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“W-W-What?” Emma was barely audible, probably the sound of the phone cracking with her grip was louder than her voice, but Bill continued.
“He’s in hospital right now! The ambulance took him about an hour ago apparently, they said his phone was smashed so-“
Bill had told her what had happened. Everything after that didn’t matter. Paul’s car had been smashed into by a speeding one. Paul was driving his car at the time. A car had hit him.
“And I said ‘hey I know him! He’s my friend-‘“
“He’s in Hatchetfield hospital?” Emma cut him off. That’s all that mattered. She had to get to him. She had to find Paul.
“Yeah, Emm-“
She ended the call. Emma didn’t want to hear Bill’s voice, she wanted to hear Paul’s. But what if she never did again?! Or now was her last chance!? She groaned at herself in complete frustration as her hands shook so bad she could barely scroll down her contacts till she found Hidgens. She had been dead silent until the fourth ring, then she started whimpering, pulling at the collar of her top like it was strangling her in her anger. “ANSWER!!!” She screamed at the phone, but no tears came. It rang once more after until the ringing stopped. She didn’t even bother to hear him speak first and make sure he was listening.
“Hidgens! I need you to drive me now!” She called out into the phone, suddenly realising she wasn’t ready and running to find any shoes. She put on one of hers and one of Paul’s.
Hidgens gave a baffled scoff before lowering his voice, although it boomed with how close he obviously was to the speaker. “Emma, I’m just about to start a lecture, wh-“
“Paul’s been....” Emma tried to explain, but the words wouldn’t arrive in her brain yet. “He’s hurt Hidgens!..” Then the most damning part. “It was a car crash! It...”
“I’ll be there.” His voice was firm. Even when he yelled to the class they should go.
“Hidgens please! 10 minutes or I’m getting a cab.”
9 minutes later, though he was several more than that away, Hidgens veered to a halt on Emma’s doorstep. She’d managed to put shoes on that didn’t fall off now as she ran to the passenger seat and strapped herself in. As soon as she was strapped down she chanced a glance at Hidgens. He nodded reassuringly back, even though he was sweating over his top lip.
“I’m sure Paul will be fine Emma dear.” Hidgens tried to relax her by patting her knee but Emma curled away, holding her knees to chest and burrowing into them. Hidgens tried again. “What did Bill say?”
“I...” Emma looked up, her mouth wet and saliva connecting the top of her jaw as she spoke. “Oh God I don’t even remember! What if he said Paul died and I blocked it out and when I get there’s it’s just his body!” Emma asked frightened. It was entirely possible. Her boyfriend and best friend could be dead. The only man she’d ever actually loved. Paul could have been dead an hour ago without her even knowing and that meant he would be for the rest of her life.
“Emma Emma sssh, most car accidents aren’t fatal. Can you think of the tone of Bill’s voice, instead of his words?”
“No... no I can just think about... I want Paul.” Emma was so stupid, she couldn’t even remember. There was no space for negative self reflection right now though. Just that one thought. She tentatively put her feet back on the car floor. “How far are we?”
The car screeched as Hidgens sped past a yellow light, to make it as ‘un-far’ as possible.
Emma’s legs slammed back up to her chest. “HIDGENS PLEASE! I don’t want another crash!”
“I know I’m so sorry sweets! So sorry.” Hidgens apologised, a guilty pit making his already nauseous stomach worse; chancing a quick peek at her to make sure she was still breathing before he span the wheel. “I’m slowing for this corner and look! Jump out I’ll park!”
Emma did just that, slamming his car door running on her bad leg. She kept running right through the doors till she got to a calm looking receptionist. Why was she allowed to be calm?!
“Where is he?!” Emma demanded, but her voice came off more scared than strict.
“Ma’am?”
“Paul Matthews! He was in a car crash, where is he?” Emma asked again, she didn’t want to waste time repeating herself. She had to find-! She had to...
