Chapter Text
Finch
Awakened after The Asleep, day 1
Is today a good day to die?
This is something I haven’t asked myself anymore in a while. But since a few days ago my brain won’t shut up about it.
Is today the day?
And if not today – when?
I’m asking myself this now as I’m swimming to the bottom of the Blue Hole. I’m so deep down, I’m practicly part of the water. Everything around is so dark that I can’t even look around me anymore without seeing the colors black and blue.
How I got here or why I’m here, I don’t remember anymore. In fact, I don’t remember anything anymore of the last month.
I close my eyes, enjoying the way the water hums in my ears.
I’m slowly running out of oxygen, but somehow I don’t feel the need to go up to the surface. I keep swimming, my hands are pushing me down to the bottom of the lake.
I’m going deeper.
Deeper.
I open my eyes again and the world around me is spinning. It’s weird, but somehow I kind of like the feeling of the water pressing on me.
For a moment I forget that I’m under water and I deeply breathe in through my nose. The water stings and slides down my bronchus, blocking the air that wants to get through.
I cough.
Only more water finds it’s way into my mouth. My chest feels heavier than before. My lungs are filling up with the lake’s water. It sloshes everytime I cough.
I try to breathe, but I can’t get any air.
Is today really the day?
I keep swimming down, maybe if I find the bottom of the Blue Hole. Swimming up has no use anymore, I’m too deep down. But maybe – just maybe – if I swim down and find this other world that’s hidden underneath this lake.
Eventhough I’m choking on the water, I smile thinking of the golden world. It would be amazing to be down there. No Roamer to call me a freak or a weirdo, no father to beat me up or yell at me, no one to tell me to be careful… Just me.
I close my eyes, hold the little bit of air that I have left and ignore the stinging of the water.
My hands push away the water and I move even further down. With every second that passes it gets harder to swim down.
A sudden force pulls me down into some kind of wirlpool. I get pulled down quickly, without any trouble or pain.
I gasp, letting more water enter my lungs. My chest hurts, so does my head. The low amount of oxygen is making me feel lightheaded.
The blue and black water swirls around me. I get pushed and pulled in all directions.
Everything hurts. My lungs are burning, my head is hurting, my muscels feel like they’re on fire.
I stop struggeling.
My body needs rest.
I lay in the water, not moving. I’m floating on in the dark water surrounding me. Eventhough I feel like I’m not moving at all, I am slowly sinking towards the bottom of the lake.
A voice in my head whispers, “The other world is waiting for you.”
I peacefully smile and close my eyes. The cold water is cooling down my muscels and I chil moves through my entire body.
I let the swirling water pull me down into the other world. I feel save and happy, both feelings I haven’t truly felt since…
Since.
Since, Violet.
I gasp when I realise I’m leaving her behind in this dark and awfull world. My body is shaking from the cold. Struggeling against the water again.
Bubbles are surrounding me and I schriek, “No! Violet!”
My voice sounds far away, like it’s in another world than I am. I keep yelling eventhough I know Violet can’t hear me. She probably hasn’t even noticed that I’m not in Bartlett anymore.
Water streams into my mouth, filling up my lungs to the top. I cough and cough, but somehow my body shuts down. I’m sinking so deep, it feels like I’m leaving my skin.
It’s a weird feeling, but I’ve always been weird, right?
Weird.
Freaky.
Creepy.
Nice.
Peacefull.
Than is when I realise…
Maybe outside of my freak-like skin is where my brightest place is waiting for me.