Chapter Text
“This isn’t just a summer romance, Isak. Not after everything we’ve been through.”
When Even had said those words to me, I had believed him. I really had, and I believe so had he.
But why is it that I am sitting alone in the park, while it’s pouring rain and my tears have mixed with water drops? What went wrong? What did I do? What did he do? What could I have done to avoid this heart ache? Probably a lot. Or nothing.
But the fact stands– I was sitting alone in the rain, looking at the trees around me, waiting for a miracle. That it had all been just a dream. That it hadn’t really happened.
It was weekend now. The weather was cold, autumn had came and all the colours on the trees were beautiful, but I couldn’t see their beauty. Not really. I felt blind. I felt empty. I felt sad. Darkness embraced me from every direction.
Why did I have a feeling, that those words that Even had said to me jinxed everything?
"This isn’t just a summer romance, Isak. Not after everything we’ve been through."
Yeah, as the summer had ended, and school started, everything had started to go downhill. Murphy’s law was real: everything that could go wrong, will go wrong. It happened to Even and me. We had jinxed our relationship, and everything had gone to shit.
Slowly but surely.
I wanted to blame Mikael fucking Boukhal for everything. I really did want that. But deep down I knew that it wasn’t Mikael’s fault. It was my fault. It was Even’s fault. It was our fault. But it was easier to blame someone else and not take the responsibility yourself.
But at first, after Holly Camp, everything had started of smoothly. The rest of the summer break we had had the time of our lives, because we lived every minute. Together.
Then our schools had started.
It was only downhill from there.
But maybe I shouldn’t dwell on the past. Thinking about it wouldn’t change the situation. It wouldn’t change what had happened. Nothing would change by me dwelling in the past. Thinking about it.
Maybe I should anchor myself in the present. Think about the future and what I wanted from it. Did I want to fight? Fight for Even? Fight for us? Did I want him back? Could I get him back? I wiped the tears from my face, but they kept coming back. Would Even still want me? Did he want to fight for us? For our lives together? Did I want him to fight?
I released a shaky breath and rubbed my face and eyes, trying to calm down.
I didn’t know what to think or what to do, but one thing was for sure– I realised it suddenly.
Even had been the man of my dreams. Even was still the man of my dreams. And nothing could change that.
I stood up absurdly and looked around. I had suddenly found strength from my thoughts.
Even is the man of my dreams.
I had decided. I would fight for us. One last time. And if he doesn’t want me? If it doesn’t work out? Well, at least I can say I gave it all.