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Chapter Text

"Now what, you're proposing to me?", Gavin asked, eyebrows raised in both scepticism and severe amusement: "A little early, don't you think?"

"Shut up and take it", Leo said noticeably rolling his eyes, the plain ring still in the air between them, hovering over the restaurant table dangling only from two of Leo's fingers.
The other guests were looking at them since both men didn't have the decency or manners to lower their voice in a public setting like this.

"No", Gavin insisted, voice and facial expression hardened now: "What's wrong with you? Besides, that thing must be seven sizes too big. How fat do you think my fucking fingers are? And that design? I couldn't find an uglier ring if I tried."

Leo looked at the man in front of him in utter confusion.
"Dude, how dense are you? What do you even think this is?", he finally asked.
"A ring", Gavin said dryly, stating the obvious, "A really fucking ugly one. Seriously. I know I don't have class but this is ridiculous."
"Wow", Leo said and sat the ring down before he made up his mind and held it right in front of Gavin's face: "You uncultured swine."

He picked up his own napkin and almost pushed it into Gavin's eyes: "See this?", with the ring in his right hand he gestured towards the napkin in his left one that was held by a ring of the same kind as the one he had wanted to give to Gavin: "That's a fucking napkin ring. People who don't only eat at fast food places even know what it is. I was giving you yours because apparently the staff here was incompetent enough to put two on my napkin and none on yours."

"You worked at a fast food place."

"That's not the point."

"You even got fired from said fast food place, so-"

"Not the fucking point, Gavin", Leo snapped, and slammed the ring onto the space inbetween them: "The point is that you just thought I was proposing to you. On the third date. What the fuck."

"Well, you held a fucking ring in my face. On the third date. What was I supposed to think?"

They glared at each other in annoyance for a few moments before Gavin took the ring and let it slid onto his ringfinger.
"See?", he asked as he looked at the empty space between the the metal and his skin: "Told you it was too big."

"Yeah, slide me your ring size and I'll get a better one", Leo said nonchalantly. He didn't even have to emphasize the point that he was joking, they both knew he didn't have the kind of money for that. Not now that he knew he had been disowned at least. Hell, he had ranted about that last time they had met. And the one before. And probably all the time a few months ago, before they had even remotely thought about dating.

"Yeah, from where? The gum machine?", Gavin asked, immediately picking up on Leo's train of thoughts: "Thanks but I'll pass."

"If you wanna be high maintenance try to learn what a napkin ring is first", Leo said with a shrug before tending to his food again.

When they left the restaurant an hour later Gavin barely noticed how he slid the napkin ring into his pocket.

Chapter Text

"Come on, you little shit."
Leo was kneeling on the ground and he could swear that he had been holding this piece of cooked salmon into the stupid cat's face for at least fifteen minutes.

"Insulting him won't make him like you more."

"Worked on you."

"And the way you look at him I would've run if I was in his place", Gavin continued with an amused undertone.

"Yeah, go on and laugh", Leo shot him a mildly annoyed glare: "But I'm kinda pressured here."

"Nothing I can do about that", Gavin said with a shrug and walked over towards the kitchen counters to open a cabinet and close it again without having found what he had been looking for: "My cats don't like you I can't keep dating you, that's just a rule."

"Yeah, that rule's fucking stupid", Leo said but started to carefully approach the equally grumpy cat in front of him either way: "Come here, kitty, get your treat."
He dangled the salmon in front of the cat's face. It seemed gloriously unimpressed.

"With each passing moment your chances with me are flying out the window", Gavin said and it was clear that he was enjoying this mockery. Well, not really mockery.
The cat in front of Leo didn't like anyone but Gavin. Whenever a date failed to feed it, which was every time, he had an excuse to cut ties with the guy. And cutting ties with others was what had to be Gavin's biggest strength.
"Tick tock, time's running out", Gavin said, leaning against the counter and watching Leo struggle in sadistic joy.

"I swear I'm about to grab that asshole's fucking head and shove the food in its shitty ass mouth", Leo growled, to which the cat hissed and took off towards the sofa where it sat down in a position that left it higher than Leo.
"This is fucking pointless", he said as he stood up and looked at Gavin: "What's wrong with you anyways? Why would your asshole cat decide if I can date you. Shouldn't, like, the last four dates tell you if it's a good or bad idea?"

"Nah, you're pretty boring so I already forgot the first three again", Gavin said and missed the brief look of hurt on Leo's face that quickly turned into anger.

"Well, I'm out of this fuckery", he said and threw the bait onto the floor: "We can order the pizza you promised literally hours ago and watch a movie or I'm outta here."

Usually this was the moment in which Gavin insisted that he had to subject to his cats' judgement and couldn't pursue this relationship - even that word sent shivers down his spine and it definitely weren't the good ones - but now that he looked Leo in the face he couldn't bring himself to say those words that usually were so easy to spit out.
Somehow the thought of the disappointment in the younger man's eyes that was sure to follow was something Gavin didn't want to see. Much less cause.

"Fine", he said in defeat, voice suddenly much more gloomy: This had been the first time his policies and non-dating rules had had to admit defeat against his stupid primal instincts. Hell, Leo was a walking red flag and still he was somehow willing to bend his self-imposed rules for him.

"Great, I take hot pepperoni and I'm actually gonna pay this time", Leo said even though they both knew that he'd probably pretend to forget and Gavin would pretend to not notice it.

"I order the pizza if I can choose the movie."

"Deal", Leo said and flopped down on the coach which surprisingly had no effect on the grumpy, old cat that was still sitting there.

"Hey, you think I could pet him?"

"Try it and he'll scratch your eyes out", Gavin said while he fished his old cellphone out of a drawer.

Thankfully, Leo made the arguably first smart decision of his life and left the cat in peace.

Chapter Text

Going to the ice rink had not been an entirely conscious decision on Leo's part: He had come here without a plan and nothing but his old skates on the single notion that he had to do something - that something distracting him from the cravings and pointlessness of it all.

It wasn't that Leo was confident that ice skating would help, for him there were certain connotations to it after all, but he remembered the adrenaline rush he had experienced by jumping or performing sequences or just speeding and it wasn't that different from a high. Something he desperately needed right now.

When Leo reached the actual ice there was a single person on it but while that might have bothered him under different circumstances right now he couldn't be brought to even care: The rink was big enough for the both of them and the other person seemed to be someone who vaguely knew what they were doing, though Leo didn't pay too close attention.

Carefully, but not nearly as carefully as he should, Leo said foot on the ice. Back in the day he had been good, mainly because of his low height, his naturally slim build and his utter lack of fear or even remote sensibility or sense of self-preservation.
Hell, it had been the first thing he had actually been good at in his life.

The pounding, bumping music and flashing lights in the evenings when his friends and him had chosen a corner of the rink and occupied a much too large part of the crowded ice for their sequences and turns and even jumps for the few that were good enough.
Or how they had sped through unsuspecting skaters, Leo himself always careful enough to never make someone fall but others from his friend group back then way less cautious.
The more calm days on the ice, a bit earlier during his figure skating days but still even on weekends as a teen, practicing choreographies for freestyle events or attempting to jump higher, better, more spectacular. It had never been as elegant or sophisticated as figure skating anymore but it had been free and the adrenaline rush had been one of a kind, though still by far inferior to the high the drugs had given them in combination.

Still, the latter was out of reach and while Leo had long lost his extraordinarily slim and generally athletic figure, his body weakened to a huge extent by both years of drug abuse and now withdrawal, ice skating seemed like the way to go today.

Even during this vague thought process, the flashy memories of the days from when he had been fifteen, sixteen, seventeen returning and leaving him with both with ecstasy and regret, he had already sped up, not consciously thinking about what was going on and much less about whether he'd still be able to control himself.

Leo had always been proud of his speed, it was the core of all he had ever been able to do back then and a fair deal of friends had envied him but it was hard to control as well: As Leo sped up more and more he felt himself lose it.

He had forgotten about the other ice skater as a whole, was simply speeding up beyond any previous limit, far more than he had ever allowed himself to on purpose since he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop or hold his balance for long.

Leo felt everything swirl around faster and faster, felt the wonderful feeling of his dropping stomach as his feet started to glide further away to the sides from underneath him and in what seemed like far too short of a moment he laid on his back, panting heavily, eyes opened towards the ceiling.

Somewhere faintly Leo felt his back and left leg hurt and fuck, his head was pounding, but he didn't mind at all. Right now he felt content, at ease. Happy, almost.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", he heard a voice scream and suddenly he got lifted up slightly by the rim of his shirt, his head barely scratching the surface of the ice anymore, and he involuntarily looked into a very angry face.

Leo stared at it blankly.

"You almost killed my fucking niece, psycho. Who do you think you-", the man stopped, his scarred nose scrunched up in disgust ever so slightly and his eyes narrowed.

"I've arrested you before."

Fuck, so this guy was a cop.

"I don't have anything on me!", Leo assured hurriedly, his hands already gliding towards his pockets to demonstrate that it was the truth.

"I know", the man that now seemed vaguely familiar answered and let Leo's head fall back onto the ice which sent another sharp, quick pain through his skull, "If you had any drugs on you you weren't sober. I know what you people are like."

"What tells you I'm not high right now?"

"Do I look fucking stupid to you? We didn't arrest you for a bit of weed, your record has some serious shit. Maybe you thought you were being sneaky but believe me, people can see if you're on that stuff from fifty feet afar."

"How do you even know my record so well?", Leo shot back in defense: "What are you, some fucking creep that gets off on reading records?"

"You spat into my face at least five times."

"Oh."

"And one time you threw a chair at the station."

"I could do that?", Leo asked, sounding far more impressed by himself than it was appropriate in this situation.

"Don't get too wet about it. You were tackled by two officers and then thrown into custody for three days until your daddy got you out. Come on."

Yeah, that made it sound less cool. He closed his eyes in shame for a few moments and when he looked back up Leo blinked at the hand that was stretched out towards him, dumbfounded.

"Fuck, what are you, braindead?", the man on top of him asked, "I'm not going to stand here forever like an idiot."

"Ah, right."

Leo took the man's hand and was pulled onto his feet. On the way he noticed that the guy was wearing sneakers.

"No offense but what are you even doing here?", he asked, pointing at the man's shoes.

The guy simply pointed towards the other person on the ice, a young girl of maybe eleven or twelve years as Leo noticed now that currently kept skating what seemed to be a figure skating routine.
"My niece", he said with a glare at Leo, "The one you almost tackled with your stupid, mindless-"

"Okay, got it", Leo said raising his arms in defense: "Sorry, I guess."
He eyed the other man and wondered if he should thank him but could in the end only bring himself to hold out his hand and say his name: "I'm Leo."

