Archive of Our Own ^beta

Somewhere in an airport in America, Seokjin had lost RJ. Ever since then, he hadn’t been able to sleep well. As he sank down on his airport seat, he felt silly without anything to put on his lap and hug against his chest. It made him feel upset and it didn’t help how homesick he felt. He hadn't slept well in days because of this. Not having his RJ to hold tightingly to his chest and ease the troubles sinking deep in his heart, sleep felt uneasy to him. He didn't know what to do with his arms, his chest felt cold without the familiar shape on top of it.

He had tried using a pillow instead but that didn't seem to do the trick. He had asked his manager to buy him a generic plushy somewhere, just something so he could finally rest, but the shape of the cheap plushy was uncomfortable. He couldn't get it in the position that filled the void and calmed him down. 

They had been in the US for 4 days now, Seokjin had lost RJ on the second day and he hadn’t slept well since. However, on the plane from New York to Chicago, Seokjin was about to spend his first good nap in days. 

Everyone knew that he was feeling uneasy on crowded planes to begin with, and holding RJ always calmed him down. Without them he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all, he would be fidgety during the entire flight and grumpy beyond reasonable once they landed. However the one who would have to suffer the most would be Namjoon.

Having the same last name meant they were always sitting next to each other on planes. Overall they were great flying partners. Even though Namjoon’s snores were heavier up in the air, Seokjin had gotten used to it. And their height difference was also perfect for Seokjin to rest his head on his shoulder and Namjoon to rest his head on top of Seokjin's. But the flight from New York to Chicago was different and Namjoon was about to suffer. Seokjin couldn't stop moving around, hugging the air. Nothing was comfortable. His chest felt cold and empty and he wouldn't be able to sleep like this.

Before he could find a solution, he felt fabric brush against his arm. He opened his eyes to find Namjoon handing over his jacket. 

"Could this work as a sort of pillow?" 

Seokjin blushed. He wasn't sure why but the idea of hugging the leader's jacket to sleep was making him flustered. "Uhm, yes, maybe" he stuttered, grabbing the jacket and holding it tight.  His chest didn’t feel so empty anymore. 

Namjoon shifted in his seat, lowering himself a little and tapped on his shoulder, signaling Seokjin to lay down his head. The older did just that, and it was comfortable. More than he would have expected. It was obviously thanks to the jacket, not at all thanks to Namjoon's soft warmth radiating through his cotton shirt. Not at all Namjoon's intoxicating scent that worked like chloroform on him. No, it was just the jacket.

After that, Seokjin hadn't been able to find sleep again. Once they arrived in Chicago, he still had to work through his jetlag, his exhaustion from the press and practice and rehearsals and being in a foreign country where you didn't quite know how to behave - he had to do all that without a drop of restful sleep. Seokjin had tried every way he knew to put himself to sleep but nothing had worked. He had read books in English without even understand everything, he had listened to music he usually liked to fall asleep to (mostly mono but that’s something he would never admit). He had even sneaked out of the hotel on the second day in Chicago and walked around the deserted city until the sun came up. He had tried everything and nothing had worked and it was starting to impact his health and performance. 

As he laid in bed in his hotel room after having done a VLive with Jungkook and Jimin (which usually tired him out a lot), he could only stare at the ugly beige ceiling for so long before something broke inside of him. He remembered the last time he had fully rested and got up, almost furious, to grab his phone and text Namjoon.

Seokjin smiled. Sleep. Finally. He barely had time to get off of bed and check himself in a mirror, pulling his hair down to look a little less sleep deprived so that he wouldn’t worry Namjoon too much, that Namjoon was already knocking on his hotel door. Seokjin jumped in surprised and grinned at the idea of what was to come. He opened the door to a sleepy and tired Namjoon who smiled lazily at him.  Seokjin was sure he got a glimpse of... of something in his eyes. 

Before he could say anything, the younger handed over his jacket. "Here you go, hope it helps." His voice was strained from having talked in interviews all day and Seokjin felt guilty for bothering him while he was supposed to be resting.

