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"It’ll be fun, trust me!” Michael had told her.
Eleanor should have known by now to never trust a demon, especially not one with good intentions. But she was already blindfolded, and in for whatever Michael could throw at her now.
She’d agreed to go along with Michael, and whatever it was they were doing, for two reasons. The first reason was that running the Neighborhood was tough; sure, Eleanor Shellstrop was a world-class liar, but her work ethic had only ever been described as “spotty” at best. The second reason was closer to home: she was lonely, and figured that maybe whatever hair-brained scheme Michael had cooked up to “have fun” would help stop thinking about Chidi for at least a - well, now she was thinking about him anyway. Oh, for fork’s sake , she thought bitterly. At least the blindfold would absorb any tears, should they have the gall to slip out.
“Here we are!” Michael called, whipping the blindfold from her head.
Eleanor squinted, adjusting to the light before she looked down. She was seated at a table, with a familiar looking contraption in front of her.
“You brought back the memory box?”
“Yes! Well, no, actually - not exactly,” Michael stammered. “I - hmm, you know what - Janet!”
With a reassuring ding, Janet appeared. “Hi there, how can I help you?”
“Ah, Janet - could you explain what I’ve made for Eleanor today?”
“It’s the memory box,” Eleanor repeated. “I’ve seen this before Michael; you nearly fried my forkin’ brain back on Earth.” When I wanted to see the times Chidi and I fell in love. Eleanor felt her heart break just a little bit more and sniffed; she hoped neither Michael or Janet noticed.
“Ah, but it’s not the one I used - Janet turned it back into its original form! It’s a gift, for you! Surprise!” Michael looked incredibly pleased with himself. It was the first time he’d ever given a gift that didn’t somehow include bees, and therefore, was the first good gift he’d given.
“Well,” Janet began, smile tightening, “Michael first asked me for a river of popcorn shrimp.”
Eleanor’s face lit up. “Oh! That would have been better.”
“I’m sorry; that would have made two food-based rivers in the Neighborhood, on top of the actual river that I already made,” Janet’s smile was threatening to slip off of her face entirely. “If you want a popcorn shrimp river, get a second Janet!” The smile fell completely for a second before she managed to bring it back. “I’m sorry, guys. I’m exhausted - who knew running a Neighborhood and all of its residents would be such a drain on my processing power?”
“No, Janet, it’s okay,” Eleanor conceded. “I know exactly how you feel.”
“I doubt it.”
“Okay!” Michael clapped his hands, distracting them both. “So, Eleanor, I brought you here for a very special reason.” He sat down across from Eleanor and offered her the ear buds. “When you were back on Earth, you and Janet helped Chidi get over his fear of breaking up with Simone.”
Both Chidi and Simone drove stakes into Eleanor’s heart, but she tried not to let it show.
“We’ve redone the simulation so that you and Chidi can have a nice date together!”
“I based it off of the data we have from all of the previous simulations where you and Chidi ended up together,” Janet elaborated, “to make it your perfect date!”
“We’re going to go steal a bottle of margarita mix from Fry’s Foods, break into my high school, and get drunk on the roof while we make fun of the track and field kids?”
Michael and Janet looked at one another for a moment before looking back at Eleanor.
“What?” she asked. “It worked for all my other boyfriends.”
“No, I didn’t have access to that information about you,” Janet said, “so I had to guess -”
“All of your other boyfriends?” Michael interrupted.
Eleanor nodded.
“Humans are weird.”
Eleanor nodded again.
Michael shook his head to clear the thought. “Anyway, you go ahead and put the earbuds in, and we’ll get you set up on your perfect date.”
Eleanor sighed. “Guys, this is really nice, but I don’t need -”
Janet leaned down and put her hands on the table. “Eleanor, you know how stressed I am right now, right?” Eleanor nodded. “But I still made time to do this nice thing for you. So you,” she handed the earbuds to Eleanor, “are going to put these in your ears , or so help me -”
“Alright, jeez, I’ll go on the date.” Eleanor popped the earbuds in and immediately found herself somewhere else.
She was in her home. Not her apartment in Phoenix, but her terrible clown house. Everything was exactly the same.
“Hey, you,” a voice called from the bedroom. Her heart leapt, and she turned to see Chidi lying on the bed. He was in the (actual) Good Place mailman uniform, which only served to make other parts of her leap.
“Chidi!” she shouted, leaping up the stairs to the bed, and landing squarely on top of him. She started to kiss him everywhere she could reach - on his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. It felt so real , for a moment she forgot she was in a simulation at all.
