Work Text:
Toi did not appreciate the days where his work shift coincided with one of Kazuki and Enta's university soccer matches, preventing him from attending. He found himself anxious and a little grumpy on those days, unable to know exactly what was happening every moment, no outlet for his need to cheer and shout as loud as he could for them.
He breathed a sigh of relief as he was finally able to depart for the day, after hours of watching the clock too closely, minutes ticking by at an excruciatingly slow pace. The game would be over very soon, but at least he could now keep a close eye on his phone for word of how it went after they cleared the field and retreated to the locker room.
He really wished he could have been there for them. He wished he could have been on that field with them, and in that locker room...
He pinched his eyes shut tightly, as if wincing, and shook his head a little. No need to dwell on that now.
Toi started toward the station to catch the train, hands stuffed in the large pockets of his hoodie, gripping his phone so he would not miss the buzz of a message coming in. He walked quickly and occasionally took deep breaths to relieve some small amount of the nervous tension. He knew he could probably look up the result on the university's social media, but he wanted to hear it from them.
A few minutes into the walk, he felt it. The vibration of his phone upon his palm. That must have been them. He scuttled over to the side of the walkway and pressed himself against a wall to stay out of the way of other pedestrians as he checked.
Before he could unlock the phone, he saw it: “we lost”. From Kazuki. Toi's heart plummeted to his stomach.
Enta followed this up with a barrage of angry-looking emojis, lightening the mood a little.
Toi stood and stared at the messages for a few moments, trying to figure out the right thing to say while also waiting to see if either of them sent anything else. When nothing else came, he simply responded with “shit...”
He tilted his head back against the wall, breathing deeply one more time as he stared up at a small patch of sky visible beyond the metal and glass directly above him. It was such a stupid reply, but what else could he say? He knew both of them must be very upset right now, so anything else would be wholly inadequate. Was there anything he could do for them?
The bright blue of the sky was quickly fading to orange and yellow, and Toi's mind turned to dinner. He lifted his phone back up and typed.
“are you coming home soon?”
“I think I'm going to make something for dinner”
Toi continued walking as he waited for the response, knowing it might not come immediately as the team changed out of their uniforms and discussed what had happened.
Enta's reply arrived as Toi descended the stairs to get to the train platform. “yeah we'll be home”. Toi nodded. Neither one asked what he would be making or expressed surprise at this, since Toi did not usually cook. They must really be heartbroken. Or at least, that's what he told himself, to resist the urge to call the whole idea off immediately.
Unfortunately, he had a new concern now: what was he going to make? He definitely didn't consider himself to be any good at cooking. Kazuki and Enta most often fed themselves from the university cafeteria, or from meals provided for the soccer club, or from restaurants and convenience stores. Toi also relied a little too heavily on nearby establishments—if you could call the Family Mart just down the street from their apartment an “establishment”—but he had recently started making simple meals for himself when he began to get sick of the alternatives, and when the amount in his bank account became worrisome. It was nothing fancy, and sometimes it didn't taste all that great, but it was food in his belly. He had certainly never tried making anything for anyone else, though.
He regretted never getting a chance to truly learn his family's business, but he did pick up on enough simply from watching the process that he wasn't starting from zero. He could boil water with few incidents of anything bubbling over. He could crack an egg properly. He knew that he should keep his fingers tucked into his palm while holding an item he was chopping with his other hand. It was a start.
The train arrived and Toi boarded, choosing to lean against the rail right next to the door even though there was plenty of space elsewhere in the car. He steadied himself as the doors closed and got right to work searching on his phone. “good simple meals” he typed. It felt silly to him, but it was the best he could think of.
He scrolled quickly through the recipes, frowning and furrowing his brows as so many sailed by that couldn't really be considered meals—his boyfriends were athletes in their prime, after all—or that were still too complex.
He finally arrived at a discussion board instead of a recipe site, where a number of people had listed off ideas in response to a question from someone who had recently begun living on their own and had no clue where to start. This was more like it, many of the ideas resonating with him immediately.
One caught his eye in particular, however: Curry rice.
Toi paused, lowering his phone and staring at the floor in front of him as memories bubbled to the surface of his thoughts.
