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“Gray, is that you?” Gray turned around, shocked to hear such a voice from his past.
Gray had left his hometown about ten years ago and hadn’t been back since. He preferred to travel the world, living in places only until he got comfortable and then he would take off again. He had left home quite abruptly as well, not saying goodbye to those who had cared about him once upon a time.
“Natsu, is that you?” Gray stared at the man with such strawberry blonde hair, it looked pink.
During their teens, when the two boys met in high school, Gray had been convinced Natsu dyed it. He had never met anyone with that type of colouring and hadn’t seen it since; and Gray had been to a lot of places.
Natsu approached Gray in the market where they had serendipitously run into each other. Gray thought it looked like Natsu was going to come shake his hand until Natsu’s face scrunched up and he landed a punch instead.
Gray, having not prepared himself for the assault, stumbled back, knocking over some papayas that had been bunched on display.
Gray looked up, pinching his nose that was now bleeding, but didn’t say anything. Natsu was still standing where he had been, looking shocked like he hadn’t been planning on punching Gray in the middle of a market in a foreign country.
Once upon a time, Gray would have reamed out Natsu for something so stupid, but Gray didn’t blame him now. Leading up to the day Gray got up and left, he and Natsu had been best friends. Not to mention that the following day had been Natsu’s wedding.
Gray stared at his ex-best friend for a few more minutes before he abandon his shopping basket and left the stalls. Natsu didn’t call after him and Gray didn’t turn around to check. He could go another ten years without seeing Natsu, or getting punched for that matter. Gray was content with the life he had chosen, and had made peace with the fact that he wouldn’t return to Magnolia in exchange.
Since Gray really did need groceries and supplies for his business, he returned to the market early the next morning since he had relationships with the vendors who had accepted him well enough into the area.
What he didn’t expect was to find a familiar man waiting for him, almost at the spot where he had been punched less than twenty-four hours prior. It was obvious Natsu was waiting for him, but Gray didn’t know how to perceive him. He didn’t want to get hit again or upset the vendors who he had spent months forming connections with. It wasn’t very respectful towards them to be brawling in their market on a daily basis.
“So you live nearby then?” Natsu asked once he saw Gray cautiously approaching.
Gray nodded, still gauging Natsu for his response. Natsu was keeping his distance, letting Gray stop several paces away and didn’t move to close in.
“For now,” Gray shrugged.
Natsu shook his head like he was frustrated by this response but kept rooted in place.
“I’m staying at the Wharf Hotel,” Natsu explained and Gray nodded, knowing the place he was referring.
There was another awkward silence between the two men that Gray didn’t know how to fill. It seemed obvious he had hurt Natsu, something that didn’t surprise him. But Gray wasn’t the one who had waited here this morning to prompt this meeting.
“Do you know anywhere good to eat? I’m starving,” Natsu finally spoke and Gray couldn’t help smiling.
Some things never change and Natsu had always been one to think with his stomach.
“Yea, as a matter of fact I know the best ramen place in town. But I need to pick up some things before we head there. Unless you want me to just give you a recommendation and you can go by yourself,” Gray replied, not knowing if Natsu had really meant to make this a sort of hangout.
But Natsu nodded, gesturing for Gray to move and pick out his supplies. Natsu followed a couple paces behind but Gray could tell his old friend was interested to see what each of the stalls sold.
Neither of the men spoke, but Natsu watched all of Gray’s interactions and bartering until Gray announced that he was finished. Carrying two bags, Gray led them out of the market and down the street towards the harbour. Gray knew Natsu’s hotel was nearby but stopped a side street away from the beachfront.
“Is it even open?” Natsu asked skeptical, but Gray smirked.
“No, but lucky for you I have the key,” Gray replied and dug into his pocket.
He pulled out his keychain and moved to open the door. Once both of them were inside Gray locked the door behind them since the restaurant wouldn’t be open for another few hours when his assistant manager was due to come in.
“So you work here? Will your boss be alright if we’re here outside of the set hours?” Natsu still sounded skeptical and Gray thought that as adolescents, Natsu had never been that preoccupied by the rules.
But they were both grown men now and they had both changed.
