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Ryan and Shane are friends.
Everybody knows that, base on their daily life or on the screen of Unsolved. Some people even say that they are best friends.
Ryan and Shane are friends.
But Ryan has a crush on Shane.
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It wasn’t obvious at first, Ryan comes to the office sooner, more laborious in his work, further treatment for his look. All because now his co-host is Shane Madej.
Ryan never blames Bert for leaving the show, never. It’s just Bert wanted to have a more ‘stable business’ than finding winds. So, he leaves.
It's his choice and Ryan respect that, if he was in his shoes, he would do that too. If his ambition weren't proving the supernatural, he would like a stable job that's in his ground of film school. That leans to the question: 'Will anyone wanted to work with him? With the man said that he’ll prove ghosts are real but jump at shadows and creaks?’
The answer comes sooner than expected.
His first impression of Shane when he entered Buzzfeed is tall. Like really tall. He never underrated himself as short or anything, never let it gets to him. But wow. Shane was tall. It causes him feeling small, that he should work out more so he can have some sort of self-defense with guys like that. He realizes this Shane was funny too. He takes second thoughts at his jokes. Shane has soft, fluffy hair that flows around under their ceiling fan. Ryan thinks he should stop using gel. Shane’s voice is warm and melodic. Should Ryan change his ‘theory voice’?
There’s so much that he learned by looking at Shane alone. It’s all clear that he should improve himself to be better for the show and for the new partner. So things don't fall down like before, so he doesn’t have to face a crisis of his notion shatters again.
But something changes along the way.
Shane was so eager to help Ryan on their set, being the backup on editing, giving ideals to merch and comfort him when he was scared. It’s amazing how he can light up the whole show with one or two lines then turn into the typical meme scatter through the internet. Shane could just lay back, being the playful man he is, here and there make a one-liner, enjoy the payment and let Ryan do the rest the job but he didn’t. He really wanted to find demons and ghosts and even Bigfoot, in the ‘haunted’ places full of dust and Ryan’s overactive imagination, spend most of his thirties yelling at oblivion, working on a hotdog show that escalates more and more just to mess with Ryan.
Unsolved is Ryan’s dream.
He wondered if it was Shane’s too. Or maybe.
Ryan is Shane’s dream.
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“If I went missing for like a week, do you think you would be alarmed? Or would you-”
“I think so”
“That’s nice, I didn’t think you would be alarmed. I think you-”
“You’re my friend!”
“I don’t like how you said that. You said it with-”
“You’re my friend!”
“Why are you yelling at me? ‘You’re my friend’?”
“You’re my friend! I would be concerned if you disappeared. And we get a pretty baller season out of it”
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It was a selfish thought. Thinking Shane is doing all of this for Ryan.
But how can he say otherwise with all of the looks being given back and forth? The shoulder pats and half-hearted bickering. The hot coffees and take out Chipotle on Thursday. That welcoming smile when he comes to his house. The warm bowl of popcorn and cold coke with horror movies. Empty pizza boxes lying around with paperwork. Shane’s scent in his wardrobe causes he was just too lazy to give the clothes back.
The intention of asking him ‘to be something more’ pops up on one of their warp party. Shane is somewhat sober with his clear glasses and reasonable statements with TJ on the other side of the table. His name catches on Shane’s back, glint the soft party lights of the bar.
Ryan takes a sip of his beer.
Shane’s downward eyes are fluttering, his glisten lips curve around a smile. It develops into a chuckle, a laugh that Ryan knows so well. His faint blush from the alcohol lay across his face, it flows over his nose like watercolors. Delicate charcoal hair tousled, he’s probably too interested in Mark’s story to care how it’s swept-back. His hands curve around his cocktail, pale fingers holding them sloppy, the crimson drink behind the glass only make it more splendid. Pink and blue rays move around as easily as the smell of alcohol, Shane’s frame soak in it.
Ryan wants all of that for himself, all of Shane’s jokes and snickers along with that stupid characteristic voice he would pull out for every end of Post Mortem.
But what if they don’t work out? What if Shane doesn’t feel the same? What will happens to their carrier, if their followers know about their relationship?
It’s too much of a risk. For the show. For him. For them.
Ryan empties his cup.
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"You'll not hurt my feelings, I will only cry about it later"
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Ryan has night terrors, he didn’t really know what to do. The first time was after the Sallie House. He woke up in sweat, set the air conditional too cold for himself, buried his body under too hot blankets at the same time.
His nightmare half-formed by the flashlight turning on and off beside his ears. The pattern of the wallpaper in the house haunts his vision. The thick atmosphere chokes his breath. The smell of dust and perfume block his nostrils.
But most importantly. It was Shane lying on the pentagram. “You’re outta your mind” he remembered saying. Ryan was holding his breath, staring at Shane’s long limbs spread out in front of the chair and the torch, his red checkerboard burns on the background of the frigid concrete floor. Then all at once, the wind knocks on the roof, the wooden broad upstairs creaks loudly. But muted by his desperate scream as the ground under him demolishes, swallows him into the void.
