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Tsubakura was sure they had fallen asleep with someone else in their bed last night, but they had woken up with the space beside them unoccupied. They pressed their hand to the other half of the bed, looking for evidence of when their partner had left. It was cold. It had probably been at least a few hours since Kuroji had woken up. There weren't any signs that Kuroji had even spent the night. No clothes, no belongings. Kuroji didn't like to intrude. This was becoming a common occurrence, so Tsubakura knew there was no reason to be concerned. Not that they were the type to get too concerned in the first place.
Tsubakura couldn't tell what time it was based on the light in the room, as they had invested in some heavy window blinds to better sleep during the day. The only sound in their bedroom was coming from the soft hum of various electronic devices, which Tsubakura had long learned to tune out. They yawned and rubbed their eyes, then felt around for their phone to check the time. 2:13. For some reason, Tsubakura actually felt a bit annoyed at themself for sleeping in so late. Which was strange, since they enjoyed sleeping. They might as well get out of bed.
The slight chill Tsubakura felt as they slid themself out from under the covers invited to stay in bed a bit longer. Usually they would've accepted, but they thought they should let Kuroji know they were alive first. They could sleep later if they needed to.
Tsubakura squinted as they left their room. The rest of their apartment was far brighter than it was inside their bedroom. They made their way to the kitchen where they found Kuroji, absorbed in writing. Even on their day off, Kuroji didn't relax. Tsubakura announced their appearance with a yawn, causing Kuroji to look up.
"Oh, you're up." Kuroji gave that odd smile of theirs. A smile that looked like they were trying to hide how happy they were.
"Mhm." Tsubakura never felt like holding a conversation right after they got up, and thankfully Kuroji understood this.
Even with someone else in their house, Tsubakura didn't feel the need to change any of their daily living routine. Going so many hours without eating had left a dull pain in their stomach, but they didn't have much of an appetite. They rummaged through the cupboards. They wanted something they didn't have to put any effort into preparing. There was sake, as always, but for some reason it didn't seem appealing at the moment. Which was strange. Tsubakura usually had no problem with drinking right when they got up. Maybe later.
"Oh, there's still some rice left from when I ate lunch that you can have." So lunch for Kuroji was breakfast for Tsubakura, huh. "You seem to be running low on groceries, by the way."
"Of course I can have it, it's my rice."
"I'll pay you back."
There was no one other than Kuroji who would offer to pay the person they were dating back for 100 yen's worth of rice…
"You really are stupid, you know?" Tsubakura poured some ink over their bowl of rice and mixed it in with their chopsticks. The ink made it palatable enough that they could get themself to eat even with no appetite. "You've been spending more nights here than at your own house lately."
"Sorry."
"I invited you over, dumbass."
Others who knew Kuroji wouldn't describe them as apologetic. But Tsubakura was one of the privileged few who was allowed to witness this side of them.
"That's true." Kuroji still looked a bit unsure.
Tsubakura liked it when Kuroji was here. When they first started dating, Kuroji visited sparingly, and never considered spending the night. Kuroji freaked out the first time Tsubakura said they should stay over. Tsubakura had intended to let Kuroji sleep with them in their bed, but they adamantly refused, and opted to sleep on the couch instead. It was funny thinking back to how things were when the two of them were just starting out. Now, it was like Kuroji was supposed to be here. Days when Kuroji was here felt more right than days they weren't. Tsubakura wondered if Kuroji felt the same. Perhaps it was time for them to take the next step.
"You should just move in already."
"Was that a joke?"
Tsubakura shrugged. "I usually think of jokes as being something funnier than that." Sure, Tsubakura had said it on a whim, but it wasn't a joke.
"What about my family?"
Kuroji always began with some "logical" excuse.
"They're all adults. They don't need you to take care of them." Tsubakura knew Kuroji could dance around the subject for weeks if they let them. "Just spit it out. What are you really worried about?"
"It's just that…" Kuroji seemed to be struggling to get their thoughts out. "The more time we spend together, the faster you're going to get bored of me. The more serious our relationship gets, the closer you get to realizing this isn't what you want."
Tsubakura couldn't say they were surprised by Kuroji's revelation. They had come to learn that deep down, Kuroji always felt insecure. Especially when it came to Tsubakura.
"Kuroji, why the hell do you talk us breaking up is some kind of inevitability?" They knew it was partially their own fault that Kuroji felt that way, as well. Tsubakura could be a bit…flaky, to say the least. "I know it's hard for you to believe, but I like falling asleep beside you. I like you being here when I wake up." Expressing their feelings so boldly was difficult for Tsubakura, but they needed to do it. "I like when you try cooking for me even though you know I'm just going to ruin it by pouring ink all over it. I like having you wake me up for work so much more than an alarm clock. I like how you try and watch anime with me even though you obviously don't get it at all. I like it when you help me with my chores, even though it'd probably be faster if you did them yourself."
"I'm not your maid."
Tsubakura ignored Kuroji's remark and continued on. "I like you reminding me that I need to eat to survive. I like not spending my free time stupid drunk, staring at the wall. I like how you told me I need groceries because honestly I never go grocery shopping. I just run to the convenience store last minute."
"I kinda figured that."
"So please. Just have some faith in me. Have some faith in yourself. I want you here. I really do."
Kuroji looked dumbfounded. They didn't look Tsubakura in the eye, trying to hide their tearful expression. There was silence for several moments as Kuroji took it all in. "You're going to make me cry, jerk." Too late. "But there are other things you need to consider other than my personal anxieties. Are you sure you want to share your space with someone else? What about days when you just want to be alone? How are we going to handle finances?" It was amazing how fast Kuroji could go back into lecture mode after that show of emotion.
Tsubakura scratched their head. "Well, I guess true I haven't really thought about this too hard." Kuroji was always so practical. This was just all the more reassuring to Tsubakura that they could make this work. "We don't have to decide on everything right now. It's just something to think about. And I'll think about it more too. But I think we're ready."
Kuroji seemed to have calmed down. "All right. I will." They showed that odd smile again, but with less holding back this time.
Tsubakura made their way over to Kuroji. They looked into their eyes, still red from crying. No matter how many times they did this, it was still awkward. They never knew exactly where to put their hands, or what they should say. A kiss. Kuroji graciously accepted. It was small and quick, but emotional for the both of them.
"I'll be waiting for your answer."