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Chapter Text

The day had been perfect, as much as any day of her childhood could be. The youngest of the offspring of the trickster Loki and the giantess Angrboda had spent her early years among the mountains her mother called home. Even after all these years she still remembered that day, remembered the feel of the warm sun on her pale skin, the cool breeze blowing her dark hair. But more than anything she remembered that day because it was the day the men of Odin came for them.

  Her eldest brother the great serpent Jormungandr was wrapped around her middle, he lightly squeezed her under his powerful muscles. Her snake brother stood taller than her even while standing. Jormugandr also made excuses to be near her, especially on their trips to the large river that ran through the mountain, he was deadly afraid of water and preferred to stay with her on the bank of fresh flowers. Fenrir, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of the water, he enjoyed paddling through its wild currents unfazed. Her wolfish brother broke the water, a gleaming fish thrashing in his jaws. He gulped it down in with a satisfied smile on his lips and jumped from the water, pools dripping from his thick dark fur. Fenrir though the middle child was the biggest, he dwarfed his siblings and stood to the shoulders of their giantess mother. He shook his massive body spraying water all over them, Jormungandr recoiled around her, squeezing her tight that bruises formed on her soft blue flesh. Like her monstrous brothers, Hel herself was not spared in the days after her birth, the right side of her body started to discolour to a greyish blue and cold to the touch. The other half of her body looked like that of a normal child but the corruption in her body cause even the alive side of her body to bruise easily. She pulled a wildflower free from the soil and caused it to rot in her hands, she could do if she willed it so.

   The large wolf placed his head in her lap, looking up at her with his dark blue eyes. She scratched his head at the spot in between his ears that she knew he liked, her brother’s eyes began to grow heavy. Their mother had left them by the river and went to gather some wild herbs as she had done a hundred times before. The siblings were perfectly content in her absence, after all, they knew they weren’t far beside apart from the four of them no other giants lived in the valley. Jormungandr was the first to feel that something was wrong, the tiny vibrations in the ground rattled along his skin. The snake raised his head in the direction of the hill, a moment later the soldiers appeared. Their gleaming armour blinded the children. Jormungandr wrapped his tail tighter around his sister’s leg, venom dripping from his fangs. Fenrir jumped in front of his siblings, his fur brisked making him look bigger than he was. His howl bounced among the valley, sending the message to their mother but Hel knew it would take too long. The men were bigger than the three of them, but not by much and their swords were long and sharp. Fenrir rumbled low and Jurmungandr coiled ready to strike, Hel now bare of her brothers reach her blue hand towards the grass and spread the rot towards the soldiers.

  “No need to fight young ones. We are hereby the request of the Allfather to invite you to Asgard.” The leader said though he did not lower his blade.

   “We must wait for our mother before we go anywhere,” Jormungandr hissed.

  “She knows we are here, she will follow.” The children shared a look. The leader’s fingers glowed a little, the snake strikes, his poisonous jaws just missing the leader’s arm as he was wrapped in chains that covered him from nose to tail. Their brother hit the ground with a thud, he still struggled again the thick chains but each move he made only caused those thick iron cords to tighten against him. Fenrir jumped at the small group of men, jaws wide and strings of drool swinging from long gleaming teeth. The leader sidestepped at the last moment, sending her brother into another, Fenrir immediately ripped his throat out before he could scream. He turned towards her, blood dripping down his chin as the bars of a cage appeared around him. Hel willed whatever power she had inside her to spread the rot towards the captors. It only spread out in a weak circle around her, turning the green grass to grey. Once the leader realized she didn’t pose him a threat he carefully came towards her, not stepped into the circle of death that surrounded her.

  “Come now,” he said, " there is no need for such commotion. In Odin’s halls, you will be treated well you have nothing to fear from us.” She didn’t trust him, she didn’t need to see the tense muscles of her captive brothers to know that. But what choice did she have? they had fought and they had lost.

  The journey over the rainbow bridge was short and painless, Hel had been loaded onto a cart pulled by a large grey goat. She sat as close as she could to Fenrir as the cool bars would allow, she snaked her fingers into his shaggy brown fear, standing up on a point in fear, while Jormungdr laid his head in her lap, only his green eyes visible through the chains that bound him straight and long. She looked for one last time at the valley, the long river, the green fields closer to grey and muddy tracks of giants long since gone. It faded from her like a candle being snuffed out. She had no idea if their mother was already waiting for them in Asgard? If not it was doubtful she would ever see her again, only those with Aesir blood could travel the rainbow bridge. Any other creature had to rely on being in the company of the Aesir to travel as they were now. She didn’t if she processed too much giantess blood to travel, may perhaps she would be trapped is Asgard forever.

  It was beautiful when they arrived, the realm of the Aesir was as beautiful as she imagined. Bright fields of wheat and flowers in every colour spread out to the horizon, they looked so inviting you could easily find yourself lost among their petals. Their path had become smoother as the goat was no longer pulling the cart through the mud, instead the roads of Asgard were straight and tiled with pebbles joined close together they looked like one large stone. A large wall cut through the greenery, a large sturdy thing made of many stones that brimmed with magic that any original Jotun would have trouble breaking. At first, there looked to be no gate of which to speak, just the same stone pattern encircling. As the cart got closer, however, a long wooden gate glimmered in the sunlight and invisible hands pulled them open. Once passed the wall Hel seen the most sight she had ever seen. The shining halls of Asgard. They glowed like gold in the sunlight, large straight towers that touched the blue sky. To her childish eyes, the many sprawling manors seemed to give off their own light like the sun itself. It burnt her eyes at first and she used her hand to block its rays from her eyes; one the same blue as her brothers, the other a blind white.

  Their captors did not give them much time to admire their new home and rushed them to Valhalla as quick as that old goat would carry them, which was surprisingly fast for the size of the thing. Hel hadn’t loosened her grip on either brother the whole journey and was determined not to now. The Aesir gave them no choice though, the leader pulled her free from her monstrous brothers, in the process she ripped a handful of fur from her wolf brother. He howled and the sky itself shuddered. She was marched into the throne room of the Allfather, everywhere around her gleamed like water and reflected her own monstrous face back to her, wet tears covered both cheeks, she roughly wiped them from her cheeks with her shelve. The assortment of gods stared at them as they entered, all beautiful faces that held a cruel edge. Hel scanned them all one by one, looking for that one face.

  The great Odin sat atop his golden throne, his twin ravens cawed at them, large black eyes gleamed at them as if they held a bit of their master’s soul. The Allfather’s face was lined like an old tree that swirled around the black hole of his missing eye. His hair and bread were long, covering his shoulder in a grey shawl. Despite looking like an old man, the power radiated off him. There at his side, Hel finally saw the face she was looking for; her father Loki.

  “Step forward children, there is nothing to fear,” Odin spoke, Hel looked to Loki but his face gave her nothing. The guards pulled through Fenrir in his cage while another carried the chained Jormungandr over his shoulders, the guard's face contoured in pain under the weight of her brother. The breath of all the gods struck in their throats as Hel’s dark hair moved to show the dead half of her face, cheekbones white behind a thin piece of blue skin. She could still see out of her dead white eye although they didn’t know that, she was able to watch their disgust faces in secret, see the looks they shared between them and her father.

  “Where is our mother?” Jormungandr hissed, poison dipped from his fangs.

  “She remains in Ironwood. I requested you here so I may look upon you myself.”

  “Now you have, send us back to her.” He said, but Odin wasn’t listening, his one eye looked at them all individually as if he could see every cell in their bodies.

  “Come now, where are your manners? We only want to show you our hospitality.” He banged his staff; the words were now an order not to be challenged. Despite her young age, Hel knew the simple life of her girlhood was over.

Chapter Text

Hel Lokidotter didn’t blend in with the other children. The fair children of Asgard frolicked in the ever-present sun, rosy-cheeked and bright smiles. She felt like a weed among the roses, ready for someone to pick her up and squash her underfoot. She didn’t care for their games, instead, she sat with Jormungandr wrapped around under the biggest tree she could find, reading a scroll she had stolen from their father’s chambers. She struggled with the symbols, an old language long since dead, they twisted and danced before her eyes, refusing to stay still for even a moment.

   “What are you reading, trickster daughter?” came the musical voice of Balder, the golden-haired son of Odin, he lend against the tree above her arms crossed. Even at such a young age, Blader was the most beautiful of the gods and he knew it well. For someone cursed such as she was, it did not seem fair that her and her siblings had the forms that they did, serpent, wolf and her a body better suited for the grave than the halls of the gods while the son of Frigga carried all of the words beauty in the damned smile of his.