The man gave him a knowing look but didn't comment on it and simply nodded: "Gavin. And now come on, I doubt you can be trusted by yourself so I'll get you to the hospital."

"Dude, I'm doing great!", Leo said and he couldn't deny that he sounded deeply offended, "It's not like I'd have to drive. Plus, I'm not even hurt, I don't need a hospital."
Truth was, Leo would rather die in a corner than ever see the inside of a hospital again.

"See? And that's why I'm not taking the chance", Gavin said as if he had read Leo's thoughts, "I'm about ninety per cent sure you got yourself a nasty concussion."

"I'm fine", Leo insisted. He didn't want to leave, not now that for a moment he had almost felt alive again. He didn't want to lose that.

"You can come with me voluntarily or I'll take you to the station for a drug test where they'll notice your concussion and will send you to the hospital either way. Your call."

"Fuck you."

"I'm glad we understand each other."

And while Gavin gave his niece a sign that he was heading out Leo begrudgingly followed the guy he had apparently spat on repeatedly off the ice.

It really was a fucked up world.

Chapter Text

When he wasn't busy denying it Leo knew exactly what he was. He saw it when he looked at his mother who grew more and more disappointed, when he looked in the mirror, when he tried to paint or even just to do his homework and failed miserably.
But most if all he saw it when he looked at his friends.

They were complete idiots. Assholes. Absolute pieces of shit. The kind of people that were mean just for the sake of it, hurt others for the fun of it, put them down for their own, sick pleasure.

And Leo was one of them. He blended right into them, cappy backwards on his head, bomber jacket, combat boots, vodka in his water bottle. The only thing missing were cigarettes and prostitutes who didn't care that they were underage because it was illegal either way.

He was the same as them from the outside, from the way he moved, spoke, acted. His teachers had long given up on him and he couldn't even blame them - hell, he had, too.
Sometimes Leo wondered if on the inside he was the same as well.

Sure, he'd like to think of himself as special, as different from those people he hated so much. But ultimately, what were the odds?
Who said they didn't have the same thoughts and feelings when they were alone and sober?

Leo threw a hit.

Who said they didn't regret everything just to get back to acting this way when they were together?

One guy on the ground spat blood.

This wasn't right.

"Not such a big mouth anymore, huh?", Chad asked as he grinned down at the two guys they had targeted.
Leo wasn't sure what had caused the fight but did he really care? It wasn't like he could just back out of this, leave his friends hanging. They were a team. Everyone else had just given up on them.
Hell, they had probably all given up on themselves as well. It was just that they knew that if they gave up on each other as well nothing would be left.

Or was it?

The people around him, were they really just clinging to each other for support like Leo was clinging to them? Or were they actually friends and enjoyed all of this?
Was Leo the odd one out?
Did he want to be the odd one out?
Yet another time?
Or did he want to just be a despicable asshole like them?
Maybe he had been all along. Probably. So why fight it?

"What's the matter?", Henry asked, kicking the other guy on the ground in the stomach: "Too scared to fight back?"

Leo saw the smug grin on Henry's face. On Chad's face.
The sick pleasure in Luke's eyes.
The angry grimace that Zach's expression had become.
The fear on the faces of the young men on the ground.

"Maybe we should stop", Leo heard himself say, voice weak and unsteady, and the moment his friends' eyes collectively darted on him he immediately regretted it.

"Why would we?", Henry asked, "Didn't you hear what they said to Chad?"

"A fucking loser, that's what they called him", Zach said, always the first to chime in when it came to verbal conflict. Maybe the one with the most brains of them all, Leo thought to himself, definitely smarter than him.
Not that that meant a lot.

"Our friends are gonne show up any minute and then you're dead fucking-", the guy with the bleeding mouth started to say and Henry silenced him with another kick in the gut.

"The more the better", Luke said and it was crystal clear that he was eager for another fight: His fists were clenched, his legs apart, his expression determined, expectant.
Leo looked down at his own fists. At his legs. Looked at his reflection in the broken bathroom mirror.
He looked the same.

"We should really stop", he said again, voice even smaller than before and he only earned an annoyed look from Zach, the others didn't even seem to hear the words. "Not the moment to chicken out", he said to Leo.
The door swung open.
Three guys entered.
Leo felt a sharp, sudden pain in his nose.

Then he saw red.

All the thoughts and doubts from before vanished inbetween fists, and feet, punches and scratches and Leo could swear that he saw a knife somewhere.
The doubts were gone, the thoughts were gone, hell, had there ever been any doubts?

They were all alike, failures who resorted to violence. Leo was no different and if he was lucky he'd even be hit hard enough to get a prescription for painkillers.

There was no sense in denying what he was but Leo could very well ignore it in this storm of mindless, aimless anger.

Chapter Text

Gavin had been surprised at first when he had woken up to an empty bed but not really in the long run - and he knew exactly where to find his boyfriend.

As he hurried out of the bus and through the rainy, grey weather of a Detroit night in autumn he was almost tempted to use the umbrella he had brought but he resisted the thought.
Umbrellas were for pretentious pricks. He could deal with a bit of rain.

Without a second thought he was headed towards the big construction site that had been opened up in the middle of the huge place in the center of inner detroit to create yet another monument.
It wasn't fully constructed yet but the framework clearly indicated a human-like form that held a its right hand onto his heart.
Or whatever it was that beat inside its chest.

A single figure stood in the rain in front of the monument and Gavin didn't need to look at the bad posture, risen shoulders and the twitching left hand to know that it was Leo.

Carefully, not to scare the surprisingly skittish man, he approached him from behind and opened the umbrella over his head.

"You're going to be sick."

Leo didn't respond at first, his eyes glued to the imposing monument high above him. Gavin could only imagine what ran through his head right know and was pretty sure that he failed even at that.

"So that's what the authorities have money for", Gavin finally heard Leo say through gritted teeth: "Not social security. Healthcare. Social work. Low wage jobs. Fucking homeless shelters."

Gavin didn't respond. He needed to let Leo speak his mind.

"All those years they say they don't have money to waste. Even though they have fucking Cyberlife. But the moment- ", he turned around and Gavin could see the anger in his eyes, "The moment some fucking- some fucking android prick shows up they need to honour him for doing what exactly? Breaking into a radio tower? Sitting on the ground?"

Gavin opened his mouth but when he saw the glimmer of tears in Leo's eyes he shut it again. It didn't matter what Markus had done for those tin cans and what that meant for society, Leo knew that very well himself. Hell, thinking about it that was probably the root of the problem.

Gavin tried to take his left hand but Leo quickly yanked it away. Figures. Leo wasn't a person that liked being touched, especially not in public and even less when his hand was going wild. But of course Gavin hadn't thought of that in his impulse reaction.

"I've heard they want to cover it in gold. In fucking gold, Gavin."

"It's stupid", Gavin said, not only because it was what Leo wanted to hear but because it really was hypocritical of the government in far too many ways. "In a few years it's gonna be dirty and rotten."

"They are gonna pay more people to keep it all beautiful and shiny."
Leo's voice was bitter and Gavin couldn't blame him. The worst part was, he was probably right.

"We should go home", Gavin said.

"Don't tell me what I should do."

"I'm telling you what we should do."

"Don't treat me like I'm dumb!", Leo snapped and turned around to the monument.

"I don't think you're dumb."

"Don't lie to me!"
Leo's shout was sudden and raw, his voice cracking whether from the sheer force of his raspy screaming or from tears Gavin couldn't tell.
He would insist that he wasn't lying but he knew that it was of no use. Leo was too deep inside his own thoughts and delusions right now to really grasp what Gavin had to say other than tiny bits and pieces that he would twist into insults in his mind.

"What do you want?", he asked, wary of the answer.

"I want to fucking tear it down", Leo said, both firsts clenched yet again: "And I want everyone to stop praising Markus like he's some fucking saint!"
Leo's last words were screamed and he kicked the base of the monument. Judging by the way his body trembled when he pulled his foot back he would be in pain at least for a day or two after this.

"Alright", Gavin said in a flash of sudden ridiculous idiocy, seemed like Leo was infectious after all, "Hold this."
He pushed the umbrella into the working hand of a startled Leo and sat down his duffle back on the ground: "If the police come, run."

"What are you doing?"

"You'll see."

"I won't just run without you."

"I am the police, I'll find a way. You're a junkie and now a crime compliant."

Gavin missed the hurt look on Leo's face that told him how much he hated being called a junkie as he turned around and walked towards the monument.
The scaffold allowed him to climb towards the chest of the statue in progress without endangering himself too much. There definitely were hundreds of security cameras around here so Gavin simply had to hope that Markus was as kindhearted as everyone claimed him to be and wouldn't press charges if he saw Leo down there.

From up close the framework was much more solid than it had looked from down on the ground but Gavin found a piece of the hand that he had the strength to rip off - a metallic sound that was far too loud for his taste was the result and he could have sworn he almost slipped but a few minutes later when he was on the ground again he could proudly present Leo a piece of the statue he hated so much.

"Here", he said with an admittedly questioning look at the other since he wasn't sure if this was sufficient but the slight twinkle in Leo's eyes told him that it was at least a step into the right direction.

"Dude, you could get arrested!", Leo said but sounded more excited about the metal piece in his hand than worried about the actual consequences for the both of them: "Thats sick!"
Gavin took the umbrella again so that Leo could more or less safely handle the metal and he used that opportunity to immediately bash it against the monument's base.
Repeatedly, until the loud noises of metal and beton finally seemed to have alarmed a late night shop owner that had stepped out of his safe and dry cave.
"Who's there?", he asked and from the corner of his eye Gavin could see that he was holding what might be a baseball bat.

"Come on", he said as he grabbed Leo's free hand, this time without facing any resistence probably due to the urgency of the movement, "The police will show up any moment, gotta make a run for it."

Leo nodded and quickly followed Gavin across the street and through the park on the oppisite side, through a few dark alleyways until they finally showed up at a bus stop they both had been to multiple times already.
Leo was panting heavily and Gavin stretched out his hand in an offfer to take the metal bar but Leo quickly shook his head.
"Not a chance", he said inbetween breaths and Gavin wasn't stupid enough to fight him about something like this.

Chapter Text

"This will all go so fucking wrong."

Gavin sighed and squeezed Leo's hand a bit, they had been through this a million times over the course of the past months - no, the past year by now.

"It will go just fine", he said and even though he sounded exaspersted he meant it.
The dog had been trained for three years in total, specifically chosen for and by Leo more than a year ago and trained even more specifically for his needs for the past fourteen months under a professional trainer and close communication with his psychiatrist.