"I'm sure it will. Thank you again Namjoonie, I'll bring it back to you first thing in the morning." 

The leader smiled, nodded and turned around. "Good night hyung." Seokjin's chest felt kind of tight.

He made his way back to his bed and jumped under the covers, holding the brown jacket close to his chest, eager to finally get some rest. Except that hugging the jacket was  uncomfortable in a bed, especially since Seokjin was wearing rather thin pyjamas. Sure it was warm, it felt better than the pillows or the plushies or even his own clothes. Namjoon's scent on the jacket was faint but it was nice. Woody. Smelled like laying down in a clearing on a spring day. It helped soothe Seokjin’s mind. He wasn’t feeling so cold and empty anymore. But he still wasn’t one step closer to finding sleep.

He let out a frustrated growl before giving up and grabbing his phone on his bedside table.

Seokjin woke up the next morning with puffy eyes. He could tell the room was flooded with sunlight but when he opened his eyes he still couldn't see anything. He started regaining his senses and felt his breath blocked by something. His nose was pressed against something soft yet hard. It felt like he had more than two legs all wrapped around each other. When he finally registered the regular breath making his scalp warm, he understood the position he was in. 

He was snuggled against Namjoon's chest, legs tangled up, his arms folded to his chest but his palm pressed against Namjoon's stomach. The younger was still asleep, resting his head on top of Seokjin's, his two strong arms hugging him tight by his shoulders. 

Seokjin worried that Namjoon's right arm, currently under his body, was hurting and that he was preventing the blood from circulating so he tried to move out of his hold. But not move too much. Because he didn't want to wake Namjoon up. And because he didn't want to leave his chest. It felt nice. Comfortable. Familiar. Something he hadn't felt in days. And Namjoon smelled nice. Really nice. It felt like chloroform all over again, but Seokjin really didn't want Namjoon's arm to get hurt so he kept on shifting in the smallest way possible. But it was enough to wake Namjoon up. 

He stretched his back and let out a sigh but immediately strengthened his hold on Seokjin and brought him even closer. Impossibly closer. That seemed to finally wake Seokjin up for good and he couldn't help his face from getting red. He was nuzzled up against Namjoon's chest. Namjoon's arms were keeping him there. Seokjin was getting hot. This was too much.

"Ah, Namjoon-ah..." He let out while trying to push himself away from the younger, who grunted and, eyes still closed (probably still asleep too), Namjoon pressed his lips chapped from sleep against Seokjin's forehead. Seokjin froze.

A door had been knocked over in his mind and questions he had pushed aside for years were rushing out, flooding his brain. What was that? Did Namjoon really kiss him like that? And why did Seokjin like it so much? His head was burning up from overworking and he could only register how tight his chest was getting. 

"H-hyung?" Namjoon was trying to tear himself from sleep. It seemed like he had realized what he had done, and that now wasn't the best time to take a nap. His hold on Seokjin weakened enough to allow him to leave it if he wanted to. But he was still frozen against Namjoon's chest, his knuckles getting white from grasping the younger's shirt too hard.

Seokjin felt Namjoon's heart beat faster and a part of him was proud that he did that. It certainly did not help his face that kept getting redder and redder. His first instinct was to bury himself even deeper in Namjoon's embrace but, obviously, it didn't help with the redness.

Namjoon put a hand on his bicep and pushed him off of him gently, just enough to look at him in the eyes. "Hyung, did you sleep well?" 

“It wasn't weird”, Seokjin thought. “Oh thank God it wasn't weird”. He wanted to reply but the words disappeared in his dry throat, so he just nodded. Namjoon smiled and showed his dimples. "That's not fair," thought Seokjin. 

"Good, I'm glad I could help," Namjoon told him. He was so calm about this. How was he so calm? Seokjin suddenly felt conscious of every part of his body, of his hands still grabbing his shirt, his legs doing contortions he didn't know were possible, his middle resting on Namjoon's arm, his arm clenching under Namjoon's touch. But it felt like Namjoon wasn't fazed by any of it. And why was that Seokjin's biggest bother?

