Work Text:
Ellie worked on following a digital trail of their current suspect in Kasie’s lab while she scoured through security footage for any kind of lead. Ellie was in the middle of telling her about a new album she’d listened to on her drive in, when Kasie whirled around looking pissed.
“You haven’t even listened to that other song, have you?!” Kasie cried out. “Ellie! I told you it’s SO good, you’ll love it. You need to listen to it. You know what? We’re listening to it, right now.”
Before Ellie even had time to formulate a response, Kasie walked over to her laptop and queued up the song. Suddenly, a low quick beat came blaring through the top notch speaker system Abby had installed a long time ago. Ellie shook her head with a laugh and focused back on her work, figuring she’d be able to multitask. Since she didn’t see was Kasie’s satisfied sly grin fall into place when the lyrics started, Ellie had no idea this was a set up.
Don't speak, no, don't try
It's been a secret for the longest time
Don't run (oh), no, don't hide
Been running from it for the longest time
Ellie’s mind drifted as she dug through bank records and credit card statements to a deep, catchy beat. They’d been ‘together’ for several months now, and yet still no one knew. The spark ignited after an undercover op a while back—that was a story for another day though. When Ellie asked Nick what they were doing after night twelve in a row of hooking up and staying at each other’s place, he hesitated. He hemmed and hawed about never being in a real relationship, and not wanting to have pressure from the team just yet.
So many mornings, I woke up confused
In my dreams, I do anything I want to you
My emotions are naked, they're taking me out of my mind
So Ellie went along with it, she knew where she stood, and frankly she was done repressing her feelings for him. She had spent many a-night sleepless, waking up with a start, sweaty and panting, after a very- vivid, dream. Her dreams had gotten more and more frequent, until she couldn’t take it anymore she was quite literally losing her mind on a nightly basis. That was a week before they went undercover. When they got that assignment, she knew it was time.
And when it was time, good lord it was time. It was hot, it was passionate, it was pent up, it was downright sinful.
The lust overpowered her emotions for a few weeks, but then the dust settled and she realized the love that had replaced the lust was real.
Right now, I'm shameless
Screamin' my lungs out for ya
Not afraid to face it
I need you more than I want to
Need you more than I want to
And with that realization, she immediately became self-conscious about Nick’s desire to keep them a secret. She wanted him, she wanted him so bad she wanted to shout it from the rooftops. She wanted to be shameless.
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
One day at home after round three on their Saturday off, she tried to bring it up. Drowsy and satisfied she figured he would be more reasonable—boy was she wrong. He deflected with food, saying he was hungry. And if he didn’t want to talk about that on an empty stomach, surely Ellie wouldn’t either.
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
Kasie noticed the keyboard of Ellie’s laptop starting to get pummeled as Ellie stared intently at the screen with a furrow to her brow that continued to deepen. Kasie quickly double checked to make sure she had hit repeat on the song. Ellie was going to confront this BS arrangement with Nick before the day’s end if she had anything to say about it...
When Kasie had first put two and two together after that undercover case, she expected them to come forth with their budding relationship. She waited, and waited, and waited. They didn’t and Kasie recognized the hurt in Ellie’s eyes every time Nick purposefully put space between them or brushed off her small touches in front of everyone. But it wasn’t her place to say anything, this was between them. If she showed her friend a new song though...well that was shameless.
So we're there, now it's real
Now that you have me, do you want me still?
My kisses are history, they go back a long time, uh
And I'm tired of loving somebody that's not mine, no
Ellie thought back to just a year or so ago, back when it seemed like harmless flirtation, nothing they’d ever acted on. But the desire continued to build, especially after she selfishly gave into her dreams and kissed him as Charlie. She thought he’d do something, it sure as hell look like he enjoyed it. His stupor after the kiss evidence he was blown away. But now...now she worried though, now that the kisses were real, as Ellie and Nick, not Charlie and Luis, would he still want her? Did she mean as much to him as he did to her? He said he feared the pressure of the team, he didn’t know how to be in a real relationship, he needed to go slow.