 “Nothing Odinson.” Jormungandr remained asleep, not bothered by the new visitor, in the short months they had been brought here, her snake brother had almost doubled in size, Fenrir wasn’t far behind him. It was unknown how big they would get, would she grow too to be a large as them? Maybe one day she could be so big to simply step back home.

  “It doesn’t look like nothing, what do these strange symbols mean? Are you a volur too?” She had found it hard to dislike him.

  “Father left it out, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.”

  “And?”

  “I can’t read it.”

  “Maybe my mother would be able to. Or father, although he might not be happy we have this or let’s go to The Head. I bet he could read it,” he said in very little time.

  “I don’t want to see ‘The Head,’” her nose crinkled, at least the part that could move.

  “Does it hurt?” he asked pointing to the blue side of her face.

  “No. It sometimes feels like when you sleep on your arm and it’s like that moment before the feeling comes back. Numb.” He nodded slowly.

  “Can I touch that part of you?” he whispered, eyes bright with curiosity.

  “If you’d like,” she shrugged. She had taken to wearing dresses with long shelves to hide that side of her. Gently he pulled up her shelve, revealing the blue skin peppered with long black veins that stood away from the skin. He followed one down her arm with his warm fingertips like the spring sun melting the winter snow. It tickled when he reached her wrist and Jormundangr opened his eyes at his sister’s laughter. He looked up at her, he did not need to speak, these eyes said all the words need: Beware the Odinson.

  “Urgh Balder, you’re touching it,” Magni said, a gathering of children now stood around them. Balder quickly withdrew his hand.

  “Balder is unclean, his flesh is going to turn black and fall off,” one of Freyja’s daughters cried, Hel pulled down her shelve trying to hide her arm from them. Jormungandr slipped from her body, allowing her to stand, he stood as tall as her but his massive tail still trailed behind him. She held the scroll tight to her body and together they left the gardens just in time that the children couldn’t see the tears running down her living cheek.

                                                                                                                        *** 

   “Do you think we’ll ever go home?” she asked Jormungandr over dinner, their father didn’t join them tonight, he had plans elsewhere. Loki hadn’t been best pleased with their arrival, his little secret laid bare before the other gods for them to laugh and point at the demon spawn of the trickster.

 “You were with Balder again,” he hissed.

 “He talked to me first, as always.”

 “Why do you think he does that?”

 “He thinks me a freak like the others.”

 “Be careful Hel, you know nothing happens here without Odin’s knowledge or approval.”

 “You think he put his own son up to it? He’s a child.”

 “I would not put it past him. You should not see him again,” he had the same tone as mothers, it was an order, not a suggestion. He said it like she was the one to seek Balder out when all she had done was read under a tree.

 Her oldest brother shook so much that the little table shook with him, green scales gleaming like they did when he was afraid. He had been paranoid from the moment Odin had dismissed them from the Great Hall their first day. The three shared connecting chambers, almost most nights they fell asleep in her chamber; especially that first night, all wrapped around each other just as they had every night in their mother’s house. Jormungandr reminded them every chance he could, to not trust the Aesir or the Vanir.

 “Something is going to happen Hel, I don’t know what or when but I can feel it in my scales.”

 “Something with Balder?”

 “I don’t know, but I know it has something to do with us, something will happen to us.”

 His words kept her awake most of the night. Something already had happened to them, they had been ripped from their mother, wasn’t that enough? What could happen that was worse than that? She tried not to think of it as she heard the paws pad against her floor. Fenrir drove under the covers, his fur warm and long to the touch although his claws drew blood from her living flesh. She heeled quickly from the wound as she clung to him, knowing by morning he would be gone again. He spent most of his time with Tyr, they would fish, hunt and play together from breakfast till bedtime. Hel missed his company when he was gone, his wet nuzzles, his rough tongue against her good cheek, the softness of his fur after she had brushed the tangles from it. Despite his appearance, those that met him were quickly won by his affection personality. Like their mother, he wanted to please others and make them smile, holding him in her arms Hel hoped Tyr made their brother smile too.

  Like every other day, true to her word she awoke alone. The dark fallen hairs of her brother were the only evidence that he had spent the night there. She missed him, he had taken so long to settle to their new life here. He would spend night after night howling towards the sky, hoping mother could hear him over the voids of the worlds. The sounds had kept everyone up at night until one night they stopped and the silence was worse to her ears than her brother’s cries.

 His first hunt with Tyr had come that day, he had returned to them just as he had been before they were parted from their mother, the happy wolf brother with the large lolling tongue. He spent most of his days with Tyr, fishing, hunting, play fighting, each day growing bigger but at nights he did not howl. Not for mother anyway, What if she forgot about them without his cries?

 Loki was sat at the head of the table when Hel came down the cold, shining marble stairs, Jormungandr slithered beside her, his green scales reflecting in the marble beneath. Their father’s halls were of a good size, not as grand as Odins’ nor did it have as many rooms as Thor 540 roomed manor. It was still lovely to behold, scrolls and tomes covered most walls, each with more unreadable titles in the same symbols as the scroll she still had in her room. If Loki knew that she had stolen it (which she was sure he knew) he did not show it, but she thought if something is out in the open, is it really stealing? She knew Jormungandr would say yes and so she didn’t say anything at all.

 “Where is your brother?” Loki asked when they were seated, with a wave of his hand the food appeared on the table in front of them.

 “Probably with Tyr,” Jormungandr rolled his venom over the god’s name as if it would cause him pain.

  “Ah, the war god has claimed my son as his lapdog.”

  “Could you talk to him? Tell him to let our brother go.” Hel asked.

 “I think it is Fenrir that needs to let him go. I shall see what I can do. I am his father but he has spent no time with me since he’s arrived."

  “You are never here.” her brother reminded him. Her father’s face flashed blue at the corners, the same colour as the dead part of herself. It made her feel afraid of him for the first time in her life. Just as quickly as it had come, soon his skin was its normal colour again.

  “My apologies. I had other business to attend to.”

  “Why are we here?”

  “The ravens found you, Mimir confirmed it and the old man wouldn’t let it go until he had you himself.”

 “Why?”

 “Who knows with Odin, there is a plan, but it is known only to him.”

 “So we are stuck here until he has use of us.”

 “Isn’t that why everyone is here. Everyone is Asgard is but a piece and Odin is the collector.”

 “I don’t want to be a pice,” Hel finally added to the conversation, her voice weak compared to theirs.

 “Neither do I daughter,” there was a sparkle in his eye. “But how do we change that?” he rested his head in his hands looking directly at her.

 She looked around for the ravens and thought hard, but no thoughts came to her, finally defeated she admitted: “I don’t know.”

 “Maybe one day. Now if you are finished you should go to the gardens, it’s a beautiful day and it would be a shame to miss it.” He popped a grape in his mouth and smiled around it, it made him look like Jormungandr when he had caught a rabbit.

 “I don’t want to father,” she said. “The children are mean.”

 “They are, but why should that stop you. Show them they can not threaten you. You are my children after all.” In his hand appeared the scroll she had hidden under her bed, she gently grasped it prepared for it to be a simile illusion, but it was the real deal.

 So with the scroll in hand, they went for a different tree, further from the children playing in the river. They hadn’t realised how close their spot under the tree was to Odin’s vast gardens until multi-coloured petals rained down on to them, each a different colour to the other one, all together they created a rainbow. With petals in her dark hair, she stained her eyes at the scroll again, making out only one symbol. Water. She whispered it under her breath. The kids screamed and she looked up. She bit hard into her tongue as a long white ripple danced on the surface of the river.

 Jormungandr shivered around her, even though they were far away the very idea of water was enough to send him on edge. She concentrated again and another, larger ripple splashed against the rocks. She could feel her brother’s eyes on her face, she could hear what he was going to say even without him opening his jaws: Don’t. She tried a third time and a small wave slapped Magni Thorson in the face. The boy turned his wet face towards, he made a show of slowly wiping the water from his face. He stalked towards her, his brothers Ulr and Modi and Balder’s twin brother Hodr following behind.

 “Did you do that, trickster spawn?” she remained silent. “Are both of your ears dead. I asked you if you did that?”

 “You did ask and I’m refusing to answer.”

 “Do you think knowing magic makes you less of a monster, do you think it makes you one of us.” He picked up a stick and started to poke the snake armour wrapped around her torso. “It’s pathetic that you think you could be one of us.” he taunted, ending the sentence with a poke.

