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So much time had passed since she had last gone down there, though if it were up to her it had not been long enough. The room was a reminder of all that she had lost, all that had been taken from her. She didn’t need the visual aid to remember that her love and support was gone, that the one person that knew her better than anyone in the world, was truly gone.
Not a single day went by where she did not feel so utterly alone. Despite her friends, her family and even despite their beautiful daughter. Morgan was so much like him that it could break her heart and fill it with undying love all at the same time. The way she would look at people sometimes, the way she talked, her wit and that wonderful smile. It was all her dad.
Pepper had often found herself wondering where her DNA had come in, or if Tony’s had simply overruled all of it. Not that it mattered of course, there was no one better to resemble, she thought.
Surely his self-deprecation wasn’t necessarily something she wished on her daughter, nor the low self-esteem that he hid so well behind that charmingly cocky exterior. But much of that had been taught and she had vowed early on to make sure that Morgan would hear just how wonderful she was, every day. Every hour is the girl needed it. Tony had agreed wholeheartedly.
Though, with an eye on the current situation, she might have missed a moment and Pepper would not rest until she had rectified that.
Not even two hours ago, she could not have imagined being where she was now. Heck, even just one hour ago, when she had been on her way to a meeting. Nothing had seemed out of the ordinary and she’d complained on the phone to her secretary about the tiresome meetings she had scheduled that day. She never thought that she would bail out on all those meetings, but no better reason could ever be found than the one she had for that.
When FRIDAY had signalled her phone that there was a disturbance on the premises of Tony’s old lab, she had wondered who could have gone there. She, herself, had not been there she he had died and neither had Happy. They avoided it like the plague.
Only Rhodey had gone down those undoubtedly dusty stairs, but never unannounced and if she remembered correctly, he was supposed to be in France right now. It couldn’t be him.
Pepper had hastily called her secretary back to cancel the meeting or sent someone else, while she rushed over the freeway, eager to get to the scene of the disturbance. She needed to know who was there.
However, whatever crossed her mind was squashed when she drove up the drive way and saw a grim looking Happy, leaning against his car in front of the large building. She immediately knew, there was only one person that could make him come here. Other than her. And that person came in the form of a beautiful dark-haired girl that could make Happy forgo all his boundaries.
She nodded solemnly at the man that had been her constant companion since Ton’y untimely demise and he tried to offer up a smile, though it come out more of a grimace. Points for trying, she thought to herself. Happy quickly averted his eyes, probably realising his pained expression, a long tired sigh leaving his lips as he kicked a small stone.
Pepper wanted to comfort him, provide some words to lighten the heavy weight that was resting on his shoulders. After all he had done the same for her. Yet she knew that there would be someone else in much greater need of her right now and so she kept walking with another nod in his direction. He would understand, he always did.
She punched in her code and the door opened, the voice of FRIDAY greeting her, welcoming her back.
Instantly her hands began to sweat and shake as she stepped closer to the staircase that would lead her down. As she imagined dust covered everything in sight and she made a mental note to get a cleaner in here. It was a silly thought of course, but it seemed important enough to her grief stricken brain. With weak legs, Pepper finally stepped on the first step and carefully made her way down, holding tightly to the railing. She feared her legs could give out at any moment now, as emotions weighed heavily.
Dread filled her soul as the spiral staircase brought her closer and closer to her goal and she wondered just what she would encounter there. Would her daughter be crying? Much like herself. Angrily she wiped away the tears that had spilled from her eyes, she had hardly noticed them calling until the first drip had fallen to her chest. She knew there was no room for her pain now. Her grief would have to take a back seat to that of the girl that looked so much like her loving father.
She thought back to the first months after Thanos and remembered how hard it had been for her to set her daughter free again. She had wanted to be by her side at all times. It had nothing to do with the friends that had offered to step in, it was all she had left of him. The company hadn’t been truly his for too long already and she easily left that in the capable hands of others. Though she had been aware that it was a legacy she would have to nurture, if she wanted it to still be around when Morgan was older.
Eventually she had given in to her friends though, when they asked to take Morgan places. She had loved the attention and thrived on the cumulation of knowledge. She was so smart and curious. By age seven she could easily explain all there was to know about at least half the species that existed on earth. It had been incredibly endearing and it had shown Pepper that life would go on, even without him. She had to keep living.
