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Eiji was embarrassed to admit the amount of time he spent dwelling the kiss he shared with Ash in prison. He would replay it in his head; Ash cradling the boys face, the way his eyes fluttered shut, how he sighed in such a way that made Eiji's heart skip a beat (honestly the whole ordeal threw Eiji's heart in disarray). And his lips. They were incredibly soft, and skilled. How they pried Eiji's own lips apart so the younger boy could slip in his tongue, running it sensually along Eiji's own. Eiji remembered he was about to completely relax then, shut his eyes and just melt into Ash kiss- until he felt the pill on his tongue.
He would be lying if he said he didn't feel at least a slight pang of disappointment. Eiji had known, at the time, he felt some sort of attraction to the blonde. But he concluded pretty much everyone- men and women- was attracted to Ash. However, since that kiss, Eiji noticed something deeper stirring in him. Something he was scared to dig up and analyze. Because he knew what he felt was more than a simple attraction. Not even just some crush.
When Ash would smile at him, Eiji's heart would flutter. When Ash would look at him with those bright jade eyes, Eiji felt utterly captivated. When Ash would laugh, Eiji's heart would soar. When Ash teased the boy, with words or playful touches, Eiji would flush head to toe. When Ash talked, spoke from the heart, his voice like a calming river, Eiji felt a neverending warmth throughout his chest.
These feelings were not a simple attraction.
Eiji sighed, mulling over all of this for the umpteenth time. He was sitting on the back porch of Ash's childhood home watching the sunset on a rare calm evening in Cape Cod.
Ibe and Max were still in the kitchen, and Eiji presumed Shorter was with Ash somewhere. So Eiji slipped out to be alone to get his thoughts together- again.
“This is so stupid…” Eiji muttered to himself.
“Yeah, that you're just sitting out here in the cold,” a familiar voice chuckled from behind.
Eiji jumped and whipped around to find Ash leaning against the doorframe of the backdoor, that signature smirk playing on his lips.
“Ash! You scared me.” Eiji said, watching as the American walked towards him, plopping down beside him.
“Sorry, didn't mean to scare that weak heart, old man.” He grinned, and Eiji felt his heart picking up pace.
Nevertheless the older boy rolled his eyes, but of course he was smiling.
“What brings you here?” Eiji asked, ignoring the earlier jab.
Ash snorted. “That's my line. It's getting cold, it would be smart to head back inside.”
Eiji shrugged. “Yeah it would be, I like to watch the sunset here though. It is very beautiful.”
Ash turned to look at the sun as it casted brilliant oranges and soft yellows against the large field. “It sure is,” he agreed softly. They sat there in comfortable silence for a minute, watching the colors paint it's surroundings.
“What was ‘stupid', by the way?” Ash suddenly asked, turning to look at the older boy, a curious but amused expression gleaming in those jade eyes.
“Huh?” Eiji turned to look at him.
“What was ‘stupid’?”
“Oh,” Eiji felt the blood rise up to his face, “nothing important.”
“Uh huh,” Ash was smirking again, he clearly didn't believe him. “By that cute blush on your face, I don't think it was nothing.”
Shameless flirt, Eiji thought to himself, as his heart fluttered.
“Well, um, it should be nothing,” the boy bit his lip. He wasn't making this any better.
“Should be?” Ash raised an eyebrow at that. “What? You thinking about a girl back home?” He chuckled.
“N-no!” Eiji spluttered, “It-it's just…” Eiji dropped his gaze from the younger boy. He was just digging himself a deeper hole at this point.
“Come on, Eiji. Just spit it out.”
“I was thinking about the time back in prison!” Eiji exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “When you...when you kissed-” Eiji cut himself off. Of course he had to blurt it out. It was impossible to lie to Ash Lynx, and Eiji wanted to do nothing more then to literally run out of this situation.
“Oh…” Ash's voice trailed off, his teasing tone dying down. There was silence for a moment. The worst silence in the world, Eiji decided. This could not be more embarrassing or awkward.
Eiji was about to just get up, apologize and excuse himself, when Ash spoke up,
“Hey, Eiji, I'm really sorry.” And he really did sound apologetic.
Eiji finally got the courage to look up at the younger boy, who was watching him, those green eyes holding the expression of nothing but guilt.
“I know that was your first kiss, and to take it away just to pass a message was pretty low.” Ash sighed, and turned his gaze to the setting sun once away. “You're first kiss should be special, with someone you actually like. I never got...got to experience that, and now I put you in the same place.” He turned to look at Eiji, a sad smile gracing his lips. “I'm sorry, Eiji.”
