Chapter Text
"I did a stupid thing," I whine pathetically to April as I settle down on my bed.
"Not that unusual," She shrugs while continuing to flip through the magazine in her lap.
It's not quite the sympathy I had been hoping for but I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from my best friend.
"Do you want to hear it?" I ask, hopeful that she'll at the very least let me vent to her. None of my other friends are around. Mackenzie is probably making out with Alexander in some broom cupboard - that has surprisingly already lasted much longer than any of us would have thought, including Mac herself - and Nora is working on some side project for extra credit in Transfiguration. I'd call her a nerd for it, if I wasn't involved in a similar project for Charms myself.
"Not if it's something that happens on a monthly basis," She raises a pointed eyebrow at me.
Well, that does limit the possibilities.
"Trust me, it's a whole new kind of stupidity," I sigh sadly.
"Okay, I'm listening," April puts aside Witch Weekly and looks at me with high expectations for amusement at my expense.
"So, you know how me and Sirius have been..." What's the right word I'm looking for? "...that?"
Close enough.
"Uhuh," April huffs, not that intrigued in the story anymore.
While Mackenzie has apparently always been a fan of Sirius and I becoming... that - I should probably come up with a clearer term - and Nora, sweet, supportive Nora, has been very supportive, of course, April has not hidden her discontent about the whole thing. She's made it very clear that she doesn't like my decision to give this thing between me and Sirius Black a try. We haven't really had a fight about it but she's disapproving of the whole thing. I can't exactly blame her for it either. Looking at the facts objectively, I'm not so sure it's a wise thing either. But unfortunately, I feel the way I do and even my best friend's warnings can't change that.
"Him being the stupid thing you're doing?" She nods.
"Haha," I roll my eyes. "No."
"So what did he do?" She narrows her eyes at me.
"Nothing," I'm a little too quick to defend him. "Okay, so he was being an idiot and that made me do stupid shit but I'm pretty sure even you can't blame this on him."
The idiocy of it all is entirely on me, though Sirius didn't exactly help either.
"Start talking," April nods.
"Well, me and Sirius have been... going on dates."
That's a euphemism if I ever heard one. Since we decided to give this thing between us a go over one week ago, we haven't really hung out much. We've spend time together aplenty but about 95% percent of the time it consists of making out, all the time, at any place. And it's been - okay, I can honestly say Sirius Black is probably the King of making out and it's really, really hot. But in between all the kissing and - let's face it - groping, we haven't really had a lot of conversations. With the exception of today and that pretty much just pointed out that not talking is probably what we're best at and should stick to. Unfortunately, a relationship is about a hell of a lot more than just humping each other in a broom cupboard.
"Yeah?"
"And today, he comes up to me and tells me he cancelled his date with Farah Silverton for this Saturday."
"Because you asked him to?"
"No, because I'm pretty sure he expected a pat on the back for it, tell him he did a good job by making the first step towards monogamy," I scoff angrily.
It's not that he cancelled the date - he said he wanted to give us a go so of course that would mean not dating other people - but it was the way he said it. Like he was so flexible and grand for making space in his agenda for me, by not going out with another girl. The audacity of it all.
"What did you say?"
What I should have said is that it's only normal he doesn't go on dates with other girls if he wants to persuade me of being serious about us, that while I appreciate the action, I don't appreciate the emotional manipulation behind his confession. That's what I should have said. So of course I did something completely different.
"That's kind of where the idiocy shifted from him to me," I wince.
"What did you say?" She repeats firmly.
"I figured I'd be totally nonchalant about it..."
"Bad idea."
"Well, I know that now!" I scoff.
Not so much in the heat of the moment, where my biggest concern was not to let Sirius see how... annoyed? hurt? pissed off? I was at him expecting a teary-eyed thank you for cancelling a date.
"So what did you do?" April sighs impatiently.
"I said it was fine if cancelling dates is what he wanted to do..."
"Well, that doesn't sound too terrible-"
"And then I asked him if he expected the same from me."
