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When the pink and teal car ran into him, Randy had thought he was going to have to fight some motherfucker, but instead he’s looking up at a metallic angel while an old man yells from a distance.
“Are you alright?” The metallic person asks, kneeling down beside Randy.
“Do I look okay to you? You guys just ran me over! What the fuck!”
“I’m sure Fingle didn’t mean to hit yo-” The person is interrupted as the old man shouts at them.
“ROBOT, make sure you tell him I MEANT TO HIT HIM!”
“He doesn’t mean that. He’s old, y’know? Getting sen-” And BAM, Fingle drives his car straight into Robot, causing them to skid a few few away.
“Ow. Fingle, you didn’t have to do that.”
“Fuck you Robot! I hope you DIE.” Fingle shouts out his window, as he drives away.
“That’s kinda fucked up, dude.”
Randy limps over to where Robot is laying in the road, holding a hand out for them.
And when Robot takes it, he feels shocks going through his body, and he’s not sure if it’s something physical or mental, as he looks down into Robot’s eyes, their glasses having been knocked down to the side a few feet away.
“Yeah. That’s just how he is.” Robot says, brushing the metal shavings off themselves from where they slide across the road, with one hand, mind you.
Because they haven’t let go yet and Randy is still shock-still for some very odd reason. Robot looks up at him, tilting their head.
“Everything alright?” And that’s when Randy lets go of their hand, running his own over his bald head.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey you wanna go rob something?”
“Sure!”
It’s not a crush. Can’t be a crush, they just met, yeah? The feeling he gets in his heart everytime Robot looks at him isn’t because he’s got a crush, can’t be. He’s just got heartburn or some other weird human thing.
They make a good team, that’s all. Robot keeps up with his banter, they notice where the cops actually are, and they’re great at dodging a taser. And if their hand brushes on his back occasionally and makes his face turn bright red, that’s just the adrenaline getting to him, of course.
He doesn’t have a crush. Can’t have a crush, he’s just an alien and they’re just a robot. Two entirely different creatures. Wouldn’t make sense, would it?
And then he gets kidnapped by Tony Spumoni. A feral dog who doesn’t even know why he’s holding a gun to Randy’s head, and fuck he’s really only got two numbers in his phone, Robot’s and T’s. T isn’t around, but Robot is, and Spumoni is screaming at him to call someone.
“Hey Roboooot…”
He didn’t expect to meet Robot’s gang like this, a gun to his head, and a feral dog barking at them. Or for that old man to take his car for a short spin and then immediately leave with some armored dude in a local’s car. And a small sigh from Robot.
“They were supposed to take me.” And they sound genuinely sad, which makes something tug in Randy’s heart and he has no idea what that means. Doesn’t understand it at all. Doesn’t really wanna understand it.
Kinda feels like someone pinching his heart and then twisting.
“Hey Robot, you’re a great guy, we did some jobs earlier.”
It’s just a small line. Just something he throws out all casual like, y’know. Especially since Tony was complimenting Robot as well. Felt right to throw it out as well. He didn’t expect a reaction.
Didn’t expect Robot to turn around in his seat and look at him, with those beautiful cute eyes, and that small sharp smile. The metal making the smallest screech as it moves, inaudible to humans, and only barely audible to him.
“Thank you.” And their smile nearly one-shots Randy, causes his face to turn bright red, and thank whoever that it’s night time, that no one can see how red his face is.
So, maybe he’s got a little crush. Just, like, a little one though, on Robot. But really, who wouldn’t? They’re a great guy! Cute, short, adorable. They can’t really laugh or giggle, but if they could Randy’s sure it’d be the sweetest noise to his ears. Their adorable golden bowtie has Randy concentrating on it for weeks, tracing little bow ties onto fogged up windows and dusty seats.
He thinks about Robot constantly, always checking his phone to see if he’s got a text from them, and really, it’s just a little crush. Just a tinnie one. Nothing too serious or big, it’s fine. It’s fine.