"Huskies need a lot of movement and training", Leo said.

"And you're going to provide that."

"I don't get out of bed before four and I'm exhausted from going down the stairs."

"Fuck, Leo, we've gone over this a million fucking times. You got out of bed just fine for training sessions so far and that's kind of the point. And even if you couldn't I will."
It was truly remarkable how much life force had come back to Leo whenever he had been with Bonnie. Which was the main reason why Gavin was so confused as to what might be Leo's problem.

"Huskies don't like to be alone."

"And you're home with her all day. Or out. Wherever. You can even take her to work, there really is no downside."

"The cats are going to hate her. She's gonna eat them or something", Leo mumbled, well aware that he was running out of arguments.

"The cats have met her. They didn't mind. She tried to snuggle up to them and then left them alone. No one got eaten and no one will get eaten."

"They will mind once she's in their territory."

Gavin couldn't really argue with that, however, that was one of the reasons why they had to finally take the dog home today: To see how she resonated with the cats.

"You don't even like dogs, Gavin", Leo continued his whining.

"You're being ridiculous", Gavin sighed, "What even gave you that impression? You've seen me play with Bonnie, what the fuck makes you still think I don't like dogs."

"You have what, five cats and the number is growing!", Leo said voice risen slightly: "That's like, kinda a given."

"I wanted a dog as a child. A Doberman, mostly. The cats just happened and I love them but I like dogs. I'll be fine."

Leo shut his mouth and stubbornly looked at the ground and Gavin finally risked a glance at the big, silent clock on the wall.
Their appointment had been scheduled five minutes ago.

"I don't want a service dog, Gavin", Leo finally said, voice gruff, and Gavin felt movement against his hand that made him clench Leo's a bit more which thankfully wasn't answered with resistance.

So it was back to this one, always reoccuring problem.
Figures. Why hadn't he picked up on that earlier?

"It's an emotional support dog", Gavin said, even though he knew that it was technically the same thing in this case.

"Same fucking thing and you know it", Leo said and glared at Gavin: "I'm gonna walk out of there with a service dog like I'm a fucking retard."

"You're not a retard", Gavin said, suppressing an annoyed undertone because they had been through this conversation every time there had been any big change in Leo's life. Big beneficial change, should be added.
Leo might be bad at distinguishing what harmed and what helped him but he was the absolute worst at accepting that help he needed.

"Yeah, and if I need a fucking service dog what else does that make me?"

Gavin struggled to find an adequate answer that was neither hurtful by Leo's evasive standards nor untrue nor patronizing and bit his tongue at the realization that he couldn't find one.

"See?" Leo's voice wasn't triumphant at the victory but bitter at the realization that even Gavin, determined as he always was to hold a mirror in front of Leo that showed him from his best or at least most functional side couldn't come up with a way to embellish things for him and Gavin's stomach dropped at that.
He opened his mouth to say something, though he had no clue what, but thankfully was saved by an employee that smiled at them with her big, bleached teeth, greatly emphasized by her tiny face and strict ponytail. 

"Doctor Hiller has time for you now", she said and left the door through which she had come open for them to follow her.

"Gavin, what the fuck are we doing?", Leo asked and looked at Gavin with that horribly helpless look that always made him feel helpless as well because no matter how badly he wanted to make it go away he never quite managed and it returned at some point, "I'm thirty-two. I should have my life together by now not- this."

"You didn't even have a life until what, three, four years ago", Gavin said, "We're getting it together, alright?"
He carefully placed a kiss on Leo's forehead and to his big relief his boyfriend nodded.

"Right", Leo said and slowly stood up, to which Gavin followed him quickly. They let go of each others' hand when they walked into the office, both of them uncomfortable with the publically vulnerable position holding hands would leave them in.
Doctor Hiller, specialist in service dog training was already waiting for them and Bonnie, who had been sitting next to her, carefully, waiting for a possible command that suggested otherwise, padded towards Leo.

"Hey Bonnie", Leo whispered to her as he knelt down with a big smile on his face that made Gavin's stomach flutter with joy: "Guess who's gonna take you home today."

Chapter Text

The ice, slightly snowy on the edges where it blended into the fully covered ground of the woods, glimmered in the sunlight, and the ice crystals on the roots and leaves all around the lake were like millions of sparkling lights.

Had Gavin been a wuss he'd have had to admit that it looked almost magical, out of this world.

"This is so many fucking levels of illegal", he muttered as he tried to wipe the snow off the stump of a tree trunk, only to give up and walk back and forth on the same spot like his idiot cats did when they decided to sleep on his chest in the middle of the night but didn't even have the remote decency to just lay down and let him dream in peace.

Leo didn't seem to care about Gavin's worries, instead he was already stepping onto the ice, carelessly as it seemed. "It's only trespassing", he said, "No one's gonna care about that like..ever."

"No one's gonna care until you break through the ice and I have to call an ambulance to get your sorry ass out of there."

"Don't bother", Leo said with a nonchalant shrug: "I wouldn't make it in that ice water for two seconds."

"Thank you for proving my point, asshole", Gavin said but Leo had already taken off onto the lake and wasn't listening to a word he said anymore.
Gavin sighed. What an absolute dumbass.

He watched closely as Leo glided over the ice. Not because he was worried, obviously, he just wanted to see when Leo would finally trip and fall.
So he waited.

And damn, he had known that Leo was quite the skater and that he had revived that old hobby over the past year or so but he had been unaware of how good Leo actually was. As otherworldly, almost enchanted as this place had seemed Leo fit right in. Right now it didn't matter how sick he looked in person, how exhausted he was from simply doing his daily tasks in the evening, everything he did on the ice seemed free, weightless. He seemed to turn and spin effortlessly and even-

"PHCK!", Gavin spat in shock when Leo suddenly lifted off the ice and spun in the air.
For a moment he was frozen in terror and only waited for the horrid sound of cracking ice that would seal Leo's fate.

It didn't come.

Gavin didn't notice that he had held his breath until a few moments after Leo was back on his feet and things around him suddenly came back into motion again.
"Stop that right now!", he shouted towards the ice and was already on it without even noticing.
Back in the day when he had accompanied his niece to her training he had only sat foot on ice in his normal footwear. Now that he was on skates it was a far more unstable experience.
Another takeoff.
Another two spins in the air.
Another moment in which time stopped and Gavin just waited for the catastrophy to happen until he finally exhaled in relief.

"Stop it!", he yelled again, even louder than before, and this time Leo noticed, stopping with a terrifyingly abrupt halt.
"What is it?", he asked and had the forest not been this quiet his thin voice would've been drowned out by the wind and distance.

"This is fucking dangerous!", Gavin shouted back and took a few more, wobbly steps towards Leo who seemed to have finally decided to get his ass over towards the shore.

"Dude, you look hilarious", Leo said only moments later, a fat, shit-eating grin on his face that Gavin wanted to punch and kiss at the same time. Right now the punch-option was winning, though.

"You're getting off this ice now", he said instead and took another step towards Leo.

"I know what I'm doing", he said, "I did this all the time when I was a teen."

"And we all know the decisions you made as a teenager were the best", Gavin snapped at him and quickly gripped the shoulder part of Leo's coat when he noticed that he was slipping in his fit of anger.

"Fine", Leo said though of course the dumbass had to roll his stupid eyes, "We can leave."

"Good."

"Why did you even agree to this in the first place if you were just gonna make me leave again?", Leo asked and he sounded huffy.

"Because I didn't think you'd do fucking circus stunts on open water", Gavin said and finally let go of Leo's arm.

"Technically it's not open water-"

"It doesn't matter if it's open or not, it's fucking dangerous. Let's just leave."

Fuck, Leo looked sad.

"Leave and go to an ice rink, okay?", Gavin suggested because fuck him if he just let Leo's wishes of skating together die like that.

Indeed Leo's expression lighted at the proposition and he nodded: "Sounds like a deal. Come on, I'll help you."
He grabbed Gavin's hand and started to skate towards the shore but Gavin quickly shook his head and pulled away.
"I can do this by myself", he insisted and started to take slow steps again, eyes focused on his shaky feet.

Thankfully, Leo respected his dignity enough to at the very least not insist on taking his hand.
That was about it, though: He shamelessly watched every step with mockingly raised eyebrows: "You know that you're supposed to glide, right?"

"Fuck off", Gavin muttered, "I'm gliding alright and you can shut your mouth."
He glared at Leo and only noticed his mistake when he suddenly saw the world around him turn and felt a quick, dull pain in his bottom region.
Leo's amused expression had turned into a concerned one and within moments he knelt in front of Gavin, hands brushing aimlessly over his legs and arms and chest area.

"I fell on my ass, not break every bone in my body", Gavin finally said and swatted his hand away but Leo didn't quite pick up on the joke and only kept looking at him like he was contemplating calling an ambulance.

"Leo, I'm fine. Really", he assured in a much calmer voice the other rarely got to hear, much less anyone else and he could immediately see the relief on Leo's face.
"Dude, you can't scare me like that", he said to which Gavin only scoffed.
"And what you did earlier didn't qualify as scaring me?"

"I mean-", Leo started but stopped after the first two words, a flood of emotions rushing over his face until it settled on something between guilt and regret.
"Sorry, I guess", he muttered with gritted teeth: "didn't think about that."

Well, of course he hadn't, as Gavin thought to himself. It wasn't so much that Leo was generally selfish, it just seemed like the fact that others might be scared for his life when he pulled dumb shit didn't ever get into his thick skull.

"It's fine", Gavin said because there really was no use in dampening the mood further: "I just would've thought if you're that acrobatic you'd at least be able to catch me."

"Dude!", Leo exclaimed, shaking his head: "Never! I can't lift a fucking chair, how am I supposed to hold you?"

"That's because my chairs are made of literal steel. Plus, if you do scary shit like those jumps on the ice you can't be that weak."

"I'm tight in the air. My strength is like six feet under, seriously. Plus, you're fucking heavy."
Leo stretched out a hand in front of Gavin and after short consideration of whether it would hurt his dignity more to accept help or to try to crawl towards the shore by himself he took it, clinging to Leo even after he had risen back onto his feet.

"Well, contrary to you I'm all muscle", he said in a last attempt to at least save part of his pride and Leo shrugged.
"Not everyone can be a police body builder", he responded and Gavin was glad he didn't have to argue about that.

"Come", Leo squeezed his hand", let's get you off the ice before you embarrass your sorry ass any further."

Chapter Text

Less than two years ago - wow, that was hella lot of time, actually - Gavin would've said that if he ever woke up to a kick or slap or really any odd movement near him he'd be wide awake with the gun that rested under his pillow pointed directly at the source of the disturbance.