While Morgan garnered new knowledge, Pepper took her time to wallow, grief and eventually she also began to build herself up again. There was still an incredible amount of life to be lived and she knew that Tony would want her to live it to the fullest. Before then, she had not known she could be that strong, even if Tony loved boasting her strength in the past. She had found it though and she kept going, for him, for Morgan and herself.
There was just one place that she never dared to face. This lab.
It held so much of Tony, his personality and his journey were poured into these walls. They breathed him and she feared that she would crumble if she stood in it for too long.
Here she was at last and as she looked inside, found her daughter and took a moment to regain her composure, she regretted it greatly. All because she now realised that avoiding this place had been easier for her and her alone.
Morgan was happily walking again, the tears on her cheeks long dried and leaving only small marks to show that they had been there. She touched each piece of equipment and asked FRIDAY to tell her about it, to which she listened with a bright smile. Dum-E followed around beeping happily and she delighted in it’s presence. Pepper wondered if this had felt like coming home for her daughter, much like it had felt for Tony at one point.
Pepper forced herself to breath again as her hand hovered over the door-handle. Nothing but a glass wall separating her from her daughter and the lab she had so passionately avoided for too long. Her head was spinning at she took in the sight before her.
It took her some time, she wasn’t entirely sure how much of it as her perception seemed to have run askew in her mess of emotions, but eventually she smiled. She truly smiled as she gazed upon her daughter. His daughter.
This was a place of heartbreak for her, but clearly not for Morgan. For her daughter this was where she could learn of her father. Her she would begin o understand how his mind worked, how his through process went and what all his motives were. This was where Morgan could learn all the things that nobody could tell her about Tony.
For a brief moment the grief in her heart was joined by immense guilt as Pepper realised just how much she had, unintentionally, been keeping from her daughter. Though she pushed it out quickly with a promised to herself that she would restore the lab in all its glory. She would hire mechanics and whoever else could possibly teach her daughter and she would never again stand in the way.
Morgan turned then, finally spotting her mother and she happily skipped through the room and pulled open the door her mother had been lingering behind. She quickly wrapped her arms around Pepper’s waist and hugged her close. Tears fell again down Pepper’s face as she hugged her daughter back, relishing in the feeling.
“Mom, I’m sorry.” Morgan didn’t look up, but buried her head in her mothers’s side instead. She seemed to be waiting for something, was it a reprimand?
“For what?” Pepper asked for clarification as she carded her hand through Morgan’s dark locks.
“I made Happy take me,” Morgan confessed in a soft voice, finally daring to look at her mother, only to be greeted by a kind smile. The kind of smile her mother showed so often. One that was never followed by a stern talking too and Morgan seemed to finally relax into the hug.
“That is fine, love, just fine. This is yours after all.” Pepper whispered as she glanced around the place again. “Mine?” Morgan looked so confused and Pepper couldn’t blame her.
“It is something your father would have loved to share with you, I’m sorry that I haven’t brought you here sooner,” Pepper said, “I thought it would be too hard to be here. It never occurred to me that you could find him here.”
Morgan just nodded, her expression so serious it almost made Pepper laugh. She knew that the girl was observing her mother and trying to think of ways to make this easier or better for her. That was Morgan to a T.
Pepper gingerly stepped further into the room, her fingers gently tracing the items she came across. This room still felt like him, he engulfed her here and it took her breath away. She still missed him so much and it wasn’t getting better with time, not matter how often people told her it would. Years had passed and all time had done was create scars tissue. She got better at hiding the pain, but it never left her. The pain was her constant companion, much more so than Happy could be. For it didn’t even leave her when she slept. She could talk about the love of her life without crying these days, remember him and smile, but the pain was still always there.
“Can I stay a little while longer?” Morgan finally asked, bringing Pepper back from her pondering, her voice somewhat timid as if she was already expected Pepper to shut her down. Instead Pepper nodded and smiled. She wondered if the lab would ever be more Morgan than Tony and she couldn’t decide if she liked that thought any more than it being his forever.
“Can you wait for me?” Came the second timid question, only seconds after the first and Pepper chuckled.
“Always,” Pepper promised and with slow, steady steps she went back upstairs, deciding to wait for her beautiful daughter in the car. She needed a moment to regroup and Morgan needed time alone to truly acquaint herself with this place.