Namjoon's hand left his arm and his skin felt cold without his touch but he was burning up again a second later, when Namjoon's hand found his cheek and stroked it with his thumb. "You can go back to sleep if you want to, it's still early." 

Seokjin couldn't stop staring into his eyes. They were so beautiful and kind and sincere. His heart kept trying to escape his chest. "I'm..." the words were still weak so Seokjin had to wait for his mouth to water, or maybe he just got lost in the kind look Namjoon was offering him. "I don't think I could go back to sleep." 

"Do you wanna get up?" 

"No." That answer was too fast. Before Seokjin could get embarrassed by it, Namjoon noticed and smiled. He moved his hand to the back of Seokjin's head and massaged his scalp for a few seconds before pulling his head back to his chest and keeping it here. Seokjin's nose was once against filled with Namjoon's scent and it felt so good so pure, so reassuring, that he thought he was about to cry. To distract himself, he asked shyly, "Could you do that thing again?" 

"What thing?" 

"When you kissed my forehead." 

Namjoon stopped stroking his hair and held a breath in. "I... I did that?" Seokjin shut his eyes, hard.

He didn't mean to kiss him. It wasn't weird but now he made it weird. Why did he ask that? Namjoon must have been still asleep when he did that and it was a mistake. Why would Namjoon want to kiss his forehead? It didn’t make sense. What also didn’t make sense was the wave of warmth Seokjin had felt run through his entire body when the lips touched his skin. 

"You must have been still asleep..." He mumbled, but only because he had to say something. If it was up to him he would have rather prefered to be inside a hole where no one could see him. The room fell silent for a few seconds. But Seokjin was sure that Namjoon could hear how fast his heart was beating. He resumed stroking his hair for a little while, neither of them saying anything. His hand moved back to Seokjin's cheek and pushed him off of him once again. Seokjin did everything in his power to avoid his intense gaze but it was too much. He looked up and they locked eyes. Still so kind. 

Namjoon bent down his neck and his lips met Seokjin's forehead again. He didn't kiss at first, just touched, almost brushed past it. When he finally left a small peck, Seokjin couldn't resist the sigh that slipped past his lips. Namjoon took that as an encouragement and kept dropping kisses all over his soft skin. He made his way across Seokjin's forehead, from temple to temple, making sure to kiss every inch. He moved down to his nose, leaving pecks all the way down to the tip. Their noses and foreheads connected and Seokjin finally got brave enough to open his eyes again.

It sent shivers down his spine. Namjoon was looking at him so softly, yet so hungry. Like he was expecting something. Seokjin's gaze fell down Namjoon's face and he saw his lips, luscious, soft, full, slightly parted. Without looking away from them, Seokjin raised his chin and pressed his lips against Namjoon's. Neither of them moved for a while. Then Namjoon's hand traveled to Seokjin's neck and his lips crashed down, taking the older's lower lip between his.

Seokjin felt a burning sensation in his stomach, for a second he thought it could be those butterflies everyone was talking about, but it didn't feel like butterflies. It felt like his chest was expanding and not leaving enough room for the rest of his organs.

His right hand let go of Namjoon's shirt and cupped his cheek, deepening their kiss. Namjoon's tongue was about to slip out of his mouth when someone knocked on the door.

"Jin hyung, I got coffee for you," Hoseok said through the door. Seokjin and Namjoon looked at each other, eyes wide. They rushed themselves out of their impossibly tight embrace, Namjoon almost falling on the floor but Seokjin grabbing his arm at the last second.

They locked eyes and smiled. The situation was funny after all. Seokjin signaled Namjoon to go hide in the bathroom as he approached the front door and opened it to let a bare faced Hoseok in. 

"Did you manage to get any sleep, hyung?" 

"Yeah, slept like a baby," Seokjin couldn't help the smile on his face. Hoseok nodded, reassured. He handed him a warm paper cup of coffee and asked him if he knew where Namjoon was, Hoseok went to his room and couldn't find him. "Just leave the coffee with me, I'll give it to him when I see him." 

