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Chapter Text

“I remember telling you to fuck off and stop calling me” You say answering the phone the fifth time it rings, knowing too well he won’t stop until you do “I made myself clear, don’t call me, don’t contact me, keep your stupid flowers and presents to yourself and stay the fuck away from me”

“Oh my little Y/N” Says his drunk voice in the other end “You know you like it, this little number of yours, pretending you don’t need a man will end as soon as you feel lonely, why don’t we speed things up and simply let me come up with you?” He said and you froze, how does he knew you were at the second floor of your house? You looked outside the window but couldn’t see anything, nervously you closed your sleeping robe with a tight knot suddenly feeling exposed “You don’t have to be so shy, I already know what is behind that” He said and you toss the phone aside, but you could still listen to his laugh, when will this nightmare end??

“Fuck you Richard!!!” You scream at the phone, but he had already hung up. You closed all the windows and went straight to your bathroom cabinets, it had to be there.

You finally found it, a few years back when your name was still unknown and your main job was stacking candles and towels in a store, and before you had a sociopath for an ex, you became friends with this weird and really sweet bald guy on Pottery Barn, you helped him redecorate his room and you even talk once in a while over the phone, or at least until last year when he said he was going back to Chechnya to visit his family, but before he went away, and after he met the charming man you were dating and seeing the bruises in your arms he gave you a card and told you, if you ever need to get rid of that guy just call this number.

You light on a cigarette, and sit on the floor of your bathroom thinking, what does get rid of meant? Hank, judging by his tattoos, was not an entirely innocent folk, but at this point you were desperate, and you cursed yourself for ever start dating a man like that, the all charming and thoughtful movie producer, you knew your career will be damaged forever if you kept avoiding him but coming back to be treated like garbage and not being able to eat, dress or think on your own was not an option. You finally gathered the courage and dialled the number.

“Fuches” a raspy voice said on the other end.

“Hi, ammm” you were not sure what exactly where you going to say.

“Who is this? Hello?? Who gave you this number? Are you there?” The man seem angry and a bit condescending in his tone and somehow his rudeness made you speak up.

“Yeah, I’m here” You started with more confidence “I got this number from NoHo Hank, he said you could help me to… to get rid of someone”.

“Ahh” The man was calmed now, almost happy “Well in that case any friend of Hank is friend of mine, but I warn you madame that won’t be cheap” He said and you stand up from the floor glimpsing at yourself in the mirror, shocked to see how pale you looked, and how scared you actually felt.

***

Barry entered his apartment begging for Jermaine or Nick to be there and use them as an excuse to tell Fuches to fuck off, but it was empty except for the never ending amount of trash that always was in their comon space, he stopped trying to tell them to clean like three months ago and now he only limited to hide in his room away from the beer cans and chips bags.

It didn’t matter that much really, at least not before, as long as Sally was there to talk to him or as long as he could call her, but then she got that part in a big movie, and he was happy for her, that was her dream and he would never get between her and her dream, but then she stop being around the class due to rehearsals, and then she change a beer in Residual’s to fancy and expensive dinners with her costars and then one day she simply said goodbye.

But he had come to the conclusion that he deserved that, he took away Mr. Cousineau’s happiness so it was only fair for him to lose it as well, and Sally was still his friend, as long as he could find a 5 minutes gap to talk in her busy schedule every other week.

He was still on the class, and he was getting better or at least he no longer missed his lines, and he had even recieved a callback for a commercial, but he didn’t get it in the end.

And now Fuches was coming back to screw up everything again, Barry looked at the clock, 4:02 he would be there any minute, for a brief moment his mind travel to his gun under his bed, and how just one year before he was desperate to see him and kill him from once, but then Mr Cousineau started making questions, and to suspect, accurately, that he had killed Moss, and Fuches chose to come clean, or at least enough to settle things down.

He told Gene the Chechens killed Moss and that they wanted to implicate Barry, so he called the cops on him so Barry would take the blame and end up in jail, he played his Part as a poor looser, alone and miserable well enough and Barry chose not to kill him, as long as he would stay away from them, and he had kept his promise until that morning. He would say no, obviously but he needed to say it to his face to reassure him or to himself that it was all done.

A knock on the door put him in alert, and he muttered a simple “Come in” keeping himself away from the entrance. Fuches entered the room with an almost curious expression on his face, he looked at the trash an made a disgusted frown, and then looked at Barry from head to toe, he looked paler or maybe just tired, he for sure was, that stubborn woman was by far the most picky and difficult client he ever had by far, but with enough luck Barry may solve it.

“Nice place” He said finally with a sarcastic grin

“That’s my roommate’s doing” Barry answered in a monotone “Coffee? beer?”

“If you are really being nice I’ll take the beer” Fuches said and without waiting for an invitation he found a place to sit.

“I’m not.” Barry answered and sit in front of him. “What do you want?”

“Ahh there it is” Fuches roll his eyes “I got a job for you, and I think you may like this one…”

“What the fuck man?” Barry interrupted mid sentence. “We haven’t seen each other in almost a year, I was very clear then as I’m now I don’t want to do that anymore”

“Boy listen, is way easier and you’ll get pay three times more than previous works” He said completely ignoring him.

“I don’t give a fuck about the money, I told you I don’t want to work for you” Barry put both hands over his face, this was exasperating.

“Fine, now look at me like you were about to kill me” He said taking Barry by surprise.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He said after an uncomfortable silence.

“Look kid, a week ago I received a call from a crazy actress, you may know her Y/N something” He started

“Is not Y/N Y/L/N by any chance?” Barry asked, remembering something that Natalie and Sasha said about her.

“Yes, that one, complete basket case” Fuches continued “She asked me if I could eliminate her ex boyfriend, some Hollywood big shot that I genuinely couldn’t care less about. I said yes sure, I’ll send someone to do it, then she change her mind and called me back, and said she simply wants to scare him, but she wants to meet the guy she is paying. And she hated him, and I show her my folder of other employees and well…”

“Oh come on man, that’s on you, you shouldn’t have my picture there” Barry said now understanding what had happen.