"Lena! That sounds like-"
"Like I have a side-piece for every finger on my hand. I know! But it just came out! And then Sirius said: 'no, you don't have to. I'm not opposed to that.'!"
"Wait," She frowns, looking as baffled as I did internally when he uttered those words. "As in...?"
"Yep, I'm pretty sure me and Sirius are now in an open relationship where it's totally okay to hook up with other people."
Not quite where I had wanted that conversation to go but when have things between the two of us every gone my way?
"You better tell him th-"
"Oh, that not even the worst part. There's more," I whine miserably. "I tried to fix it by saying something along the lines of 'cool' or 'awesome', you know, like the socially stunted teenager I am. And then I told him I didn't mind sharing as long as I'd still be included."
"For Merlin's sake, Lena," April sighs in annoyance. "Learn to think before you speak."
"So then he smirked 'like a treesome?'," I continue. "to which I made a non-comprehensible sound that can apparently be viewed as agreement."
Sirius definitely considered it to be me agreeing to hooking up with each other and another girl in the mix. Not at all what I wanted to convey.
"Please tell me you had the good sense to say no and tell him to keep his paws off other people if he wants to keep going at it with you."
It would have been really great if that could have left my mouth.
"I was going to," I wince. "But then..."
"Then what? He bat his eyelashes at you and you agreed to share him with every witch at Hogwarts? What is it about the guy that renders even you incapable of going in against him?!"
"Harsh," I mutter under my breath.
"I'm sorry," She sighs as she frustratingly combs a hand through her hair. "It just really annoys me how you make it so easy for him to take advantage of you."
I don't think that's what he does. Maybe that's just my naivety talking or wishful thinking, but I don't believe Sirius is just laughing behind my back about how gullible I am. We're just both way in over our heads in this thing.
"So you were going to," She helpfully continues the story for me. "But then...?"
"He looked happy."
"Huh?"
"When I unknowingly agreed to polygamy and threeways, he seemed kind of pleased with that, and maybe relieved?"
"Of course he did. Two women in his bed is exactly every guy's ultimate fantasy."
That might be true, in theory, but I'm pretty sure that if April proposed such an arrangement to Hector, he'd be anything but smiling at it.
"Or maybe that's the only way he can be in a relationship," I shrug. "It's not cheating if I give my consent."
"Except that you didn't."
"He thinks I did."
"Tell him otherwise!"
"What if he won't agree to a one-girl-rule?" I sigh.
"Then he can't have this girl," April angrily shoves a finger in my face. "Right?"
Right. As a self-respecting girl who has no intention of involuntarily entering a non-monogamous relationship, that's exactly what I should tell him.
"Then it's over," I mutter, not convincing either one of us.
"Please tell me you won't put up with it?!!" April shrieks.
"Calm down. I wouldn't. Of course, I wouldn't. It's just that..." I sigh. "I don't want it to be over."
"Look, Lena. I don't like Black at all. Why do you look surprised? I don't, Lena. He doesn't deserve you one bit. But I can grow to accept his presence in your life if he makes you happy. But if he's unworthy and he makes you miserable, he's out."
That all makes perfect sense and if I wasn't suffering from brain incapacity every time the guy smiles at me, I'd totally agree but all I hear now is the dreadful possibility that this thing between Sirius and I isn't going to flourish into anything other than a big mistake.
"Right?" April insists.
"Okay, okay, you're right. I wouldn't actually stand for it but... how do I explain monogamy to him in a way that makes him want to agree to it?"
I don't know what I'd do if he doesn’t.
"Remind him that he already agreed to it when he asked you to give you guys a chance, never once was it implied that it would be anything other than a relationship by normal, exclusive standards."
"Yeah," I agree, she's so good at coming up with arguments. If only I could do the same in front of Sirius. "Now let's hope I remember how to pronounce words when I'm trying to have a conversation with him."
"Do you want to write it down?" She scoffs.
