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The moment Castiel landed and took in his surrounding, he immediately knew why the place had look the way it was. It was all so…. Dean. From the soft cool breeze to the eternal sundown colouring a gradient warmth of yellow through pink to harsh and bright red. It was the combination of melancholy and soft bliss that drew him to the human years ago, and continued to do so.
He still wasn’t sure if this could become his favorite heaven. He preferred green and sunshine and the calming simplicity that came with chasing a kite. But then he saw him, his back turned while he too took in the new surroundings, and his chest expanded as if he had a heart, as if he was breathing – as if he was even for a second human himself.
“Dean” he said softly, knowing that in heaven that is as much as he need to have the voice carry the distance between them. A moment later Dean turned, his expression confused, surprised, almost suspicious.
“Cas?” He asked, not moving an inch. Castiel longed to walk up to him, take him in his arms, but he knew this process would take some time.
“Hello, Dean” Castiel smiled, knowing how much those two words, simple and ordinary, were theirs.
“Is this…?” Dean asked, leaving the end of the sentence hanging, as If he was too afraid to say it
“It is.”
“And Sammy?”
“Alive”
Dean took in a deep breath, he’s face losing some of the tension it probably held since the moment he opened his eyes and discovered his (slightly) eternal autumn day. He turned his eyes to the sky and murmured a thank you, not yet aware that voice acted differently here than on earth, or that God wasn’t above him anymore.
“He’s sad, broken and missing you, but alive”
“Good, that's….” Dean turned side-ways and leaned against the rail of the wooden stairs “well, not good but.“ Dean turned and look Castiel straight in the eyes, the blue of them strikingly strong against the shades of orange that enfolded them, and Castiel finished what he couldn’t say with a soft smile.
"Good”
They stayed like that, just standing an arm distance away from each other, listening to the wind blowing. Dean tucked his hands inside his jeans pockets, though not from the cold, and looked around him, towards the sky and the earth.
“I don’t get it, this looks nothing like before”
“Well…” Castiel mimicked Dean by tucking his heads into his coat pockets and then started pacing again, moving to close what distance was still left between them “this will change once Sam gets here, but for now this is molded after your own best memories. Your private best memories”
Dean was still looking around him, not meeting Castiel’s gaze as he leaned on the rail next to him, his eyes never turning away from Dean. He didn’t need to look around him, he remembered the scenery as vividly as it was that day.
“But I don’t remember …. ” Dean voice was sad, almost disappointed with himself, a tone Castiel knew too well and always hated
“It’s ok, sometime it take a while. Sometime, people don’t fully remember themselves, but Heaven knows”
Then Dean’s face suddenly changed, his eyes opened with realization before he brought his head down, trying to hide the smile.
“This is where you told me you loved me, and not like a brother should”
“yes” with small steps Castiel moved even closer “and you answered, in length, how you probably won’t be able to return those feeling, never could, how at time it made you feel unhuman”
“And you said, in all honesty, ‘well I’m an angel’”
“Yes” Castiel smiled, “guess I did that”
The wind whistled as Castiel stopped inches away from Dean, giving him more time to recall all the events of those days. After some moment of silence Castiel finally dared to ask
“Do you… do you remember what happened next?”
“Yeah, you said you knew what you were getting into, though I highly doubted it”
“Still do, aren’t you? after all this time”
“Yeah well” Dean reached out, his finger entwined with Castiel’s “but you took my hand and you said…”
Dean didn’t finished the sentence since as he looked up the sun caught Castiel’s eyes at just the right angle to make them shine, literally sparking, and his smile matched the warmth with his own smile, that lit his face
“I said” Castiel held his gaze “'we make up our own rules”
Silence fell between them again, completely naked of tension, the void it left filled with calmness and comfort.
“You know” Dean said, a cheeky expression on his face “back then, between you stating the obvious and me still doubting us, I’m pretty sure you kissed me”
“Oh, really?” Castiel eyebrows rose and his smile grew bigger “cause I’m pretty sure you kissed me”
Dean chuckled, and Castiel soon joined, still nothing made him happier than seeing Dean like this, those moments so rare, so treasured
“Just come here, will you?”
Not waiting for a reply, Dean pulled Castiel by the hand until there were no spaces between them anymore. Castiel placed his hands on either side of Dean’s face, thumbs caressing the harsh subtle. They played a bit, teased the only small distance still present between their lips, such a perfect metaphor for the long dance they did back on earth till they finally found each other. Then Dean arms closed behind Castiel’s back, pulling him in, and their lips met.
Again, just like they themselves, the kiss started hard, clashing and crushing them against each other, then it turned soft, lingering, exploring each other as if for the first time. Castiel moved his hands to hold the back of Dean’s head, fingers combing his short hair, as he changed the angle, allowing better access, needing to be as close as possible, even to the point of discomfort as he felt something hard inside Dean’s jeans pushing into his thigh.
It didn’t stop them, not when they finally had the freedom to take their time, freedom not to worry from what was waiting for them in the shadows once the light is gone. And Castiel thought of all the places they could love each other here - on the bank of the river, in the fallen leaves, in the open – in their own way.
Even though breathing was no longer a factor, Dean broke the kiss after long minutes. But left them close, his own hands at the back of Castiel’s neck, their foreheads touching.
“Cas…” Dean said softly, then pushed their heads apart to look into Castiel’s eyes,again, seeking his honesty “are you staying here with me? I know this isn’t your favorable heaven…”
“I… I’m not sure…” Castiel hesitated, his gaze falling to the floor
“hi” Dean said, shifting his own head down to be able to catch Castiel’s gaze and bring his face back up “you are first of all my friend, always have been and always will be. Your freedom is as important to me as my own”
“For now” Castiel answered, “for now I will stay with you.”
Dean was about to move away, probably expecting to explore his garden with Castiel by his said, but then Castiel didn’t move, and their hands were still holding on to each other, so Dean returned to sit down on the rail, waiting for Castiel to speak more
“As I said, once Sam gets here this place will change, I don’t know what to, I don’t know if those memories will include me or if If I’d even be welcomed…. ”
Dean was about to protest, already pulling Castiel back into his arms, but he was stopped by Castiel’s gaze, like so many times before
“He is your true soulmate” Castiel said, matter-of-fact, not a hint of either sadness or jealousy in his voice , “I always knew that. But, since we both don’t and can’t know when that would be, I guess, at least until then…”
And then Castiel smiled the most wide and brilliant smile Dean had ever seen, and moved to kiss him once again.