Chapter Text
SUNDAY, 13TH OCTOBER, 12:59
EXT. CHURCH
“East Jesus Nowhere” by Green Day plays (beginning at 1:33) as we pan over the church, which has a bold metal cross at the very top of its spire.
We see groups of people scattered across the churchyard, all coming out from that day's service, CHRISTINE standing by the door, next to a PRIEST
JAKE is standing against the garden wall of the church, on his phone. He’s searching “Alistair Fletcher” on Instagram, but can't seem to find anything that looks like him.
NICK [O.S.]
Yo.
NICK leans against the wall beside JAKE, who nods at him, quickly holding his phone to his chest. This has clearly happened before.
NICK
Your mum?
JAKE
Talking to Father.
NICK
Ah. My parents are with their good Catholic friends. Thought I would join you in sinners’ corner.
JAKE nervously laughs.
JAKE
Yeah, where the weed smoking demons come out to play.
NICK winks at him as the Grindr notification sounds goes off. NICK gets his phone out, JAKE watching, trying to be casual, as he scans the crowd of old people and families in front of him.
NICK
Oh damn!
NICK shows his phone to JAKE, where a picture of a burly man easily in his 40s is.
NICK
He’s hot, right?
JAKE
Why are you asking me?
NICK
You have eyes and you’re not blind. Yet.
JAKE
You know I’m straight, right?
NICK
You can see that that tree’s pretty, so you can see that this man is pretty, come on!
JAKE rolls his eyes and looks closer at the picture.
JAKE
Yeah, guys my parents' age aren't really my type.
NICK
Okay, hettie, he’s mine though.
NICK starts to type a message to the guy, as JAKE looks back at his phone, scrolling through various accounts with the name “Alistair Fletcher”, none of them being his ALISTAIR.
JAKE
How do you know?
NICK
What?
JAKE
How do you know he’s, you know… I mean, he’s here with his wife and kids.
NICK
Could be closeted. Could be bi. Could be being catfished. Either way, he’s planning to fuck me in an hour, so we’re all happy.
JAKE
Yeah, but… How do you know?
NICK
Jesus, he asked me if he could, and I quote--
JAKE
I don’t wanna hear it!
NICK laughs.
NICK
Why? Does it gross you out?
JAKE
No! I just don’t think you should be talking about that stuff, you know, near the church.
NICK
Come on, we don’t believe in that shit.
JAKE shrugs, looking down.
JAKE
I kind of do.
NICK
Okay, if you want to believe in fairytales, bro. But you were the one to bring up gay shit, so…
JAKE
I was just curious.
NICK
Heard that before...
JAKE
I'm not gay, Nick.
NICK
[sarcastic] Okay, sure. But if a guy starts talking about how much he loves theatre or fashion or how much he wants to suck Harry Styles' dick, he’s probably gay. Does that satisfy you, Straight Jake?
JAKE
Why am I "Straight Jake"?
NICK points at the GRINDR GUY, with his arm around his wife.
NICK
Because he’s the main Jake in my life.
JAKE laughs, and then turns to him deadpan.
JAKE
Fuck off, Nick.
NICK
Nah, you love me.
JAKE
No, I love not being alone.
NICK nods sarcastically as CHRISTINE marches over, upset.
CHRISTINE
Jake, we’re going, say bye to your little friend.
NICK, who’s at least 6 foot tall, waves awkwardly to her, as she pulls JAKE away, making him almost drop his phone.
CHRISTINE
Honestly, who does that man think he is? I ask to do one reading every day for a month, and I get nothing but no!
JAKE
Mum, you remember what happened last time, right?
CHRISTINE
My reading was better than whatever rubbish he had planned! Not that the Bible could ever be rubbish, it just-- It didn’t fit the whole sermon!
Several people they’re walking past turn to look at them.
JAKE
Mum, you have to respect what Father Raines says.
CHRISTINE
Flynn Raines can shove his Bible--
JAKE
Okay, let’s wait ‘til we get home, shall we?
CHRISTINE
Right, right… I’ll email him.
JAKE
[whispers to himself] Oh God…
They walk out of the gate of the church, past some OLD LADIES.
OLD LADY
Poor thing, she went mad after her husband died.
The other OLD LADIES tut as CHRISTINE walks a bit quicker, as “Cherry Wine” by Nas and Amy Winehouse starts to play. JAKE turning around and glaring at the OLD LADY who spoke. She looks at him pityingly. His confidence falls and he nervously looks down, running a hand through his hair and walking after CHRISTINE, not bothering to catch up with her.
He looks down at his phone, at a message from ELEANOR - “Had SO much fun with you yesterday. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow babe.” JAKE turns his phone off and puts it in his pocket, walking on, his eyes losing focus.