"That's not a bad idea," I hum out loud. That way if I fail to talk, I can just hand him the note.
"I'll get quill and parchment," April sighs.
***
I was going to tell him. I really was. I had the note in hand, speech practiced and everything. I made my way over to the Gryffindor Table at breakfast, ignoring Polly and the likes' glares, determined to make it very clear to Sirius that this thing between us is monogamous or nothing at all. And then, my plan went down the drain.
"Hi, Lena," Remus pleasantly greets me as I stand by their table.
"Hey, guys."
James smiles back at me, which is heavily overshadowed by the red-head sitting next to him, glaring me to death as passionately as all of Sirius's fangirls. Yeah, I don't see her attitude towards me changing any time soon... or, at all. I don't get why she's still so freaking hostile towards me. I'm not after James, I'm hooking up with his best friend. I don't see how that doesn't make it obvious that I'm not plotting anything to steal her boyfriend.
"Just the girl I'm looking for," Sirius grins at me as he pulls me to sit down between him and Peter.
"Really?" I ask him as I allow him to put his arm over my shoulder and pull me into his side, I know I'm going to pay for this public sign of affection as soon as I return to my dorm. Polly hasn't been as forgiving as I was about the whole love potion mix-up.
"Remember Peter's birthday?"
"Euhm..." No?
"It's his birthday tomorrow," Remus clarifies.
"Oh, Happy Birthday then," I nod. "Well, almost anyway."
"Thanks" Peter mutters, awkward at suddenly being the centre of attention.
"So, what are you hoping to get f-"
"Yeah, yeah," Sirius nonchalantly interrupts my question. "What's more important is that we're having a party."
"Okay..."
"Of course, you're invited," Sirius huffs in amusement.
"Of course?" I ask.
"In fact, we're inviting all the 7th and 6th year students, except for the Slytherins of course," Sirius simply continues. "Obviously, that means the Ravenclaws as well."
So not that special then.
"And most importantly, we want you-"
Wait, perhaps I was wrong?
"-to specifically invite Marsha Brawl."
Nope, I wasn't.
"Who?"
I don't know who that is. If she's a stranger, how am I supposed to invite her? And why exactly does it have to be me?
"You know, the sixth year Ravenclaw girl with the black curls?" Sirius gestures wildly to the top of his head, imitating what I suppose are meant as wild curls but instead look like tree branches, elbowing me between the ribs in the process.
"I told you," Remus sighs. "I don't think that's her name."
"Oh, come on, I've seen you talk to her," Sirius sighs. "She's a little taller than you, thinner as well-"
"Excuse me?" I gasp.
Did he just call me fat? Or at the very least, not as fit as this Marsha girl?
"Oh, you know what I meant," He waves away my insulted tone. "I think she's a prefect?"
"No, she's not," Peter interjects. "She just really likes following the rules."
"Pfff, Ravenclaws," Sirius scoffs.
Is he fucking kidding me?!
"It's the hottie sitting over there," He points towards a pretty black-haired girl with curls sitting at my House's table.
"That's Martha Brown!" I sigh in annoyance.
"Right, that's what I said," Sirius shrugs.
"Anyway," At least James seems to pick up on my increasing anger at the idiot sitting next to me. "Peter has a crush on her so it would be really great if you could make sure she attends."
"Peter likes her, yet none of you knew her name?" I scoff.
How big a crush can it be?
"It's just a name," Sirius shrugs. "Go ask her if she'll be there, go on!"
He nearly shoves me off the bench in his insistence that I go ask her right now. I'm more than happy to get away from here but that doesn't give him the right to shoo me away like some disobedient dog.
"Freaking thin ice, Black!" I snarl at him as I march back to the Ravenclaw table.
"What's up with her?" I still hear him ask his friends behind my back and I grit my teeth together to make sure I don't look back and hex him for his stupidity. Is he that inconsiderate or just plain rude?
At least my friends are intuitive enough to see how freaking pissed I am as I sit down next to them and start chopping up my bacon like it just called me fat and pushed me off the bench.