“Well, considering I own the place I don’t really see a problem with feeding an old friend,” Gray replied and moved behind the counter where he started putting the supplies away.
The kitchen was set up so that the customers could see the cooks work, so Gray started up the stove and got to work cooking Natsu the ramen dish he remembered was his favourite. He hoped Natsu’s tastes hadn’t changed that much but Natsu didn’t object as he watched Gray cut up several ingredients before adding them to the boiling water.
When Gray dished out the two meals he passed Natsu his bowl who was sitting at the counter. Gray planned on eating on his feet in the kitchen but Natsu pulled out the adjacent stool as a silent invitation.
Gray took this in good faith and moved out to sit beside him. He kept glancing over at Natsu during their meal, trying to be discreet as he watched him eat his food.
“So is Lucy back at the hotel? Are you guys on vacation?” Gray tried for a light prompt, not really knowing how to start a neutral conversation.
“I’m on vacation,” Natsu started. “I needed to get away for a while. I haven’t taken a break since our honeymoon. And as we speak Lucy is talking with the lawyers to file for divorce.”
Gray was happy he had been waiting for Natsu to answer before taking a bite since he would have choked on it. If there had been anything he was sure about, it had been Lucy and Natsu. That had really been the final straw that made Gray leave.
“What the hell happened?” Gray couldn’t compose his utter shock at this revelation.
The three years leading up to Gray’s departure had been Lucy and Natsu falling in love, proposing, and then planning a wedding. And at no time did Gray ever think that maybe it wasn’t a good idea. And he had really tried looking for that reason.
“Well, everything with Lucy was always planned out. From the moment I asked her out, it felt like everyone, including us, was banking on us getting married. And after that,” Natsu turned and gave Gray what he would call a pointed look. “It was having kids. So after the first year we started trying. And the next year we started asking questions and getting tested. The end result was that we couldn’t conceive and Lucy didn’t really want to try anything else. So after that it felt like we didn’t know how to be us. We talked about it five years ago but we agreed that maybe this was a good thing. We could be anything we wanted to be, so Lucy dedicated herself to her reporting career and I stayed working as a manager at the same business. It felt like it was working, but it turns out it wasn’t. We drifted apart over the next five years and now here I am,” Natsu sighed and put his spoon down in the bowl.
Gray turned more so that he was looking at Natsu’s profile. This was a lot of unexpected news in the last couple minutes.
“I thought you wanted to be a firefighter?” Gray asked, remembering how Natsu’s plan after college had been to join the academy.
Natsu chuckled sardonically and turned to face Gray.
“I wanted to be a lot of things, but I just gave you my story on settling. How about you tell me what you’ve been up to? No one knows what you’ve been up to,” Natsu asked more politely than Gray thought he deserved.
But Gray shook his head at this.
“I’m pretty sure Lucy knows where I am, which is kind of why I thought you were here in the first place. I figured this was some ten year confrontation or something,” Gray admitted and watched Natsu’s expression deadpan.
“Luce didn’t know where you were. She knew how upset I was and never told me anything,” Natsu stated with growing frustration.
Gray felt uncomfortable with being shown this small window into Natsu’s failed ten year marriage. Gray knew Lucy knew a lot more than Natsu apparently did about his last ten years.
“Natsu… Juvia actually tracked me down about two years after I left. We lived together on the south coast and started a seafood restaurant. About six months later she wasn’t really okay with our causal relationship and I didn’t think I could ever love her like she wanted so we parted ways. She opened another location back home under the same chain and I have our old assistant manager running the first place. Technically we’re still business partners but it’s amicable and we don’t really talk to each other anymore,” Gray explained this and watched as Natsu’s frustration grew until he was shaking his head at the end.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me. My own wife didn’t say a word even though her best friend tracked you down and lived with you. They told me she went away to study culinary arts to be able to open the restaurant. I didn’t know you were co-partner of Choppy Waters,” Natsu threw up his hands and Gray didn’t know what to say.
He had been convinced Natsu knew by this point why his best man left town in the middle of the night right before his wedding. Now this was even more awkward sitting beside him and having to explain it all a decade later.
