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Alec wasn't nervous. He wasn't. He watched Magnus make another slow spin, testing his weight on his ankle and forced himself to take a deep breath. His dancing instructor (former, actually, since he'd been injured and was still trying to work his way back to full health) was stretching and had the studio mostly to himself, or so he thought. But Alec had asked (and then begged) Clary to allow him to step in later this evening when Magnus was doing his stretches and work.
Mostly because he wanted, more than anything else, a chance to tell Magnus that he'd been right, and despite the fact that Alec hadn't been willing to admit it, hadn't wanted to admit it, really, he did return Magnus' feelings. Every single one of them. Their chemistry and ability to dance together hadn't been a lie, and he hated that he'd run from it. But it had, and still did, feel too big, like too much, and all together an impossible amount for him to feel for one person.
Alec squared his shoulders and walked towards the door of the studio. He was not a coward, and he was done running. He'd promised Izzy, Clary, and himself, that he was done running. Because the past two weeks without Magnus in his life had been miserable. Especially when he knew that Magnus was injured. Alec blew out a hard breath and knocked on the door before opening it, stepping into the room, closing the door behind him.
Magnus was standing in the middle of the room, looking impossibly beautiful, like he always did, even with one foot wrapped in an ace bandage that prevented him from doing the jumps he was so fond of. Alec swallowed and walked towards where Magnus was standing. He hadn't moved, didn't even appear to be breathing.
"Magnus?" he called, clearing his throat. "Could, could I have a minute?"
Magnus crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow. "You have exactly 60 seconds, starting now."
Alec bit down on his lip. It was more than he had thought he would get and he needed to make the most of it. "I'm sorry," he blurted immediately. That was the most important piece to get out, and he saw Magnus soften, just the tiniest bit. "I'm so sorry. You were, you were right."
Alec took a deep breath and raised his eyes to Magnus', lifting his chin the smallest bit. "You were right about me , Magnus. I was, am, a coward. But," he cleared his throat and took a step closer, his whole body shaking the smallest amount. "I want, I want to try to be brave, Magnus."
Magnus raised both eyebrows and studied Alexander. "Which means what, exactly?"
Alec took a deep breath. "I want to dance with you. The, the exhibition dance you talked about for the recital." He saw Magnus' eyes go wide and didn't let himself stop, because that was only the tip of the iceberg of everything he wanted, so he kept going.
"I want to take you up on that offer of coffee. The, the offer of a date, of dinner, and," Alec stumbled, trying not to shake as he stepped closer. "I'm, I'm terrified, but I look at you and I see how happy you are to be yourself, and I maybe, I maybe want to try to find that. For myself. And that starts here. With, with you. If you want."
Magnus blew out a hard breath and stepped closer to Alec, eyeing him up and down. "You sure? I'm not up for having you change your mind again."
Alec nodded and looked towards the stereo. "Let me, can I prove it?"
"How?" Magnus asked, curious. He tilted his head as Alec stepped towards the stereo, flipping through discs frantically until he saw the one he wanted. Once the song started playing, he sighed and shook his head. "I can't lead right now, not with my-"
"I know," Alec interrupted, keeping his voice soft as he walked towards Magnus. "But, but you can maybe follow if I lead? I've, I've been practicing. I asked, um, I asked Isabelle and Clary to help teach me how to lead this dance."
Magnus blinked in surprise and glanced at the door and then back up at Alec. "You did?"
Alec nodded again and took a deep breath. "Your idea, of, um," he knew he was blushing, but dammit, this was important to talk about. "Of us switching, the lead position as we dance? Having that represent more, for you, than just the dance itself? I love that idea. And I wanted, I wanted to be able to do that for you."
Magnus tilted his head and stared at Alec, at the way he was fidgeting, but also standing firm, determined. “What brought about this change of heart? Because the last time we danced together, I seem to recall you panicking and damn near running out my door when someone implied that we might be dating.”
Alec closed his eyes in shame and sighed. “I got scared. I thought…” he swallowed hard and opened his eyes, looking at Magnus again. “I thought they, they could see how much I liked, how much I wanted you. And I didn’t, I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why not?” Magnus asked, curious. He stepped closer to Alec, even as the sound of the waltz swelled around them both. He could remember what it felt like to dance across this floor in Alec’s arms, guiding him carefully.