He remembered dirt smudges on his knees and long white socks, stinging scrapes on his wrists. He remembered his mother asking gently if he wanted anything specific for dinner, something she would only ask if he was feeling justifiably upset about something. He remembered feeling guilty when he realized his answer wasn't going to be soba. But there was no protest, and soon the scent of warm spices wafted over to his seat at a more remote spot in the dining area. The sound of vegetables being sliced and the beeps of the rice cooker. It looked so pretty on the plate, the deep orange brown of the curry with colorful vegetables mixed in, fluffy white rice piled next to it. “Better luck next time,” his brother had reassured him as he sat down, ruffling Toi's hair with one hand as he carried his own plate in the other.
Yes. Curry rice was a good choice.
"You don't know how to make that," the voice in his head said, flatly.
"You can figure it out," the voice quickly retorted. "You can do it." The voice sounded a little different that time. A little less like his own, but still familiar. It sounded like when Kazuki told him the same thing while he was feeling dejected during his job search. It sounded like when Enta encouraged him after a rough first week on the job he eventually did find. It sounded like all three of their voices, raising up together with determination.
Toi smiled to himself. It seemed like it wasn't that long ago that there was no reassuring voice in his mind, not that long ago that he would have simply left it at “don't know how,” “shouldn't,” “can't.” Those two had really gotten into his head.
He remembered sleepily telling the two of them almost exactly the same thing that morning before they left. "Good luck. I know you can do it," he said with a smile before giving each of them a kiss to see them on their way. "We can do it!" Enta had responded, pumping his fist in the air. They may not have achieved the victory he had predicted that morning, but his belief in them had not wavered.
The train arrived at his home station, and Toi disembarked, walking with purpose and excitement toward the nearest grocery story that he had recently learned was a little cheaper than others nearby.
Once inside, Toi grabbed a basket and got to work. He chose the largest potatoes, the nicest looking carrots, the freshest chicken. Any yellow onion that wasn't tiny or discolored would do, he supposed. Not exactly the most expensive varieties of fukujinzuke and rice, but he spent a little more than he may have otherwise. The curry roux that said “a hint of apple and honey” on the box sounded nice. Medium spiciness.
With everything he needed gathered, Toi quickly paid and rushed home. He still had time before they returned, but he wanted to be sure he was done with the most embarrassing parts of the process before they walked through the door.
---
After he arrived at the apartment and finished setting up, the embarrassments began almost immediately, despite following the instructions given on the curry roux box. He was good with slicing, given all the practice he had gotten with his ruler-turned-blade when he was a kid. Peeling, however, was mostly new to him. The shape of the potatoes in particular were intimidating. How do you hold a knife for this? Frustrated, but humbled, he referred to his phone yet again, looking up a how-to video. He followed along as closely as he could, and at least he came away from it with no injuries, but he lost more perfectly good potato and carrot in the process than he anticipated. He really needed to get one of those amazing peeling tools he saw in the video.
Peeling the onion was much easier, and he assumed cutting it would be a breeze. He had forgotten the type of reaction cutting onions tended to elicit, ducking away multiple times when the stinging in his eyes got to be unbearable and to dab the tears away. Was there a tool that could get rid of that annoyance, too?
He sauteed the onions a bit too long, and was quite nervous about ensuring the chicken was fully cooked, making it a little drier than it would have been in more skilled hands. Nothing was ruined, however, and he was ready to get the actual curry roux going and put it all together.
As he was breaking the blocks of roux apart and dropping them into he boiling water, he jumped, startled by the noise of the apartment door opening suddenly. Kazuki and Enta were home, trudging through the doorway.
“We're home,” they both grumbled, their equipment bags sliding off their slumped shoulders and hitting the floor with a loud thud.
“Welcome back...” Toi replied in a concerned tone, peeking around the corner to where they stood in the entryway. He hoped the tenants in the apartment below them were either not home or were very laid back.
“Ugh, Toi!” Enta whined. “They kicked our asses!! Two to nothing, absolutely nothing!!”
That was a pretty sound defeat. Enta approached Toi and started giving him his recap of the game, all big gestures and hyperbole and “their defense is just too good, they're monsters! I don't know what the hell was up with OUR defense...”
Kazuki settled in behind Enta, leaning against the wall and listening quietly as he spoke, gaze downcast. Kazuki did tend to be like this after losses, with either an air of anger or an air of sadness. Toi could sense that it was sadness this time.