“Yeah I get that, but the thing is I said to her you no longer work for me, and she offered the triple, and I told her that if she wanted you so badly then she would have to convince you by herself, and that’s why I’m here, I need you to go see her, say no and then she would pick one of my guys and I’ll be out of your life forever” He said like if he was offering the most interesting deal ever. “Take it as an acting job” He add when Barry didn’t respond “You get to meet a pretty and famous actress, and you can scream to her everything you just said to me, also I’ll pay you”

Barry remained silent for another moment thinking about the situation, it seemed like an easy deal, and some extra money wouldn’t be that bad, and if he played his cards well enough he could even make sure Fuches to stay away form him for good.

“Fine I’ll do it” he said after a while “But is just this and it’s over, no more phone calls, no more jobs no anything, I turn down this woman and that’s it.” He said seriously.

“Consider it done son, just one more deal and I’m out of your life” Fuches said happy, and then got up the chair and started leaving “You have to meet her tomorrow in a restaurant, I’ll send you the address” Barry nodded and watched him leave, then he went to his room to search something about the woman he was about to meet.

Y/N was a gorgeous woman and a talented actress, but apparently the media didn’t like her very much since she had a reckless life style, there were many pictures of her smoking and drinking, and she had a long list of ex lovers, and the most prominent of those was some guy called Richard Maverick, he recognized that name, it was the director and producer of Sally’s movie, more of a reason to not working for that woman, since the guy didn’t seem like a bad person, and she did.

***

Sparkling bubbles were moving in your glass of water, it have been sitting there since the waiter pour it, but you were to nervous to touch it, it was a nice table, out in the terrace of the restaurant and you were sure anyone walking by the street would be able to see you, so it worked perfectly for your plan, now everything else depended on the man you hear approaching behind you.

“Snow White?” He asked and sited in the spot in front of you, he was clean shaved and wearing a black blazer over a dark green tshirt, definitely not what you expected from someone of his profession.

“Is from Notting Hill, the movie with Julia Roberts, don’t you like it? God you really are tall, how much is it like 6'3”?“ You said unable to stop yourself, but concentrating on his face, there was something sad about his blue eyes, almost melancholic.

“6'2” and no I don’t think I saw it, the oscar winning one?“ He said a bit ashamed by his poor Hollywood trivia knowledge.

"Oh absolutely not, some old romantic comedy, you should see it some time.” You said, and the whole situation felt more and more surreal “Well I’m Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you Mr. Berkman, or do you prefer Block?” You said please to se the surprise on his face.

“Berkman is fine, how do you know?” He said examining your face.

“Well is not every day that I have to hire a professional assassin, so I needed to get some references, and your employer was distracted enough so I could stole this from him, here you can have it back” You said sliding his picture across the table. “I saw a couple videos of your callbacks, you shouldn’t stoop that much when you read it would help in the auditions”

“So this is what you do?” He said and his tone was calm but there was fury in his eyes “You manipulate people into working with you, making then feel like you know everything about them and pretending to be nice and polite? Well I have news for you, first of all I don’t work for Fuches, and second, you can put out all of this glamorous crap that you have on me and the answer still be no, I don’t this anymore”

“Would you like to order?” The waiter said before any of you could keep speaking.

“Sure, shrimp risotto for me, and for my dear friend… what do you want honey?” You said smiling at him.

“The same sounds fine” he said and smile back at you changing his tone immediately. “And red wine?"He asked you with a checky wink and you nodded. "Red it is” The waiter nod and walked away.

“Not bad, you are a quick responder, I like that” you said looking as the man walked away. “And you don’t shit about me” You spat at him once the waiter couldn’t hear “Glamorous crap? Oh let me guess you read one of the many articles about how much of a whore I am? I have a drinking and smoking problem is that it? That I have slept my way into every work I ever had, and how little I deserved my career, and how much good it was for Richard to walk away form me even when he still loves me? Well that’s all bullshit” There it was again, even when you were trying to escape he was still holding you in his hands. “Well the magazines that work for him doesn’t tell I went to drama school, they didn’t say I have a dying mother that gets every penny I make, they didn’t say that I could count the men I slept with the fingers on one hand I will be sparing 2, they don’t say he forced himself on me more times I can remember, or how he enjoys sleeping with every woman that works for him no matter the age just because he is The man”

“Go the police then, tell them that, why do you need me?” He said, but with less confidence than before and it was obvious his mental image of you was crumbling.

“The L.A. Police that gets donations from him every year? I’m a whore, to them, to Richard, to you and to everyone. I have no voice” Fortunately the waiter arrived with the food and you could stop to think, talking about this made you feel exposed, and you were questioning if it was worth the trouble at all.

“Why me? If you need him out of your life so bad I’m sure Fuches have someone right for the job” He said and started eating avoiding your gaze, you didn’t have an appetite anymore but force yourself to do the same.

“Have you seen the guys that work for Fuches? They look like hobos and meth heads, he is not some random dude, he is rich and powerful if he dies people would ask questions and eventually that would come back to me, also he would die loved and mourned, and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“And scared him off is better how? If someone goes to him and beat him it would come back at you faster and worse” He said taking a sip of his wine.

“Men always think physically right?” You said drinking as well and looking at him “I never said beat him, I told fuches I needed you specifically and he said he doesn’t work for me anymore, he is an actor now, and then I knew you were exactly what I needed. I don’t need some hitman to go beat the crap out of Richard even if he deserves it. I need someone to escort me from my apartment to work, and to public events and keep him away from me.”

“Those are called bodyguards and I’m pretty sure there are legal business that can provide their services to you” He said condescendingly.

“Like the one that is at my house right now and doesn’t even know I went out?” You said smiling “Or the one that give my alarm password to Richard so he could read his script? Legal people can be bought, and they have things to lose, that doesn’t work for me, he is a monster and a criminal, so I need someone outside the law to outsmart him” You said to him and the shadow of a smile formed in his lips before he spoke.