 At this point, the children were all looking at them, while Magni continued to taunt them, poking harder now. “You’ll be nothing. You’re not even good enough to make into steed like your brother. Surprised your mother wasn’t a horse. Oh, I forgot Loki likes to be a bottom.” She had no idea what he saying, but the petals around her were withering and turning brown beneath her hand. With each poke Jormungandr’s body coiled tighter, ready to strike.

 “Do you like horses too? Or is it you’re own brothers you prefer to f-” His scream stopped the taunts and the giant fangs of her snake brother were buried in his beefy arm, the stick still in his hand. The tall redhead stumbled back, his face turned green. Her brother released him and he fell, foam covering his lips. Balder appeared as if from thin air, he ordered Modi to get help as he held Magni’s convulsing body. Hel looked from the blonde god’s tense honey eyes to the triumph green eyes of her brother, blood on his fangs.

 He slithered away, his tail painfully tight on her wrist as he took her with him. They hid among the trees like they did when they were children playing hide and seek with Fenrir. But this wasn’t a game and Fenrir wasn’t here. Jormungandr didn’t seem to care about the young god back in the gardens, instead, her brother slithered further into the dark trees, a smile still curved his jaws, still dripping with sticky green venom. Hel followed him just as the dutiful baby sister she always was, not sure what else to go, or what else to do. The scroll still shook in her good hand.

 A rabbit that hopped by quickly became his lunch, her brother was hungry when his temper got the better of him. He moved deeper into the darkness, if he tail wasn’t still wrapped around her, she wouldn’t have been able to see him. She tried to keep up him, but where would they go? Could they really live their lives here under the nose of the Aesir? And what of Fenrir, if they did not find them what would they do to him? But what would they do to Jormungandr when they finally found them hidden in the dark trees?

 As if in answer a blot of lightning brightened the sky above their heads. Had Magni died all because of a stupid prank on her end. Not that the eldest son of Thor was blameless, did his parents never teach him not to poke a snake. “I hope he’s dead.” He brother hissed, wrapping his long body around a thick old tree. He looked down at her, his head resting on a branch. With little effort, he pulled her up to sit on the branch with him. From such a height all she could see was the tops of trees stretching in all direction around them.

 “Why?” she whispered as he placed his head in her lap.

 “One less of them.”

 “They will come for us.”

 “Let them come, I have enough venom to kill them all. Even father if he gets in my way.”

 The sky was dark and Hel and Jormungandr were fast asleep when they were found. Fenrir’s large nose sniffed at the ground and up the tree. He licked his sister’s cheek with his rough pink tongue, waking her from her slumber. The moment of happiness was short-lived when Tyr’s face appeared in the touch light. Jormungandr was too tired to fight although he tried and sprung for Tyr’s face, fang green with venom, Fenrir jumped onto his brother wrestling his long body in sharp fangs of his own. The wolf held the snake to the ground as Tyr secured the chains around his body. He and Freyr hauled him onto the chariot pulled by an ox, Hel grabbed a fistful of Fenrir’s fur and together they followed in behind the cart and the gods.

 She didn’t release her hold on him even when they were marched to the Great Hall in which Odin held court. They were pushed up in front of the empty golden throne, while the rest of the gods filled the hall behind them. She could feel their many beautiful faces set in hatred staring at the back of her head, she dipped her head and allow her hair to shield her from them. She looked at none of them, not at the Queen, nor Magni’s parents, nor her own father stood on the other side of the dais. Instead, she focused only on her brothers. Jormungandr was on the floor beside them, the massive chains weighted him down he could make no movements.

  Once the gods were all assembled, Odin made his grand entrance. The two big, black ravens with gleams in their wings healded his arrival. He moved slowly up the dais, drawing out the spectacle even more than it needed to be. He sat on his high throne, a spectre in hand just like a repeat of their first day here in the new land. His only eye moved over each of them, even without looking Hel could feel its gaze on her, she raised her head, meeting his one eye with her two, one alive and the other almost dead. Beside him, his wife Frigga’s proud face was compassionate even in resting. Standing close to the dais, Magni’s mother Sif was a blotching red-faced mess her wig of gold hair tangled with tears. Thor was red-faced with anger, his face the same colour as his rust coloured hair. His mighty hammer Mjolnir passed deadly between his huge hands.

 “Jormungandr Lokison, you are accused of causing the bodily harm of Magni, son of Thor Odinson. What say you?”

 “Come now All-father. They are children, children can be rough without intending to be. This trial is a little excessive, you’ll have to admit.”

 “No god can hurt another without consequences. That is the law we all must uphold within these lands.”

 “Intentionally cause harm to the other gods, my son did not mean to, look at him he still learning what he is and what he can do,” Loki argued.

 “I did it intentionally father,” his voice was strained under the weight of the chains, but Jormungandr confession carried to each god’s ears. “He threatened me and my sister and I defended us. But I enjoyed doing it, I would do it again if needs be. When others won’t,” he fixed his gaze on their father.

 “Then it is settled,” Thor shouted. “I’ll rip him to pieces.” He raised his harmer.

 “Stay your hand, my son, lest you suffer the same fate as your son.”

 “Then I won’t let the beast bite me.”

"Any contact with the venom is deadly to you," Odin said. 

 “He will live won’t he All-father?” Sif sobbed.

 “Mimir says he will live.” Hel shivered to think of the head watching them right now, knowing everything that has ever been and all that will ever be. He knew that Magni would provoke her brother and that he would, in turn, injure him. It didn’t seem fair to her, they were gods and yet still their lives were decided for them, every day mapped out on the spinners wheel long before her parents had even met one another. Even more unfair that the sister spinners only shared the information with the disembodied head of Mimir. Did they have any choice in their own lives, was her stealing the scroll even her choice at all. Or some predestined prank thought up by the three Norns at Urdarbrunnr.

 “Then what will you do with him, father?” Thor boomed.

 “He can’t stay here, he’s too dangerous to all of us.” Sif suddenly stopped crying enough to harden her voice. Around them, the gods muttered in agreement.

 “I will take him into my care, I will ensure this does not happen again.“ Loki made a step to approach his children.

 “He was already in your care and you failed to school him properly,” Freyja spoke up, the cats that pulled her chariot hissed at the family on trial.

 “Enough. I have heard enough. Jormungandr son of Loki, for the crime of bodily harm to Magni Thorson freely confessed. Banishment to the waters of Midgard.” Odin banged his spear Gungnir, sending sparks off the marble floor brighter than any of Thor’s lighting. Hel felt the ice crawl in her veins. Waters of Midgard, the very thought was a knife to the chest. Beneath his chains, her brother shook violently but all it did was tighten them closer around his body. Fenrir snapped his jaws at the guards that came for their brother but a muzzle locked around them, drowning out his cries. Hel ran for her brother as the guards carried him from the hall. She thought if she could just catch him, but they were always a few steps in front of her. Even when Fenrir placed her on his back, the pair were still not fast enough. They were only two steps behind now, and the rainbow bridge gleamed in front of them. Fenrir skited to a stop, the guards and Heimdall, the gatekeeper paid them no notice. But it was too late, in front of them, the guards threw their still chained brother off the bridge into the darkness below with only Heimdall to guide him to his new watery prison. She hid her face in her brother’s face as they slowly made their way back to their father’s halls. They had never been separated before, and now their brother was sent to a place they could never go.

Chapter Text

Fenrir came to her, at last, that night. She hugged his rough body tightly to her just as she had as a small child just sprung from their mother’s womb. They wept together through the night before falling asleep in their tight embrace, a strange pair they made, the dead girl and her wolf brother, the only people who know the tragedy of their birth.

They slept late into the day, the sun was almost at its peak when she opened her eyes. She awoke before her brother, his brown fur matted with the drool of a dream in the middle of the night. She smiled and gently rose from the bed so as to not wake him. She tiptoed along the marble floor towards her wardrobe.

Before she got there, a new object in the room caught her eye. On the side table was a floating bunch of flowers. Fresh smelling from Odin’s own gardens. She delicately reached for them with only her uncorrupted hand. They were soft to her touch and none of the water drops transferred to her hand.

A note glided from the jewel-coloured petals, each a different colour like the rainbow bridge that connected all of the nine realms. With a quick glance at her sleeping brother, she picked it up from the table. I’m sorry, it read two simple words but were nice to hear after last night. She wondered who could have sent them, father didn’t seem the type to send flowers but he had magic to steal them from Odin’s gardens while making them float was a basic party trick that would cause him no trouble.

