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It feels like routine at this point. Hop on a dating app, get a match, start making small talk, set up a date, the date happens and it’s not that great, we have sex, they leave the next morning, I never see them again, rinse and repeat. Not like it’s a big loss for me. Scientifically speaking, most people on these dating apps are looking for hook-ups, not long-lasting relationships. Part of me wants to stop going on this damn app and find people who want to do more than just fuck for a night, but I guess I still have some inexplicable hope that one of these hookups will result in a more committed relationship. That maybe I’ll find that one guy who isn’t some douche waiting for me to suck his dick already. Or maybe find that one girl who isn’t annoying and shallow or some straight girl looking to “experiment”. It never happens though. And every night, the only thing I get is sexual pleasure. Which I don’t mind necessarily, but it’s not what I’m looking for. Not anymore.
I’m getting pretty close to the end of my 20s. I worry it might be getting late for me to settle with anyone. That by the time I’m 40 I’ll still be single living like a hermit and still rambling on about how science is my only mistress. I don’t want to do that! I want to go out there, find someone to live my life with! Not just one night, but every night. Someone I can talk to, you know?
But dating life makes it impossible. I haven’t had a decent relationship in months. Last time I did was with this biker girl. She was cool, laid-back, but not a jerk. She made me want to actually ride that death machine of hers. Just because I felt safe with my arms wrapped around her waist, and nose buried in her jet black hair. I figured I’d finally found the one, and it was through the dating app too! It just… didn’t work out in the end.
I think about her a lot every time I go on one of these meaningless dates. It always feels like I’m being ogled by my dates. Both guys and girls. I could gush on about my interests in forensics all I can, they aren’t paying attention to what I’m saying. She actually listened though. She was hot as hell, but I saw her as more than that, and she saw me as more than my body as well.
As many good memories as I had with her though, I didn’t feel all that bad when we eventually split. We both had very different paths in life, and admittedly, we were getting burnt out by each other. I vividly remember how mundane the break-up was. We were in bed together, watching a show on our iPad. We weren’t talking, or embracing, or anything. We were just sitting there, until she spoke, “I don’t think this is working out.”
To which I responded with, “Yeah, it’s not.”
And that was that.
I’d only seen her one other time, but only from a distance because I panicked and hid when I saw her. She had already moved on to another girl. One with short red hair and a tattoo of a tiger on fire on her arm. Part of me wanted to say hi, but by then I thought, why would she ever want to see me? I probably meant nothing to her.
Tonight was one of those nights where I was at my breaking point. The date I had yesterday left even quicker than usual. Before the date was even over, they left and said they had “other things to attend to.'' What other things!? Are they really so important that you had to leave in the middle of a date to go there? I’d get it if it was an emergency but they didn’t even look worried! I think they just left because they hated me and wanted an excuse to leave! I was just sitting there. Like a fool. Sitting all alone in this restaurant covered in couples having a good time. Way better time than I’ve had the past couple months. Why do I even bother?
“Come oooon! Where are you going!?”
The familiar voice snapped me out of my pity party and I looked over at the entrance. A black-haired girl with a bun top in a purple dress was grasping on to the legs of a guy, clearly annoyed at the girl at his feet.
“Let go, you psychopath! Jesus, I’m out of here.” The man was freed of the other girl and left the building. The girl in the purple dress got up and dusted herself, pouting in the direction of the guy who just left. She folded her arms and turned her head, suddenly noticing me staring.
“Ema?”
“Maya,” I said, pretending I didn’t see that whole debacle, “surprised to see you here!”
“Hey, yeah! I usually just see you at crime scenes or something.” she said, making her way to my table. She pointed at the empty seat in front of me. “Mind if I sit here?”
“Go ahead.” I shrugged. She sat down and gave me a wide-eyed smile. Part of me always saw Maya as kind of immature, but something about that innocent smile always kept me from disliking her. She was childish, but in a sweet kind of way. “What happened back there?” I asked, trying to find something to talk about.
“Some asshole date walking out of me because he thinks I’m ‘weird’.” She vented, putting up air quotations when she said the word “weird”.
“Seriously? Fuck that guy!” I remarked, sipping on my glass of water.
“Right??” Maya asked, throwing her hands up. “What about you? Where’s your date.”
“They ditched me too, actually,” I responded, “though they made up some lame excuse rather than outright tell me they didn’t like me.”
“How can anyone not like you!?” Maya yelped, pounding the table in a way strangely reminiscent of Mr. Wright. “You’re like, one of the coolest people I’ve ever met!”
“You really think so?” I asked, wondering if she notices the hint of red in my cheeks.
“Of course I do! No one gushes about science like that and comes off as boring!” It felt so flattering to hear her say that. I figured everyone hated me talking about science, but if Maya thinks I’m not boring, then…
“Wow. thanks Maya!” I beamed. “I wish my dates cared about my passions as much as you do.”
Maya got a mischievous look on her face. “You know, we are in such a nice restaurant… and we’re already dressed up for the occasion…”
“Uhh, what are you talking about?”
“Ema! Do you want to have an impromptu date with me? Right now?”
Now that threw me off guard. She’s fairly attractive and all, but I never actually considered dating her. I don’t like dating friends in general. I tried that once, and needless to say, we aren’t friends anymore.