“So you think I’m a monster too? Look I’m sorry for you, your situation must be horrifying, but I leave that life behind, I’m no longer that guy and I don’t want to be, I’m sorry but I don’t want my past mistakes to keep haunting me, I’m tired of that. I’m sorry” He said, and you believed him but you couldn’t lost this chance.

“Mr Berkman, can I call you Barry?” You started and he nod affirmatively “Barry do you ever have nightmares about your mistakes?”

“Every night” He answered

“But when you wake up, when you go to work, when you talk to your significant other, when you are eating, those mistakes are dead, those people and those lifes you took they remained where you leave them. Your mistakes don’t call you at 3 am to remain you you are a slut, your mistakes don’t sell naked pictures of you to magazines to make you feel miserable because you are no longer sleeping with them. Your mistakes don’t force you to go down on them in order to don’t recast your part and then don’t threaten to ruin your career and leave your mother without her cancer treatment.” You said and a tear finally find it’s way down your cheek. “Fine I get it, you want to be a better person, well so am I, I need to run away from this and I’m so desperate that I called you, but it’s okay I have no way to force you into this, you don’t have to be sorry about me” you said hopeless, and he remained silent for a couple minutes looking at you occasionally and then his plate now almost empty.

“What exactly would I have to do?” He said finally “I’m not accepting, I just want to know” he add before you could react.

“Offering me your arm in social events, walked me to my apartment at nights, and take me to lovely lunches like this one every few days, basically being a human purse, just looking handsome and put together next to me, and let the magazines and the media make their assumptions”

“I’m not a prostitute” He said and you found the statement ridiculously funny.

“And I wouldn’t pay you to fuck me sunshine” you said with a grin “But I have learned that men respect other men’s "property” more than a women’s NO, and if I start seeing a handsome, blue eyed, literal war hero from the Midwest he would look like an asswhole if he keeps pushing how much he misses me in interviews”

“Fine” He said looking straight to your eyes “I’ll do it, when do you want to start?”

“Well if you consider the three girls with her phones out that just crossed behind you on the street, I would say I already owe you overtime, but tomorrow is fine, I would send you my address and other details with my publicist”

“Don’t you think is better with the last amount of people involved in this?” He said with an uncomfortable look on his face.

“Adrian is like a sister to me, I trust her my life.” You said and he seemed conformed with that answer “And Barry, thank you”.

Chapter Text

Adrian’s face smiled at you in the mirror, she was a nice looking woman, a few years younger than you, yet ten times more of a functional adult.

“Reservations are at 10:00 for brunch, and your… friend is waiting in the living room” Her voice had an ounce of disgust referring to Barry.

“Great! He is on time, and please don’t be so harsh on him, I’ll be down in a minute, chat with him, he is nice” She rolled her yes at you and walked out of your room, you knew she meant well and it made you happy having someone that caring around, even when this time you have lied to her about the true nature of your relationship with Barry.

You finished fixing up your hair and put on the summer dress you had picked up for you date it was the middle of June and it felt nice to have a reason to leave the house well dressed beside the fear that one of the many paparazzi lurking around would get a picture and sell it to a magazine with a stupid title.

And on the other hand even when you don’t want to admit it, you were desperate to spend more time with Barry, you were not sure if he changed his mind out of pity, ambition or if he genuinely wanted to help you, but there was something about him so interesting you just needed to know more.

“You look beautiful” His del voice and the compliment take you by surprise “Shall we?” Even when chivalrous things like offering his arm like that or opening the car dormant nothing to you, it felt nice coming from him. “There was a bug in your living room, in the lamp next to your couch” He said once you were inside changing his voice back to the monotone he had used the day before and you felt a bit disappointed that his flattery was a lie.

“You know what? You are fired I’m going to kill him myself” You said jokingly, shaking that feeling away “How on earth did that psycho put a microphone in my house? I’m going to destroyed that shit the minute I get back” you started driving faster without noticing, the road helped to calm your nerves.

“Oh that that won’t be necessary” He said showing you the small device crushed in his palm. “I crushed before Adrian could see”

“Then what you said earlier…” You started confused.

“That was a compliment, do big actresses don’t receive those anymore?” He asked and youu could see a small grin on his face.

“So you met Adrian?” You better change the subject before things get complicated.

“I did, how much exactly did she knows? She send me an email with your address, and a few notes about places you like to go and stuff like that but she didn’t mention anything else” He was looking at the road and you suspected he haven’t see this side of L.A. before.

“Well, she knows I’m from Columbus, so I told her you were a childhood friend that came to work here as an extra in a movie I had a small role in, that we reconnected over emails and that now we wanted to explore more of that feelings” a complete fabrication but she had believed it and that made you feel worst about lying.

“I’m from Cleveland, but that would do. So you finally didn’t tell her the truth?”

“I couldn’t, you were right, is better if less people know” you were already at the restaurant so you allowed the valet to take away your car and you took his hand cautiously waiting for a reaction but he didn’t pull away and just started walking in “How did your boss take it? That you end up taking the job?”

“Fuches is not my boss” He said again exasperated, just what you intended, there was a cute frown on his forehead when he do that “And he is happy, he didn’t want to work with you either, so now he can ignore the whole thing and simply change his work number.”

“A true dream that guy huh?” Even whit the heels you have to look up to him every time you talked to him.

“He is… terrible” He said after struggling to fine a compliment for Fuches “But just like you feel about Adrian, he is family.” He talked low so only you could listen and you both walked behind the waitress to your table, in the open area of the restaurant. He opened the chair for you and wait for the waitress to walk away to ask a question that clearly was trying to get in the conversation since earlier “This Maverick guy, is he dangerous? Did he ever beat you or…”

“Or?” You said rising a brow but he couldn’t get the words out “He is not that stupid, he wouldn’t do anything that could physically incriminate him, but he was rough in verything, I really don’t like to talk about it”. Your palms were sweaty and the knot on your chest start tightening.

