his hand one more time. Mafuyu stepped away from the grave.
“Let’s go, Uenoyama-kun.”
He looked at his boyfriend, felt it was alright to leave, and complied with a nod.
“Yes. Let’s go.”
They were back to Mafuyu saying Uenoyama-kun, but that was fine with Ritsuka. He felt like he had gotten Yoshida Yūki’s approval. That was all that mattered.