“So why did you leave, Gray? I thought we were best friends. I thought you wanted to be my best man. And you didn’t have to fucking leave town for ten years to get out of it,” Natsu gave Gray a determined stare that made Gray squirm in his seat.
So Natsu really didn’t know why Gray had left.
“Natsu, do you remember your bachelor party?” Gray figured this was the missing part of this specific recollection of events.
“Barely,” Natsu laughed and Gray’s face fell.
“Right, well something happened and I knew that if I showed up at your wedding that I would cause a scene. I would object and ruin the moment, so I left. I couldn't watch you get married but I also couldn’t give into my own wants at the price of your happiness. You looked like Lucy was your soul mate so I took myself out of the equation,” Gray explained best he could but knew Natsu still wasn’t getting it.
“Something happened at my bachelor’s? Did I say something about Lucy? I mean I was pretty certain I wanted to marry her back then,” Natsu’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration and Gray knew he was trying to remember that hazy night from all those years ago.
But that night was etched into Gray’s memory like a stone carving. He had obsessed over it for the first couple years before he conceded and made peace with his decision. He loved living in new places all the time and experiencing the world. He wouldn’t let one life decision ruin the rest of it. He had made peace with the fact that he would enjoy travelling and cooking his way across different towns and cities, knowing his friends back home were living the life they had chosen.
But suddenly doubts Gray hadn’t felt in years came bursting to the surface.
“We were both drinking but I stopped to make sure you were alright for the night. And when I was carrying you up to your apartment that night you told me you loved me and I kissed you. Then you laughed and said, not like Lucy but that I kissed a hell of a lot better. Then you tried to get me to fall asleep with you but I bolted, not knowing if you were confused or not. I didn’t want to cause you any confusion but my mind was already made up. It was the best kiss I had ever experienced, and one I had wanted for a long time. So I broke my own heart, making sure I didn’t mess with yours and packed my bags,” Gray could feel the redness in his face, feeling extremely vulnerable in his small ramen shop.
He also knew Lucy knew he had been harbouring feelings for Natsu, especially when Juvia figured it out and left back to Magnolia where he was sure she had confided to her best friend. But Gray never heard from either of them and never pressed the subject further. He figured his separation from Magnolia was best for everyone and he would enjoy his life apart from them.
“You kissed me?” Natsu finally spoke and Gray couldn’t decipher what Natsu’s reaction was other than shocked.
Gray got up and carried both of their bowls around the counter to put into the dishwasher.
“It was a long time ago, Natsu. It obviously didn’t mean anything to you and I was too closeted to really face my fears until years later,” Gray shrugged it off but Natsu continued to stare at him with his mouth agape.
“That’s why you left? You… you liked the kiss?” Natsu stumbled on his words and Gray took this opportunity to bend down and stack the dishes into the machine. “Gray! I was the reason you left. You didn’t want me to marry Lucy?”
Gray slowly stood up and fixed his stare on Natsu before nodding.
He took the opportunity to see the changes Natsu had gone through since he last saw him leading up to his wedding. Natsu in his thirties was broader and it was obvious that one of the things he had focused on was fitness. His arms were thicker and his shoulders were fuller but Gray stopped there on his physical assessment so not to get carried away.
Natsu’s expressions spiralled until he suddenly got up from his stool and left. He unlatched the lock and strode out of the restaurant without a word. Gray eventually stepped over to go close it again but by that time there was no sight of Natsu in the street.
But Gray figured he had had ten years to put this behind him and Natsu was only hearing about it now. Gray felt bad again for abandoning Natsu all those years ago but told himself he wouldn’t dwell. He would continue on with building up his ramen shop to hand it off to his assistant manager in a few months. Gray was the owner of fifteen different restaurants that he checked in on a couple times a year, but let the day-to-day decisions be carried out by the managers. He always formed relationships with those he hired and then planned with them on how to hand over the business. Gray made enough money to travel and sustain himself that way, but liked to keep the businesses as locally run as possible.