“I’m sorry” He said seeing your obvious discomfort “Is just that I have a friend, and I think she is working with him”

“A friend?” You asked very interested and it was his turn to be uncomfortable “Look Barry he is a bad men, I won’t sugarcoat it for you, but it all depends on how known she is, he preys on extras and new faces with promises of big parts, but if she has a talking named role he probably would leave her alone.”

“She is one of the leads I guess, is that movie of the moms that get divorce and fall for each other?” He said relieved with what you have said.

“Fantastic Richard make a movie to make everyone around him believe he is a feminist and I’m here paying a men to make me look like a decent woman” you said bitterly “Don’t worry she would be fine, he would be the most perfect gentleman for everything about that project to cover his ass, your friend is safe” you reassure him and the waitress returned to take your orders, just when you were desperate for a drink.

“Are you ready to order?” She had a big smile with white teeth and bright pink lipstick and you could see her checking out Barry without discretion.

“Two black coffees please” He said before you could speak “I want the mushrooms omelet and the fruit cocktail” He said giving back the cart.

“And you madame?”

“A whites only spinach omelet, thank you” You said and she walked away no without giving one last look at him. “Coffee?”

“Decent women don’t drink at 10 am” that actually made you laugh and he was pleased with your reaction “But actually there is somewhere I would like to take you after this and it would be better if you are completely sober” You gave him an intrigued look but he didn’t say much else about it.

You eat in a comfortable silence, and you studied his face and his movements, how he keep moving his cup on the table and how he drink never taking the cup by the handle, like it was a glass. Then a loud ring interrupted the moment and you could see your least favorite person name popping up in the screen, you were going to turn the phone off but he took it first.

“Hello?” He said casually “Hi, I’m Barry, who are you?” you couldn’t hear the response but you were almost sure he should be mad. “Oh that is not possible, she is very busy at the moment, right sweetheart? Do you want to leave her a message? Oh look he hung up” He give you back the phone and you immediately turned off. “Adorable guy”.

“He is going to be pissed” You said with a big smile on your face “Thank you”

After the meal he took the car to drive outside town, there was something relaxing about it, that deserted area away from everyone and everything was definitely a place where nobody will follow and you felt completely safe next to him.

“Fuches told me how you get his number” he said opening the door for you. “And I invited someone here that may be happy to see you again” He said pointing at a man a few yards from you, he was wearing a hat to hide from the sun and a black best, but you could recognize his pale skin almost instantly.

“Hank?” You asked and he start approaching “Oh god is you, I’m so happy to see you.

"Y/N! This is gonna be so much fun, when Barry said he was working with you I was so excited” He said smiling and holding both of your hands.

“Wait a minute what is going to be fun exactly, and do you know each other?” You asked but it was obvious that they did, wich confirmed that NoHo Hank was everything but an ordinary men.

“Of course we know each other, Barry trained my men to be as good as him and take down the Burmeses but then he went crazy and kill them all. But hey! Water under the bridge right Barry?” He talked about murder an mafia the way he talked about color schemes for small rooms, and you could see just how dangerous Barry Berkman’s world really was.

“You worked for the Chechen mafia?” You asked Barry.

“As a consultant” He said with indignation “Let’s get started, put this on” he said tossing a bag with Gym clothes from Lululemon “I …. I guessed your size” He said a bit embarrassed.

“What exactly are we doing here?” You asked him and looked at the clothes, it was a nice purple sport bra and matching leggings.

“Well your ex is an asswhole, and I’m not that sure this plan of your will work, but since I can’t stay at your place all the time to stop him for get close to you, I thought it would be good if you learn to defend yoursel” He said confidently. “Also I made some recon around your house this morning, your window is facing a blindspot on a roof perfect for someone to watch you from there” You remember the insidious calls from Richard and got chills thinking he may have been watching you from so close.

“Decent women don’t drink at 10 am” He said sarcastically, making you laugh “I’m kidding, I actually want to take you somewhere else after brunch, and I’ll be better if you are completely sober” he said with a playful look on his eyes that was enough to convince you to quit drinking…at least for that week.

You went to a small tent they have set up and put on the work out clothes to start, sadly your physical shape was no match for his, and after what he called just warm up you were sweating and panting. But you felt touch by the gesture, and your heart start holding to the illusion that he may not be doing all this for the money.

“Come on, like you mean it!” He said after you tried to hit him on the groin with your knee but stopped midair not wanting to hurt him.

“Hit him baby! Barry can take it” Hank said cheering you up, he was not actually helpful but it was nice to have him around.

You close your eyes and try to concentrate on Richard, on all the pain he caused you and how much you have sacrificed to get away from him and then you hit him again this time with all your strength, and even when Barry was way stronger he bend with paint for a moment.

“Barry? Oh shit I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” You start looking at him while he still had his hand holding his hurt manhood.

“No, it’s fine” He said gasping for air “That was good, now do it to Hank” he said and start laughing watching how Hank went even paler. “Oh fuck that hurt” He said no longer holding his weight and Hank run to help you stand on his feet.

“I think that’s more than enough, come on big guy I’ll take you home” You said and helped him back in the car. “Thanks man” You said to NoHo Hank and offered your hand but he went for a hug.

“Barry is a good guy, he could be good for you” He whispered in your ear and you nodded with a blush in your face, either you were being obvious or he was just that sensitive.

You drive to your place in silence, except for you asking him every few minutes if he was okay. You helped him to your couch and went to the kitchen to find him some ice and an ibuprofen.

“That went well” He said once you were sitting next to him on the couch and he took the pill “Now make sure you do that if that son of a bitch comes near you”

“You can be sure I will, but seriously apart from probably keeping you from being a father I have a great day” you really meant that, maybe it was the way he looked at you or the way he spoke but he made you feel safe.

“I should leave” He said then putting apart the ice pack, “I have to work in the morning and I’ll go to the hospital to make sure I don’t have an hernia” He said and laughed at your concerned face “I’m kidding, I’ll call you” He stood up and he gave you a handshake but following your instinct you pull him closer to kiss him on th cheek, he didn’t move nor say anything but gave you a timid smile and just walked outside.

