Chapter Text
In every lifetime Steve was the guardian. The others were wild and reckless; they had always needed Steve to find them and protect them. In one lifetime, Steve never found the boy. For decades he had dreams of a cotton field where a man in shackles was whipped to death. Steve would try to pretend it was only a nightmare until the man growled with a mix of anger and agony. Steve couldn’t forget the accusation in the sharp eyes that bore through him right before the slave’s death. He knew he could never again leave one of them behind.
But in this lifetime Steve is born weak. His body betrays him at every turn. When he finds the boy (his boy) everything is wrong; the boy (“Bucky” this time) saves Steve instead of the other way around. Being the weaker party is a bitter pill to swallow, but like always Steve and Bucky are a matched set. One cannot exist without the other.
“You keep me on the straight ‘n narrow Stevie. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” So if sometimes it still rankles that Bucky brings home more money and saves Steve from all the fights his body won’t let him win, most of the time Steve is content with being Bucky Barnes’ stubborn sidekick.
When they’re sneaking into Ebbets Field to watch a ballgame or setting up fireworks on top of the building for 4th of July they share conspirators grins and Steve knows that everything important is still the same between them.
Late at night, ever since they were young, Steve tells Bucky about their past lives. Bucky likes to hear about the ones where they fought in dirty, brutal wars or died in grotesque, tortuous ways.
“Why do you always wanna hear about how bad things were?”
“Because they’re better this time. You and me Stevie, we’re doing pretty good.” Steve wonders if Bucky only says that because he can’t remember how good life can be, because sometimes their life is hard. This life is filled with problems Steve can’t solve and on nights when he can’t pull another breath through his lungs he wonders why he keeps trying. But Bucky is too stubborn to fall prey to Steve’s naysaying.
When Bucky gets caught picking pockets because they can’t afford Steve’s medication he grins cockily and says, “better than that time I stole the duchesses jewels. At least this time I didn’t have to neck with some old bird.” His dramatic shudder makes Steve laugh despite himself.
When Bucky loses his job at the docks because Joe Stagnaro starts telling everyone that Bucky and Steve are queers, Bucky sighs loudly and reminds Steve that, “things could be worse. At least this time they didn’t chop off our johnsons.” Then he sets about proving Joe right and pulls Steve in for a deep, dirty kiss. Steve decides that morbid thoughts can wait and climbs into Bucky’s lap.
As time passes, Steve wonders where she is. His eyes track every girl and woman that passes them in the streets. Bucky says he wants to find her too (he’s pretty curious about Steve’s infamous magic-fate-girl) but he cannot feel how important she is in the same way Steve does.
Bucky sets up double dates with girls, bringing Steve along so he can meet every one of them. After a few minutes Steve always shakes his head (not her) and tunes out. Steve’s polite to the girls, but that’s about it. Bucky doesn’t mind picking up the slack. He’s always happy to dance with a beautiful girl even if Steve’s too bullheaded to see what’s right in front of him. And Steve doesn’t mind if Bucky and the girls sometimes take their party somewhere private, he knows Bucky is his.
“I’m practicing for your girl Steve-o. At least one of us will know how to treat her right when she finally shows.” Steve rolls his eyes and elbows Bucky in the side. He can’t wait to watch Bucky try and use that kind of excuse on her. She’ll eat him alive.
Steve isn’t worried about finding her until war breaks out. His soulmates have a tendency to find themselves in the middle of the worst trouble possible if he isn’t there to give them a home and a cause. So after Pearl Harbor, when the neighborhood men start enlisting to go overseas, Steve knows that he needs to be in Europe. That’s where she must be, in the middle of the danger.
Then Bucky enlists (it’s the right thing to do Rogers and we’ll bring in a decent paycheck for once in our lives) and Steve’s quest becomes more desperate. It was always supposed to be the three of them leading the charge for what’s right. They follow him into battles (physical and metaphorical) and he keeps them safe.
The world is engaged in largest battle in history and they will all be separated.
The night before Bucky leaves, Steve tells a story he’s never told before.
“Our tribe was being besieged by invaders. There had been a long winter and our food stores were depleted. We were able to hold them back from our hiding place in the mountains, but we were slowly starving. People started getting sick. First it was your mother, then you and your sister. Her name was Aliquipiso. She left me at your sickbed and went to the warrior’s council. A plan to stop our enemies had come to her in a dream. That night she walked down to the enemy camp where they tortured her for information. After enduring for days she told them she could lead them to our refuge. Aliquipiso led them to a ravine and gave the signal to our warriors. We called to her to run so she would no be crushed beneath the boulders the warriors pushed into the ravine. A moment before his death one of the enemy shot her. She sacrificed herself for you, so you could be well.”
“Did it work?”
“Yeah Buck. We got you food and medicine and you got better.”
“Sounds like one hell of a gal.”
“I hope you find her.”