These days it was just the typical night. Well, the part of waking up due to weird movements at least. He very rarely, meaning never, pointed his gun at Leo. In fact, it had been moved to his bedside drawer for that exact reason.

Leo always claimed that he didn't dream and Gavin was sure that Leo really didn't remember his dreams, which was probably a good thing since in his sleep things apparently went wild.
It seemed like the moment Gavin finally found peace - he had had trouble falling asleep even way before Leo had entered his everyday life - he was immediately woken up again by a kick or whatever weird movement or noise Leo decided to make that particular time.
Today it had been a direct slap in the face.

With a groan, Gavin held his nose to check if he was bleeding - he wasn't - and then turned around and shuffled further towards his own side of the bed in order to get out of Leo's reach and continue his own odyssey of falling asleep despite the kicking thing next to him.

Sometimes when it was particularly unbearable he woke Leo up which usually led to a more peaceful rest of the night but it always nagged at his conscience. Whenever Leo woke up directly from whatever the hell he was dreaming he seemed so afraid in the first moment, even though he didn't really remember anything.

The kicking next to him continued.

With a deeply annoyed groan Gavin sat up which led to an angry hiss from the cat that had been cuddled agaist the warmth of his feet and was now deprived of it.
When Gavin turned on his bedside light his suspicions that it was Trumpet, a bright orange cat that had earned this name with its looks and the horrible habit of constantly complaining in an abhorrent, whiny noise, were confirmed.
"Meoooooooow."
There it was.

Gavin didn't bother to tell Trumpet to shut up and instead turned towards Leo.
His eyes were forcefully pressed shut, his breathing was hectic and his left hand was twitching like it only did whenever Leo was particularly distressed.
It was in moments like this in which the forever ongoing process of withdrawal and everything else were painfully apparent on Leo's face, he looked restless and frail, like even the slightest blow of wind would throw his whole life out of balance.

"Hey, Leo", Gavin said, carefully shaking him by the shoulder, "Leo, wake up."
Nothing happened, if anything, the kicking got worse.
"Leo, you're in bed and I wanna sleep. Wake the fuck up", Gavin tried again, shaking a little harder this time.

Leo's eyes snapped open, his expression frightened, panicked even for the shortest fraction of a moment, it sent a quick sensation of pain and helplessness through Gavin's stomach. Then Leo blicked, sat up and whichever look it had been was replaced by tired confusion.

"Did I kick you again?", Leo asked.
"Punched my fucking face", Gavin growled and Leo's shoulders slumped a bit.
"Sorry", he muttered and rubbed his eyes, "What time's it?"
His voice was slurred and if he didn't want to just go to fucking sleep Gavin would've admitted that it sounded kind of endearing.

"Not time for fucking smalltalk", Gavin said and laid back down: "Time to sleep."

"Right, sorry."

Leo did the same but curled closely up to Gavin.
Great. If he was lucky, this way the moment Leo started dreaming again Gavin would be woken up by yet another physical attack.

"Not your fault", he heard himself say and carefully placed his arms around Leo, aware that there were times in which Leo wasn't at all comfortable with that.

Today wasn't one of those days, Leo cuddled even closer and grabbed Gavin's t-shirt, arm laid over his chest area.
"I love you, y'know?", he heard Leo's stoft voice from his shoulder and Gavin turned around to place a soft kiss on his forehead.
"Love you too", he muttered, "Now go to sleep, idiot."

For a few moments they lay there, lights turned off and eyes closed, ready to fall asleep again.

"Meoooooow."

Gavin felt the weight of the heavy cat that had just returned to bed and jumped on his stomach.

"Meooooooooooow."

Not a single fucking moment of peace in this household.

Chapter Text

Gavin had a bad feeling when he turned the key in the lock.
The messages he had received from Leo earlier had been jumbled, as if a child had put them together which was unusual.
Normally Leo either didn't text at all or did it with sentences as short and to the point as possible, preferably with single words. Not that Gavin blamed him.

The texts from earlier, however,  had been a mess, as if Leo had tried to write longer messages, failed miserably and hadn't even cared or noticed. He wasn't sure which of both was worse.

Should Gavin have left work and come home?
Yeah, probably. Who knew what was the matter. Anything could have happened.
But he had been at a crime scene at the time and only seen the messages a good hour later and had told himself that it didn't matter now if he came home right now or ten minutes later after he finished his paperwork for the day.

It had been the wrong decision: While Gavin was still sure that it really didn't matter he had been too worried to concentrate on anything, had half-assed his paperwork and, even worse, he felt like an absolute dick now.
Because not only had he not checked his messages at the crime scene, he hadn't even come to check on Leo asap when he had seen them.
What kind of crappy boyfriend was he?

"Leo?", he asked as he pushed the door to his - to their - flat open and looked around the empty living room, hearbeat picking up pace at Leo's disappearance.
He told himself that it was alright. That there was an explanation for everything.
For Leo's weird texts.
As well as for the open cupboards that seemed like someone had rummaged through them.
Maybe a break-in?
Usually this was the point at which his police senses kicked in and he emotionally distanced himself from the scenery immediately, however, he only felt his heart beating up to his throat, making it hard to swallow while a rush of fear went right through him.

What if Leo had been kidnapped?
What if he had been looking for money, had gone out to get high like that one time months ago, way before they had been living together or even had been exclusive?

"Leo!"
His voice was risen this time, he hated how shakey it was and he had his right hand on his gun, ready to draw it in case someone who shouldn't be here turned out to be in the next room.

Gavin heard a retching sound.

All senses widely awake and alarmed he sneaked up towards the bedroom door which was where the noises had come from.
He waited for a few seconds but didn't hear anything else.

In his mind he counted to five, then he bodyslammed the door, opening it with his elbow and pointed his gun inside the room.

Scared, red-rimmed eyes stared at him.
Stared through him, to be precise, unfocused and dizzy.

"Leo, what the fuck!", Gavin spat, lowering his gun and staring at him, making sense of the scenery.

Leo was leaning against the back of their bed, head resting against the wall. There was no red ice anywhere to be seen, neither were other illegal substances which, frankly, was a relief.
There was, however, a half empty bottle of vodka in Leo's lap, one of the few Gavin had been keeping for years in case a particularly gruesome case at work haunted him but had always been too proud to use.
Drinking wasn't ever a solution anyways.
And a perfect example of that was sitting right in front of him on the bed, looking as miserable as a single person could look.

Leo's mouth opened and it seemed like he wanted to say something but it took him a multitude of seconds to actually make a sound and when he did, the only thing he said was: "Gavin."

"No shit", Gavin said, walking over to his bedside table where he put the gun into the top drawer and locked it: "Glad to hear you still know my fucking name."

Yeah, this was not the right way to deal with the situation but fuck it, he was boiling with anger and he needed to get that out somehow before being the only fucking responsible person in this household yet again.

"Gavin", Leo slurred, voice tired and eyes half closed, "I think I'm dyin'."

With a deep sigh Gavin consciously softened his facial expression and sat down on his side of the bed.

"You're not going to die, idiot", he said and tried to take the bottle from Leo whose eyes suddenly snapped open, he yanked the bottle away from Gavin like his life depended on it and took a big swing while he tumbled towards the side from the motion, vodka spilling on the bedsheets and Leo falling onto his side where he curled up around the bottle.
"Gavin I'm so sick", he said in a whiny tone, trying to take another swing while still on his side which resulted in even more fluid being spilled on the bed.

"Of course you're fucking sick", Gavin said with a frown, "You're not supposed to drink, it could have whatever side effects. Fuck, from what I know you could have a heart attack."

Leo winced at the word and Gavin kind of regretted his choice of example. Then again, it was the truth. You just didn't mix alcohol with medication, every child knew that and Leo surely had been told. He reeked like dumbass from miles ago, no one would hand him strong meds without giving him the necessary warnings.

"I'm sorry", Leo whined, eyes narrowed in an expression that was hard to read but all too familiar to Gavin, it was similar to how Leo had looked when he had thrown fits at the police station or when he was particularly angry with himself - the latter probably being the case right now.
"I'm sorry, Gavin."

"It's fine", Gavin said with a sigh and climbed fully onto the bed, laying down in front of Leo so he could look into his face, "It's not your fault."

Well, yeah, it probably was. Sure, Leo came with a huge amount of unlucky circumstances but in the end his choices were his own. Still, blaming him wasn't the best way, no matter how much Gavin wanted to, how angry it made him that Leo was endangering his life yet again after having survived for so long already against any odds and finally arriving in a stable life situation.
Couldn't Leo just not mess things up for once?
Fuck, it wasn't like he had taken a sip of beer. Leo really could've died here, Gavin had had enough cases of alcohol abuse that resulted in death, especially when mixed with meds. Maybe he was still in danger. Fucking idiot.

"I'm sorry, Gavin", Leo repeated and for a moment he wondered if he had said the insult out loud but he dismissed the idea immediately, knowing very well that he hadn't: Leo was just repeating the same thing over and over again like a mantra.

"Alright", Gavin said, carefully stretching out his hand: "I'm going to take this bottle and after that we're getting your sorry ass to the hospital, okay?"
Leo stared at him for a few moments as if he was buffering, trying to comprehend his sentence, then his head sank back down onto the blanket. He either had understood and silently agreed or just given up his attempt to follow Gavin's words. Somehow, he suspected the latter.
And if he was being honest it scared the shit out of him.

Sure, Leo hadn't died yet but Gavin was by no means an expert in alcohol abuse, especially not when paired with other substances. Maybe he was making a fuss about nothing by taking Leo to a hospital, a fool of himself but he wasn't going to take any chances with this.

"Come on", Gavin sat up and carefully gripped Leo's upper arms to slowly tilt him upwards into a seating position which was met with no resistance which sure, was probably worse rather than better but at least made things easier for him.
Leo's head tumbled towards the side yet he raises the bottle to take another swing, the glass slipping out of his sweaty hand and spilling even more fluid on their sheets. Well, that was a problem for later.

"Okay, I'm gonna get you out of bed now and you tell me if you can walk, okay?"
If not, Gavin had no other choice than to call an ambulance and he seriously didn't need that attention from his neighbours right now.

Leo made a wheezing noise. Was he seriously laughing at him right now?
Hard to tell, when he turned to check Leo's face he could not find evidence of a smile so maybe he was imagining things.

He groaned in annoyance while he tried to support Leo's weight in an attempt to get the other to stand up.
Well, standing up was a euphemism, Leo was completely resting on his shoulders.
"You're fucking heavy, you know that?", Gavin asked with narrowed eyes and tried to readjust his boyfriend into a more upright position.
In response, Leo vomited on his shoes.