Eiji felt his heart break. He felt selfish then, being disappointed over something that of course shouldn't mean anything, because Ash needed that message passed so he could protect others. Meanwhile, Ash's first kiss was forced from him with no good intent, just nasty, disgusting desire. Probably with his second, and third. His innocence being plucked again, and again, like petals on a flower, one by one. Until it was nothing. And here Eiji was mulling over one stupid kiss.
“No, Ash,” Eiji said, surprised at his sudden boldness to place his hand on top of Ash's. “ You should not apologize. I am sorry. I do not want you to feel guilty about that. You were just doing what was right, and I am grateful you trusted me enough to help you. So please do not apologize.”
Ash frowned, “but still Eiji-”
“It is okay, Ash.” Eiji cut him off with a gentle smile. “It is not bad. I should not act so, um, disappointed in it. Because that is not true. I still liked it.”
Eiji regretted it the minute those last four words came flying out of his mouth. Could he not filter himself at all?
“You...liked it?” Ash's eyes widened, like he was genuinely surprised.
“Well, um, yeah,” Eiji was practically red at this point. “It- you were good, of course- gah!” The embarrassment was honestly too much, and Eiji buried his head in his hands.
There was another moment of practically unbearable silence and then just like that Ash Lynx burst out in genuine laughter.
Eiji glanced up, staring at the boy in disbelief, as he threw his head back, laughter shaking his body.
“What-” Eiji gaped.
Ash wiped his eyes, “E-Eiji!” He said in between laughs, “you're too good.” He looked down at the confused boy, with a grin that reached his soft emerald eyes, reaching out a hand to cup Eiji's warm cheek, mindlessly stroking it with his thumb. Eiji thought his heart would burst.
“I don't know what to do with you, you're so cute.” Ash murmured, and Eiji thought he probably actually looked ridiculous with how red his face must be.
“Eiji, I'm still sorry, because if that's going to be our first kiss, I want it to be much better than that.” Ash leaned forward so his forehead was against Eiji's.
Our, Eiji replayed that in his head.
Our first kiss.
Ours.
“Ash…” Eiji breathed out, as he instinctively placed his hand over top of Ash's.
“I should really make it up to you,” Ash said lowly, his hand leaving Eiji's cheek, running it down his jaw, and placing it on his neck, his thumb brushing Eiji's lower lip.
“Ash,” Eiji whispered again, heart thumping as Ash's eyes fluttered closed just like before, leaning forward, close enough to just brush his lips against Eiji's-
“Ash, wait,” Eiji placed a hand on Ash's shoulder, and the boy pulled back slightly, eyes opening and confusion settling in his features.
“I do not want you to do this if you feel guilty…” Eiji told him gently, “I want this, but if you are doing this just because-”
“Oh, Eiji, I want this.” Ash breathed out, his voice slightly raspy. “For once in my life, I really want this,” he shut his eyes, “please.”
Eiji felt tears prick his eyes at the sincerity of his words, and he smiled, “Okay.”
With that Ash surged forward, and captured Eiji's lips in his own.
This time was much more gentle, Ash lead Eiji into moving his lips with his own softly. He ran his tongue over Eiji's bottom lip, and the older boy opened his mouth so Ash could slide his tongue against his, just like last time. Yet, unlike that time, he didn't pull away, and Eiji really did melt into the kiss.
Eiji mindlessly wrapped his arms around his blonde's neck, hands tangling in his hair, and he shuddered when he heard Ash actually moan in his mouth.
Suddenly realizing they both needed air, Ash pulled away, but not before capturing Eiji's bottom lip with his teeth. Tugging lightly as they parted, Eiji's practically swooned.
The two just spent time simply looking at each other. Before Ash spoke up, his voice huskier than usual.
“Sorry there was no pill this time,” He teased, and Eiji laughed.
“Oh yes, I am very upset about that.” He replied sarcastically, and Ash grinned at him.
“Oh? Sorry, sweetie, you want me to grab your ass again? It is a nice ass.” He winked.
“Ash!” Eiji hit his arm, but he was grinning from ear to ear. Then he leaned close, placing his forehead against Ash's again. “How was that? Was that okay?” He asked sincerely.
“Hmmm, you need more practice, but I can definitely help you with that.” Another hit to the arm, and a bark of laughter from Ash.
“You know that is not what I mean!”
Ash smiled, another one of his rare genuine smiles. “It was more than okay. It was perfect. Thank you, Eiji.” His jade eyes suddenly wavered with tears. “I guess that was my real first kiss too.”
Eiji couldn't help but shed a few tears of his own.
“Than I am glad.”