“Whoa!” He smiled at her, pushing her back for a moment to gesture to something on their left. “Someone’s happy to see me! You didn’t even notice the food!”
She turned to follow his hand and realized there was a spread of popcorn shrimp that rivaled anything she’d ever seen - every flavor, including white chocolate, and it was all steaming hot.
It was perfect.
Eleanor surprised herself by bursting into tears.
“Eleanor!” Chidi cried. “What’s wrong? I thought this would be -”
“It’s perfect!” she sobbed.
“Then what’s -”
“You’re not really you!” Without explaining further, she ripped the earbuds out of her ears, ending the simulation and returning her to the Neighborhood. Tears were falling from her eyes in fake-real life too. Great .
“Eleanor?” Michael asked.
“I’m sorry, Michael,” she sniffed, trying to stop the tears. They kept falling though, despite her best efforts to think about the happiest things she could imagine.
It probably had something to do with the fact that all of her happiest memories involved Chidi.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, looking at both Michael and Janet, “I-I have to go.” Then she turned and ran, wishing that there was any place to hide in this god-forsaken place.
Eleanor ended up taking refuge in one of the froyo shops, not because she wanted froyo, but because it was the farthest thing away from anywhere. She wasn’t even sure it existed before today, but she wasn’t in a place to do much critical thinking.
She was through her fourth cup and considering drinking some of the hot fudge when someone tapped on her shoulder.
“Hey, do you mind if I sit here?” a familiar voice asked.
Eleanor spun around to see an awkward Chidi, holding his own cup of froyo in one hand and a philosophy book in the other. Her mouth fell open in shock. She reached up to her ear to try and pull out the earbuds again, but there were none to be found.
Chidi cleared his throat. “There’s - uh, there’s only one table, so…”
“Of course!” Eleanor got around to responding. “No, yeah, you are more than welcome to sit here!”
“Thanks, um - dang it,” he said, still hovering. “I, uh, I don’t -”
“Eleanor,” she said, hopes deflating once again. This was the third time he’d forgotten her name.
“RIGHT,” he said, finally sitting. “Eleanor. I don’t know why I keep forgetting that. I’m really sorry, Eleanor .”
She shrugged, taking a full bite of her froyo and not waiting to swallow before responding. “It’s fine. I’m the Architect, so I have to remember everyone’s names, Chidi Anagonye.” She tried to shoot finger guns at him while she said his name, hoping to come off suave and cool and not bothered by this situation at all, but her heart just wasn’t in it. The finger guns were limp at best, but Chidi didn’t seem to notice.
“Can I ask you a question, Eleanor?” She nodded. “Why are you wearing sunglasses inside?”
Eleanor had forgotten about the sunglasses almost completely. Her eyes were red and swollen from the crying, and although the tears had recently stopped, her face was still puffy. Most of it was hidden by the glasses, which were both Tahani’s and comically large for her face.
“Oh, I, um.” Eleanor briefly debated lying to him. It would certainly be easier. In the end, though, she decided to tell him the truth.
“I - I learned some bad news a while ago, Chidi,” she said, taking off the sunglasses. “Someone - well, no, my best friend - I thought he would be here in the Good Place with me, and it turns out he actually won’t be able to make it. It just sort of hit me today what that really means.”
Chidi searched her face for a moment before reaching out across the table. “Oh, Eleanor,” he said softly, taking her hand. “I’m really sorry to hear that.” He gave her hand a light squeeze, which almost made her start crying again. “Did he get sent to the Bad Place?”
Eleanor considered her responses. “Kind of?” she admitted. “Anyway, I’m not sure I’ll ever see him again. And that really really sucks.”
Chidi gave her a small smile. “Hey, you know what? I don’t have any friends here either; I could be your friend!”
Eleanor’s heart leapt a fraction of an inch, scared to go any higher in case it was spiked into the ground again. “Are you sure?”
“I mean, ethically, it’s probably a bad idea - being friends with me means that I could influence your feelings over the Neighborhood. You might make decisions that aren’t the best choice for everyone because of the closer bond you have with me.”
There’s the Chidi I know, Eleanor thought while she smiled at him.
“But,” he continued. “I like you. I can’t remember your name, but there’s something about you that just…” Chidi pondered his next choice of words carefully. “I feel more certain about my decisions around you. So, sure - I’m happy to be your friend, Eleanor.”
Eleanor tried to keep from crying again, but one tear slipped out. “Okay, Chidi,” she agreed, offering her hand to him to shake. “I’d love to be your friend.”
“Great!” He took her hand and shook it.
Friends is something, Eleanor thought, and something is better than nothing.