Enta moved so Kazuki could be involved with the conversation in some kind of way, looking to him every time he finished telling Toi about something particularly terrible to punctuate his point and commiserate. Kazuki did at least nod along. He had probably heard all of this already.
“I don't know what happened,” Kazuki finally spoke. “Hardly anything I kicked made it anywhere near the goal. Their goalie would have just stopped them, I know, but what chance is there when they just go right past the net.” He shrugged and shook his head as he spoke, his expression indicating that his thoughts were still back on the field, far away from what was happening right then in their little apartment.
“It's alright, Kazuki...” Enta responded. “It was on me, too. It was on all of us.” He sighed and turned back to Toi. “Just a... Really rough one. Somehow none of us were on our A-game.”
Toi felt the urge to hug both of them, but he wasn't sure if they would appreciate the gesture when they were in this state. He simply gave Enta a look of empathy before awkwardly transitioning to, “Um... I'm making dinner, if you guys want some.” He really, really hoped they wanted some. “It's not quite done yet, if you want to change or whatever. It'll be ready soon.”
Enta peered behind Toi at the pot, the dirty cutting board and utensils, the piles of carrot and potato and chicken pieces ready to go into the pot, eyes wide and curious. “Whoa, seriously!? When you said you were making something, I thought you just meant for you!”
“Why would I bother telling you about it, then?” Toi huffed.
Enta grinned mischievously. “When did you get so... Domestic?”
Toi sputtered, shoulders tensing. “I, just thought it might be nice. I wanted to practice. It's no big deal.” At least he had moved past his phase where he threatened to stab anyone who made him feel any kind of strong emotion.
He turned his back to Kazuki and Enta, bringing his attention to the pot where the roux blocks were melting before the remaining ingredients were added. He removed the lid and began stirring, doing his best not to show his panic when he brought up some charred bits after scraping the bottom. He elected to just stay away from the bottom of the pot while he lowered the heat considerably. That was going to be a real pain in the ass to clean. “Sorry I couldn't be there...” Toi said with some sadness as he stirred in the meat and vegetables.
Somehow, that started to bring Kazuki's thoughts back into the room. “What are you making?” he asked, the strong smell in the air only seeming to register with him in that very moment.
“Curry,” Toi responded. Kazuki looked up at the back of Toi's head with a soft expression, eyes still a little distant. Perhaps he had been reminded of something about curry rice as well, from his own past.
A few more moments of thought, and Kazuki was fully present again, picking himself up from where he leaned and approaching Toi from behind. Kazuki gently wrapped both his arms around Toi's waist, causing Toi to flinch and raise his arms. Kazuki rested his head on his broad back. “Thank you, Toi,” he sighed, closing his eyes and squeezing tighter.
Enta watched with amazement, then decided to do the same. He wrapped one arm around Kazuki's waist and another around Toi's, just below where Kazuki's arms were. “Thank you, Toi,” Enta repeated. He nuzzled into his shoulder. “You're still here for us.”
Toi swallowed, heart pounding as he slowly lowered his arms and placed his hands upon theirs. He heard the sounds of kissing, felt a faint vibration upon his back as Enta hummed with satisfaction. Well, it was good that they weren't upset at each other for the result of the game.
“You both stink,” Toi suddenly blurted out.
Enta and Kazuki quickly removed themselves from him, surprised and embarrassed. “S-Sorry...” Kazuki stammered. “We wanted to get out of there, we didn't... Bother to shower...”
“We can get in the bath before dinner,” Enta continued.
Toi laughed and turned to them, smiling wide, cheeks pink and warm. “It's fine, I'm kidding. I don't mind.” He put one arm around each of them and pulled them close to prove his point, kissing their cheeks.
The two of them smiled again and returned the hugs and kisses, burying their faces into the curves of his neck. They stood together in this way for a long while, silent, gentle simmering of the curry behind them, breathing in each others' scents, sweat and dirt and the open breeze and onion and spice.
---
Kazuki and Enta sat on their cushions at the round table in the living area, watching Toi over the low wall that sectioned off the kitchen as he prepared plates for them. Enta rubbed his hands together with anticipation as Toi approached, placing one in front of each of them, piled high with steaming hot rice and a large helping of sweet, fragrant curry. “Dig in, you don't have to wait for me.” He stood and went back to the kitchen to get his own. He didn't want them to see how nervous he was.