She had little time to ponder as her brother awoke from his long slumber. His long, loud yawn shook the bed now covered in brown fur. His jaws turned into a smile as he jumped onto the floor beside, his warm body gently brushed beside her as his large nose poked at the flower, but still, their petals did not fall to the ground.

“Who are they from?” he asked.

“I don’t know, they came with this note but no name.” Loki strolled into their room with ease, hands clasped behind his back. His clever eyes danced to the flowers, their bright petals like magnets drawing the soul to them.

“Who are they from?” He took them into his pale hands.

“I don’t know.” She repeated a little annoyed now. Loki fingered one of the red petals, it crinkled and fell to the ground. Hel bit her lip hard and he looked from the flowers to her face, the fear was plain on her face and he handed her back the flowers. She cradled them to her good side.

“Whoever they are from is dear to you.”

“It can not be, they only ones dear to me are by my side and the other is at the bottom of the sea.”

“I will not take you anger, it was his own choice to confess.”

“But you did nothing.”

“What could I do daughter? Your brother made his choice, he knew Odin would not show mercy and still followed his foolish notion. Instead, take heed from his example.”

“Not to commit treason?”

“Hide it better.” He left them alone, on to scheme and plot as he always was. To Hel, it seemed like their father had a plan known only to himself. Fenrir growled under his breath at him, Hel gently fingered the soft petals of the red flower.

“Does he think we’re like him, that we would commit treason so easily?” Fenrir said, she scoffed.

“If the other Aesir is going to think it of us then we must be careful.”

“Then you must allow them to trust you, come get dressed you can come hunting with me.” She left the flowers back on her table, it floated above the surface and glistened in the light that shone through the window, she watched them as she pulled her day dress on and gave it one last look before following Fenrir from the room. He happily padded down the corridor, his large claws scratching the polished marble floors with each step. Her toes traced each long indent in a trance-like manner. She slipped her feet into her cloth slippers and the marble gave way to the grassy plains of the garden.

It was still early and none of the other children had risen yet to annoy them. Hel kept a firm hold on Fenrir’s long fur, he did not even notice as he quickened his pace upon seeing Tyr up ahead. The war god looked similar to Thor, both massive bodied individuals that cast shadows over the pair as they approached. Though Tyr was much more handsome in the face than Thor with a long blonde braid that reached his waist, it shone like a blade in the ever-present sunlight. He raised one scarred eyebrow upon seeing her, but slowly lowered it again and instead his face lit with a bright, welcoming smile.

“Welcome to the hunting party sister of Fenrir, I did not think this would have been an activity you enjoyed.”

“It isn’t but my brother invited me to be by his side.”

“You are most welcome. Do you have a weapon of choice?”

“No weapons to speak of, will I need them?”

“It will help, the creatures in these parts are swift.”

“But my brother is swifter.”

“That he is,” he said and gracefully swung his massive weight up onto his white stallion. Hel was amazed that the horse did not seem to notice the extra weight, he briefly looked over her and waved at something behind her. She turned around and from the trees emerged a small brown pony, keeping her grey arm close to her side she ran a hand down its long silky mane. One black eye looked to the dead half of her face and Hel saw pure terror reflected back to her, she took a step away from the scared beast.

“Was wondering when you’d show your face.”

“Sorry I'm late, I thought I best keep you on your toes.” Balder’s bright voice cut through the morning air. His stallion looked like it was made of silver, its coat gleamed in the bright light.

“Help Lokidotter onto her horse, we need to be heading before the game moves on.” Tyr and Fenrir moved to the end of the clearing, her brother bounced on his feet ready to run at any moment. She tried not to look at Balder as he came closer to her but failed. His smile was lovely on his fair face as he looked down at her, like he’d trapped the sun in that smile. He held out a hand to her, she softly placed her good hand into his and allowed him to help her onto her house. She felt unsteady once upon the horse but Balder had yet to remove his hand from hers until she smiled reassuringly at him.

With a nod from Tyr, her brother jumped into action and was a brown blur against the trees. Balder effortlessly mounted his own horse and the three immortal beings followed the wolf through the trees. The trees whipped past them, just blurs of brown and green. She kept her face forwards, focused on trying to find her brother among the trees. She halted her horse in a clearing, she searched in all of the directions to find them. She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, the children always felt they were linked and could always sense them.

“Something wrong Hel,” Balder asked her from behind.

“I’m trying to find them.”

“Oh, in my experience they’ll find you.” He paused. “Did you receive my flowers?”

“They were from you?”

“I’m sorry for what happened to your brother.”

“Thank you. I’m worried about him, we’ve never been apart and to know he is alone.” A single tear ran down her cheek, he took her hand in his. “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

“I don’t know, I’m just not.”

She allowed her eyes to meet his, warm and filled with comfort. A howl drew her attention. Fenrir. They took off in the direction and just as they expected, in a short distance Tyr and her brother stood over the dying body of a deer, the poor creature huffed painful shallow breaths against the massive wound to its belly. Intestine poured onto the ground below. It was so unlike Fenrir to be so messy with his prey, his eyes told as much. The hurt he had buried inside them. Hel dropped from her horse and approached the dying deer, it did not seem afraid as she gently stroked its neck.

“It’s okay, it's time to rest now.” she cooed, letting her power spread out from her. She cradled the deer’s head as the light faded from its eyes. She gently set its head down on the ground, her companions remained silent behind her until Fenrir nuzzled his nose against her head.

“Well Lokidotter, seems like you have a very special skill indeed,” Tyr said, while his voice stayed level he took a step back as she moved back to her horse. He and Fenrir took off on another cleaner hunt this time.

“Fascinating,” Balder said.

“What is?”

“That you and your brothers are so different in appearance.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Not at all, it's just interesting, I mean with no disrespect but your mother is just a normal giantess with no special talents. Did your father take on the shape of a snake and wolf with your brothers?”

“And what shape did he take for me? What shape could produce a half-monster?”

“You’re not a monster.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Your skin doesn’t make you a monster.”

“Everyone else thinks so.”

“Who cares what they think. If you think yourself a monster you’ll become one.” Even at such a young age Balder was already wiser than most of the men is Asgard. “Come we should head back before it gets too dark.”

“What about my brother?”

“Oh don’t worry about him, they say out all night together. I know you still don’t trust us which given the situation is understandable. But don’t fear for Fenrir he is safe with Tyr, my uncle is very fond of your brother. I hope. I hope you will find friends among us too.”

“I would like that. Will you be my friend Odinson? ”

“I’d be honoured lokidottir.”

Chapter Text

8 years later

“Illse,” she repeated over and over again, each time compelling it to work. She focused on her hand, sweat beads rolled down the good side of her contoured face. Her eyes started to trick her, for the briefest of seconds she believed her fingertips were flesh coloured.

“What are you doing?” Loki interrupted and she saw her fingers for the blue they had always been.

“It no longer matters.”

“Is this what you wish?”

In her reflection the blue side of her face turned cream with a sprinkle of freckles across her cheeks to match the other side, her once black lips were now red and soft against her tongue. Her hair was glossy and healthy-looking, a new shine added to the black locks framing cheekbones no longer sticking sharply through paper-like skin instead a healthy layer of fat encased them. She blinked and the white eye turned blue, she looked beautiful.

As soon as she reached her now alive hand to her face the reflection faded to her normal mismatched appearance.

“I wish I could give you this permanently. I truly do.”

“Please don’t taunt me with your tricks.”

“It was not my intention.”

“Yes because you’re known for your kindness.” She grabbed her book from the table and made to leave but Loki jumped in front of her.

“Do not run from me daughter. Please ”

“No need to act like a caring father now.”

“You still hold me responsible for Jormungandr exile.”

“Would you prefer I blame Odin for everything like you do father?”

“What would you expect me to do. I spoke up but your brother damned himself.”

“He’s not innocent, but whose fault is it that we’re here. Who hid us away, was ashamed of us. You placed a target on us from the very beginning.”

“Then I offer my deepest apologies for your birth. If that’s what you need to hear, but you’re sixteen so will you continue to hate me? Or we could work together to get your brother back and I could try to give you what you want.”

She could feel the tingle in her face over her skin and though further from the mirror she could see herself whole again, she looked like her father like this. Probably the only one of her siblings that could. But inside she ached.

“What would you have me do?”