Then again, both of our dates just ditched us and we’ve already gone through the trouble…
“... Eh. Why not?”
“Yeah, now we’re talking! This is gonna be great! I promise!” Maya chirped.
To my surprise, it was! We already knew about each other, so small talk wasn’t part of the equation (Thank GOD), and we went straight to talking about our lives. I told her about the different things I’ve been finding with my forensics investigations, and she told me about what’s going on in Kurain Village and whatever drama is unfolding at Mr. Wright’s agency. Namely stories of Athena nearly getting killed by Trucy’s magic tricks. Poor girl. It was amazing how naturally our conversations flowed. Maya was the more energetic one, but she was always patient with my lengthy diatribes on luminol testing and how god damn annoying that Glimmerous Fop is.
“He’s the worst. You’re lucky you never met him.” I muttered, taking the last bite of my meal.
“Actually, I did meet him once,” Maya reminisced, “he was really nice!”
“Yeah. He’s real nice alright.” I remarked, rolling my eyes.
“Actually, it’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but when he called me ‘Fraulein Fey’, and said I was beautiful... I liked that!” Maya blushed at the thought. I simply gagged.
It was the best time I’ve had on a date in a while. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to bring her home. It’s one thing to go on a date with a friend, it’s a whole other thing to have sex with them. I brought the question up to Maya, and she reassured me that if I wasn’t comfortable doing it right away, it’s not a problem. Which is a huge relief. I wanted to wait and see how things go before I did anything risky. Maya had a way easier time than I did when we did finally reach that point. I was scared to take my shirt off the first time and yet Maya was already groping me and leaving bite marks. It was… an experience.
Maya and I lasted longer than I expected. I didn’t think we would last a month. Or two. Or six. Or a full year. We bought an apartment together. It’s not much, but it was a huge deal for me. I’d never had a relationship that resulted in us living together. For once, my streak of meaningless hookups was over. All it took was dating the girl Mr. Wright introduced me to ten years ago. To think I nearly gave up on love entirely that night...
Yesterday, things got heated between us. Maya had been getting frustrated about how absent we are in each others lives. She has to deal with a whole village and her responsibilities as master, while I’m stuck doing a bunch of forensic research every hour. She confronted me about it, saying she’s been trying to make time for us to spend time together while it felt like I thought my job was more important.
“It’s not more important,” I insisted, “I just… I can’t just reschedule investigations like that!”
“Can’t you just ask for some days off?!” she asked. “I don’t need you to be here every day, but I’d at least like to go on a date every now and then instead of another night where you pass out right after work!”
“Well, tell people to stop killing each other, and maybe I can cuddle with you and watch Steel Samurai for the twentieth time!” I barked, losing my patience.
“You say that like you don’t scan the same set of fingerprints every time you’re here!” she yelled.
“It’s my job, Maya! How the hell do you find so much time anyway?! Do you even do any work!?”
“What kind of question is that!?”
“I don’t know, I just don’t have as much free time as you do!”
Maya glared at me, arms firmly straightened and fists curled and tense. Suddenly, her expression softens, and she takes a deep, shaky breath. “So that’s it, huh?”
I felt my heart freeze. “W-what do you mean?”
“Look, Ema… I love you. More than anything. But what if we’re just… too busy for us? What if we just go back to being friends?”
The words were caught in my throat. I didn’t know what to say. We’d been doing so well, and for it to all come crumbling down like this… All I could do was stare.
Maya stood up and said, “I’ll… I’ll pack up my things.” She started making her way to her bedroom. It was all coming back to me. Once again, every partner I’ve ever had, walking out on me, and I just let them. The feeling was mutual. I didn’t think we’d make it either. Tonight, I’ll be back at that damn bar, hooking up with any horny weirdo who will pay attention to me.
“Wait.”
Maya turned around. I even surprised myself. I don’t know why I said that. Something inside of me compelled me to speak up.
“Wait, Maya, I… I can make time.” I took a deep breath and looked toward Maya. “I can- I can talk to my boss, see what I can do, because you’re right. It sucks that we don’t see each other anymore. I want to be with you too. I want to put in the effort for us. I will try to make more time that we can spend together, but… I can’t promise you that...”
“Ema…” Maya’s tone of voice sounded disappointed.
“... but I know you can’t either.” Suddenly, Maya’s face looked even more somber than before. “Like it or not, both of us have big responsibilities. You have Kurain Village to tend to, I have my dream job to uphold. As much as I’d love to do things at my own pace, I can’t. Neither can you… but we can at least try, right?” I felt my voice start to crack. I hate crying in front of other people. It makes me feel weak. Yet, I do it anyway. Maya makes her way over to me. She wipes away the tears falling on my cheek and gives me that innocent smile I fell for a year ago.
“That’s all I ask. Thank you.”
She brings me in for a tight embrace. I let myself fall apart in her arms. I’ve never felt like this before. I feel… loved.
A few years later…
The investigation had just finished up and I was making my way to the bus station. On the way there, I stopped and glanced over at this store. I never paid much mind to it. I’m not much of a jewelry person, so I never thought I’d step in here, and yet, I did. I talked to the employees working there and got the best deal I could get. As she gave me a box containing a beautiful diamond ring, the employee asked me, “So, who’s the lucky guy?” I gave her a warm smile.
“She’s not the lucky one, really. I am.”