“If you wanna eat my heart-”
Ryan woke up in sweat and tears.
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"The Bergara way is to take your emotions and bottle them up"
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Shane asks him the next morning with breakfast in his grab. “Did you sleep well last night?”. Ryan considered misleading, even when the bags under his eyes is a dead give away.
Shane set his sandwich down to aside and put his hands on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan never told a lie ever since.
From that moment, things become more personal between them. They talk more about family, favorite movies, tastes in music, choice of popcorn flavor. It’s no longer ‘just co-workers stuff’, they’ve become partners, the ghoul boys, the skeptic and believer.
Unsolved turns into something completely different. It’s just a base, an excuse for him to sits next to Shane every day. For sharing lunches and stories about yesterday’s news on Twitter. For him to sleep next to his crush on dirty floors and inhale his cologne, fragrance of aftershave on the hotel pillow.
And, it’s impossible to avoid having arguments, especially if it’s a long-term commitment for a ghost hunting show. Ryan has disagreements with the crew before, about the show. Whether or not they should save the budget for next season, where they should film next, who do the research,... However, when Ryan is upset and all grumpy about something not going right for him. Shane’s there, through pats and puns, with a drink and a Taco Bell take away meal. Like he knows exactly when Ryan needs company and when he needs to be alone with his thoughts.
It’s scary, letting a person you love have that much information about you.
But Ryan is willing to give everything, even himself.
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“We’ll strangle a ghoul with our bare hands, God willing”
“You know I win if that happens, right?”
“I don’t care. It’s not a competition”
“Yes, it is”
“No, it’s not”
“It is”
“We’re friends. It’s a friendship”
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Ryan gives a lot. Maybe too much for his own good.
It’s one of those days when he goes through a bunch of social media apps to get ratings about the latest season. As a boss, he should take the responsibility to take care of it, scans through edits and incorrect quotes to get advice for the next takes.
He notices how people will do the ‘I want to be Shane but I’m Ryan’ in a very horrifying situation. How Shane’s names show up more than his. How Boogaras change to Shaniacs after he chickens out. How Shane’s posts have more attention. How Shane becomes mainstream in the Unsolved fandom just by his appearance. How fan treated the ‘co-host’ and the ‘main-host’ of the show. How he only gets the spotlight by being all anxious and panicked.
Ryan supposed to be ‘jealous of Shane’s popularity’, like how any normal human would say. It’s gonna be a bit annoying to go into your tagged posts, on your show and only see the other’s content right?
No, it’s doesn’t.
Cause he loves Shane. He never gets tired of seeing him and his fluffy hair, his bright eyes, his smile. He would let Shane take over Unsolved if that makes him happy. He would let him take his life if that makes him happy.
Ryan gives. He forgot to take.
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“I cried in between takes"
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Viper Room is cozy and warm inside, when there’s only Shane and him. Oh, and Mark too.
They’re sitting on the stage, the green and pink luminous over them. Shane has his long hair back, putting over a cap to make it less like ‘the guy from Home Alone’. The bit will start later when it needed to. The denim jacket goes simultaneously with the fingerless black gloves. Ryan couldn’t care more about its wooly texture when Shane’s hands is already a masterpiece on their own.
His heart bubbling in his rips, flushed by Shane’s glimmering eyes staring him back.
“Yeah, I have done nothing with my life at age 23”
Ryan breath sticks to his throat.
“Nothing”
“I believe it” Ryan replied.
‘What about Unsolved? What about our show, Shane?’
“Noth-”
‘Shane, Unsolved, you, me, us. We’ve been doing this, this right here’
“How old are you now?”
“33, oh, 10 years-”
Shane looks around astonished by the discovery. Ryan’s smile flattered, his chest aches.
“Nothing as changed in a decade” He smiles instead, shaking his head. His voice wavery at the end as his Adam apple drops.
“Well, I’m, you know, I got these gloves” He puts them out, like evidence.
Ryan laughs, it came out broken, forcing the sob growing bigger in his rib cage to settle down. “You do got those gloves now”. He takes a short breath, pointing to himself, he hopes his eyes don't show the expectation he has in Shane's answer. “And you’re looking at me”
“Yeah”
Ryan is so close to breaking.
“So nothing has happened for you since-” The corner of his eyes burns, something stuck in his throat, making his words wobble.
‘Me. Shane, I happened to you, Unsolved happened, we, we happen, Shane. Please. It meant something, right? The show happened to us. You happened to me. You gotta know that right? Shane?’
“Well, I made a friend” Shane puts his hand over Ryan’s shoulder. Confirmation.
Ryan’s eyes screwed shut. He takes a moment to not just- scream. Realizing Shane’s warm palm still on him, he answers right back, a bit too rapidly and tight.
Ryan swallows the urge to cry, clearing his tone to match with Shane’s verification.
“Thanks, pal”
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Ryan and Shane are friends.
That’s all they are.
That's all they will ever be.