The peace you felt that night, that would extend for the next month was intoxicating, for the first time in a long time you went to sleep without worrying what would the tabloids were reserving for you in the morning, even when Pop sugar had a vicious article about the “Mysterious man taking Y/N on dates in L.A.” the next morning, Barry made you happy, and maybe the only cloud in your sunny day was that your relationship wasn’t real, it had an expiration date and a price tag attached to it.

Week after week you tried to keep you from falling for him, forcing you to remember how you actually met, but despite the fact that he was in fact a murderer he was a good man, and even when he called himself a bad actor he was excellent at faking caring for you, at holding you in his arms at the beach and giving you his jacket so you wouldn’t get sunburned.

He mastered the art of making you believe he get nervous when he would get at your place earlier than planned and you would be walking around in a see trough sleepwear dress. And you have to force yourself to believe that a tender kiss on your forehead in public was just part of his job and meant nothing because otherwise you would be done when he left.

On the bright side was that people were talking about you two and the insidious calls and the nasty presents and threats have stopped, and since one friend of yours on Variety wanted an actual exclusive on your relationship by mid July you agreed to give her a candid interview about how marvelous your life was since Barry came along.

“Nervous?” You asked him and stop a minute to admire him in his old Marine uniform, you never quite get the kink about it until now, he did look amazing and the unholy thoughts in your mind were about to make you blush, you even had stop smoking to make the lie believable but god you could use one now.

“Not really, it’s just weird I haven’t use this in years” It was all part of the photoshoot that will go with the interview “Thankfully it still fits”

“You can always take it off and that would get attention too” You wink at him, your more efficient form of coping with your feelings was being extremely flirtatious, at least that way he would think it was a joke.

“Hi, I’m Danielle” the reporter said and shake Barry’s hand once he was out of his uniform and you both were siting in a nice couch with the cameras around you. “First I want to say that you guys are a lovely couple, and it’s such an honor that you allow this space to talk about it”

“Thank you for having us” strangely you felt actually nervous and when he notice you rubbing your hands together he took it one on his and hold it tight. “With all the things that are out there even when I like to keep my life private I prefer to tell the truth once before it hurt my relationship” You said, as you both have practiced for the last three days, your friend Charlie had been nice enough to send a copy of the questions to Adrian and you have choreographed your answers, now she would asked about how did you meet.

“So Barry tell me, all this media attention have had any negative impact in your life? How do you cope with being called a walking purse, as some headlines had said?” The question came out of nowhere and Charlie that was sitting behind the cameras was looking as baffled as you, and ypu could imagine who may have something to do with this.

Barry stay silent for a second that felt like an hour and then he finally spoke with a composed tone.

“When I first move to L.A. I have this delusional idea in mind of becoming an actor, and I used to think the spotlight was the goal, but then when we started dating I realized how damaging that could be for someone, the amount of pressure people put on women is insane, look ar this beautiful and wonderful women next to me, people should be talking about how great she is acting, how far she has get on her own, and how much she does for her community in her free time, I’m nothing, just an extra in a couple of commercials and a clerk in lululemon. If they want to call me a purse be my guest, nothing would make me happier as long as people give her the recognition she deserves”

If the interviewer was mad she didn’t show, but that passionate speech was enough to make her back to the scheduled questions and the rest of the interview went smoothly.

“Well that was interesting” Barry had a sad smile in his eyes when he dropped you at your house “I think I overstepped, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, thanks for having my back, I froze I should have said something”. It had make you feel week again and that was hurting you.

“Is fine, well good luck tomorrow” He said referring to the Emmy nominations that would be announced in the morning and that you had actually forgotten about.

“God you are right, well another reason to keep me awake I guess” Your mind formed an idea and you were not able to shake it and since he didn’t respond you took your chance and went for it. “Would you like to stay? I mean I’m to anxious to sleep and I have some movies we could watch”

He looked completely taken by surprise, and he went dead silent, for a moment you even feard you have gone too far and that he might be mad at you for saying it.

“I would love to, we can finally watch one of those movies you always talk about” He walked in front of you to get in the house and you followed him more happy than you have ever been.

Chapter Text

“Someone got lucky” Natalie said when Barry entered his apartment, she was helping Nick with his lines for an audition and since the first pictures of his relationship with Y/N had emerged she always find an excuse to be near him and ask a million annoying questions “Although is kind of tacky to come to home with the same clothes from yesterday”

“No comment” That usually make her keep her distance but since he took forever to pour himself a coffee she followed him to the kitchen.

“So we were watching the nominations this morning, anything interesting to talk about it?” Somehow even when his job consisted in sell the lie he didn’t felt comfortable talking about Y/N with his friends, and specially not that morning. He gave her a deadly glare and just walk inside his room.

Barry left the untouched coffee on his desk and collapsed on his bed, he wasn’t tired, and the ideas revolving in his mind would keep him up for long enough.

They have watch several romantic comedies with wine and popcorn and then when they were discussing how impractical and unrealistic they were she apologized to him for the permanent damage that the article would cause in his attempts to get back to Sally, it wasn’t strange since they have come to know about each other’s past over the weeks, the strange part was that he was not actually concern about it. Sally had become a simple friend and he was sure even had to talk to him more often since Y/N came into his life, but he didn’t had romantic feelings towards her anymore.

However the sudden realization that those feelings were gone because of the woman that was curled next to him, screaming at Cameron Diaz to run away from her idiot fiance; made him feel uneasy, he would have prefer to leave, but she was obviously anxious about the nominations the next morning so he agreed to take the couch, but she since she couldn’t sleep they open another bottle of wine and start asking questions about each other.

He got to learn that the B&H menthol were her favorite cigarettes, but she was trying to quit and she actually only have one or two every couple weeks when she was to nervous, and he make himself a mental note to buy a package just in case. He told her about his favorite music, and a thing or two about her days in Afganistan, she told her how her mom was dying and her money was not to save her just to help her live her last days in least pain.

She asked about the most terrible thing he ever did and when he couldn’t answer she went first.