"Phck!", Gavin spat in surprise and took a step back out of reflex, leading to Leo folding up like a collapsible chair and sinking onto the ground, missing his own vomit by mere inches and pure luck.

If it was anyone else Gavin would've long ago left them in their own fluids and hurried to get the fuck out of here but unfortunately he felt responsible for that choking mess on his floor.
Choking mess, right.
With the realization that Leo wasn't breathing accordingly Gavin quickly went on his knees to check on him, but thankfully, when he turned Leo on his side, the choking stopped immediately and left only stifled, uncoordinated sobs.

While he left Leo on his side Gavin begrudgingly pulled out his phone to call the ambulance.

"Alcohol with some stupid pills, no overdoses from what I know, just the mix", he said even before the voice on the other hand could greet him, "Sickness, no fucking balance whatsoever, male, 29, thinks he's dying. Chokes sometimes. Past red ice user so I have no fucking clue what kind of shit his organs can or can't take." 

Gavin quickly barked his address into the phone and waited for confirmation before he returned his full attention back to Leo, who had in the meantime tried to sit up but stopped the attempt, ending up in a position half hanging on the side of the bed.

"Okay, Leo", Gavin said.
The response was slow blinking but no confirmation that his voice had even found its way into Leo's stupid birdbrain.

"Leo, what the fuck is going on?", he asked with nothing more of a reaction than before.

Gavin sighed.
He hated, doing this, but he needed Leo to say something, anything at all.
With a quick motion, he slapped Leo's cheek, not with a lot of force but strong enough to leave a slight, red imprint for which he immediately felt bad.

It had done what it had been supposed to, though: Leo's gaze focused on Gavin, thankfully more confused than hurt.
"Huh?"

"What the fuck are you doing, Leo?", Gavin asked, voice rougher than he had intended which lead to a look full of guilt and regret on Leo's face, at least for a moment until he let his eyes fall closed but started to speak.

"I dunno, Gavin", he said, "I just kinda- I dunno. I was gonna get high, like, I felt it and I tried to text you but you were 'work and I kinda just looked for- anything, y'know and found this."

Gavin sighed.

"I'm sorry-", Leo repeated again but didn't finish his sentence and instead fell forward, leaning against Gavin's shoulder: "So sorry."

"It's okay."
Was he pissed? Hell yes.
It was unbelievably stupid for Leo to start drinking all of a sudden.
"I thought you had been better", he said and he couldn't quite hide the bitterness in his voice. He was not the supportive kind of person, he had no fucking clue what to do except curse.

"Thought so too", Leo muttered and the bitterness, anger in his voice was far less concealed, raw and out in the open.

"It's fine", Gavin repeated and carefully patted his back: "You stayed away from red ice, Leo. Yeah, this is fucking stupid but I'm proud, okay?"

Leo vomited again in what Gavin could only assume to be disagreement.
Then again, it didn't matter. Leo had stayed clean, that was the only important thing.
He would deal with the rest of this mess later.

Chapter Text

Gavin had to admit, he was surprisingly nervous for someone who claimed to not be affected by any kind of fear.

"Work sucks, how was your day?", were the words with which he was greeted when Leo came through the door, Bonnie by his side. Seemed like he was in a bad mood which was bad luck for Gavin.

"Life's hard, my day was okay", he answered in a tone that was supposed to be nonchalant but didn't quite succeed at it.

Leo put down his keys, eyes wandering and stopping at the sight of the tiny, white-orange cat on the sofa.
He looked back at the Gavin.
Back at the cat.
Back at Gavin.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but that cat wasn't here this morning, right?"

"Right."

Leo sighed heavily and set down his bag, patting Bonnie's head since her ears had shot up in an alarmed way at the sound.
"We've talked about this", he said, "Let me guess where this one is from."

"Oh, come on", Gavin said, eyebrows narrowed and stood up from his place on the sofa, "It doesn't matter where I got it from, it needed a home."

"Gavin, you can't keep picking up cats from crime scenes."

"It wasn't a crime scene anymore. And the cat was about to be brought to an adoption center and I took it in because-"

"But it was a fucking crime scene, right?", Leo asked and crossed his arms, glaring at Gavin.

"So?", Gavin asked, mirroring his expression: "Its owners were dead and it needed a new one."

"Dude, that's the second crime scene cat you've adopted in like half a year."

"So?", Gavin asked again, raising his chin.

"Don't you see the psychological pattern here?", Leo asked.

"No, what is it?"

"I don't know but it's fucking concerning, okay?", Leo asked, running his hands across his face: "Like, what, are we gonna adopt every cat in the whole of Detroit whose owner was murdered now?"
He had started to pace around the room, Bonnie following his every step.

"Only if I have the case", Gavin said which earned him yet another angry glance from Leo.

"We can't adopt every cat you come across", he insisted even though that was slightly hypocritical, he himself had brought in a stray about a year ago: "We're becoming a whole fucking zoo in here."

"It's six cats, Leo. I think we can deal with that."

"Six cats, a dog, and you. I think we can safely count you as an animal."

"Yeah, fuck you too", Gavin said and glared at Leo but then changed his expression and knelt down in front of the cat: "Look at how gentle she is."
He carefully stretched out his hand to let the tiny cat sniff it and then gently stroked her head which she pressed against his palm with a soft purr.

Leo sighed deeply yet again but it was clear to be heard that this time it was in defeat and he knelt down next to Gavin.
"She looks young, have you already been to the doctor with her?"

"Said she's at least four or five. Might have been sick as a kitten and she was in an accident at some point. Maybe that slowed down her growth. Plus, she looks a bit like a siamese mix. Long legs and body. Slim head. Talked all afternoon, too", a frown had started to form on Gavin's forehead: "I think she misses her owners."

Bonnie put her head up on the sofa which led to the cat creeping back fastly, eying the dog suspiciously.
"She's not going to cause any problems", Gavin assured, "I haven't heard her so much as hiss and I think doctor Stiles was about to kiss my hand for finally bringing in a cat that wasn't a literal disaster."

Leo nodded slowly and eyed the tiny, striped pattern on the cat's orange splotches. Of course he couldn't be angry with Gavin for bringing such a sweet cat, at least not for long.
"How have the others reacted so far?", he asked and Gavin shrugged: "Not much drama, Trumpet complained and Judas hissed and that's about it. The others are used to newcomers by now."

"Jesus fuck, we are a zoo", Leo muttered but he was more amused than annoyed this time and Gavin playfully nudged his side: "That's good. A few cats more and we can sell tickets to move out of this shithole and make more room."

"More room for new animals?", Leo asked with a grin: "Sounds great. Maybe we can get a gorilla enclosure then."

"Sure. The next cat is on you to bring, though."

"I'll be working on it."

Chapter Text

He took a look at the clock.
04:39pm.
Leo had been supposed to be home half an hour ago.
What if something had happened?

Gavin watched the silent flocks of white snow tumble down in front of his window, calming and gentle in nature, much more so than the upcoming concern in his own mind.
Leo had probably been held back by someone. Maybe a beggar. Gavin knew Leo couldn't turn his back on those. Kept insisting they weren't scammers.
Or junkies.
He sighed and stood up from the comfortable, cozy coach, gently shoving Judas off his lap in the process. He had some leftover paperwork to do anyways.

---

He took a look at the clock.
05:20pm.
Ten past four. That's when Leo had been supposed to come home.
What was taking him so long?
Gavin pulled out his smartphone, the one he rarely used because it wasn't like anyone but Tina texted him and left Leo a message.

When he looked out of the window again, the snowflakes didn't seem nearly as calming as before. They had picked up the pace of their dance and were whirling around, whenever Gavin tried to follow a single one with his eyes its movement was conceiled by multiple others getting in the way.
The clear, light blue that had been glimmering inbetween the high buildings was gone, had been switched for a lifeless grey.
Maybe he should cook, he was getting fucking hungry and maybe the food would even be finished when Leo came home.

---

He took a look at the clock.
06:02pm.
It had been almost two hours since Leo had been supposed to be home.
No message.
No call.
Nothing.

This time when Gavin looked out of the window it was almost dark already, the snowflakes had become hastier but also prettier in the dim light that came from the windows around them and the streetlights that had been turned on already.
Faintly, Gavin could make out his own reflection in the glass, a worrisome expression with a frown inbetween his eyebrows that he was afraid would stay there. He was getting old, apparently, as much as he tried to deny it.
Maybe he should go out, look for Leo. What if he needed help? But Leo's emergency contact was Gavin's at home phone number and if he left now they wouldn't be able to reach him, if necessary.
He didn't want to further think about who 'they' were.
With an annoyed groan he turned away, ready to wash the dishes. Maybe take a shower afterwards. 

---

He didn't bother looking at the clock anymore, he knew that it was well past seven and he was without any idea where Leo was. What could he be doing?
Had he been in an accident Gavin would've been called by now.
Had he been attacked people would've noticed, Leo's way home from his doctor's office was purely through public, overcrowded areas. People would notice if something happened.
The only option left was that Leo had strayed from his usual way home, had left any public or safe area and Gavin seriously wanted to consider neither the possible results nor the reasons.

Why would Leo leave if not to get high again?
Why wouldn't he be calling if not because either something horrible had happened or, more likely, he was doing stuff in secrecy that he knew Gavin wouldn't approve of.
He only knew bits and pieces of Leo's former life but enough to make his stomach twist.
Old, empty buildings riddled with junkies and their dead bodies.
Armed street fights.
Hospital admissions.
Overdoses.
Shady dealers in dark alleyways, paired with broke junkies that would do anything for a hit.
Hunts for those who hadn't paid.
All of those scenarios could, even had already included Leo in the past.

When Gavin turned around, his own face was staring at him, deformed with anger, gritted teeth and knitted eyebrows, the image distorted by the whirling snowflakes behind the glass of the window.
How could Leo do this, throw away everything, throw away Gavin, just to get drugs again? How dare he?

The noise of the key in the door
slumped shoulders
red rimmed eyes
twitching hand
mumbling
Gavin was holding him
fists clenching into his back
an apology
a red package
an apology
tears
Leo

Chapter Text

Gavin watched Leo walk up and down the room, restless as so often but not with anger or axiousness this time but with what seemed more like excitement.
Surely a bit of nervousness played a part, too.

"It'll go great, trust me", Gavin said from his place at the doorframe, where he was leaning with very openly displayed relaxation, hoping that some of that would rub off on Leo, "You're good."

Leo gave him one of his typical 'as if'-looks and shook his head but he stopped his pacing and walked up to Gavin, ruffling his hair with his hand in the process.
Gavin decided not to comment on how he was ruining the hairdresser's careful styling work.

