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Ellen sat on the sandy shores of her home town, looking out over the ocean and allowing the sound of the crashing waves to calm her down. It wasn’t easy, there was so much turmoil in her head. She wasn’t sure just how she had gotten herself in this position. She should have known better. For years she had been trained to turn off her emotions, tune out the empathy and somehow someone had managed to break through all those years of rigorous training.
She wasn’t sure what to do about that. How to handle the situation and her own reaction to it. It had been so long since anyone had gotten this close to her, so long since she had allowed her heart to open up and now that she had, she had immediately been forced to understand just why she kept people out.
She had been vulnerable. Unable to separate the professional from the personal and it had brought her and her team a lot of problems. Her heart had been out for all to see and they had taken advantage of it. And HE had to pay the price for it.
They had been caught unawares, taken by surprise, whatever else they could possibly call it. The team had been flabbergasted. She chuckled at her own thoughts, the process of finding as many different ways to say surprised. It was a clear tactic for avoidance, one she was well acquainted with. She wasn’t good at facing problems head on.
She could feel eyes on her and she shifted in the sand, waiting for the the attached person to join her. She knew who it would be and what would be said. She wasn’t entirely certain she was ready to hear it, but still she remained seated, waiting patiently. She wouldn’t be able to outrun this or her teammate anyway.
“You could talk about it, you know,” Wanda began after a a few minutes of silence. Ellen didn’t respond, barely acknowledging the arrival of her friend. Though Wanda knew that Ellen had been aware of her presence long before she had come close. Ellen was always hyper alert.
“He’ll be okay,” Wanda added softly as she gracefully sat down.
“He nearly died,” Ellen scoffed, unable to accept that her lack of professionalism had nearly taken out the captain. Surely Sam wasn’t weak, but he also didn’t have the super soldier serum. That had not meant that he didn’t jump in front of her unprotected back to catch the bullets. Bullets that were meant for her.
“You would’ve done it for him,” Wanda pressed.
She was right, of course, Wanda usually was. That didn’t release her of her guilt though. Ellen felt an extreme amount of it. She had hesitated and it made her vulnerable. She had known the culprit. It had been her childhood friend and she had halted her movements, training be damned.
And then Sam was laying there and her heart had stopped momentarily, only to speed up again and nearly beat out of her chest. Adrenaline had kicked in and she had lost control for a minute, shooting everything in sight. Though, thankfully, she had been controlled enough to not shoot Wanda, who had come running.
The flight back to the compound had been agonisingly slow, Ellen biting her nails with worry. Sam had lost consciousness, losing a lot of blood. The rest of the team had been rushing, Bucky was flying, Wanda was addressing wounds and Ellen? Ellen stood frozen next to the gurney. She hadn’t done anything, hadn’t been able to move.
“When he comes to, perhaps you could finally tell him you like him,” Wanda smirked as she dropped that bomb and Ellen wondered if she had been such a bleeding heart. And in her shock, her fear, she must have been.
“Are you sure he’ll be okay?” Ellen asked timidly, afraid to hear a denial.
“He’s far too stubborn to give in that easily,” Wanda laughed and pulled her friend into a sideways hug.