“Do you want to know the real reason I broke up with Richard?” She said suddenly completely serious.

“You don’t have to do that Y/N…”

“I want to, I feel like you have this weight on you and that you think of yourself as a monster, so do I. I may not be the trash human everyone think I am but that doesn’t excuse what I have done. I have always hhave friends many friends men and women, and I even like some of them, that doesn’t mean I sleep with them but for Richard every men I even talked to was someone I was fucking behind his back” She took one large drink of wine, it was clearly a painful memory “The thing I actually loved him, and I actually saw myself sharing my life with him, he was my agent back then and I could look over her rudeness most of the time… but then I got pregnant” She gave him a sad smile and he could see where the story was going so he remained silent even when he wanted to hold her. “He obviously didn’t believe it could be his, and ask me to take care of it, or my life and my career and my mother treatment would be over so I did it. And don’t get me wrong I know now that it was the right choice, believing I could have a family with that pig is ridiculous, but it wasn’t my choice at the time and I don’t know after that I just had to run away from him, I actually sleep with my costar, that’s number 3 and use the scandal to break things with Richard, and now I’m here”

He hold her close to him and not thinking he started telling her about Korengal, about Moss and about Mayrbeck, she was comfortable to hold on to, she simply nodded and asked an occasional question about the time those things happened but she didn’t judge him, and he eventually closed his own eyes and pretend for a moment that she was not paying him, that there was actually one human being who would love him not only despite his past, but also because of it. Someone who would feel safe enough with him, that she could sleep like that. He wanted to tell her that Sally was nice but she would never accept his truth, and she was like a getaway car, she had been the illusion to be Barry Block and leaving all behind, but her… Y/N came looking for Barry Berkman and she wasn’t scared of him, but he also couldn’t say it because he knew once things were over she would go back to his life and his little bubble will pop.

And that day was closer than ever, she was nominated as Outstanding supporting actress in a limited series or TV movie, and as she had said she had absolutely no chance to win because Maverick wouldn’t let her, but the amount of opportunities that would come after if she get nominated would be enough to find a new agent, and walk away from that life, so she had been waiting to hear her name for months and now that it was finally there the look on her face was enough to turn down all of his precautions and he simply kiss her.

He take her by the neck in the middle of her excitement and simply put his lips onto hers and kiss her like she was the only thing he needed to survive, and he was only recovering his common sense when Y/N hold him tighter and kissed him back with the same intensity, he was happy beyond comprehension but reality find its way to his mind and eventually he let go. Y/N opened her mouth to say something but her phone start ringing with congratulations from her friends and that allowed them to have a minute to settle down.

“Don’t worry about the suit, they are probably going to offer you one” She said to him finally after answering the phone the third time.

“Yeah sure, I am so happy for you. Congratulations” He was being honest, but he needed to acknowledge the kiss somehow “I’m so sorry I shouldn’t…” for some reason apologizing for something he was not sorry for is what he did.

“Please don’t apologize, it was nice, is being a long time since someone kissed me like that, say it was the heat of the moment, or that you simply felt like it, but don’t be sorry about it because I’m not” The look she gave him, that’s when he knew he was doomed, she wanted him, for how long? who could tell, but he was much of a coward to find out, so he make up an excuse and didn’t even touch her when he said goodbye, and just walked away.

Fortunately the next weeks past in a blur, a couple days later their Variety interview was the subject of an angry call from Sally for not telling her, and endless banter and teasing from his classmates wich lead to shaming him into bet on her in Jermaine Emmy’s pool.

He had tell the story of how they met more times than he could remember, and there was little to no time to be alone with her, other than the choreographed PDA they had agreed beforehand, and she even had to leave for two weeks to New York for another set of endless interviews, on wich she made sure to get his name out at least once, he watched them and pretend that he was the actual loving boyfriend waiting for her return even when his mind kept reminding him he was not.

He had told her everything and she didn’t judge him, and his heart was holding the hope that maybe, just maybe in the end she could be a friend since he felt undeserving of something else, and by the time he was at her place waiting for her to go to the ceremony he had already promised himself he would be there for her no matter what.

The award ceremony was magic in itself, walking next to her on the red carpet and watching her like the star she was in the elegant black gown she had chosen was more than enough for him, but there were also a lot of famous people who surprisingly treated him as if he belonged, and in the middle of that crowd he could finally found a moment of intimacy with her on the way she nervously hold his hand whenever Richard looked their way and when he got upstaged to introduce the Award Y/N was nominated in, he was attractive and charismatic but the smug on the bastard face when he read her name on the nominations and then when he finally said the winner (Zoe Saldana or someone like that) were enough to make his blood boil and mentally mark a bullet with his name on it.

***

“I just lose 300 grand” He whispered in your ear and you could smell a hint of perfume, it was perfect.

“Well next time bet against me, and listen to me when I talk” you fixed his bow tie as an excuse to touch him, he looked unrealistically hot, the tux the hair, even the incipient beard that had started to grow look fantastic on him. “I hate after parties, but Adrian says we should make an appearance and then we can get out of there”

He nodded and you could feel him trembling under your hands, he had been weird since the kiss and you can understand why, but you wanted to reassure him that you didn’t give a fuck about his past, that Block or Berkman or whatever you only cared for Barry, that there was something in him that make you feel happy, that he calling out your bullshit was something you needed and that that kiss was the single most happy moment you ever had.

They drove you to the after party and you allowed the crowd to separate you from him while you mapped out in your mind how to talk to him on the way home, and then you felt it, the stench of bourbon and cigars, and a big hand pulling from her arm with strength, you paralyzed for a moment and the promise you had made yourself to kick his nuts the way Barry teach you fly away when he got in the middle of your conversation with a Mexican Director famous for not giving a crap about Hollywood who had a project on Netflix.

“Oh please don’t let this man drag you tho those movies actual cinema is here in Hollywood, not paying monthly to watch on your leaving room” He smiled like a hyena and you desperately try to avoid him, but pull you closer and Alfonso simply gave you his card discreetly and walked away. “Quite the spectacle you have put on with the little soldier” he said letting go of your arm, but still blocking your way with his body. “Too bad is about to be over.”