"I know I'm not gonna win, y'know", Leo said while he sat down on one if the benches. The faint music had started again, coming from the ice rink and indicating that the next skater had entered the ice. After that it would be Leo's turn.

"You might?", Gavin said though it sounded insecure because he really didn't know shit about ice skating.
Leo shook his head:
"I'm competing against people that are like, really good. Most people my age have been skating for twenty years or whatever. Fuck, even the twenty-year-olds have probably been skating for forever", Leo shook his head, a look of regret on his face: "I'm at twelve. Yeah, I was good as a teen but I'm not gonna pretend I can win senior regionals all of a sudden. I had a ten year break for fuck's sake. There are world class skaters out there. Many on my level, sure, but a lot that are way better. I won't place fifth or even tenth. I don't even do quads."

"Don't you have one in your other program?", Gavin asked with a frown because he was pretty damn sure he remembered Leo praxtically bursting with joy every time he landed that one particular jump in practice while Gavin watched.

"Usually pop that down to a triple", Leo said with a shrug: "Which I mean, it's okay, I'm doing this for fun. Just don't wanna end up embarrassing myself."

"Why would you?", Gavin asked because from what he knew Leo was solid. Not world class, of course, but steady in what he did. He'd do just fine as long as his nervousness didn't get the best of him.

"First of all because - look at me!", Leo stood up, gesturing towards his clothes: "I look like a stupid, sparkling, gay...dragon!"

Gavin couldn't suppress a grin.
'More like a fairy', is what he was inclined to say but had the right mind not to.
Because yeah, the outfit was kind of stupid. Then again, almost all fugure skating outfits looked stupid to him. He just didn't see the appeal in all that glitter.

Leo looked down at his own, sparkling red shirt and shook his head, imitating his trainer's voice: "'It's going to represent your struggle with red ice' my ass! I don't need that shit represented, that's not at all what my program even is about!"

"Then why did you agree?"

"It's not like I had a better idea", Leo said with a huff and his shoulders sank as he chewed on his lip and angrily stared at his shirt: "It's fucking stupid."

The music stopped.
Applause: Not many came to watch regionals but those few who did tried their best to be supportive.
Leo stared up at Gavin, he looked like a deer in headlights.

"Alright", Gavin said, "Give me your...Whatever that sparkly top thing is."

Leo looked at him in confusion.

"Jesus, you're so fucking dense sometimes", he said and rolled his eyes while he started to unbutton his shirt, "Give me your costume and take my shirt. It's tight enough. Black, so they won't see the details anyway. Maybe it'll cost you a point or two but if you're comfortable that's worth it, right?"

Leo took a few seconds, than quickly nodded while he turned away from Gavin to undress, like he still did most of the time. It was okay with Gavin, he knew while Leo did it, even though turning his back on him really barely hid any of the mostly fight-inflicted scars or all of his track marks.
Gavin didn't have the heart to tell him that.

"Here", he said, handing Leo the shirt and this time his boyfriend turned around to him, handing him his own sparkling top piece.
"You're gonna look stupid as fuck in this", he said with a grin and Gavin couldn't but smile at the general gesture of trust.

"That's okay, you're going to look fucking great in my stuff in exchange", he said and gave Leo a pat on the shoulder when he was done buttoning up his newly acquired shirt.

Leo gave him a thankful little smile, an almost timid one of the kind that Gavin had come to appreciate the most.
"Thanks", he muttered and Gavin squeezed his hand in response.

"Time you get out there", he said and gave Leo a quick little kiss on his forehead: "I'll be cheering for you."
Leo nodded, squeezed his hand back and turned around to leave the changing room, back straightening as he stepped outside.

Gavin waited for a moment until the door shut behind Leo, then hurried out through the other door, ready to take his place in the small audience.
In the stupid, red glitter outfit.
Ready to cheer Leo on no matter what happened.

Chapter Text

Leo looked at the glimmering ashes in the fireplace, feeling his eyes threatening to shut. 

Gavin was leant against his shoulder, eyes closed and with regular breathing that indicated he had fallen asleep a while ago. Leo couldn't blame him, he had done most of the manual labour today.

The sofa they were sitting on Gavin had maneuvred into their new apartment on his own, same as most of the boxes that were piling up behind them, barely out of sight, ready to become dreamy cat-beds once they were unpacked.
Leo could practically feel especially Judas' and Unnamed Crime Scene Cat's eyes looming on those boxes, waiting for  their opportunity to jump in.

The ashes in the fireplace were slowly losing their red glimmer and the more stale they got the more they reminded him of the other ashes he had seen today, on the weird funeral he had been to.
Absentmindedly, Leo scratched Bonnie's ears, whose head was resting in his lap, almost as deeply asleep as Gavin.
She had done a wonderful job today.

It had been weird, attending his mother's funeral and Leo was surprised he had even been invited, nonetheless found to receive an invitation.
Years without contact and now had suddenly heard people speak about her that had known her in her last days, he had met the aunts and uncles and family friends again he had known as a child.
His mother had always been popular with a certain kind of people, had always had many friends.

Leo had felt like he was attending the wrong funeral, as if he was a character placed in the wrong movie.
All the people he had known as a child, that had brought him christmas gifts, candy, were now looking at him as if he was a stranger, a weirdo, or even a threat.
What had his mother told them?

The truth, probably.

Leo sighed deeply and stretched his feet towards the warmth of the fireplace. 
Being at the funeral, even back inside his childhood home for a few moments until Bonnie had insisted to leave had brought back all the childhood memories he had tried to forget during all those years of anger. 
Some sad, yes, but also happy ones.

Years of trying to convince himself it had been his mother's fault. What if it hadn't?

Bonnie yawned in his lap and nudged his stomach with her soft nose.
"Hey, Bonnie", Leo whispered and barely noticed the small smile he gave his beloved dog: "Did I wake you? Sorry."

Bonnie didn't respond but stood up on the sofa, stretched and changed her position so she was laying half in Leo's lap, head resting against his chest and she was looking at him with her calm, brown eyes as if to say 'apology accepted'.

What if Leo had been able to let go of his anger or, if not that, gotten over his stubbornness and contacted his mother?

What if he had been in the wrong the whole time and now it was too late?
Yet another thing he would've fucked up with, added to the long list.
How could he blame his mother for not being prepared for him? He wouldn't be able put up with himself for a day, so how could he even expect others to do so? 
Why did he always have to be so selfish, couldn't admit when he was in the wrong, even years later?
And he was in the wrong, right?

"Leo, what the fuck?"
He felt Gavin's warm hand clenching his left one and heard his tired voice and immediately felt bad.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you", he said, leaning his forehead against Gavin's scalp.

"Don't worry", Gavin shuffled a bit closer, placing his arm across Leo's stomach and Bonnie's head: "Everything alright?"

"Yeah", Leo nodded and pulled him a bit closer, resting his chin on Gavin's head: "Just tired."

"Then sleep, dumbass", Gavin groaned, his eyes closed and Leo knew that if he wanted him to fall asleep again he couldn't keep talking.
So he only lay his arms around Gavin's body, tried to relax and hoped to fall asleep soon.

There was no sense in thinking about what-ifs right now. He'd do that more than enough tomorrow, it was only fair to get some sleep now so Gavin wouldn't have to unpack alone the next day.

Chapter Text

Gavin saw Leo look through every detail of the garden and despite the house never having been his Gavin felt almost ashamed.

"You can tell me if it's too shabby", he said: "I get that, totally do. We'll save up. Just thought we might check this out since it's for free."

"No!", Leo said hastily and turned around to him: "It's perfect! I'm not gonna make you save up for anything."

"You're not making me save up, we'd be saving up together."

"And we both now that means you save up and I add like a dollar fifty."

It was no secret that Gavin was the one making the money.  Sure, Leo went to work regularly these days, he hadn't stayed in bed on a workday in months, but voluntary workers in addiction help centers didn't exactly earn a lot and Leo insisted to pay for any medical expenses himself. That didn't leave a lot for their daily life from his side.

Leo had offered to go and look for a different job that paid at least minimum wage but Gavin didn't want that. Leo was so motivated for what he did at the moment, so content with his life, buzzing with energy and plans for their future. 
He didn't want Leo to lose that spark for a job in fast food or customer service and a bit more money. Gavin earned enough for the both of them, having made Sergeant just last year. 

"You know, I've always wanted a garden like this", Leo said and took a few steps further into the jungle of fruit trees, roses, bushes and withered flowers that looked like you could possibly hide multiple dead bodies there without risking anyone ever finding them.

Gavin kicked aside a piece that bore resemblance to a human bone but had turned out to just be an overgrown, rotten piece of wood.
"Seriously?", he asked, looking around again in an attempt to find anything redeemable about this absolute mess of a garden: "What's good about this? I'm pretty sure if you walked two steps in you'd never find your way out."

"That's the point", Leo said enthusiastically, stepping forward and pushing aside a few twigs, opening a hole barely big enough for a small man of average build to fit in: "Imagine what kind of fun you could have with this! Building secret headquarters! Inviting friends to play fights, like you're in the woods."

"Pro tip, go into the woods for that", Gavin said, raising his eyebrows: "I see what you're getting at, but didn't you have better places to do that than your own garden? Bigger, mainly?"

"I had a kinda sheltered childhood, okay?"

"You didn't get to play in the woods?", Gavin asked: "Hell, I grew up in the middle of Detroit and even I met in the woods with friends."

"Yeah, I wasn't allowed to", Leo explained: "I was a clumsy child, kinda dumb. Always managed to hurt myself. Guess my mom was afraid I'd fall on rocks and permanently damage my hands or something."

"Okay, that's oddly specific."

"Well, yeah", Leo shrugged, "Just an example tho. Just wanted to say that this garden? It's my childhood dreams, man."

Gavin smiled. 
"Great", he said: "So, you want to see the inside?"

"Sure!", Leo nodded eagerly, then hesitated: "We're not gonna stumble across anything dead, right?"
"Probably not", Gavin said nonchalantly: "Maybe a few dead rats, my aunt was dead for a while before they found her."

The disgusted expression on Leo's face almost cracked him up.
"Would think you've seen your fair share of dead bodies in your life", Gavin teased before he could stop himself, then quickly shut his mouth.

Leo's expression was clouded for a moment because yes, he had seen enough dead bodies indeed but he thankfully managed to shrug it off, tension only visible in his clenched jaw.

"Sorry", Gavin said quickly: "Anyways, I was joking. She's not even dead, just moved into elderly care last week and told me I could get the house if I want. Can sell it too, just thought we might take a look at it because, yeah. Can't harm for the future, right?"