Gray decided to stay at the restaurant all day, not wanting to go home alone and think of Natsu. Instead, he stayed all through the mild dinner rush and helped close. By the time he was locking the door for the night, he felt back to normal. Seeing Natsu had been nice, even if it was under such strange circumstances. Natsu would find his stride and hopefully enjoy the rest of his vacation to go back and sort out his life.
“Gray?” for the second time today Natsu was waiting for Gray.
Gray startled and turned abruptly to find Natsu sitting on the public bench a few paces away from the front of his shop.
“Natsu?” Gray couldn’t believe that Natsu would come back.
He was at a far worse loss for words than even this morning. What purpose did Natsu have for coming back, and just after Gray had resolved to move on from this minor blip in his life.
“I’m sorry for before, but you know how I’m not so good with words. I actually have something here that I wanted to show you,” despite the late hour Gray could still make out the blush on Natsu’s face.
Gray took his key out of the door and walked over to join Natsu on the bench. There were several inches between them and Natsu handed over a worn looking notebook that had many extra papers shoved into it.
Natsu moved his head to indicate for Gray to open it. The first random page Gray opened to in the middle of the book was a letter. He could read the words from the street light overhead and started scanning the page since the scrawl of his own name caught his attention.
Dear Gray,
Today is your birthday and I drove out to the pier like we always used to do. I remember swimming off the docks and fishing here on the warm weekends. I hope that wherever you are, you’re enjoying your day. On my way home, I picked up a cupcake, vanilla with blue sprinkles, your favourite.
I know you’ve moved on and I try to accept that. But Gray… couldn’t you have taken me with you? I want to travel and get lost and find myself like I always imagine you did. I am so stuck Gray, and I know I chose this. But if you had asked me, I would have come with you. We would be on some other pier eating much better cupcakes, us against the world. The more time goes by, the more I believe that. I’m not mad anymore that you didn’t bring me along, but this day always hurts just a little bit more than all the others.
Happy birthday Gray and may this year be the year that brings you back to me, if only for a moment.
-Natsu
Gray looked up and saw Natsu looking apprehensively at him. Once he saw that Gray was done reading he peered down and scanned which letter he had just read.
“Oh yea, that was four years ago,” Natsu answered his unasked question.
Gray continued to blanche, at a loss for words that were failing him.
“But I still don’t understand what this means. I mean, of course I wanted to see you and share my experiences like we used to, but we both mean that in different ways,” Gray felt exasperated and confused, not liking how strong his feelings were resurfacing.
Natsu frowned at this and took the book, flipping through until he found a specific one to show him.
Gray,
Lucy and I just got into our sixth fight of the week and it’s only Tuesday. I hate how miserable I make her. We want different things and I don’t know how to change that. I still love her, but for a long time now I wonder how it is that I love her. I always counted her as my best friend, but once you left it became apparent that you were. When I’m upset, you’re the one I want to talk it out with. When I’m happy, I want to share my excitement with you. It’s been eight years since you left and more than ever I wish I had gone with you. I’ve been really confused for a long time Gray, just accepting the life I was told to live. But you went and made your own rules and I find that more and more I’m picturing myself beside you. If someone asked me now who I loved the most in this world, it scares the hell out of me that I don’t know who that is. And the fact that it’s not immediately Lucy makes me question what I’m even doing here in this version of my life. I want her to be happy, as happy as we were when we met. But I don’t think I do that anymore. I’m such a coward Gray. I can’t work up the courage to face that off of paper. I picture the life I want and the only thing I am sure of is that I’m beside you. So stay safe and happy Gray, and that’s how I’ll picture you. My best friend in this whole world living the life he chose.
All the best,
Natsu
Again Gray looked up and still wasn’t sure what this meant. Gray had a very nomadic lifestyle and had built it that way so as not to form any relationships. And here was Natsu sitting beside him, just going through the start of a divorce and Gray didn’t know how he should be reacting to this.
It seemed Natsu also didn’t know which words to say outside of the open journal in Gray’s hands.
Gray hadn’t noticed but Natsu had filled in several of the inches between them, so now they were almost touching. But before Gray could utter any form of response Natsu brought his head forward and collided his lips into Gray’s.
It was different than their first one, more coordinated and passionate. But Gray didn’t let himself give into his urges before pulling apart again.
