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The end of October is approaching. The sky is a heavy grey blanket. The autumn breeze moves the clouds and carries the promise of rain. It tousles Peggy’s hair and pinks her cheeks that are barely visible over her fuzzy yellow scarf. In her arms, the five-year old girl is carrying the biggest pumpkin she has found at the market. She stumbles from the car towards the flat unsteadily, gasping under her weight.
Fitz follows his daughter with the rest of the pumpkins, watching amused, as Peggy bumps against the door and hurries to open it, so she can carry her treasure inside, trying not to drop it like the watermelon this summer. Oh, that had been a great mess. The memories are still clear, although by now it feels to him, like it hasn’t been warm for ages.
In the kitchen, Peggy drops the pumpkin on the table with a relieved sigh. She’s breathing heavily, but her eyes are sparkling in excitement. They have the colour of golden honey. She has them from her mother, as well as her hazel hair that falls smoothly over her shoulders. “I didn’t drop it!” She says proudly. “I’m strong. I’m Captain Marvel!” She flexes her biceps and Fitz laughs, laying his smaller pumpkins beside Peggy’s giant one. “You are very strong, monkey.”
While they get rid of their multiple layers of clothing, their black cat Smoky jumps on the table, sniffing curiously at the pumpkins.
Peggy goes to the calendar and counts the days, gasping. “Only six days left till Halloween!” She calls for the third time this day.
“Yeah, we better hurry,” Fitz smiles, shooing Smoky off the table and getting what they are going to need for carving.
Peggy drops on the chair beside him, running her fingers over one of the pumpkins. “I want a Jack one!”
Peggy loves The Nightmare Before Christmas. Watching it on Halloween is a tradition Fitz brought into this life from his own childhood.
Fitz hands her an ice-scoop. “Don’t forget I’m the one who works with the knife,” he reminds her. “You are going to gut the pumpkins, I’m carving them, alright?” He doesn’t want to have any amputated fingers. So many years ago, it happened to George, the neighbour’s boy. He heard back then, how George’s mother told his about it. The boy had slipped with the knife and cut off a piece of his thumb. Fitz shivers at the image in front of his eyes.
Peggy nods and raises the ice scoop. “Aye, aye captain!”
Fitz cuts the lid off the biggest pumpkin and Peggy immediately starts to dig in, deposing the seeds on the table. Fitz grabs another pumpkin and does the same.
It’s a nice kind of work, a bit exhausting, but satisfying. While outside, the raindrops start to beat against the windows in a steady rhythm, and the wind blows the leaves across the streets and through the air, it’s getting warmer inside. Smoky is sleeping on one of the empty chairs, ears moving, when somewhere, a dog barks.
After a while, Peggy starts to sing Disney songs. Some of the older ones, like “The Bare Necessities” or “Why Should I Worry” are still familiar to Fitz, so he joins her a few times. But mostly, he listens. Peggy has a bright voice, he enjoys to hear it.
While she is still occupied with the biggest pumpkin, Fitz starts to carve into one of the smaller ones. This is the true fun part. Over the years, he developed some methods and now, he doesn’t even need a template anymore. He carves a spider, intending to use the biggest pumpkin for Jack’s face.
When Peggy is finished with gutting the pumpkin, they have a huge heap of seeds on the table.
“Guess that amount of pumpkin is going to feed us for a whole month,” Fitz says.
Peggy cheers. “Pumpkin muffins. Pumpkin soup. Pumpkin sandwiches,” she sing-songs and runs around the table a few times. “Pumpkin pieeeee!” She stops, suddenly getting serious. “Mommy loves those,” she says quietly.
A sharp hint of pain mixed with longing rushes through Fitz’s chest and he stops carving. Oh. It’s never getting easier to bear …
Peggy is biting the inside of her cheek and tracing a finger over her hollow pumpkin, looking a bit lost. “Come here, monkey,” Fitz says, laying away the knife and opening his arms for her. She sinks into his embrace and he strokes her back for a while.
“Is she going to come home this time?” Peggy eventually asks, her voice muffled against Fitz’s jumper.
“I don’t know,” Fitz says honestly. He can’t know if or when she does. And Jemma can’t know where they are. It’s too dangerous. Oh, how he has enough of their rare talks over the comms. He never sees her. Doesn’t see if she’s alright. She’s saying she’s alright, but she’s Jemma … After all those years, she still tries sometimes, to hide her emotions, to be stronger than she has to be, to not be a bother in difficult times … He just hopes, she isn’t worrying too much.
So much time has passed since they were alone on the Zephyr, since Jemma has told him under tears, she’s pregnant. “What do we do, Fitz?” She has asked, looking hopeless. They just lost the team. They lost the team and the choices they had to make all ended up with what they never wanted to do ever again: Parting ways.
Once it was necessary, Fitz’s decision came surprisingly quick. “When the baby is there, you go and save them. I’ll take care of our child until it’s over. We’ll be somewhere no one knows … Somewhere safe. Waiting for you.”
“Are you sure?” Jemma asked. He heard the question a lot. Are you sure? He was. He was and he is still sure now, that it was the right decision. They are safe, somewhere in a little village in Canada. No one knows his real name. No one knows he worked for Shield. For everyone here, he’s Brian, the nice young single father with the smart lively daughter. It’s alright. It’s not ideal, but it’s alright. When the pain is getting too sharp, Peggy is his light in the darkness. His treasure.
“Can Mommy be already done with being a superhero,” Peggy mumbles, bringing him back to the presence. She backs away, wiping at her eyes. “I need her.”
“I need her too, monkey,” Fitz says quietly, breathing through the pain. “Come on. I’ll carve your Jack now, yeah?”
Peggy’s eyes light up a bit and she nods. Fitz takes the big pumpkin and starts, while she’s watching him working in awe, yawning from time to time, as it’s about to get late. The sky is already a darker shade of grey.
When Fitz is finished, they carry their pumpkins outside and set a candle in each of them.
A biting cold breeze blows and the flames flicker. The broad smiles of Jack seems to move, the grin widening momentarily. Peggy watches the dancing shadows mesmerized. She cuddles up against Fitz and murmurs, “When Mommy comes home this time, these lights will help her to find us, right, Daddy?”
He feels tears prickling in his eyes. He lays his arm around Peggy. “Yes. They will.”