Gavin risked a timid smile in Leo's direction and thankfully was answered with one in return.
He knew how much Leo wanted to adopt kids at some point in the future. And sure, the process of adoption might be difficult given his history, but these days there were so many children waiting to be adopted..And Gavin just knew that Leo would make a wonderful father. He had grown so much as a person over the past years - just thinking of all the changes for the better in their lives filled Gavin's tiny, tough heart with love and happiness.

Gross, really.
Anyways, they'd definitely need more than just their tiny apartment for that.

"Really can't harm", Leo said in agreement and looked towards the tiny, white house with its surprisingly bright, red roof. It looked suburban compared to the other, more run-down houses in the street. Not exactly freshly renovated and there was some work to be done but it looked relatively cared for, except for the garden. 
Leo looked back at said abandoned garden, an entrance to which through the bushes he was still holding open.
Back at the house.
Back at the garden.

"You can't be serious", Gavin said with a sigh but it was an amused one.

"Why not?", Leo asked and his voice was huffy: "Come on. It'll be fun!"

Gavin shook his head but pulled aside a few more twigs and entered the maze that had once been a garden, followed closely by Leo.

"Wouldn't have thought you can fit that many trees and bushes into one area", he said gruffly: "Did she want to win a medal or what?"

"Probably just wanted a really nice, magical garden. Look at all the roses", Leo leant forward towards a mossy green area without any trees: "And I think that over there used to be a pond.

"Yaeah, it was", Gavin nodded in agreement: "Was there once or twice as a child but honestly, the garden was pretty wild back then already. I think my grandma was the one who cared for it and when she got older she just stopped. My aunt just never came here at all. 
He looked around: "I think somewhere here there's gotta be a bench."

"Look down. You're standing like, right in front of it."

Gavin followed Leo's suggestion and indeed, when he looked carefully a few inches in front of his feet a hint of dirty marble could be seen, almost completely overgrown with ivy ranks.

"Told you, it's like, totally magical here!", Leo said and flopped down on the bank: "Come on."
He patted the empty place next to him and Gavin gave in and sat down.
"I take it you won't agree when I tell you my plans to order someone to chop this whole thing down?", he asked because that had definitely been the plan before they had come here.

"I'll chop you down if you do that", Leo said decisively: "That'd be the biggest waste. Ever."

"Alright, alright", Gavin raised his arms and arched his back over the bench's back support, stretching his feet towards the green remains of the pond.

"It's almost like this place is only for us."

Gavin raised his eyebrows.

"You know..", Leo trailed off in an attempt to explain but then just shrugged: "I dunno man, I just kinda like it. Feels quiet, y'know?"

"Yeah", Gavin nodded, eyes closed. He didn't exactly feel it, bit it was a typical Leo thing and he got what it meant for him. Just a place to relax, feel secure. Be happy.

"Hey, Gavin."
He felt a playful nudge to his side and opened his eyes to the sight of a mischievously grinning Leo.
"I mean, just imagine. How cliche it would be if we kissed right now."

Gavin rolled his eyes, but his tone was fond: "If you want a kiss just tell me. That way even I get it."

"Gavin."
Leo made a melodramatic pause:
"I want a kiss."

Chapter Text

"Open your eyes."

Gavin did as he was told and was faced with a widely grinning Leo and an unnerving movement where Leo was swinging something back and forth right in front of his eyes.
He grinned back and grabbed that thing out of the air, bringing it to a halt.

Leo let go and took a step back to let Gavin look at the object he was now holding in his right hand.
It was a matte silver necklace dangling from a black strap, possibly leather. Gavin couldn't quite tell.
The necklace had some weirdly shaped ornaments to it and a yellow-ish stone in the middle. Bernstein?

"It's an amulet", Leo said proudly: "Legends say they protect you from evil."

"Okay", Gavin said, looking back and forth between Leo and the amulet.

"What?"

"I think it's broken. You're still here."

"Asshole."

"So, why do I have this?", Gavin asked, swirling the amulet in a circle so the strap got tangled within itself, then watching it untangle again when he held still.

"It's a birthday present."

"Really?", Gavin couldn't quite hide his surprise: "My birthday was a month ago. I thought you had forgotten."

"I didn't, I'm just dumb. And I didn't get you a present."

"So?", Gavin's face softened, "I didn't want any. It's not like you could've just left the hospital, gone into town and got me one."

"Of course I could've fucking left for a day, that place is no prison", Leo's voice had picked up in pace and intensity, "But I didn't because I was a lazy piece of shit and now I'm giving you this. Why won't you just take it?", Leo asked, a clearly disappointed tone in his voice.

"Sorry. I'm taking it, was just confused", Gavin said and took another, closer look at the amulet. It had to be fake but he didn't mind. It was the gesture that counted, not the worth. At least when it came from Leo.

But no matter how he turned it, he couldn't find any of the indications that usually gave away cheap jewelry.

"Leo, where did you get this?", he asked, tone suddenly wary.

"Does it matter?", Leo asked defensively.

"How much did it cost?"

"Gavin, it's a gift. You don't ask shit like that."

"Leo, I'm fucking serious!"
Gavin only noticed how much he had risen his voice when he saw Leo flinch and he felt kind of bad. 
But only a bit. His suspicions were not without reason after all.

"It was mine, okay?", Leo snapped, arms crossed,  "Got it from my dad when I was like, sixteen maybe. Never sold it for drugs and shit for whatever fucking reason. Happy now?"

Gavin let the amulet sink and sighed again, deeper this time.
"Sorry", he said, "I just assumed.."

"Assumed what?", Leo asked, anger glistening in his eyes alongside what might be tears: "That I broke into some fucking jewelry store or antique shop or museum or whatever and stole you a present?"

"Assumed that you bought it with money you don't have and borrowed from some shady assholes again!", Gavin said, throwing his arms into the air and to his sides in frustration: "Like you did, let me think, how many times before? Five? Guess what, I don't want to come home one day to find you with broken kneecaps or a broken fucking neck! And guess what, I don't want my life threatened so you pay your debts either."
Gavin knew bringing up the story with Leo's ex-girlfriend was a low-blow but it was a valid concern.

"That was for drugs, okay?", Leo muttered, apparently only noticing that that didn't exactly make his point any better when the words had already left his mouth.
He still had his arms crossed, the tip of his shoe tapping against the floor: "Anyways. I didn't borrow anything, I didn't steal anything, I just wanted to give you a present to make up for being fucking gone on your birthday, okay?"

"Okay. But that wasn't your fault and I'm proud you went there, you know that", Gavin said, his initial shock having worn off. Leo only shrugged, it wasn't his favourite topic, but at least a bit of the tension left his shoulders.
"I just wanted to..y'know..", he vaguely and hastily gestured towards the necklace: "Present."

Gavin held up the amulet so he could see it again and decided that it definitely was beautiful. He tied the ends of the strap around his neck and felt the cold metal resting against his chest.
Sure, legends were bullshit, but still that necklace made Gavin feel somehow calm. Made him think of how much that thing must have meant to Leo to make him keep it for all those years when he had even sold the roof over his head and himself to get his hits.

Gone was the calm again at those thoughts.
Still, the fact that Leo had given him something that had meant so much to him, just like that..

"You don't have to take it.
Gavin looked up only to meet Leo's tense look, suddenly noticing that he hadn't said anything for the past seconds.
"No, I like it", he quickly assured, giving Leo a smile and laying his hand on his forearm: "I really do. Thank you."
Gavin felt the tension finally fully leave his boyfriend's body.

"Thank you", Leo said back.

Chapter Text

The red, green and blue lights of the christmas tree decorations were reflecting in the living room window, through which the big, white snowflakes of Detroit winter could be seen tumbling down towards the ground.

Leo was resting against Gavin's shoulder, curled up on his side of the sofa. On the coffee table in front of them stood a cup of eggnog and a glass of coke. Eggnog for Gavin, coke for Leo. He was kind of jealous of Gavin's drink to be honest.
Unnerving christmas music was blasting out of the cheap speakers of Gavin's phone but only on a level where it was tolerable. Kind of festive, even.

It had been a long day for the both of them, each one visiting their family before returning back home and opening each other's gifts. It was nothing huge but that had by far been Leo's favourite part of the day and he was holding onto the tiny marmelade glass as if his life depended on it. It was filled with tiny pieces of paper: Things they were going to do together in the next year.
Meaning that Gavin was actually intending to stick by him for yet another year.

Leo was snuggling up a bit closer at that thought, earning an amused look from Gavin.
"What's the matter?", he asked, "Getting cold?"

Le shook his head and planted his arm across Gavin's stomach, shifting into a slightly more upright position on the couch, still leaning against his boyfriend's shoulder.
"I'm just kinda..", he shrugged, searching for the most fitting word in his repertoire: "Glad you're here."

Gavin grinned: "Hard to believe."

"Oh, come on! I mean it!"

"I never would've thought anyone'd ever say that to me", Gavin said, playfully kissing Leo's forehead that crinkled immediately afterwards:
"You mean that?"

Gavin shrugged: "Don't get me wrong, I'm not the worst and I'm happy with who I am. But it's not like I'm the nicest person around and for some reason people seem to dislike blatant assholes."

"Yeah, they are dumb. You're not a blatant asshole."

Gavin tilted his head, taunting: "What did we say about lying, Leo?"

"Okay, alright. You're kinda an asshole but you're also kinda the best person ever, okay? It's wild... Like-", Leo hesitated and shrugged, shielding his face by burying it in Gavin's shoulder. "Like, forever, even last year this time I never thought I'd live to turn thirty. Like, ever. Now? I think I might just- actually make it. Don't think I'd even think that, or like, anything, right now without you, y'know?"

Leo's voice grew more muffled while he spoke and once he was done Gavin gently touched his jaw to tilt up his face towards him, but Leo kept it pressed against the fabric. He really didn't want to look Gavin in the eyes.

Thankfully, he got the hint and only wrapped his arms around Leo instead.
"Merry christmas", Leo muttered, just to say anything, really.
"Merry christmas", Gavin said back, placing a kiss on Leo's hair.

Chapter Text

Leo looked up at the facade of the house they were approaching. It wasn't exactly pompous, not even particularly big, yet it held a certain allure of wealth and class.
Sure, Leo himself didn't live badly these days, their house was okay and they were living a solid, comfortable middle-class life. Yet, the reddish bricks, the ornaments on the windows, the carefully trimmed rose bushes and the golden doorbell panel somehow made him even more nervous than he had been before.

This whole situation was just...completely off.
Leo felt a squeeze at his hand and looked down at the tiny face that was curiously looking up at him.

"Can I ring the bell?"