“Oh I was not aware you have a saying in when or for how long I am with someone” you spat at him desperately looking for someone to come closer so you could make an escape, but your heart broke when you saw Barry talking happily with whom you assume was his Sally Reed, and you felt alone and defeated and he must have seen that in your eyes because his poisonous tongue kept talking.

“He is good looking I give you that” he said looking in his direction and then back at you holding your chin and you fight with all your strength to not cry right there “But he is just a looser from Ohio, who was caught in the middle of all this glamour” he made a round movement with his hand and then pointed at you “And you are a drinking, smoking whore, you are not going to be the respectable wife of a soldier and retire to live in the suburban house with the white fence. Wake up from your dream Y/N, you need to be with a men who knows how to treat you and how to please you” His hand was on your waist and you felt disgusted by his touch and you cursed yourself for not screaming then and there to fuck off “Tell me little one, does your soldier know how to make you scream? Or does he bore you to death in bed” He was drunk it was obvious and you could feel his breath approaching you and could anticipate his movement, he was going to kiss you.

“Well I haven’t recieved complaints” Barry’s voice take you out of your trance state and you move away from Richard, he had put his hand on his shoulder and was pressing him steadily in his place, he was way taller and Richard almost look funny next to him “But we hardly ever make it to the bed do we babe?” He possessively take you by the waist and pull you away from him straight to his lips and kissed you voraciously, something that people around you actually notice because you could hear a couple of whistles.

“Are you okay?” He whispered quiet enough so only you could hear and you nodded yes “Such a pleasure to meet you finally, Barry Berkman” He offered his hand and Richard took it trying to put out his charm again.

“The famous Barry, so you are the man taking away our beautiful Y/N to make her a decent woman” He teased you again. You were no longer shaking and Barry’s presence gave you courage.

“I think is the other way around” You search inside his jacket for a pack of cigarettes you saw him put there earlier an took one to your mouth “I’m trying to make this beautiful man and indecent creature” Barry quickly offered you fire and then he looked to Richard who was obviously angry at him.

“And you are succeeding honey, anyway I’m going to have to take her away for good, bye Richard” He didn’t give him a chance to respond and you were already walking towards Sally, she was there as the plus one of her costar in Richard’s movie and she was a lovely person, who only wanted to reassure you she and Barry were done, offered you her friendship and asking for acting advice.

“You want to get out of here?” You said once you have talked to almost everyone but this time Barry make sure to not leave your side in case Maverick come close again.

You walked outside and the car was waiting for you, and different from other times he didn’t let your hand go once you were inside, instead he put his arm around you and hold you closer to him.

“I’m so sorry, I paralyzed, I was freaking out and I didn’t pushing away, I feel so ashamed” you started speaking against his chest with tears finally coming from your eyes.

“Hey there, it’s okay” He patted your back and kissed the top of your head, his voice was calming like a balm taking away the pain “That guy is a jerk, at least he is getting the point now, you were right. What kind of asswhole needs to see a woman with another man in order to understand she doesn’t want him?”

“We hardly make it to the bed?” You said smiling “I liked that one, the look on his face”

“I couldn’t think anything else, was it too much?” He clearly was nervous about kissing you but this time you were not letting him go so easily.

“Maybe, would you consider this too much?” You pull his face down to kiss him but he didn’t move, he kissed you back, not as theatrical as before and his lips felt soft on yours and you could feel his hand on your neck holding you close to him and the other caressing your hair, it felt like pure electricity and little by little he started pushing his tongue inside of yours, and you were surprised by the dominant way he kissed you and the tender way he was holding you.

You were interrupted once the driver announced you were home and once you were inside you could see him burying his hands in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with them.

“We shouldn’t” He said finally but his eyes meant something else “I mean I’m still working for you”

“And you say you were no prostitute” you smile at him, using him as support so you could take off your heels and tossed them somewhere in the living room “Are you coming or not?” You take his hand and point to the staircase with your head.

“Yes ma'am” he answered with a grin a followed you upstairs leaving tender kisses in your bare shoulders.

***

Barry wake up with her naked body still wrapped around him, her dress that had been almost impossible to take off was in the floor in some corner and he went to put on his boxers so he could get downstairs, it was 7:00 am and he wanted to make her breakfast, even if he couldn’t figure out his way in the kitchen, but he chose to take a leak first.

He was walking out of the bathroom, with the memories of the previous night burning in the back of his head and then he listened it, the familiar sound of a gun going off and he panicked, because it wasn’t in his hands, and then a stinging pain in his shoulder, an actual relief because whoever was shooting didn’t knew what their were doing, he collapsed on his back next to de bed and hit his head making all blurry but he was listening.

The noise wake Y/N and Barry could hear her scream when she saw him bleeding, and his mind was only thinking in fighting back, then the lights turned on and he could see her, the figure shaking at the door holding the gun.

“Why? Why did you had to choose him?” Adrian’s voice had a high pitch on it “I was the one supposed to comfort you, and to hold your hand last night Y/N!!!” She shot at her but thankfully she was terrible and she missed, barry didn’t move waiting for a moment to reach for one of the guns he had hide in her room months ago, begging to not bleed out before he could.

“Leave that alone for once” Maverick voice said from the door “And you get dress” He tossed a night gown to Y/N that was covering herself with a bedsheet, he hit Adrian on the face making her fall to the ground and took the gun away from her hands.

“What the fuck Richard?” Y/N scream at him, and she put on the gown “What the fuck are you doing in my house” She attempt to run towards Barry but he stopped her.