“I’ll come to you when I need you.” He disappeared then leaving her alone and the illusion faded with him. She grabbed her book and left, her skin still tingled but maybe it was her brain willing it to change back. She quietly made her way through the twists and turns of Loki’s halls without much trouble. Unlike the other gods, her father prefered the company of as few servants as possible, when you had magic servants were quite useless.

She made her way undisturbed to the middle courtyard, in her way was Queen Frigga with her gaggle of women. They all looked the same to Hel, blonde beauties with elaborate braided hairstyles and long flowy dresses like something from a storybook than real life. While Frigga shone like her hair was made of starlight, it was no wonder that her son outshone everyone.

“Where are you off to Lokidotter?”

“Just to the gardens to read my Queen.”

“What are you reading?” the Queen put out her hand.

“How to be a proper lady.” Hel placed it in her waiting hand and in a swift move, Frigga had the book open and scanned a page.

“You should work on your magic, you have the talent but you need to practise more.” Frigga’s smile was genuine as she handed the book back. She left with her ladies, allowing Hel to continue onto her journey to the gardens.

Her favourite tree was quiet when she arrived, the branches had grown long creating a curtain of brightly coloured flowers to one side. She sat among the giant roots and started in her book knowing it wouldn't be too long until she was interrupted.

“What are you reading?” On cue Balder appeared, he gently took the book from her as he sat beside her. “I can’t read it.”

“That’s because it doesn’t have any pretty pictures for you.”

“Ouch how very mean of you.” He placed a hand to his chest and let his mouth drop in fake shock.

“No less true,” she struck out her tongue before the two broke into giggles.

“Another spellbook,” he gave it back to her.

“Your mother caught it with me with it, she could see through my illusion,” she shrugged.

“Ah well, you can always get better.”

“Jealous.”

“Not at all, I have no need for magic.” She flinched. “But it is wonderful you have a skill for it.”

“If I can master it.”

“What will you do with it when you do?”

“Change this.” she held out her blue hand.

“Why would you want to do that?”

“To be beautiful.”

“But you are in your way.” He took her cold blue hand in his, she could feel the warmth that radiated through it. Like the heat of the hearth fire or a cup of mead at a banquet that worked its magic on every vein inside you yet you still wanted more.

“We both know I will never be counted among the beauties of Asgard.”

“Why try? You don’t need to look like everyone else.”

“Maybe then we would be left alone.” Balder opened his mouth to reply but closed them again, a line formed between his fair eyebrows which she had come to learn meant he was deep in thought. With her good hand, she gently smoothed the line into his forehead.

“In truth, if you looked like everyone else then no one would pay you much attention beyond being the children of Loki. But would that be enough, this,” he gently brushed her blue cheek. “It’s a part of you.”

“You’re biased. You see too much beauty in everything.”

“It's my curse,” he shrugged with an easy smile, it was impossible to resist her own.
There was a tension, something Hel couldn’t describe. A kind of spell she had never read before, something burned bright in that moment between them. An unusual feeling fluttered in her stomach, it lit her insides alight in a confusing mess of emotions. She had enough time to pull away from him as the tree under her blue hand died.

“Hel? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what that was.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m kind of tired so I’m going to go.”

“Okay, will I see you tonight at the banquet?”

“Yes, I’ll see you tonight.” She left without touching him in case she hurt him, their tree groaned and the leaves turned grey. She fast-walked away trying to put distance between them when she felt a massive presence beside her. She didn’t need to look to know it was Fenrir, he was almost twice her size now with a chest twice as deep.

“Did Odin’s son hurt you sister?”

“No no, I think it was the other way around.”

“How so?”

“There was a feeling, I don’t know how to describe it other than my stomach felt like it might have twisted into knots.”

“Do you have affection for him?”

“He’s my friend.”

“But he is the most beautiful of the gods, no one would blame you. By the Allfather every other girl is in love with him.”

“I didn’t say I was in love with him.”

“Aren't you.”

“We’re not having this discussion.”

*****

The banquet was in full swing by the time Hel arrived, Thor was drunkenly telling stories in the corner, the corpses of several smashed cups on the floor. Odin and Frigga talked happily on their thrones, all in all, no one was paying her any attention and she liked it. Giant Fenrir was sprawled out by the hearth and Hel felt a pang of jealousy at the hand Tyr had laid on her brother’s fur.

A servant sheepishly handed her a drink, making sure to stay on her right side. She stayed close to the wall, while the crowds were drinking and dancing. She watched the couples slowly rock in each other's arms, completely out of sync with the fast music. While the warriors she didn’t know the names of arm-wrestled and altogether just showed off. Above it all she heard the bell-like the laughter of Balder, her feet seemed to move of their own accord towards the sound.

“Where are you off to daughter?” Loki was suddenly in front of her.

“Nowhere father.”

“Oh were you going to see Balder, this wouldn’t have anything to do with your affection for him.” she sank back, not even surprised anymore.

“What do you want?”

“I’m happy for you daughter but you have competition from all the ladies at court, all apart from that one.” he pointed at Sigyn, Hel had never talked to her but she seemed nice enough. Quiet, small and with doe eyes stared only at the tall bearded warrior who had just lost a wrestling match.

“She is quite the little beauty and not as dull as a dishwater as some of the maidens,” Loki continued. “But see I have a little problem: her fiance. It would be a shame if he dropped dead, how utterly terrible.”

“This is the favour you want of me?” She asked blankly, she wanted to be how shocked but somehow deep inside she knew he would always have asked this of her.

“Almost too simple isn’t it. Think on it and give me your answer.”

Chapter Text

‘Almost too simple’ her father had said. A simple touch and Loki would have his wife, but would that not arouse suspicion? Jormungandr had almost poisoned a son of Thor when another Aesir turns up dead, Odin’s one eye would look to them. Father couldn’t save them then, what would Odin do? Would he cast her to the waves of Midgard to join her brother? What of Fenrir, would they be blamed together and cast out or would he be left among these people. Would they kill him because of her? Would she ever see him again if they did?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Balder asked not pausing in the swish of his sword.

“What do you think happens when we die?”

He stopped then and looked at her. “Why are you thinking of that?”

“I cause things to die, where do they go after?”

“But you don’t intend to kill things-and the animals on the hunts were dying anyway you were just giving them mercy.”

“But where do they go? If any of us die, what happens?”

“I don’t know who, I don’t think anyone knows, not even my father.” He sat beside her, he rubbed his chin, eyes searching for an answer. “Maybe you could create a place.”

“Me?”

“Why not. If you could control death- do you control death? I mean the Norns write about our future so what if you don’t control death but it's already decided before you touch them.” It was a nice thought to think that every creature, every flower, Theoric is all the Norns' designs, not hers. Almost too simple isn’t it. Balder got up, sword in hand, and started to swish the air against the crackle of the fire.

“What if I did control death?” She searched for any fear on his face but found none.

“Then maybe you should learn how to protect yourself,” he held out his sword. Her one living brow rose in confusion as she looked at it, runes carved into its short flat silver blade pointed straight at her.

“Teach me.” She asked, reaching for the sword with her good hand. He was dangerously close to her, one hand on hers as she kept too tight of a grip on the weapon. His feet pushed hers apart in a perfect stance. His breath made the living side of her flesh prick as he whispered instructions in her ear. Parley, block, stab. It was enough to make her forget everything, everything but the beautiful god with his arms around her. She wasn’t sure who kissed who at the moment she couldn’t care as cold, dead butterflies awoke in her stomach.

“Balder,” Odin’s voice broke them apart. The Allfather descended the marble stairs. Hel dropped her head ready for the scolding. “Did I not raise you well enough that you would dishonor a lady in such a way.”

“Forgive me, Father, forgive me Hel.” She couldn’t stop her mouth from dropping open.

“I hope you can forgive my son Lokidottier, now both of you go to bed it's late.”

They did not try to meet each other’s eyes but the embarrassment covered both of their faces. The ravens watched them climb the marble steps out of the great hall. Once out of Odin’s earshot Hel whispered to Balder, “Why did he say that?”

“Father is afraid of you.”

“He’s not.”

“He is, of all of you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I've overheard him say things to mother after he returned from the head, he mentioned Ragnarok.”

“What’s Ragnarok?”

“I don’t know, I think the head is the only one that knows.” A raven’s call reminded them that Odin was still there. “Goodnight Hel.” Balder smiled at her, pink brightening his cheeks.

“Goodnight Balder.”

*********

It was the very next day Odin had called a gathering in the great hall, no one knew why. Could it be War or a new peace treaty, no matter the reason Hel tried to steady her trembling hand, carefully dragging a stick of charcoal against her once good eye. She bit her lips as the stick just missed her eyeball, actually remaining on her lashes.