Kazuki hesitated for a moment, but followed along with Toi's wishes when he saw Enta was doing the same. He scooped up a little rice and a little curry, daintily blowing on it before popping it into his mouth.
“Hot!!” Enta cried out, frantically waving a hand at his mouth. Hunger had overtaken his common sense, and he neglected to try cooling it down first, as Kazuki was doing.
“Oh, it's pretty good!” Kazuki exclaimed before putting another bite in his mouth.
Enta nodded in agreement, still wincing a little from the burning. “Yeah, it's really good!”
“You're not just saying that?” Toi's tone and expression were nonchalant, but the intention behind the question definitely was not. “Can you even taste it, Enta?”
“I can, I can!” Enta retorted, still struggling with his next bite. “I mean it, it's good!”
“Hm... It tastes different from other curry I've had, I can't really put my finger on it,” Kazuki spoke again. “But I like it!”
Toi sat down beside the two of them, ready to begin eating himself. He wasn't sure what to make of Kazuki's comments, but at least he was still eating and looked happy enough, no hesitation before bites or strange looks.
Toi took a breath, and Kazuki and Enta watched and chewed as he shoveled the first spoonful into his mouth. It was hard to gauge the exact flavor, because it really was very hot, but it seemed to be pretty tasty. Close to what he expected. Sweeter, with maybe a hint of char.
“It reminds me of when I was a kid,” Kazuki said wistfully, smiling down at his plate as he scooped up another bite.
“Yeah!” Enta shouted with a full mouth, snapping his fingers and pointing at Kazuki, a look of recognition on his face. “That's what I was thinking! My sister and grandma made this for me sometimes. Probably when I was crying about something, I don't remember. But this tastes like that! I mean, I've had other curry since then, but this tastes different from those somehow!”
“It tastes... Comforting.” Kazuki flashed a smile to Toi as he lifted another spoonful to his mouth.
Toi had been trying to play it cool this entire time, but now he was fighting as the corners of his mouth twitched, unable to control the smile that was curling over his lips. He scooped rice with one hand while lifting his other to cover his mouth, feigning that he was clearing his throat.
Enta noticed and pounced immediately. “Tooooi,” he said in a teasing, sing-song tone, reaching out with his free hand to poke at Toi's cheek.
Toi recoiled slightly, then started giggling. He dropped his spoon to the plate and covered his face with both hands, thoroughly embarrassed and no longer able to keep the sheer joy he felt under control.
“Tooooi!! It's delicioooous!!” Enta yelled, putting his own spoon down and crawling over to his bashful boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and falling back, pinning him to the floor. Toi's laughter grew louder.
Kazuki grabbed his plate and scooted up next to where they lay, watching with amusement as they squirmed and shouted, still eating.
Kazuki gathered some rice soaked through with roux and stuck the spoon out in Toi's face, grinning. “Here, open up.”
“N—Hahahaha!!” Toi flailed in protest, accidentally smacking the spoon out of Kazuki's hand and sending it sailing across the room.
All three of them fell silent as the spoon hit the kitchen partition, rice splatting against it and sticking as the spoon fell clattering to the hard wood floor. They all looked at each other in shock, then burst into uproarious laughter at the absurdity of it all.
---
Kazuki cleaned the mess up immediately out of apology. He and Enta each had another small serving, patting their bellies with satisfaction and assuring Toi once again that the meal was very good, before going off to take their baths.
Enta emerged from the hallway in his pajamas, rubbing at his hair with the towel draped over his shoulders just as Toi was finishing up with cleaning the kitchen. He decided to leave the pot in the sink to soak overnight, hoping for the best. Toi braced himself against the now spotless partition and let out a big yawn.
“Time for bed, time for bed,” Enta sang, turning immediately to grab the futons piled in the corner and begin laying them out side-by-side, right up against each other. Enta's would be in the center, but it didn't really matter. He would probably end up in one of the others by morning, spooning whoever happened to be there.
Toi assisted, rolling the table away and propping it against the wall before unfolding and smoothing out futons, laying out blankets and pillows.
When finished, Enta and Toi sat together on their respective futons, backs against the wall, as they waited for Kazuki to finish up with his bath. Enta had already removed his glasses and set them aside.
