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He closed his eyes tight. The mission, focus on the mission. But Tony found it impossible, knowing his father had to be around somewhere. Surelly Rogers was struggling in a similar way, haunted by a past he never had.
Walking fast, suitcase securely in hand, Tony tried to avoid that voice that he was painfully familiar with.
“Hey” The other man interrupted him. “Door’s this way, pal”
“Oh” He muttered, turning around to face him. “Yeah”
“I’m looking for Doctor Zola, have you seen him?”
Tony responded a trail of incoherent mumbling as he walked as fast as he could, accidentally bumping into a chair while he did. His heart was racing, he just wanted to escape a past he didn’t know if he could face.
His mind was working faster than usual, answering questions before they could even be answered. Something stirred within him, waiting for Howard’s obvious questions. ‘Who are you?’ ‘What are you doing here?’ ‘Do you work here?’
The actual question came in the form of ‘Do I know you?’
Tony blinked, fidgeting as he took his glasses off. His heart was beating so loud that the blood seemed to sound in his ears and deafen him.
He hesitated, craving a satisfactory meeting. Craving a closure he never had, one that he had dreamed of. Tony inevitably thought about Morgan, about how she was the thing he loved most in the world along with Pepper. About how he would give his life for her in an instant, in the blink of an eye. Without hesitation.
Did Howard feel that way about his son too? Perhaps he did love him, unlike what Tony thought. Maybe Howard just wasn’t good at showing it. That didn’t excuse the neglect, the cold treatment, the years of enmity and resentment from both parts. But this could be Tony’s only chance of finding out, of having a conversation with him now that he was himself a father. A chance at redemption.
“You look very familiar” Howard insisted in regards to his silence.
Tony thought back to Bruce’s explanation of time travel. This wasn’t Back to the Future, it shouldn’t affect his future, timelines didn’t work that way. If anything, it could give that other Tony a chance at a better life. A chance at a friendship with his father. Even if it wasn’t for himself.
For the first time, Tony found himself not wanting his own past to change. Sure, he would improve some things but… everything had brought him there. Maybe he wouldn’t have found happiness with Pepper and Morgan if he had been different.
He made a decision, and clenching his jaw, he spoke up.
“My name is Tony Stark” He looked Howard in the eyes as he said it.
The man frowned, speechless even though it was a rare occurrence for him.
“Stark? A-Are we related?” Caution had arrived to his glance, which was fixed on Tony.
“I don’t even know if you’re gonna believe me…” Tony looked away in desperation, already feeling tears on his eyes. “It’s so crazy, I hardly believe it myself”
“Try me” Howard replied, showcasing the determination of a Stark. The recklessness, stubborness and resolution of a Stark.
“I’m from the future” Tony blurted out, knowing there wasn’t a way to make it sound less absurd. “I’m your son”
Realization crossed Howard’s expression, perhaps recognizing him despite never having seen him. Not yet. But his instinct did. Tony wasn’t born at that point, although Maria was pregnant. The implications shook Howard to the core, and his brows furrowed in concern.
“Was I…?” Howard asked, pausing for a moment before looking into Tony’s eyes, that resembled his own. “Was I a good father?”
Tony remained silent for several seconds.
“Not… Not really” Tony mumbled, frowning and averting his gaze for a moment. “You did your best, I suppose… But it could have been better”
Howard gulped, nodding gravely at his words. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the questions he didn’t know if he wanted answered.
“Any advice?”
“Yeah” Tony laughed sarcastically. “Try harder”
Unexpectedly, Howard’s lip trembled. His son hadn’t been born yet, but he already loved him with all his heart. He felt like he wouldn’t be a good father, and now he had confirmation. Even if it seemed insane, he believed it. A gut feeling told him it was real.
“Not neccesarily different….” Tony added after noticing the shift in the other’s man demeanor. “Just… try harder, dad”
“I will” Howard mumbled in astonishment. He hesitantly raised a hand and paternally held it against Tony’s cheek. “I will, son”