“Do you need a hand?” Loki asked.

“No thank you, I am fine.” She blinked, smudged the charcoal, and looked like a raccoon.

“Here let me do it.” He took the stick from her and with the other hand gently wiped the dark makeup from her under the eye. “Should I ask why you’re putting effort in for tonight?”

“I just wanted to.”

“Fair enough, have you given much thought to my favour?”

“Yes, whatever the Norns decide is what I will do.”

“So you won’t do it.”

“I won’t risk Fenrir, Odin looks for a chance to send us out. I can’t do anything to provoke him.”

“Very well, besides being Balder’s wife is a better way to protect your brother.”

“You think so.” In the next room, Fenrir stretched out against the hearth, his shadow darkened the room.

“Of course, you would be a daughter of Odin; he couldn’t deny you anything.” Fenrir entered the room, tired eyes scanning his sibling and father. He stumbled towards them after having a little too much wine with Tyr on the hunt. Hel went to him and scratched under his chin, he was too large for her to ever reach his ears again. She could smell the meat and wine on his breath, Good thing Mother isn’t here to see her son drunk, she thought.

The hall was already in full swing when they arrived, still with a fist of Fenrir’s fur her wolf brother pulled her to his friends. A smile broke onto Tyr’s face as his friend approached, his massive arms outstretched as the wolf walked into a gentle embrace, a large rough tongue licked his cheek as her brother used to do to her. Theoric laughed a little too loudly grabbing her attention. In truth Hel couldn’t remember him on any of the hunts he had joined, in fact she didn’t remember him existing until father pointed him out just a few days ago. The unremarkable man that had the misfortune of having what Loki wanted.

“Is that really your face, Lokidottier?” he asked her.

“You can touch it if you're brave enough.”

“I need not prove my bravery to you.”

“I don’t think the lady would find any pleasure in your touch Theoric,” Balder said, causing a laugh from Tyr and Fenrir.

“Of course, no one can doubt your bravery, Balder, the man of the hour.”

“Man of the hour?”

“You know as much as I, father just said he was hosting this feast in my honour but I don’t know why.”

“Heard it's also a big night for you too Lokidottir.” Theoric giggled feeding Fenrir another cup of wine, her giant brother had his eyes half-closed at this point. Tyr sent him a glare, if looks could kill Theoric wouldn’t need her for him to fall down dead.

“What great secrets do you know about Theoric?”

“Oh, you’ll find out.” Tyr grabbed Theoric's arm, a man of no subtlety he couldn’t cover the anger in him as a meaty fist squeezed Theoric arm as he dragged him from the hall. It caused the hair on the back of Hel’s neck to stand on edge, something wasn’t right. Leaving her brother in Balder’s care she searched about the hall for her father, it seemed like all eyes were on her. Everyone that would have shunned her was now boldly looking at her as she pushed her way through to Loki. Her father seemed to be in her own world talking to Sigyn, the two were joined in some private joke.

“Father,” Hel whispered. Although Loki did not look at her, it was Sigyn who instead noticed her. She excused herself, leaving father and daughter alone.

“What has happened?”

“Something doesn’t seem right.” Loki looked around the hall, a rare moment of panic cracked his face. Behind his green eyes, the cogs turned, if she listened closely she could almost hear them connect and turn before Loki’s usual calmness resumed.

“Where is your brother?” She looked to where she had left him with Balder by the hearth, but neither were there now. People parted as she pushed through, too scared to be touched by the dead girl. None of them were there, no Fenrir, no Tyr, no Theoric. Just many empty jars of wine littered the hearth where her brother should be.

“Hel. I have to talk to you,” Blader appeared, fear clouded his face. He opened his mouth to say something but Odin hit his great staff against the group, snuffing out the silence in the hall.

“Everyone, thank you for coming to my halls this evening. As you know my son Balder is now of age, step forward son.” Pink touched his ears as he stepped forward. “The time has come for him to wed.”

Hel wanted everyone’s eyes to look to her, wanted them to think that was the moment that Odin would bring her somewhere he could always keep an eye on her. A dark secret part of her revealed in their fear that they should fear that she could be their Queen someday. Most of all she hoped that Odin would call her name, he had seen them kissing after all. But Odin did not even look in her direction, instead, he looked in the complete opposite direction.

“I have decided to marry my son to Nanna, daughter of Gevar.” At that, a beautiful girl of honey-colored hair and olive skin stepped forward. Hel watched her, the grace in every step, the shiny hair and kind eyes, she was beautiful, perfect, and whole in a way Hel could never be. She wanted to run but a gentle and strong hand squeezed hers. Sigyn was there beside her, had she always been, Hel wondered as Sigyn gave her a small sad smile. Did Sigyn know what Loki had planned for her, what he wanted Hel to do to free Sigyn for his use?

Balder and Nanna held hands in front of Odin as everyone clapped and cheered, Shouts of ‘congratulations’ and ‘when is the wedding’ muddled together before Odin gestured for quiet. “You warm my heart with your well wishes, drink up but first there is a matter to attend to.”

The Allfather slammed down his staff and the crows screamed. Around them, the halls of Vahalla were replaced with a dark cave with just a small hole to let in the moonlight. Sigyn still held Hel’s hand and Loki stood beside her. She could feel the tension radiate from her, it was an unusual feeling, father was always so calm despite any storm within but now the storm was trickling out. The party guests were abuzz, excited chatters and laughs filled the space and there in the centre was a drunk Fenrir.

“To celebrate for Balder on his engagement, Fenrir has offered a show of his strength. Tyr.” The All-father gave over Tyr whose smile didn’t reach his eyes. He came towards her brother with a long, thin gleaming chain, the wolf laughed at it and bent low for Tyr to throw it over his shoulders. Reaching to his full height and with a little tense of his back muscle, the chain snapped link by link as if it were made of ribbons.

“Ha, no chain such as that can hold me down, bring on another, give me a challenge worthy of me friend.” Fenrir was having fun she could tell and it broke her heart to think he would agree to such embarrassment.

Tyr came forth again with a second chain, this one thick, black, and heavier than the first as it took him, Thor, and Theoric to carry it. The three struggled but managed to throw it over the wolf’s massive shoulders. Fenrir tensed his back but the chains did not snap as the first, he kicked and jumped, nothing. Kick and jumped again, nothing a third time he kicked and jumped and the chains snapped from him.

“Two chains you forged Aesir and two I have defeated for no chains can defeat me.”

“You are right Fenrir you are truly the strongest among us, men will talk of your strength as long as men have tongues to speak. But why not give them one more show, one to truly speak of your greatness.” Odin spoke and gestured. This time the dwarfs stepped forward, twelve of them holding a long red silk ribbon.

“Do you mock me? All-Father I will receive no fame by a ribbon.”

“Do not let appearances deceive you for this though it looks harmless is actually the strongest of them all.”

“If it was made by magic then I will have no part of it.” His ears pulled back in fear but the alcohol still clouded his eyes.

“You broke apart those iron chains as if made of cloth, a silken ribbon will be no trouble.”

“If I am unsuccessful none of you will release me. I will do it if one of you will put your hand in my jaws.” Silence filled the cave as the Aesir looked to each other, all except Balder who looked at Hel but she wouldn’t look at him instead she looked at her stupid brother. How could he agree to this folly, allowing the Aesir to chain him?

Tyr came forward for a third time, this time no chains in his hand. “I will do it.” He silently walked to the massive wolf gently stroking his face looking into her brother's eyes, now deadly sober. With a nod from Tyr, Fenrir opened his massive jaws and Tyr placed his best fighting hand inside them. The dwarfs heaved the ribbon over Fenrir’s shoulders. The giant wolf tensed and kicked and shocked against them, but each movement only caused the ribbon to tighten against his fur. Out of breath, her great brother stilled.

The gods laughed. All except Hel, Loki, Sigyn, and Balder, the four instead were horrified. At last, Fenrir caught his sister’s eyes, they shared a look both knowing exactly what had all been apart, the plan all along. With sad eyes, Fenrir bit down into Tyr’s flesh. The Gods stilled but Tyr did not cry out as the giant wolf ate his hand.

Slamming his staff Odin brought them all back to his halls. Where was her brother? Hel could not know, could never know. Jormungandr was gone from her, Fenrir too and Balder was to marry someone else. Father would always have Sigyn, one way or another. She was alone.