Natsu blushed and Gray felt his own creep across his face.
“Listen Natsu, this is a really nice gesture,” Gray lifted up the journal and handed it back to Natsu. “But I don’t want to be a rebound. I still care about you deeply, and that’s not going to change, but I can’t be your homoerotic experience. I’ve loved you for too long to concede to that.”
Gray stood up and smiled, making it as genuine as possible because he really did want what was best for his friend.
“Have a good life Natsu, and find what makes you happy,” Gray said before turning around and walking towards his apartment.
Gray didn’t hear Natsu until he had made it a block away.
“Gray! Wait!” Natsu’s shouts could easily be heard on the mostly deserted street.
Gray stopped and slowly turned around, wanting this to be over before he broke down.
“But that’s why I showed you my journal! You make me happy Gray. I realised a couple years ago that the only one I’ve ever loved, like properly loved, is you,” Gray deadpanned at this, that not being the message he had taken away from this conversation at all.
Natsu kept going. “I know that makes me the worst kind of person for marrying Lucy. I know I’m a coward and someone as put together as you shouldn’t give me the time of day, but I am in love with you Gray. I have been for a long time…” Natsu would probably have kept going but Gray stepped forward and planted his lips on Natsu’s instead.
He didn’t know what this meant but his resolve for walking away was quickly diminishing. Natsu had always been the one to tear down Gray’s emotional shields, and here he was doing just that, a decade after them being apart.
Natsu’s lips were chapped and his breath tasted like cinnamon. His shoulders were tense under Gray’s hands but Gray didn’t sense that it was anxiety. Natsu’s smile gave him away that he was excited and Gray no longer had an internal argument for why they shouldn’t be kissing in the street between his apartment and restaurant; except for one.
Gray finally pulled back and saw the pure bliss in Natsu’s eyes that told him that somehow this was real and Natsu was telling the truth.
“Wow-” Natsu whispered sounding dumbstruck.
Gray was the first one to collect himself and he took a half step back so not to be swept up in another moment with the man he had loved for so long.
“Natsu, you are hands down the most infuriating man I have ever met,” Gray sighed, trying for exasperated but he couldn’t fully erase the elated smile from his face.
Natsu also didn’t miss this, who grinned stupidly back at him. Even in their thirties, Natsu still had a boyish charm that Gray had always found endearing.
“I love you for ten years and leave so that you can have the life you wanted only for you to somehow track me down on the other side of the world and kiss me. Your letters say that this is maybe something you’ve wanted for a lot longer than I ever would have guessed,” Gray ran his hand through his hair exasperatedly.
“Not maybe, Gray. I know I love you, and it’s like out of all the places I could have chose I stumble here and find you. I mean this is just so fucking perfect,” Natsu’s grin shone in the street light.
“Call it whatever you want Natsu…” Gray sighed and inwardly chastised himself for what he was about to say. “But I can’t start anything with you right now. You have to go back and work through whatever is going on with you and Lucy. Like I said, I’m not going to be your rebound.”
Natsu’s effortless grin fell from his face but he sighed and nodded.
“I really hate how even-headed you always were. But you’re right, as always. I can’t be fooling around with you when things are so up in the air with Lucy. I mean we are getting divorced, but it’s not fair to either of you if we started something,” now Natsu ran his hand through the back of his hair.
The two of them stood in the middle of the vacant sidewalk, knowing their serendipitous moment was about to end.
“If I come back… will you still be here? I mean once my divorce is final?”
Natsu’s words surprised Gray. He hadn’t actually been holding out in this conversation thinking there was a way where he would get what he wanted. He already knew he wouldn’t go back to a domestic life in Magnolia, even if Natsu asked. But he wouldn’t ask Natsu to change his life so drastically either. Living in a different city every year and starting up new businesses was a lot of hours on top of the stress that went along with moving so much. But Gray loved the thrill of it and wasn’t willing to give it up; even for Natsu.
Gray had also been gearing up for the hand off stage of this enterprise in the next couple months, but he would be willing to wait around a little longer if Natsu asked; that he would compromise for the man he loved.