The privacy was starting to eat away at her, she wanted to be his and have the world know. She was tired of watching him with other girls, having to act like he was single to throw the team of their trail. Ellie couldn’t take it anymore. How could he?
So many mornings I woke up confused
In my dreams, I do anything I want to you
My emotions are naked, they're taking me out of my mind (mind)
Right now, I'm shameless
Screamin' my lungs out for ya
Not afraid to face it
I need you more than I want to
Need you more than I want to
If you love a person you should want to tell the world, right? It should keep you up at night like it did to her, right? Your dreams should push you to change reality, right?
Show me you're shameless
Write it on my neck, why don't ya?
And I won't erase it
I need you more than I want to
I need you more than I want to
Why didn’t Nick get that? Why was he ashamed of her? Well that was a sobering thought. Why hadn’t she been more pissed about it?
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
As she sat there wading through decade old gas station and grocery store receipts, all she heard was his deflection that Saturday afternoon. “Ellie I’m hungry, I don’t wanna do this now. I know you don’t actually want to either. Let’s eat.” Discussion closed, just like that. Not resumed later, nope. And she let him get away with it.
There's just inches in between us
I want you to give in, I want you to give in, oh
There is tension in between us
I just wanna give in
And I don't care if I'm forgiven
That was the moment Nick walked into the lab. Nick caught her gaze as he stepped further into the room, she refused to look away. Pleading with her eyes, she wanted him to give in. To tell someone, anyone. He was now inches from her, you could practically cut the tension in the air with a knife. She was seconds from blurting out the truth. And she would have, if a squeak from Kasie didn’t break through her focus, reminding Ellie they weren’t alone.
Kasie yelled over the still-blaring music, “Oh hey Nick...Ellie! See??” She was grinning so wide, Ellie thought her face might split in two. “This song is amazing, right?!”
Right now, I'm shameless
Screamin' my lungs out for ya
Not afraid to face it
I need you more than I want to
Need you more than I want to
Ellie heard the irony in Kasie’s question, was she hooked on the song? Hell yes. She’d be playing it as her anthem every commute now. She’d scream at the top of her lungs that she was shameless.
But was she a little annoyed the song brought to light some rather, uh- upsetting things? As in, why her—not technically boyfriend—boyfriend is ashamed of going public with their relationship? Yeah, that was a little irritating, to say the least.
Regardless of all that she couldn’t upset Kasie, “Yes, I admit it, you were right.” Ellie lamented trying to fake a smile at the end.
Show me you're shameless
Write it on my neck, why don't ya?
And I won't erase it
I need you more than I want to
I need you more than I want to
She was sure they could both tell she was faking. Nick’s face took on a wary expression, smart man. While Kasie’s face had almost a smug grin and she made her way slowly to the door of the lab, pressing the lock behind her, conniving woman. She was set up, and yet, she didn’t even care. It gave her the confidence to tell Nick it was about damn time they came out. She wanted it everywhere, hell he could write his name across her freaking neck and she wouldn’t care. The world would know because she’d never erase it. She’d be his, finally. She never wanted to need a man so badly, but damn she needed Nick to be hers and only hers. And her to be his and only his.
Ellie started out cautiously, hoping Nick could read the signals she was sending—begging him to finally be shameless of her. “Nick, I think we uh- I think we should talk,” she stated, unfortunately sounding somewhat unsure of herself, stupid insecurities shining through.
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
No, uh, uh, don't wanna do this now
He tried to deflect again, citing some excuse about the case that she didn’t hear. The bass drum of the song ringing through her ears drowning out his answer. The pulsing beat driving her own insecurities out and pushing her to finally say it, finally confront Nick. She didn’t care if he didn’t want to do this now, they were doing this now. She was leaving no room for negotiation or deflection.
“No, Nick. We need to talk, now.”