“Oh I wouldn’t do that sugar” He sounded drunk or something else, but he had enough coordination to hold the gun better than Adrian that now was a crying mess in a corner. “Sit here and don’t move” He forced her to sit on the bed and went to were Barry was trying o stand with a hand holding on the bed. “Come on soldier sit with your whore”

“Adrian why did you do this?” Y/N was talking to the young girl, but she couldn’t even look at them she was curled in the floor sobbing and holding herself. “I cared for you, you were like my sister, I loved you”

“Oh, did you hear that?” Richard laughed and went to pick Adrian by the hair and forced her to look at Y/N “A sister, but that’s not what you wanted right? You’ll see Y/N this lady here found something interesting about your prince charming here, and out of her so called love for you she came to me to help her solve your problem, tell me sweetheart have this man told you why did he came home from the war? He is a fucking murderer.” His words sound poisonous and Y/N look shocked, but Barry new it was more about how he got that information than the actual fact that Barry had killed someone.

“What do you want Richard?” She said and her voice was soft, she even move apart from Barry in what he hoped was pretend disgust “What are you talking about?”

“This guy you chose killed an innocent man and walked away with it, and your lovely friend here was so worry about you that last night she was too drunk to shut up, so this morning she convinced me to came here and help her get you to safety, but oh no, we are too late” he started pacing around the room making an fake distressed face, and he ignored Barry for a moment “When I got here he had already snapped, he killed your friend…” He pointed the gun to Adrian’s head an ignored Y/N pleas and simply killed her “And then I have trouble imagining what could have happened” He had a sadistic grin and took Y/N by the hair and force her to kiss him. “What do you think? He killed himself when he saw what he did?” He pointed his gun at Barry’s head who was looking down with his hands behind his back “Or the coward shot you before he killed himself?” He caressed her face with the smoking gun and enjoyed the terror in her face “What is it going to be dear?” He said trying to force another kiss on her.

“Maybe think better asswhole” Barry said and out of nowhere he took the gun frrom his hand an shot him in the head under the scared face of Y/N and even when he was relieved he had saved her he could assume he had lost her forever.

***

The official version was that Richard was high on many different substances, he broke into your house and tried to kill you but Barry took that bullet and then when Adrian tried to calm him down he killed her and out of fear and his agitated mental state he end up blowing up his brains.

There was no reason to disbelief you, he had make a scene at the party the previous night when you left and the gun was registered, and in his house they found footage of your apartment entrance and some pictures taken from the front building as Barry had suspected.

After some harsh couple of months and a very well elaborated lie things were settled down and you even were about to start working on a new independent film.

Everything was perfect but you still missed him, you haven’t been able to manage the initial shock and he interpreted as you being too disgusted by his lifestyle and he choose to go back to his anonymous life, to his acting class and being Barry Block, even when press won’t leave him alone for days.

A year passed in a blur and you felt hurt that he didn’t called you, and you were too proud to look for him, and suddenly one day, Sally walked in for a table read for the movie, and after it was over, and after impressing everyone there including you she timidly approach.

“Hi, I don’t want to be awful, but do you remember meeting me?” She said and it take you by surprise the humility she showed.

“Sure you were Barry’s friend right?” You said hiding the pain his name produced in your heart.

“Oh my god you remember that’s so sweet of you, I just wanted to say how glad I am to work with you, you are such an inspiration” She seemed sincere but you wanted to run away from everything that could remained you of him “And I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you guys, I mean he is still obviously in love with you, but he is such a non violent guy that I get why he walked away, but you are a fighter and I just wanted to say I respect you so much”

You smiled and change the subject, and praise her acting buying you enough time to process her words and a glimpse of hope start shining, maybe it was not all lost.

***

“I’m lady Macbeth, again” Natalie’s voice was proud of herself, this was the third time they were doing the Shakespearean night but this time he hadn’t get Macbeth like the previous year but Benedick in a scene from Much ado about nothing, a comedy since Gene thought he needed to experiment more with that genre, and he had cast Saha as Beatrice, but she didn’t have the slightest interest since he had actually given her a second role as Helena in Midsummer.

By the time he was ready to come out in scene and declare his love for Beatrice the woman looking against him was clearly not Sasha but he could have known her figure in any place and so he went and started talking not sure of what to expect.

BENEDICK: I do love nothing in the world so well as you; is not that strange?

BEATRICE: As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not;

I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK: By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.

BEATRICE: Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK: I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.

BEATRICE: Will you not eat your word?

BENEDICK: With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.

BEATRICE: Why, then, God forgive me!

BENEDICK: What offence, sweet Beatrice?

BEATRICE: You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.

BENEDICK: And do it with all thy heart.

BEATRICE: I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.

BENEDICK: Come, bid me do any thing for thee.

BEATRICE: Kill Claudio.

The last line resonated in his mind for a moment, but she turned to the audience to make a bow and so did he happy to receive the applause, and she went to take his hand on hers and take one more bow before leaving the stage to Natalie.

“What are you doing here?” He asked her once they were apart from everyone.

“Playing Beatrice, Gene is an old friend of mine, I’m surprised he didn’t told you, he loves to name drop, I asked him if I could read for this, I do miss theater you know?” She said finding a chair to sit on, the costume looked beautiful on her.

“That’s not what I meant” He started keeping his distance.

“You never called, I went to pick you from the hospital and you leave before I got there, you avoid my calls…” Y/N was holding her hands together nervously. “

"I didn’t think I should be around you, and Richard was no longer a threat” he said giving in and sitting next to her. “I do my job and walk away, that’s how it works”.

“Don’t call it a work you didn’t get paid” She said hurt by his words and he regretted immediately “We both know it wasn’t that anymore that night… Barry I would not give you the crappy speech of how much I love you, but I do, I love you, with all the shitty parts that come along with you, if anything I love you more about those, am sorry I freaked out at the moment but I was sure he was going to kill you, I wasn’t scared for me nor of you, for you plenty”

He remained silent for a moment and then he finally stood up, and for a moment she thought he would walk away, but he didn’t.

“Do you want to get coffee?” He asked simply.

“Will you hold the mug like a normal person?” She joked.

“I’ll ask for a paper cup with no handle if it’s better” he said extending his hand to her. “And for what is worth, I love you too”

She took his hand and walked with him into the night, but he couldn’t feel the darkness anymore, and the future looked bright for once.

The end