“Give me six months and if I’m not ready or I change my mind then you can move or go on with the plans you already have? If that’s not too big of an ask?” Natsu’s eyes lit up in the moonlight and Gray felt like a lot less time had passed between them.
“Six months? Yea, I can stay here until then. But if you come, get ready to pack up and leave again. Maybe I’ll even let you pick where we go,” Gray smiled and Natsu beamed even brighter.
It felt like such a summer promise. Like two teenagers leading up to going off to separate colleges. Things were always so much more promising under a summer sky, and where they were it was always summer.
“I’ll see you in six months then, Snowflake,” Natsu stated, stealing a quick kiss on the cheek before he jogged off towards the harbour.
Gray stood rooted in place, having forgotten that old, stupid nickname Natsu came up with when they were kids together.
He didn’t know if he believed such a promise, but he knew the next six months would be excruciating. He couldn’t plan his next adventure and he couldn't move. All he could do was work and wait, and Gray was only good at one of those things.
Five months later:
Gray looked up at the clock to see his normal restaurant hours ended five minutes ago. Hearing the bell from the door made him inwardly sigh since he knew he wouldn’t turn away a customer, wanting to preserve the reputation of the restaurant as a local fixture among the other tourist shops. Most of the dishes were put away since it had been a slow night and Gray knew it was hardly worth it to fire everything back up.
“Sorry I’m late. My flight was delayed,” a familiar voice caused him to throw himself so he was looking over the counter to see the front door.
From where he had been standing he didn’t have a clear view of the entrance. But Natsu walked in and Gray kept leaning over, ignoring the pain the counter was causing in his abdomen.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Gray replied, knowing he and Natsu had agreed not to contact each other until his divorce was final.
But he had at least expected Natsu to call him from Magnolia to possibly make plans to come here. Gray hadn’t expected Natsu to pack up his life in an oversized suitcase and come straight here.
But here was Natsu, standing in his ramen shop at ten-o-six on a Thursday night. He had a worn, red suitcase that looked rather full but nothing else.
“I know where I want to go, if I can still pick the place?” Natsu asked with his easy grin.
The one that had easily won over Gray’s heart when they knew each other all those years ago.
Gray hopped over the counter, not bothering with the few steps to go around. He took long strides until he was nose-to-nose with Natsu and then pulled him into a desperate kiss. This time they could be together and have the adventure they had both dreamt about hundreds of times over.
Natsu’s lips were still chapped and his breath tasted strong with cinnamon, like it was the flavour of gum he had chewed on the plane. His tongue found Gray’s mouth when Gray pried his lips open with his own. Natsu’s moan filled him up and his hands latched onto Natsu’s strawberry blond hair. His suitcase stood forgotten for the few minutes that passed between the two men in each other’s embrace.
When Natsu finally pried himself off for a breath he smiled again, making himself look a decade younger. Gray had to stop seeing the boy he had known and get to know the man he had carried a torch for all this time. He knew there would be changes, just like he had accumulated his own. But he would take anything, the good with the bad, because this was all he had ever wanted.
“So, should I even bother unpacking?” Natsu smiled and Gray shook his head.
“How about we buy the tickets tonight? We can be gone by the end of the week,” Gray smiled, knowing he had already done most of the handover for this business and his manager had already been expecting as much.
“Good, I can’t wait to start this adventure!” Natsu exclaimed and Gray laughed as he walked him out to lead them both to his apartment. “Hey Gray, thanks for waiting for me.”
Gray looked up once the door was locked and smiled back at Natsu.
“You were worth the wait. All ten years of it, I mean,” Gray wasn’t one for sentimental declarations but this moment seemed like an exception.
“I love you, Snowflake,” Natsu whispered before stealing another kiss that stalled both of them from progressing any further down the street.
“I love you too, Ashes,” Gray remembered his own nickname he used to call Natsu since Natsu had always wanted to be a firefighter but always managed to catch things on fire as well.
Gray made a mental note to throw away any potential fire hazards when they got home.
Gray then took Natsu’s hand and carried his suitcase with the other. He couldn’t wait to start his next adventure, but feeling Natsu’s hand in his, he wondered if maybe it had already started.