The receptionist looked at Emma’s face, studying her panic before typing something into her pc. A few clicks as Emma leaned over the desk even though she couldn’t see, then- “Well he’s not in intensive care.”
Emma felt like she was about to throw up right then. ’Oh God.’ She thought, her inner voice cracking too. ‘Don’t say morgue. Don’t say morgue...’
A few more clicks of the mouse, the scrolling sound of it making Emma want to slam the whole keyboard down and just search for him her damn self. She watched the screen light bounce off the lady’s face to judge how deep she was going into her records, not that that would tell Emma anything. Until “Oh yes. Found him! 2nd floor, 3rd ward.”
Emma was already running, staying just long enough to catch her words and repeating it over and over to herself afraid she’d forget it in her panic. She couldn’t even wait for the lift, her leg wasn’t feeling any usual pain though, in fact, she didn’t give a flying fuck about it. Emma found his room after searching every door on the ward, but before that, found his doctor coming out of it. She shouted from the end of the barren hallway to get his attention. “How is he?!”
He turned around slightly surprised. “Oh are you a relation?”
Emma burst through the door expecting the worst. And there she saw Paul, her Paul, and his eyes didn’t open for her. Not even when she crept forward and could see just how bad the damage was. He had a horrible tube sticking out of his mouth, needles in his hand. But the first thing most people would have noticed were the scrapes and bruises that lined his body, both his eyes were purple. But worse to Emma, they were closed. Emma slowly crept closer, the slowest she’d moved that day. "Paul?"
She asked as if she didn't believe it could be him. That'd he'd answer and be like 'oh you can't tell from my eyes, I'm John Johnson, Paul is my neighbour right next door!' But it was him. Emma would know him no matter how badly damaged. She stood right above his face and just stared.
Emma could vaguely recognise the doctor was speaking behind her. "We have him on some meds right now because he hit his head, knocked out just as the paramedics arrived on scene, so he’s in what we call a medically induced coma to keep the swelling in his brain down. So he’ll be unconscious for a little longer, but apart from a fracture in his toes and some artificial injuries he’ll be just fine. We should be able to wake him within a few days. We’ll keep running some EEG’s and when we’re satisfied with his healing we’ll bring him right back to us."
Emma felt numb. "Thank you doctor."
She didn't move one inch, apart from slight swaying.
Hidgens rushed in as the doctor left, giving him a quick glance before spinning around and looking over at Paul. Then at the girl shaking above him.
"Emma?"
It was like his voice brought her out of a trance. Yet she was going on survival instinct alone as she rushed into his arms crying. Hidgens struggled a bit just from pure unexpectedness at the speed she legged it across the room, as Emma thrusted herself into his arms, but managed to keep hold of the one person he'd vowed to never let any harm come to. Emma's leg buckled when she was buried into Hidgens' chest, quite quickly, but instead of letting go of her and never being able to let her fall, he lifted Emma into his arms, cradling her, rocking her like she was his small baby. Even pressing a kiss to her head.
And he just kept rocking. Even though he hadn't known her that young, she truly felt like a daughter to him. And he'd never seen her looking so much like a child.
She sobbed loudly in his arms for a few moments, smacking her head into his chest before reverting to screwing her eyes shut as if she didn't believe this and would wake up soon... Or as if she was in pain. Emma sniffed before she could crack open her eyes and choke out. "I want to go to Paul. Wanna be down..."
Hidgens gently lay her down, tipping her onto her feet making sure she wouldn't faint.
"I wanna be with Paul."
Her voice broke when saying his name and it broke Hidgens heart. He was rubbing her back as she walked over to his bed with shaky legs. He kept hearing her mumbling cries as she walked like a drunk man. Once she made it those few steps Emma trailed her hand down Paul’s face. His dumb beautiful face that now had a tube in it. She'd didn't look away from Paul but spoke to Hidgens. "This isnt right." There were a lot of things that weren't right with this. But Hidgens was silent to allow her to elaborate, if she wished.