“Randy. Hey, Randy, stop daydreaming dude.” T snaps his fingers in front of Randy’s face, his brows furrowing.
“I’m not daydreaming bro.” Randy swats at T’s fingers, grumbling a bit.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Oh hey Robot-” T says, looking behind Randy.
“Robooot!” Randy nearly shouts, turning around so fast he nearly got whiplash. However, he doesn’t see Robot, just the wall. “T, what the fuck.” He pouts, looking back at him.
“Ha! It gets you everytime, what the fuck?” T chuckles, a smile spreading across his face. “You should probably do something about that.”
“About what?”
“Y’know...your feelings for-” And then Carter Mann enters stage right.
“Who’s up for a robbery?” Carter asks, adjusting the straps on his duffle bag, and effectively ending any conversation about feelings or emotions for the next five hours.
“I love you.” He whispers into the phone, gripping it with both hands. When he doesn’t hear a response back within five seconds he’s quick to explain that it’s not a romantic ily, it’s just a platonic ily because he doesn’t have a crush-
“I love you too! The phone cut out for a second there, I’m sorry.”
And Randy’s floating on Cloud 9, smiling to his ears, and blushing to the back of his neck. He’s kicking rocks across the prison courtyard, giddy and giggly. Reading through his text history with Robot, face bright red. Before he knows it, he’s outta jail, and back to society.
And then Robot breaks his heart, twice. Once on land while he’s got strawberries and whipped cream on his chest, and the second time on that beach, a bat in hand, top hat on head, and looking no worse for the wear, even though Randy’s been gone for years fighting in the Crab Dolphin wars.
Randy cries a bit about that.
A lot about that, actually.
Didn’t get any sleep, just sorta cried over sweet perfect Robot who broke his heart with a few words. No big deal, really. No big deal. Wasn’t like he Loved them or anything.
No big deal.
“I think we should...keep our relationship professional, Robot.”
“Okay.”
It hurts that Robot is so nonchalant about it. Hurts a lot, really. It shouldn’t hurt though, it’s not like Randy was in Love with Robot or anything. Who falls in love with someone they’ve never even held oh so tenderly before? Not Randy, that was for sure.
And then Robot invites him to stargaze with them on Robot Retail’s roof.
‘There’s going to be a meteor shower tonight! Would you like to meteor gaze with me on top of Robot Retail? :)’
And he can’t just say no to Robot. Could never really say no to Robot, it’s the last thing on his list of things he never wants to do, right above hurting Robot. Because he lo-
Because he’s friends with Robot, haha. Yeah. Just friends. Professional. Nothing else.
They’re laying on top of Robot Retail, Robot’s gaze primarily on the meteors and the full moon, while Randy is staring at Robot, entranced. The moonlight and starlight dancing off their metallic skin has Randy in a trance, and he wonders if maybe when they out old everyone, that he could take Robot with him, away from this planet. Into the stars, and far beyond.
He’d love to see the galaxy reflected in Robot’s eyes.
Instead, he’s staring into his own reflection in Robot’s eyes, and when did Robot turn to look at him instead of the meteors? He doesn’t understand it at all, not even when Robot scoots closer to him.
“Hey Randy?” They ask, their hand dancing around the space where Randy’s rest.
“Yeah Robot?” Randy swallows, glancing down at Robot’s hand, the most terrifying sight he’s seen in years.
“I don’t want our relationship to be professional.” They whisper, their hand landing directly onto Randy’s, tangling themselves together.
“A-alright.” Randy chokes, face beet red from just their hands touching.
They lay there, on the roof of Robot Retail, holding hands, and staring at each other instead of the meteor shower. They joke and tell stories through-out the night, smiling and giggling (except for Robot who can’t really giggle but they try!).
And when the sun is rising, dark circles under Randy’s eyes, and Robot having a bit of difficulty in moving, they kiss. Gentle and soft, Robot leaning over to press a kiss into Randy’s lips, and Randy leaning over to wrap an arm around Robot, as well as he could while they’re on their sides.
And everything is alright, for at least that moment in time.