“I don’t...have a good answer for that,” Alec started. “Only bad answers and worse excuses, really. But it boils down to me being afraid to want you, and I…” he sighed and stopped in front of Magnus, close enough to reach out and touch. “I miss you, Magnus. I went back to what my life used to be and I don’t want that anymore. I want,” Alec took a deep breath. “I want you, and everything you are, because I…” he bit off the words that wanted to escape, because it was too damn soon.
Magnus narrowed his eyes. “Because you…?” he trailed off. “Because you what, Alexander?”
Alec clenched his eyes shut and took in a shaky breath, his hands in fists by his side. He cleared his throat, blinking a few times before he looked at Magnus again. “I don’t want to scare you away,” he whispered. “It’s too much, too soon, and I don’t...I’ve screwed this up enough, I want to do things right now. You, you deserve that.”
Magnus smiled faintly, reaching out to touch Alec’s cheek, trailing his fingers down the line of his cheekbone. “Well, I think I deserve to know if you’re falling as hard as I have, because I’d really rather not fall alone.”
Alec sucked in a hard breath, his eyes wide. “You, you’re…”
Magnus grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Alexander.”
“Me too,” Alec breathed, reaching out to cup Magnus’ face in his hands, pressing their foreheads together. “Me too.” They’re both smiling like idiots, but Alec couldn’t bring himself to care, because he felt like floating. “Dance with me?” he whispered.
Magnus nodded, stepping into Alec’s arms, making an approving nod at his frame and posture before they started to move across the floor at half-tempo, not wanting to push his ankle. “You have been practicing,” he teased, looking up at Alec.
“Yeah,” Alec whispered. “When you’re feeling better, I’m taking you out dancing. There’s this dance hall that hosts dances a few times a month, and while I’m never going to love the club, I’m sure I can let you convince me to be dragged to Pandemonium now and again.”
Alec smiled at Magnus’ surprised look and spun him carefully around the room, dipping him back slowly, before pulling him closer again, continuing to move around the room until he could tell Magnus was tired, letting them rock to a gentle stop, even as they stayed pressed together.
“Alec?” Magnus asked, leaning in, pressing his ear to Alec’s heart, listening to the slightly elevated beat, knowing it closely matched his own.
Alec leaned down and pressed his face to Magnus’ hair, inhaling that tempting sandalwood scent, easily supporting the dancer as he moved weight off his bad ankle. “Hmm?”
“Would you kiss me?” Magnus asked, his voice wistful.
Alec blinked, suddenly alert as he pulled his face back, looking down at Magnus who was still pressed to his chest. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
Magnus smiled and nodded. “I do.”
Alec shifted slowly and reached out, shifting Magnus just enough so he could press their foreheads together. “I’ve dreamed of kissing you since the very first time I saw you,” he admitted.
Magnus inhaled sharply, looking up at Alec. “Really?”
Alec nodded, pressing his lips gently to Magnus’ forehead, then each of his cheeks. “Yeah. You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life. Especially when you’re all frazzled right before a recital,” he teased.
Magnus narrowed his eyes. “Alexander!”
Alec chuckled and brushed their noses together. “Hush and let me stall a little, I’m nervous,” he teased, though when he met Magnus’ eyes he knew the other man could see the truth in the statement.
“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck, stepping in close to him, tilting his head up. “Kiss me.”
After that, it was as easy as breathing, their lips falling together, drawn together, impossible to part until they had to. Alec pressed in close to Magnus, kissing him again and again until their lips parted with a wet, slick sound while they panted softly together in the studio.
“Think I need to get home,” Magnus said, looking down at his wrapped foot.
Alec gave a rueful smile and stepped back with one last soft kiss and nodded. “Want me to help you with your stuff?”
Magnus studied Alec and grinned, suddenly. “You know, that’d be great. I always have trouble with my apartment stairs and the elevator has been on the fritz lately.”
Alec blinked in confusion before his expression cleared and his eyes went hot. “I think I could help with that, if you wanted?”
Magnus’ eyes twinkled and he winked. “I think that is a marvelous idea Alexander.”
Alec grinned in triumph and stole another kiss. “Lead the way, Magnus.”