"Of course." Leo gave his daughter a smile that he hoped didn't show too much of his insecurity and let go of her tiny hand that immediately flew even further up to touch the small - and also golden - button of the doorbell.

A pleasant artificial bell sound came from behind the closed door, just loud enough for Leo to notice that it kept going...and going...and going.
For a moment he was dumbfounded, then it clicked and he pulled Isabella's hand away from the button.
"Once is enough", he explained as calmly as he could and couldn't even tell himself why he was whispering.

Isabella looked a bit disappointed but she didn't try to slam the button another time and instead waited patiently next to Leo until the door was opened a mere few moments later.

A young man, maybe in his thirties, with blonde hair and a friendly face opened the door.
"Hello", he greeted the both of them with a just slightly too pleasant voice. "You must be Leo", he said as he held out his hand which Leo took after a very brief moment of hesitation. His hand was just a fraction too soft.

"And you are?", the man asked as he knelt down to offer his hand to Isabella, too, which she took enthusiastically.
"Izzy!", she proclaimed with a wide smile and Leo felt his own stiffness decrease a bit. At least she was enjoying herself.
"That's a great name", the blonde asked with a smile: "I'm Simon. I am your uncle."

Leo narrowed his eyes by the slightest bit at the wording but didn't comment. He wasn't going to bring up the topic of family labels in front of Isabella.

"Leo."

At the sound of his name Leo looked back towards the opened door where an all too familiar person was standing, looking at him with that all too familiar look of endless politeness and patience in his eyes.
He had seen it countless times: In his father's house, in the media, on the face of the big, golden statue he passed every morning on his way to work..

"Markus."

For a moment the air around them was thick with tension, neither of the two men saying a word, then Markus smiled a stiff smile. "I'm glad to see that you are well."

Was Leo imagining the implication, the subtle insult that came with those words? He didn't know. He just wished Gavin could be with him right now.
"Likewise", he said. It didn't sound convincing even to himself. Of course Markus was okay. Because if he wasn't everyone in the fucking world would already know.

"Let's get inside, won't we?", Simon asked, diplomatic in tone and offering a much more honest smile to both Isabella and Leo than Markus had probably ever managed in his life.

Despite Simon's efforts to be welcoming Leo wasn't much more keen on entering than he had been before, however, the decision was taken from him in a blink of a moment in which Isabelle took the lead and practically stormed the house, looking around at all the nice paintings and fncy statues that were displayed in the entrance hall.

With much slower steps and far more hesitation Leo followed and wondered for a brief moment why the door falling shut behind him made him feel like he had just been locked up.

The living room that they reached very shortly after passing the entry hall left a similar impression as the house's outside: upper middle class but with tiny hints everywhere that betrayed their owners' carefully set up image and showed a bigger wealth.

Their TV was one of those stupid half-lucid holograms that for some reason were so fashionable today, despite being the most retarded idea ever since laptop-sized smartphones. The Steinway & Sons grand piano must have cost more than all of Leo's and Gavin's organs combined and the fact that it was playing on its own to create a calm ambiente when they entered was just the cherry on top. The open kitchen with its marble countertops and two stoves was just a bit too big to pass as middle class and the huge windows showed a garden of a size only disgustingly rich people could ever afford in such a neighbourhood. Not to mention the carefully trimmed plants that were surely the work of an overpaid gardener.

That's where Isabella was headed, pressing her hands and nose against the carefully cleaned glass, surely leaving stains that would be a bitch to remove later.
Good.

To Leo's surprise it was Markus who immediately approached her with a smile on his face that seemed just a tad more honest than it ever had towards Leo. Figures. Of course the perfect Markus was good with children.
"Would you like to see the tree house?", Markus asked. Well, that had gotten from uncomfortable to creepy real fast. Which adult android had a tree house? Isabella, however,  enthusiastically nodded. Which four-year-old wouldn't?

Markus pressed his hand on a tiny screen and the door swung open, leading the way to a wooden terrace with a delicate table and three chairs, that was nicely illuminated by the afternoon sun. Isabella immeditely ran outside, then came to a halt and expectantly looked back at them.
Markus laughed at that and it almost sounded honestly joyful. Creepy.

"I have to admit, I never expected you to want to be a father, Leo", Markus said and this time Leo really wasn't sure if he imagined the reference to their past and the challenging spark he believed to suddenly see in Markus' eyes.
Leo gulped. He just wished he could have Gavin with him right now.

"What can I say. I figured I couldn't be any worse", he said, mimicking Markus' tone and turning his eyes up at him.
Markus, of course, picked up on what, or rather who, he was referring to. His eyes narrowed.

"Maybe if you had been respectful and not an all-around entitled brat who almost killed-"

"Markus." Simon's voice was not loud but sharp and steady, equally was his glance: "Drop it."

For a moment it seemed like Markus was going to retort something, but then his shoulders and expression softened and he nodded.
"Right", he turned towards Leo, "I apologize. That was out of line."

Leo shrugged, looking to the side in an attempt to hide the waves of shame that had suddenly overcome him, as well as the honest bafflement at Markus' apology.
"Not as out of line as I used to be towards you", he muttered with a shrug, eyes directed more towards the ground than towards Markus. Yet he saw the small smile on the android's face the meaning of which was hard to identify.

Markus seemed to be about to say something else when Isabella's disappointed "Where's the tree-house?" echoed through the room.
Markus gave an apologetic look, then turned towards the door.
"I'll show it to her", he said and without any confirmation from Leo he was hurrying out into the garden to catch up with Isabella.

For a moment Leo was inclined to follow, slightly uncomfortable with having Markus around his child all alone. Who knew what he would tell her? But then he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.
"Let's go prepare the coffee table, shall we?", Simon asked, and even though Leo knew very well that he had probably been programmed that way the tone if voice had a calming effect on Leo.

"Sure", he said with a little less tension than before and followed the android into the big, open kitchen, unsure what to do.

"We need to do nothing more than put the cake on the table and make some coffee", Simon explained while he opened the fridge and took out a beautiful, layered cake that Leo could only admire.

"Oh, don't look so impressed", the android said and glanced at Leo with a slightly tilted head, a hint of mockery in his eyes and voice: "We didn't make that. We ordered it from the confectioner a few blocks over. Neither Markus nor I like to cook."

Leo had to admit that this confession made him smile a bit. Simon could have easily pretended that the cake was his doing, after all he'd likely be capable of doing it, so the honesty was appreciated.

"I was surprised by the invitation", Leo suddenly burst out while he was laying the far too fancy cutlery on the table. He hadn't intended to say it, but it had just slipped out, and it was the truth. Leo and Markus had only ever met at sparse family gatherings back at Carl's, and Leo had avoided that place for the last two years like the pest. He knew that a visit there was inevitable, especially once Markus told Carl that Leo had a child, but so far he had been trying to avoid it for as long as possible.

"Markus really wanted to meet Isabella", Simon said with a fond smile and Leo had to wonder if the android was aware of how creepy that sounded - especially keeping in mind that, technically, Markus should not even know of Isabella's existence.

"Oh, Connor told Markus that he had to work overtime because detective Reed's child was sick", Simon said as if he had caught onto Leo's thoughts, which likely was the case, then his expression fell into a more somber one:
"I'm sorry about what happened to your husband."

Leo tensed, gripping onto the tastefully ornate knife in his hand while he looked up at Simon in an attempt to read his face.
"Is that why I was really invited?", he asked and couldn't help but grit his teeth at the thought. Inviting Leo out of pure pity? Yes, that sounded like something the oh-so-benevolent Markus would do.

"Oh, no!", Simon seemed honestly surprised, but it was hard to tell what was honest in androids, wasn't it? They always seemed so perfectly in control of themselves.
"No, I think Markus wanted to see you because you were allowed to adopt", Simon had set down the last porcelain cup - why were they even setting the table, it wasn't like anyone but Leo and Isabella was going to eat - and was asking Leo to follow him back to the kitchen area: "Markus and I have been trying to for a while but have always been rejected."

"Markus? Rejected?", Leo scoffed and stopped in front of the counter that separated the living room from the open kitchen: "I can hardly believe that."

"It's true", Simon put his hands on the counter from the kitchen's side and leant lightly forward towards Leo, eyeing him with an unexpected intensity: "We've been trying to adopt for almost three years now but have always been rejected due to the political turmoil surrounding Markus", Simon clicked his tongue: "Adoption agencies do not appreciate the possibility of the children becoming tools in political agendas, or even getting harrssed in school for having famous parents."
Simon sighed looked past Leo and out into the garden, where Markus and Isabella were not currently to be seen: "It's really taking a toll on him."

"I see", Leo said, turning around to follow the direction Simon was looking into: "And he thought that if even I..."

"Yes."

Leo let out a sigh and turned back around to Simon, his shoulders slumped. He had never felt as sympathetic to Markus before, it was as if a bit of humanity had finally entered the otherwise so perfectly mechanic android in Leo's eyes.
"I don't know what to tell you", he said, and partially to his own surprise there was sincere regret in his voice: He wanted to help. "I don't think I would've ever been considered for adoption if Gavin wasn't a cop. Somehow that made me more believable: A cop wouldn't be with a druggie. There are so many kids out there that need a home, and when we met some of them and Isabella, I guess it just clicked and the intermediary saw that, too."

"So you're saying one of us needs to have a trustworthy career?"

Leo chuckled drily: "That, but mainly patience and determination. You really need to want that child and show it. Maybe withdraw a bit from the public, as much as possible. Gavin and I only tried for a year, but we were lucky and we still get regular visits where they make sure Isabella's well and I'm clean. They don't trust me but they trusted Gavin..", he trailed off, thinking for a moment: "Markus has a tendency to brag. No offense, but I've had to listen to him at family meetings and it's not fun for anyone but Carl. No one in the agency looks for parents who have changed the world and impacted thousands of people. They are looking for people who just want a child and love it with all they have. Maybe he should try to convey that instead."

Simon was silent for a moment, but it seemed like a small smile was tugging on his lips. "I will communicate that to him once you're gone", he said and came over to Leo, the cake in his hands: "Thank you for your advice. And for taking the time to come here."

"Sure", Leo said, though he was scowling in confusion: "Whatever I can help with."

"Then how about you put the cake on the table while I get Markus and Isabella from outside", Simon said, handing the plate to Leo without further questions and then hurrying out of the door before he could even agree.

Leo looked the beautiful cake up and down, the golden filling and the white, complicated decorative ornaments.
It was perfect, just like everything else in this home, including the owners.
Markus struggling where Leo had already succeeded. Actually asking for his advice in a way. It was hard to believe.
And somehow it didn't feel nearly as good as he had thought it would.