The gods laughed and drank and congratulated Tyr for withstanding the pain as he held his bloody stump. Hel couldn’t stand it anymore, couldn’t stand any of the other gods, couldn’t stand even the air in the hall. She broke free from Sigyn’s grasp and made her way to the balcony, breathing in repeated breaths into her aching chest. She couldn’t cry, she tried but tears wouldn’t come instead her chest was heavy and heaved in pain but still she couldn’t cry.

“There you are the death goddess,” Theoric laughed as he appeared.

“What do you want?”

“My Sigyn seems to be spending a lot of time with your father, what trickery did he cast on her.”

“No trickery at all, he’s just not an ass to her.”

“Oh, I’m an ass, such an insult. You know I am disappointed in you. I’ve seen you with Balder, yes you two thought no one else noticed the stares between you. It's nauseating actually, but Odin has taken your love from you and I took your brother and you still don’t react.”

“What do you want from me, can’t you just leave me alone.”

“Some excitement. Gods at least your brother was fun, stupid but fun.”

“Do not talk about him.”

“Why? It was my plan, you know, the chains. I know your father wants my fiance, curses me, hates me cause I have the one thing he wants, her heart. Both you and your father are pretty pathetic you know, you both pine for things that aren’t yours. Can never be yours.” He turned to leave then, smugness painted on his face.

“Theoric what are you the god of?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“You are right, you know I am the goddess of death, my touch can kill things. I can show mercy to those in suffering, take away their pain. I will be there for every man, woman, and child to give them release from the perils of disease and age. I will give them a kindness that only I can give. I can be cruel to those who need it, to those that cry and beg for death I can deny them and make them suffer. But more than that Theoric I will be remembered, spoken of as long as men have tongues to speak and you will be forgotten.”

With a last strangled gasp, desperate black hands grasping at his throat, Theoric fell to the balcony floor dead.

Chapter Text

Hel left the body on the balcony, Theoric looked only like he was asleep with no sign of a struggle or injury. No one had seen them too busy with their reveally to pay them any attention to the balcony. She carefully slipped back inside, no one even looked at her anymore as she moved closer to the door until.

“Hel,” a small warm hand grabbed her good wrist. Sigyn’s bright face made her heart clench. “I’m sorry about your brothers, if you need anything please come to me.”

How could someone so sweet be with someone like Theoric-someone like Loki. Was his love for Sigyn real? Or simply because she belonged to another that made her irresistible to him? Hel could not reply when a great roar gave up as Tyr triumphantly entered the room, even with a missing arm.

“Let us go,” Loki softly said as he ushered the two girls from the hall.

“Theoric is dead,” Hel whispered.

“Oh that’s very sad,” Sigyn replied but the look she shared with Loki Hel could see not hint of sadness only a reflection of the love on Loki’s face. Hel ignored the pair feeling altogether too exhausted to do anything, to think anything as she climbed still fully dressed into bed. Despite it though she couldn’t sleep that night, it was just one more thing yet denied to her in Asgard. Instead she laid in her bed, eyes closed and breathing even, willing her body to fall asleep. Silently wishing for the veil of sleep to pull her into the land of darkness. She didn’t care about dreams, of course she wanted them, wanted for even the briefest of moments to be back in her mother’s home. The one roomed shack beside the black mountains and clear lake, where wide flowers grow taller then fenrir and smelt like earth. She wanted to run barefoot among the grass, Jormundgr would slither beside her, thick cords of muscles wrapped around her in his gentle embrace and Fenrir’s rough tongue against her ruined face. She locked it away in her heart for sleep did not want to show her this dream.

She was aware of movement, like a gentle breeze in the trees. Loki was probably pacing in another room, Fenrir’s imprisonment certainly had dampened his plans whatever they were. Some grand plan that involved her murdering Theoric to marry Sigyn while she was alone without her brother, without-no, she chided herself she would not think of him not now.

She ignored that breeze, if it was one of Odin’s men come to lock her under chains, let them come for her-she no longer cared. Chain her in the same place as Fenrir or throw her to the sea with Jormundgar. A hand covered her mouth and her eyes snapped open of their own accord. Balder sat before her with pale moonlight in his ahir. She gently raised herself, her body felt heavy but her brain was sparked awake.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered, tried to make her voice hard but it was far too weak, too quiet in the blackness.

“I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I have come to ask you to leave with me?”

“Why would you leave this place? This is your home.”

“I don’t wish to marry Nanna.”

“Its not your wishes that Odin cares for. You will marry her.”

“Which is why I’m leaving and I want you to come with me.” His eyes shone with hope, with conflict, balder was never one to make rash decisions. Yet here he was and what else did she have here? Her father, her father had Sigyn.

“Okay.” she took his hand at last.

“We must go now.” She noticed his pack of supplies. After a few moments the little items, the rolls of spell scrolls Hel wanted to bring were tired in her own pack. The pair quietly snuck through the corridors until they reached the stables. Upon the entry the pure white horse in the biggest stable jumped and neighed.

“Hush Selphnir,” Balder said reachinng in his bag for a spare apple. The horse’s black eye met hers with a connection shared by Loki’s children. She quietly approached the horse, holding her hood closer over the dead part of her face. With a gentle hand she stroked his nose and the great breast stilled.

“Can we bring him with us?” she asked.

“Its too risky, Selphnir is my father’s own charger. He will notice his absence before he notice our own.”

Balder released two black horses from their stables, they had their own beauty but could not compare to Seplhnir. With a last look to her unknown kin she followed Balder out of the stables and mounted up like they were heading out on a hunt. The hunts her wolf brother loved so much, he revealed in bringing down the big stags and eating his share to aid his growing body. Who would feed him now, she thought as they galloped through the trees. Tyr’s arm wouldn’t satisfy him for long, the betray would be enough to salt the meat. Was that the Aesir’s plan to strave him?

Balder gratefully didn’t ask her to open up about her brother beyond offering his apologies. Hel was grateful for it, she didn’t want to talk about it, the thoughts were enough for now then to speak thwm and make them true. Before them the Rainbow Bridge glittered into view, it looked as fragile as glass and the horses backed away from it. The structure sparkled with its own light against the black sky, rainbows swirled and danced lie ripples in the water surface. Standing between them and this exit was a large circular tower of red brick and somewhere in there was Heimdall the Ever Watching.

“How will we get past him?” Hel whispered to Balder. The two teens dismounted and smooth their noses neck to soothe them. Balder looked back at the shining halls of Asgard. “Balder do you want to go back?”

“No, we will have to be fast across the bridge,” he mused for a moment with a finger on his chin in thought, the familiar lines ceasing his forehead. “Move the horses slow around the tower and then gallop over the bridge, there’s no way to get out without Heimdall seeing us but at least we can have a head start.”

The pair remounted and Balder took the lead, leading his horse carefully around the great face of the tower he was hidden by the shadows and Hel had to squint her eyes to make him out as she slowly followed behind him. She tried to keep her breathing calm, her heart steady as to not spook her horse. The shadows cloaked them as they rode close to the red bricks, her living hand sweated knowing what was to come as she urged her horse to go a little faster. The shadows begun to lighten as the glistering bridge binded her for a brief moment then following Balder’s lead she kicked her horse into a gallop as they came square into Heimdall’s view. Hel could feel his ever seeing eyes on them without needing to look back, instead she only looked ahead at Balder, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest with each stride as rainbow light danced around them.

Hel thought she could hear another set of hooves behind her as she pushed her horse faster. Beards of sweat rolled down her forehead and tears welled in her eyes till Balder was a yellow blur against his black horse. They weren’t going to make it, they had been stupid to try, but Hel wouldn’t let herself think of what would happen when they were caught.

Ahead of them the stone archway loomed, if they could just reach there, just pass it they would be out of Asgard and out of Odin’s realm. The horses behind them were louder now, but still she did not look, did not look anywhere but at Balder and the archway ahead. It was so closer now. Ancient stone wrapped in the vines of the world’s tree. She could hear the buzz of magic, feel it vibrate along her skin, but the hooves behind her were too close. Her breath came in sharp, sore burst and her heart was set to explode.

With a final kick the teenagers were through the archway, Hel’s blue hand brushed the overhanging vines. Instantly they started to swivel and turn black with rot. In an almightly noise, they came crashing down bringing the archway with it, trapping their pursuaers behind a wall of stone. Neither looked back again as they set off in to the wider world of the Ysadvil tree.

Where do we go from here?