"Are you okay?" Nora tentatively asks when it's clear I'm not going to spill the beans on my own.
"I'm peachy," I snap angrily. "Other than the fact that I'm collateral company, fat and a goody-two-shoes!"
"Euhm..." None of them seem to know what the right response is to that. I'm not sure there is one.
"Did Black say something to you?" April asks, just as cautious as Nora, though for different reasons. She knows I'll only put up with her bad-mouthing Sirius for a number of minutes per day and she was definitely over her quota yesterday. Right now, I'd kind of welcome trash talking the idiot though.
"Oh no," I scoff sarcastically. "He just said Brown is fitter than me, then proceeded to call her a hottie, but only after ellbowing me, pushing me off the bench and insulting all Ravenclaws in one breath."
"Wow, that's a bad morning," Nora winces sympathetically.
“That’s an idiot, is what he is,” April scoffs, and then flushes, checking out my reaction to her words.
Well, at least she’s clearly willing to make more of an effort. If only the same could be said about the unfortunate object of my affections. If this is his idea of wooing me, he’s in desperate need of tutoring.
“He must have spoken to girls before, right?” I ask them. “Or just people in general?”
Because his social skills are seriously lacking at the moment. How did he ever make friends and charm girls if this is how he treats other people? Or is it just me? How very lucky am I.
“Perhaps he simply didn’t realise how his words came across?” Mac tries to defend him. She almost spends as much time doing that as I do. That should probably tell me something.
Before I can ask them if they think Sirius’ odd behaviour will blow over or that it is sadly the kind of person he must be, I feel something gooey smack me on the arm. I glance down to my right to see a piece of omelette slide down. Ieuw.
“Did Sirius just throw egg at you?” Nora frowns, as confused as I am.
When I turn around to the Gryffindor table, I see that Sirius does indeed appear to be the person who decided it was a good idea to stick their breakfast to my skin, looking not at all apologetic but rather giddy and impatient. Is he fucking kidding me?!
As he catches my eye, he enthusiastically gestures in the direction of Martha Brown, who’s sitting a few seats further down our table. I give him a harsh glare, that I suspect he does not understand the reasons of but still turn to the sixth year girls sitting next to Nora.
“Hey, guys,” I call for their attention. “The Gryffindors are having a birthday party for Peter Pettigrew and inviting all the seventh and sixth year Ravenclaws. It’s tomorrow evening. Will you girls be there?”
I can’t believe that even after Sirius’ despicable behaviour, I am still doing him a favour. April is right. The guy is messing with me.
“Of course,” The sixth year Ravenclaw girls including Martha nod happily. “There are hardly any parties at Hogwarts. We certainly wouldn’t want to miss it.”
“Good,” I nod, content that at least I’m a decent human being.
I fully plan on turning back around and giving Sirius a thumbs up, even if he doesn’t deserve it, when I once again feel the same sensation on my skin, this time at the back off my neck. He threw an omelette at me, again?!!
Not checking to see what could possibly be that important this time, I angrily grab an apple from my own table and fling it in his direction, hoping it will knock some common sense into the bloke. Unfortunately I don’t have his aiming skills and the apple ends up hitting Lily Evans in the teeth instead. Oh, fuck!
She clutches her mouth with both hands as an insuppressibly grunt of pain comes from her side of the table.
“Miss Pellt!” Professor McGonagall, who seems to have appeared out of thin air as I’m sure she was nowhere near here a few seconds ago, scolds me coldly. “We do not throw around with food, nor do we intentionally injure our fellow students.”
“I’m sorry, Professor,” I wince guiltily.
“Five points from Ravenclaw. And I will see you in detention on Monday.”
“Yes, Professor,” I hold in the frustrated groan until she walks away again, tending to a very angry Lily Evans who is bleeding from the mouth and glaring at me as though I just… well, staged a fruit attack on her perfectly straight teeth. Perhaps the Head Girl does have a reason to hate me.