"Paul always sleeps with his mouth wide open. He-..." Emma didn't even want to finish her sentence. She had one thing she wanted to do right now and she focused all her energy on that and crawled into bed beside him, making herself as small as possible so he had room. But truly, she wanted to be on his lap. Have him even bounce his knees which she always teased she hated because it made her feel silly. She craved to have Paul hold her and grin that dorky grin ‘Aw babe you were worried about me? My tough girlfriend?’ Hiccuping quietly Emma tucked her head under his arm.
Meanwhile Hidgens had been looking at Paul's chart hanging from the end of his bed and once finished smiled lightly up to her. "Oh Emma this is fine!" He held his knees as he stood, seeing her flat on Pauls bed. She was barely touching him, as if she was afraid she’d hurt him, and with the red, purple and multicoloured discolourations in cuts and marks on Paul’s skin, he could understand why. He kept his smile. "The doctors will be able to wake him in a few short days, I’m not worried at all about his recovery." He told her truthfully. And thank good God for it he thought.
Emma nodded and held out her hand behind her, keeping snuggled up under a comatose Paul. Hidgens walked over and held it, she moved so his hand ended up wrapping around her as she gripped it tight to her chest. Hidgens’ other hand rested on her back as she faced Paul, his thumb rubbing between her shoulder blades, giving her hand tight squeezes every so often.
“I don’t tell him I love him enough.” Emma mumbled, kind of bluntly.
Hidgens hated seeing her so depressed. He patted her back briefly. “He knows.” He promised.
“Jane didn’t.”
“Oh Emma.”
She kept her hand holding Hidgens in the same place, while shakily reaching her other out. She looped her fingers between Paul’s, minding the needles and IVs attached and a nasty looking bump on his thumb and brought it to her face. She shook with how unresponsive he was. That he wasn’t flaring red at her touch. And Emma did the strongest thing she could and held her family close.
~
“Right I’m heading off to the shops babe! See you in 10 minutes!”
“No no I’ll get it. You should be keeping off that foot!”
Emma mirrored Paul’s words he used to badger on to her with. She loved to tease now he had crutches, that he had to keep off his bad leg. Plus she was still a little... protective of him. It wasn’t as bad as the first day he was allowed home, and Emma swore to the doctors if they were releasing him too early she’d ‘sue the shit out of them’. She literally hadn’t let go of his arm as she led him around the house the first day. She would try to lounge on him to keep him pinned to the sofa or their bed but would always end up worrying she’d hurt him, but unless she’d leaned on a particularly bad bruise or his left foot he was fine and this behaviour continued for a while after. She even asked very sincerely if he needed help using the toilet. She wasn’t afraid to let go of him to cross her arms then when he laughed at that though.
Paul was stopped from reaching the door by his arm being pulled back to his side and Emma squeezing his whole body gently from behind. “You don’t need to go to the shops.” She mumbled into his back. He rolled his neck at the vibrations in his spine, since he was only wearing a T-shirt right now, her lips pressed against him.
“Look at all this free shit!” Emma continued. She took one arm off him to gesture widely at the gift baskets and slightly wilting, but still floating, balloons, as well as their table of get well cards, all from ccrp, family, friends. Even Zoey and Nora surprised Emma by giving her a $50 cinema gift card to give to Paul at the end of her first shift back. She tucked her arm back around his tummy.
“Yeah well I suppose we aren’t doing too bad on gifts, or money.” Paul gave in, mostly to appease Emma. He started to twist under her grip so she’d loosen it just slightly. They’d learnt these signals quite quickly off each other, he hadn’t tapped her hands so she was allowed to keep them there. And he turned around so he could actually face her when he was talking. He watched as her teeth bared to beam at him when he finally looked to her. He chuckled under his breath, wrapping his arms around her back too, holding her close. “But we can’t live off chocolates Em.”
She looked up innocently. “But we’ve finished the fruit basket.”