Chapter Text

It was still as gray as she remembered. The trees lacked colour and twisted above them as she led Balder to the dark river edge. Her memory ruled her feet to the clearing of her childhood. She ran towards it leaving Balder in her wake but her feet thumbled over themselves. The shack was gone, the little odd shaped house that she was born into had disappeared.

How? Where? Where was her mother?

“Hel are you okay?” Balder softy asked.

“No, no this isn’t right, she was here? She would never leave here.” Tears rolled down the living side of her face, Balder wrapped his arms around her as she cried. “Why isn’t she here?”

“Maybe she is here somewhere else in Ironwood,” he smoothed her hair. Something shone in his gold eyes, something that gave her an idea. Gently untangling herself from him she placed a hand on the ground and closed her eyes. In her mind she could see Fenrir, his large wolf body covered in chains. She could see Jormungandr shivering in the world’s sea, his scales glistered in the reflective light. She pushed harder and she could see Sleipnir munching on his golden hay, his pale skin was like moonlight, she could see Loki wrapped up with Sigyn. She pushed harder, Angrbroda, Angrboda, she whispered hoping it would draw her out. Nothing, her mother was nowhere that she could access.

“She’s not here,” her voice broke. Balder gave her a look that asked if she wanted to talk about it further. Hel shock her head and the pair started to gather find wood from the bone coloured trees. She picked berries she knew weren’t poisonous and finally found a few rabbits close to expiring that she helped them alot the way. The fire was inviting and made fast work of the rabbits, the two ate silently until at last Balder spoke.

“We can stay out in the open like this, my father’s ravens will find us.”

“Is there something we can hide that he can’t find us?”

Balder mused as he often did with his finger on his chin. “We could go to Migard. The ravens don’t often travel there as it is too boring and we can fit in enough that it will not be so easy to tell.”

“Very well to Migard then.”

Chapter Text

The two hid among the mortals of Midgard, around so many they would appear as no more than shadows to the ravens of Odin. To the mortals of the village Balder appeared as a young man with honey coloured hair and the wisps of a beard on his chin, strong of body and keen of mind. Despite being a newcomer, Balder had been a judge in many disputes among the mortal men offering his just advise to them. Hel appeared like a normal looking young girl, dark of hair and pale of skin. The skeletal and blue parts of her hidden from them behind a petite frame. Beyond the glamour however the mortals could sense the otherness about the pair, the strangeness that hung around them like fireflies on the water’s edge.

For years the two remained hidden among them in their cottage at the edge of the village. Many a night Balder would be invited to dine with this family or that, but never Hel, the people would not meet her eye just as the Aesir had done in Asgard. Hel didn’t care instead she would busy herself in her tiny kitchen with her stolen spells, somewhere in them must be the key to freeing her brothers from their prisons. She could see them at night, hear Fenrir’s howls to the monstrous moon and feel the wet skin of Jormundgar around her body. Never in her dreams did she see her mother, the giantess lover of Loki had vanished the day the Aesir had came from her children it had seemed to Hel, did she know about the fate to her children did she even care? Hel tried in her mind’s eye as she spoke the words of the spell to the hearth, she tried to remember ironwood. She tried to remember its white trees with arms raised to the sky in worship, to remember the soft grey stones that littered the ground and gave the place its name, to remember her mother, to remember her face. But tried as hard as she could no images came to mind. After all these years Hel had forgotten her mother and it seemed from the lack of connection that her mother had forgotten her too.

“Hello Hel,” Balder greeted as he entered their small cottage, a handful of gifted vegetables.

“Welcome back Balder,” she put away her spells for the night and stirred the soup on the hearth. “What was the dispute today?”

“Olaf accused Halfdan of stealing his prized cow,” he wrapped his arms around her waist as she finished up stirring the soup. Hel relaxed into his embrace, letting his head fall back on his broad chest, much filled out in their years together.

“So did he do it?” she asked as she spooned some soup into a bowl for each of them.

“He claims he did not, but the cow was found among his herd, covered in mud to hid her white coat.”

“Easy conviction for you.”

“Yes, Halfdan reluctantly returned the cow and paid the price, but I think he will be much trouble.” His bright golden eyes shined as they met hers, the glamour could not hide their true forms from each other. Hidden away from the gods of Asgard the two were the picture of an ordinary couple as they quietly ate their soup. Their silent night was soon distrubed by a little knock to the door, they shared a confused look as Balder went to open the door no doubt for him.

“Please miss, my grandfather asked me to fetch you,” the wide eyed boy asked in the doorway his eyes on the ground.

“For me?”

“Yes miss he asks that you come as soon as possible.” Hel and Balder’s eyes met seeming to speak in a language of of its own, what could this mean, her eyes seemed to say. I don’t know but you should find out, his replied.

“Very well lead me to him boy.” She followed the child out to the snow, her shawl was only for decoration as she could not feel its bitter effects. The boy lead her to the small cottage he shared with his extended family, so many in this small space. His grandfather laid on a pallet beside the fire, his white beard was long and his hair had long since left him. The boy announced her arrival all without looking at her. The old man held out a hand for her, it shock from the effect. She knelt beside him but didn’t touch him, his flesh had sunk and his bones protruded outwards just like her own half formed shape.

“I know who you are,” his voice was barely a whisper. “I have waited for you for some time, I have lived so long that my body has fallen apart. Release me I’m ready.” She looked as his cloudy eyes, almost blind but a tiny spark still remained.

There was no point in denying, in lying to this man so she moved closer to him and asked. “What was your best memory?”

“When I was boy I use to love the snow, I’d play in it for hours and when I was finished my mother would give me warmed goat’s milk and winter berries, I’d eat so many until the juice ran down my chin,” he smiled at the distant memory. No doubt that same mother was somewhere in the village so old her body had no more use to her.

“What is you name?”

“Ganglati.”

She took his hand in her blue one. “Ganglati you shall once again play in the snow but you will not feel the cold. You will feast on warm goat’s milk and winter berries until you are full. You will not know injury no pain in my halls.” Ganglati smiled as the breath left his body. In her mind’s eye Hel could see a place of fresh and pure soft snow against a purple sky. In the middle a long hall stood against the whiteness, inside a long fire of blue flame sparked and danced and sitted with a cup of goat's milk was Ganglati. He whispered to her only one word, Niflheim.

Ganglati’s family didn’t look at her as she went back to her cottage. Balder stood from his seat as soon as she came home and she told him everything. “I think I created a place for them.” She looked at her hands, one so normal and the other blue and full of such devastating power. Balder took them without fear and she looked to his bright eyes.

“Father made mortals without death, I think you will be most sought out.” In the days to come his words came true with every night bringing another little boy or girl to bring her to their elderly family members. In her mind’s eye she could see the land of Niflheim filled with souls still old in body but they played like the children they once were. An elderly couple that couldn’t even remember their years together now kissed among the sparkling white as if they were youths once more.

“Ganglati,” Hel whispered to the first inhabitant of her world. “Look after them.”

The village seemed to except the lost of their elderly, silently crying for their loss as the bodies left the houses and carried to the far hill to become one with the earth. After a while Hel did not even need to go to their houses, somehow her visits had created an unspoken bargain with the mortals than when they came of a certain age they would leave behind these bodies and live amoung her halls. I have truly became the goddess of death, she thought.

The mortals accepted the arrangement with little sadness, instead every smile became a laugh, every interaction sparkled intently with love or with hate. Every moment, every action took on an importance it had not before for the mortals knew that at the end of it they would depart from another. The silent erurpted into terror one day, a terror, a bitterness that could never be ripped out of the mortals from then on. Balder and Hel were in their cottage, the bright god practiced his sword skills while Hel sat silently in the middle of the room around the small fire pit practicing her spells. In her mind's eye she could see the children on the otherside of the village skating on the frozen lake, in a flash a little girl with red pigtails fell through a tiny crack in the white sheet. The children screamed, the women fretted and the men hurried with their axes to the scene. The child bashed against her icy prison as the men stuggled to break through the ice. The bubbles from the girl’s mouth came less and less until their were none and she floated down through the cold, clear water. Hel could see her in the halls beside the blue flames with a cup of warm goat’s milk and her grandmother’s hand on her shoulder.

They came for them then. The men held their axes, their tools, anything they could grab as they came to the cottage of the runaway gods. Halfdan was first amoung him, angry tears rolled down his face for the daughter he had lost to the icy water. He lead the men of the village, his grip tight on his touch. The first one throw on the cottage, more came raining down until it was nothing but ash, but Hel and Balder were gone. Stolen into the hills far from the small little village that had once been their home.