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Maybe they had married too young. Yoongi was reckless and impulsive and had made the decision to spend the rest of his life with Jung Hoseok, his high school sweetheart. It had been rocky from the start, and there were many times where he wondered if it would be the last, but they always seemed to make up. Hoseok was his safety net.
Tonight, all negative thoughts were flushed out by Hoseok's celestial beauty under the dim lighting in the car. Despite being many years older than the young man he had fallen in love with, there was still a radiance to him that Yoongi did not dare to avert his eyes from, in fear he may forget the moment.
"Eyes on the road, hyung." prompted Hoseok, voice mellow.
They were en route to a ballet, in which Hoseok had landed himself a starring role. Having given up his dream as a dancer in order to live with Yoongi, this meant a lot to him. He had been rehearsing for months, often coming home late at night after a long day of dancing. A demure smile was playing at his lips, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.
Yoongi rested a hand on his thigh, giving a reassuring squeeze before returning his gaze to the empty roads before him. There was a steady increase in traffic as he took a turn out of the suburbs and into the city. It wasn't an issue at first, a few cars joining him on the once empty highway. He cursed under his breath, coming to a halt behind a long line of vehicles.
They would risk being late, still having a considerable distance to travel once actually inside the city centre. Tapping on the leather steering wheel impatiently, Yoongi rolled down the window and lit up a cigarette.
"You know I hate that," Hoseok coughed in mild annoyance.
Yoongi turned to look at him, an eyebrow cocked. "You used to say it was sexy,"
"Yeah, before it was a well known fact that it caused all kinds of cancers and other diseases-"
"Alright, alright."
He tossed the cigarette out the window. There was an undeniable air of hostility, but it didn't bother him to the extent of pursuing an argument. Hoseok closed his eyes. The cars crawled along at an agonisingly slow pace; they seemed to had moved barely centimetres in the space of ten minutes. Hoseok's shoulders were tense, his jaw quivering ever so slightly. Ironically, Yoongi thought to himself, he could have done with a cigarette to calm his nerves. He chose not to share this thought, however.
Before he knew it, they were pulling up beside the venue. Yoongi patted Hoseok's thigh once again, as if to wake him from his slumber. After shooting him a tentative smile, Hoseok unbuckled himself and reached for the car door.
With minutes to spare, they rushed up the stairs to the entrance. It began to rain, warm droplets splashing on the sidewalk to accompany the sounds of their shoes hitting the marble. They passed the front desk, behind which was a good looking young man who stared at Hoseok for maybe a little too long.
Back in the day, Yoongi would've shot him a dirty look and slung an arm round his lover's waist.
But instead, he glanced at the man wearily before taking the passage labelled 'audience this way'. He had forgotten to wish Hoseok good luck, not that a few words would really alter his performance anyway.
His seat was near the back of the theatre, the view slightly obscured by one man's large head but there was nothing he could do to change that now. Yoongi sat down, craning his neck to see better as the lights dimmed and a soft piano began to tinkle out a few complementary notes as the dancers made their way on stage.
——
"You were good," said Yoongi on the car ride home.
"Thanks."
They fell into a silence. It wasn't comfortable, nor hostile; just familiar and routine at this point. The sun had completely set now and the car was swallowed in darkness. Hoseok tilted his head so it rested against the window, jolting ever so slightly with every bump the car passed over. Yoongi's eyes were heavy with sleep now, but he kept on driving through the twists and turns of the small lanes. While the route from the city to home was not straight forward, he had been living in this place for so long he knew it all too well. Every pothole, every branch that hung a little too low.
It started to rain again just as Yoongi pulled into their driveway, the drops illuminated in the stark lighting of the headlights. He sighed and anxiously tapped his finger on the steering wheel. Hoseok lifted his head and reached for his jacket in the backseat.
"Great," muttered Yoongi. "I have no fucking coat, and I ironed this shirt just this morning..."
"Why do you have to complain so much?" said Hoseok testily.
"I'm not complaining,"
"You're always so negative,"
"Look, baby, we had a nice evening, why do you always have to ruin it like this?"
Hoseok shot him a look of resentment. "I'm the one ruining it?" he spat, getting out of the car and slamming the door behind him.
Yoongi wearily got out of the car too, before he realised Hoseok was heading to somewhere other than their front door. He jogged after him. "Where are you going?"
"Just fuck off."
——
It was the early hours of the morning. Yoongi was sat in his chair by the fireplace, lighting a cigarette as he stared blankly at the dying embers. The systematic way you sucked the smoke into your mouth and inhaled it into your lungs before exhaling was reassuring, even if it did cause cancer. He flicked away the ash, some of it crumbling onto the carpet.
The front door opened.
In walked Hoseok, smelling like whisky and cheap cologne. His shirt was buttoned up the wrong way. He had a bunch of flowers and a pack of cigarettes in his arms. Minutes passed as he stood there in the doorway, the expression on his face hard to pinpoint.
Yoongi did not ask where he had been. He did not want to know.
"I got you these." was all Hoseok said in offer for an explanation of where he had disappeared to for these hours.
Still Yoongi did not move from his chair. Hoseok unfroze from his spot abruptly and walked over to the chair. He knelt on the floor beside Yoongi, placing the flowers down and snaking a hand up his thigh to his belt buckle. Yoongi looked down at him in love and in pity.
Hoseok looked him in the eyes, batting his eyelashes.
"Don't," said Yoongi flatly.
He gently pushed Hoseok away, careful not to hurt him, and walked down the soulless corridor to their bedroom. There he laid on the bed, waiting for him. Tentatively Hoseok followed, and perched next to him. He reached out his hand so it was almost touching Yoongi's.
They stayed like that for what seemed like hours. Yoongi broke the silence.
"I don't love you anymore,"
"I know."
Yoongi sat up and faced Hoseok. Neither of their eyes were glistened with tears; there was more of a hollow, dull look about their expressions. Putting a hand to the other's velvety cheek, Yoongi leaned forward to place an impassive kiss on his lips. Hoseok kissed him back, hand on his waist, caressing it in the familiar way he had always done. He allowed himself to fall back on the bed, Hoseok on top of him. Yoongi pulled away to look up at him, catching his breath.
"We always work things out," whispered Hoseok.
"Yeah, but I don't want to anymore. I don't want to fix it."
He slid out from under Hoseok, smoothing down his already crinkled shirt. They had been there before. Had conversations like these time and time again. Yoongi reached for his coat and the pack of cigarettes that had been bought for him.
He opened the door without looking behind him.
"Goodbye, Hoseok."
One day he would really mean it.