Enta bunched up his towel and tossed it across the room, satisfied with the dryness of his hair. Toi leaned into Enta and pressed his face into his hair, breathing deeply. It didn't smell like much, just a faint, fresh soapy scent, but it was nice.
Enta reached out and took Toi's hand into his. “Hey, thanks for looking out for us.”
“It really isn't a big deal,” Toi replied, voice low and sleepy. “I have more spare time than you guys do.”
“Sure, but I mean, we didn't even ask you to... You just did it. That's pretty cool.” Enta smiled warmly, blurry vision gazing into the glow cast by the nearby lamp on to the curtains covering the balcony door. “I think Kazuki and I would have just wallowed for the rest of the night if you weren't here.” Enta squeezed Toi's hand tighter, unsure if what he was about to say would be okay. “I know... It's not really, what you want to be doing... But, you're helping us more than you know. You don't... Have to be on the field. Or in the stands. To be there for us...”
Toi was genuinely touched by what Enta had said, but was simply too tired to think of a sincere response. So, he reached out with his free hand and lifted Enta's chin, gazing into his large, bright green eyes before lowering his head to kiss him deeply. Enta closed his eyes and savored the moment.
Toi heard a whistle and opened his eyes, peering over Enta's head to see Kazuki now standing at the end of the hallway, a cheeky grin on his face. Toi pulled away, glancing away shyly, face and ears red. Enta looked at him with some confusion, then turned to face Kazuki.
Kazuki knelt down on to his futon and crawled towards Enta. “Can I get in on that?” he asked with a dashing smirk.
“K-Kazuki...” Enta barely managed to squeak out before Kazuki's lips connected with his and their heads fell to the pillow below.
Toi thought things might escalate after that, but he watched as the two of them finished their kiss and simply nuzzled into each other, fingers intertwined, smiling peacefully. They all really were too tired to do anything else.
Toi gently poked at Kazuki's forehead to get his attention, then leaned over to give him his good night kiss. Kazuki reached out and touched Toi's cheek before he could pull away, gazing into his eyes. “Thank you again. Really.” Enta peered up from between the two of them and watched, smiling with contentment.
Toi simply nodded. He gave Enta one last quick kiss before reaching over to turn off the lamp and settle down into his futon, hands folded together neatly upon his stomach. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Enta and Kazuki responded simultaneously, blankets shuffling as they configured their bodies to fit together comfortably within Enta's futon, arms and legs draped over each others'.
Toi had never been a good sleeper, even when he was tired, but his sleep habits had generally improved since he began living with Kazuki and Enta. He was beholden to their schedules, which were fairly regular. He also found it comforting to be with them. He knew that, as long as he focused on the rhythmic sounds of their breathing, sleep would take him soon enough. All he needed to do was be patient.
As he stared up at the darkened ceiling, eyes drooping while he counted their breaths, another memory returned to him. This memory wasn't so distant.
He remembered walking into the cheap family restaurant behind the two of them, head lowered, their clean white shirts and school bags hanging from their shoulders. He remembered their repeated insistence that he could order anything he wanted as he looked over the menu. He remembered being unable to look the server in the eye when they came to the table, Enta ordering for him instead. Staring at the plates of cheese curry and a hamburg steak meal both placed in front of him, the guilt and shame finally overtaking him after the server left. Turning his head away from the occupied table beside them as fat tears rolled down his cheeks, frustrated that his only escape was a large window looking out to the parking lot, people occasionally looking in as they walked to the door. Kazuki and Enta's warm hands placed upon his own, and their even warmer, loving gazes. The relief when he finally had a square meal in his belly for the first time in several days.
Overwhelmed, Toi breathed in sharply, arching his back as he reached up to push his long bangs from his face. A few tears welled in his eyes and slid down his temples to his jaw. No sobbing, no weeping. He propped himself up on his elbows, wiped the tears away with the backs of his hands, and that was that.
With a sigh, he turned and slid himself over, stretching his arm wide over both of them, still cuddled up with each other, still sound asleep, their expressions serene. He settled down with his face pressed into Enta's slightly damp hair. “I love you. Both of you,” he whispered. “I don't know what I would do without you.”
He thought about what he could make for dinner tomorrow as he drifted off to sleep.