Paul laughed once more, his hand moving up to her shoulder and patting it, leading her to let go. If he wasn’t allowed to leave yet he might as well sit down again. He let Emma take his hand and drag him back to the couch, she didn’t take her eyes off him, like he’d disappear. He woke up not even remembering how he got there for a while, when she’d been nothing but driving herself crazy with worry the few days before. He had been a bit surprised at just how clingy she’d been after he woke, but he didn’t mind, she loved him.
“I love you.” She told him. Paul repeated it back to her and she smiled contentedly.
He’d tried to convince her more as she sat him down, “We have the money to buy the nice on brand stuff!” He started as she gently rested her head on his thighs and looked up at him. His thumb smoothed circles into the back of her hand. “Especially since the dude is pleading no contest to speeding so legal fees aren’t gonna be too much of an issue, just like the medical bill he’s paying for!” He tried to say it with an optimistic tone but should have known nothing to do with the ‘dude’ who caused the crash could elicit a positive response from Emma.
Emma deeply hated this man.
Paul sighed at her clenched teeth, tapping the side of her cheek to let her know she was doing it again because she’d started getting headaches from it. She loosened her jaw but looked away from Paul now. Not because she was mad at him but because her eyes were mad, and she didn’t want him to think they were directed at him. But Paul knew exactly who this sour attitude was for. “He’s just a kid, Em.” He gently reminded her.
“17 is not a child.” She repeated. This was the only argument they’d had since he’d been brought back to the land of the waking and Emma hated the subject. She squeezed Paul’s hand in hers to show she still wasn’t upset with him though.
“Emma-“
She threw her hands in the air, right next to Paul’s face. “He could have killed you!” She exclaimed. She didn’t understand how Paul could be so forgiving. He was too nice, she thought.
“Okay no spiralling.” Paul quickly decided, sitting her up so her head was no longer on his lap and he could talk to her. She instead buried her face into his shoulder and let her hair curtain her before he could continue. Paul gently tucked her hair back. “Come on, look at me.” He pleaded. And Emma conceded, turning so her cheek was resting on his shoulder but she was looking at him. He ran his hand down her arm, both her hands clinging to his own. “I’m fine.” He smiled ever so softly at her.
Emma brought her head up as well as her hand, bringing her hand to his face as she kept stroking his cheek. Over and over. “You’re more than fine. You’re amazing.” She’d been very open with him recently. As if she had to tell him every time a nice thought about him popped into her head. Paul smiled back, pressing his nose into her cheek and planting a kiss there too. He stayed nuzzled into her skin.
“Should we walk to the shops together then?” He gave in, pressing another kiss to her warming up cheeks.
Emma grabbed both his hands back and pressed them to her face, kissing over his knuckles, careful around the yellowing bruise on his thumb. “Or we could just order in again.” She gave the idea.
“It’s not healthy.” Paul chimed into her face. They’d been basically living off hospital food, food people made for them or take out.
Emma chanced a playful side eye at him. “What? I thought we had the money.”
Paul removed his head and raised his eyebrow. She simply raised one back. God he loved her. “Alright you’ve talked me into it!” He bobbed his head sillily, watching in glee as Emma punched the air with a wink. She really liked to just laze around with him, even more than before. Especially since he was still on paid leave from work.
“I love you paul.”
He kissed just between her cheek bone and temple. “Why I love you t-“
“And not just for take out.” Emma interrupted anxiously. Paul pressed his lips to her jaw, letting her find her words again, with an encouraging smile. “Just in general. You’re the actual love of my life.”
Paul’s lips wobbled as he smiled at Emma, the love of his life and someone he never thought should even give him a second glance.
“I love you and I need you. So so mu-“
She cut herself off with a kiss, deciding words weren’t good enough and throwing her head forward to capture his lips deeply. Her hands grasping his face and keeping him there. He laughed into the kiss as he had to remove her hands that were almost clawing into his skin. She managed to slip her tongue in there just before he pulled her back. She bit her lip with a pink tint to her cheeks.
“I love you too Emma.”