Chapter Text
"Joan, forgive me if this is an indelicate question, but why did you decide to adopt, rather than give birth to biological offspring?"
The two were sitting in a park near the brownstone, watching Arthur play with some friends in the sandbox. It was a good day. Joan had wanted to get out of bed and take a walk, and since the weather was nice, Sherlock could think of no valid reason to deny her this small pleasure. The good days had been few and far between since she had started chemo. They had been enjoying a companionable silence when Sherlock asked his question.
"I expected you to ask me this question years ago, when I first looked into adoption. But you said nothing."
"It wasn't my place. How a person chooses to become a parent, if they choose to do so, is entirely up to them. But, I have to admit that I have always been curious."
"But why are you asking today?"
He is quiet for a moment, considering his explanation. He wants to be honest - he is always honest with his Watson - but he also wants to avoid upsetting her
"Have you noticed the couple sitting on the bench across from us, to the left? Their son is one of Arthur's playmates?"
Joan nods her head, tilting it to the side in the way she does when she tries to work out the answer to a mystery.
"The woman reminds me of you. She is of similar height and proportions, apart from her pregnancy, obviously. I found myself watching her and imagining what you would look like in the final weeks of pregnancy. You would be positively stunning."
Joan was growing accustomed to this kinder, more complimentary Sherlock. It was a far cry from the man she had met more than a decade ago. But even if his comment was not quite as shocking as it would have once been, she is taken aback for a moment. She reaches over and takes his hand, squeezing it gently. He doesn't pull back.
"There are a few reasons. I was a little concerned about passing on my father's schizophrenia."
"Perfectly understandable." He squeezes back.
"By the time I decided that I wanted a child, I would have been classified a geriatric pregnancy, which carries with it a whole other set of potential complications."
"This is true, but women in your age range still have successful pregnancies with minimal difficulty all of the time. The data suggests--"
"Data?" Joan shakes her head, cutting him off, a curious look on her face as she turns to face him. "You've done the research on geriatric pregnancy? For a case? I don't remember--" It's Sherlock's turn to cut her off.
"Are you really surprised? Of course I did. For you."
"Right. But I am a doctor, and I had to take to that into consideration." She pauses, considering whether or not she wanted to be completely honest with him.
"Is there another reason?"
"When I made the decision to be a mother, there was only one person in my life with whom I would consider sharing something so important. But our relationship was not a romantic one, and he had made it known that he had no interest in ever becoming a father. So, I decided to do it on my own. This way, he could still be in my life and a part of my child's life, but wouldn't feel obligated. At least, that was the outcome I hoped for." She turns back to watch Arthur with his friends.
Sherlock is quiet for a long moment. Joan can't tell if he is in shock or if she was too subtle - Sherlock is extraordinarily observant, but he tends to be less sure of his deductions when it comes to Watson. She shifts her hand to thread her fingers through his, but says nothing.
"And did things work out as you had hoped?" Sherlock asks timidly.
"Not initially. But I am very pleased with the current state of affairs."
At that, Sherlock raises their joined hands and gently places a kiss on Joan's fingers. He looks up to find Joan looking at him, a smile on her face. He smiles his own crooked smile in return. Just like that, an understanding has been reached. Not a word was said, but, then, they know each other so well at this point that words are not always necessary.
Sherlock releases her hand, and puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close. With his other hand, he reaches up to adjust the baseball cap on her head, and pulls the read cardigan tighter around her shoulders. It's warm out, but she often feels a chill after her treatments.
"Are you warm enough? Do we need to head back?"
"I'm good now. And Arthur is having a good time. Let's stay a while."
"As you wish." The smile hasn't left his face. Hers either.
"Sherlock?"
"Yes, Joan?"
"Do you think I could have changed your mind back then? About being a father?"
"Then? Not likely. The idea of being in your child's life in even a limited way was a frightening concept, and I only just got my head around it." He pauses. "Now, however, I must admit that I have become intrigued by the possibility."
Joan sits up, pulling away and turning to face Sherlock. She is trying to not look as shocked as she feels, though her sudden movement has certainly given her away. She attempts a quick recovery, settling back against his arm and leaning on his shoulder.
"I know I said I wasn't asking you to be co-parent or be a father figure, but that is what has happened. I think it is only logical that we formalize the relationship. If you're willing, of course. Arthur loves you--"
"And I him. Of course, I'll adopt him. But that wasn't what I meant."
"No? Then what do you mean?" Joan stays in her spot, but the confusion is plain on her face.
"Well, since we redefined our relationship upon my return, we have made small, yet significant changes in the way we interact and how we cohabitate. Having a child together would be an entirely appropriate step to take. And Arthur would rather enjoy having a younger sibling, I think."
"Okay. All of that is true. But I am also a woman in my forties who is fighting breast cancer. I am not in any condition to attempt getting pregnant, let alone carry a child to term. I may never be again."
"All of that is true -- except for not being able to have sex ever again. That will happen. But breast cancer survivors go on to have successful pregnancies all the time. There is even research that suggests having a successful pregnancy after completing treatment can lower the risk of recurrence."
"You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?"
"I first noticed the pregnant woman about a month ago. Our regular trips to the park coincide with hers about 3 times a week. Each time I see her, it inspired me to think, 'what if?' and today, with you by my side, I was inspired to initiate the discussion. You see, Watson… Joan… my entire worldview has changed since I met you, most significantly since I returned to find you and Arthur. It's a change I have welcomed, and I want to build on it."
Joan slips her arm around his midsection, hugging him tightly. She doesn't say anything. It's another instance in which words aren't necessary.
They sit that way for a long while, watching the children play.
"Did we just decide to try to have a baby together after I complete my treatment and have a clean bill of health?"
"I think so."
"And if that isn't possible?"
"We could always explore using a surrogate. Perhaps your sister Lin would be willing to lend us her womb?"
"Perhaps." Her smile widens. "I like that idea. As a back-up, of course."
Arthur runs up to them, asking for a snack. Sherlock gives Joan's shoulder one last squeeze, and the pair stand up. Arthur takes his mother's hand, and Sherlock gives him a gentle reminder that he mustn't walk too quickly or pull too hard. Joan takes Sherlock's hand in her free one, and the family begins their short trek back to the brownstone.
"Arthur, we have something we want to talk about while we all have a snack, so no running off to play video games, okay?" Joan is excited to discuss the adoption, and she knows that if she doesn't want to have to go hunting for her son, she has to prepare him.
"Is it something serious? Is it bad? Are you getting sicker?"
Sherlock answers, "No, nothing like that. We hope you think it is a good thing. We think it is a very good thing, indeed."
The boy lets go of his mother's hand as they come up in front of the brownstone and runs up the stairs, anxious to get something to eat and find out the good news.
"Just the adoption, okay? Let's hold off on baby news until there is news."
"Agreed."
They follow their son into the kitchen.