Hoseok agreed, happy to be freed from coffee duty and left Seokjin's room, reminding him that they had to be downstairs in an hour. Seokjin made sure to lock the door behind him and walked to the bathroom, finding Namjoon sitting down on the floor, reading the hotel instructions for the hair dryer.

"Got you coffee." 

Namjoon stood up and grabbed the cup. "Thanks." 

They stared at each other for a while like that, standing up in a hotel bathroom that was clearly too small for two people. Their coffee got cold but they couldn't stop smiling.

The rest of the day was busy with interviews and they didn't get a chance to talk about what had happened that morning. But they kept stealing glances at each other and grinning like middle schoolers. During one interview where they were sitting next to each other,  Namjoon put a hand on Seokjin’s thigh without realising it. Once the two of them did, they shared a quick knowing look and Namjoon didn’t take his hand off.

Seokjin wasn’t sure his mind had made up how it felt just yet. He wasn’t sure if he was feeling the thrill of the unknown, the excitement of something new, just finally having a full night of good rest or something even deeper. He had chosen not to think too much about it however. All he was sure of was that it was making him incredibly happy and that was already more than enough. 

They got back to their hotel after a long day, everyone was exhausted and walked to their room on auto pilot. Seokjin closed the door behind him and realised how lonely his room felt. He looked at the bed and saw it was made, the messy tangled up sheet from that morning was gone. It made him sad. He reached out in his back pocket and took out his phone.

Seokjin's heart was pounding in his chest. He wasn’t sure what any of the things he had agreed to implied. Did that mean that from now on Namjoon would always share a bed with him? If that was the case he was more than glad to agree to that, at least he would be getting nothing but good nights of sleep from now on. Through his stubbornness however, he knew that it meant something deeper. He knew that words had been left unsaid - he also knew he wasn’t quite sure what does words were.

When Namjoon knocked on his door and took him out of his thoughts, it took him so much by surprise that he let out a small cry. He turned around to run to the door, eager to find out what all of this meant but perhaps more eager to see Namjoon privately again. He was so excited he had trouble controlling his fingers enough to unlock the door.

When he finally did, he saw Namjoon, tall, bare faced, eyes tired from translating and fake laughing all day, his hair was undone and had gone back to sticking up randomly on his head. It was nothing Seokjin had never seen before, but the idea that he would be the only one seeing Namjoon like that tonight was fascinating to him.

He stepped aside to let Namjoon come in, closed and locked the door and before he could turn around, Namjoon had wrapped his arms around him. His head was hooked over his shoulder, and he closed his eyes. Seokjin turned his head to look at him, so peaceful and so warm, and his lips brushed against his cheeks. Namjoon’s hair ticked his ear. Seokjin brought his hands up to hold Namjoon’s arms and keep him place and he was about to say something but Namjoon spoke first. 

"You have no idea for how long I've been wanting to do that." 

"Do what?" Seokjin whispered. 

"Hold you." Seokjin was absolutely positive his heart was about to burst out of his chest. "Please tell me this is for real, I wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise." 

Seokjin only had to wonder about what this was referring to for a split second before he understood. With Namjoon pressed against his back, feeling his soft breath against his neck. He understood. It didn’t really feel like some sort of big revelation that suddenly made everything in his life feel purposeful. It didn’t feel like falling in love either. It felt like a tender realisation about himself. To his surprise, it didn’t scare him. If anything being in love with Namjoon felt like everything else he had been feeling for years. It seemed to have always been there, though he didn’t have the words to describe it just yet.

Seokjin turned his head again to leave a kiss on Namjoon’s cheek. The leader looked back to him, eyes filled with endured sadness. Seokjin wanted to curse at himself for taking so long to figure himself out. But now that he had, he could leave a small peck on Namjoon’s lips and smile, finally satisfied.

“I think I might be in love with you Namjoon,” he said. The words felt light in his mouth.

Namjoon smiled, eyes full of innocent happiness. “Good thing I’m in love with you, then.”

“Lucky me,” Seokjin whispered before closing his eyes and the distance between their lips.