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The day after he starts the second year of his Master’s program, Christian loses his job.
It’s not like he made a lot of money waiting tables, but sometimes the tips were good, and with two roommates and his student loans, he was getting by. Losing his job is really going to change things, even if he hated it. And sure, it sucks for a lot of people, because the restaurant is closing, but Christian can’t afford to think about other people right now. He can’t even afford to think about himself.
He tells himself that it’s going to be okay. That’s how he makes it through the walk to the Metro, through the Metro ride back back to his neighborhood, and through the walk back to his apartment. Neither of his roommates are home, so there’s no one to hear him slam his way into his bedroom and scream into his pillow except for his neighbors.
He’s in the kitchen making a sandwich for dinner when Madison comes in to change before heading back out for his night class. He smells like a Starbucks and is carrying an iced coffee, and he frowns when he realizes Christian is there.
“You want one?” Christian asks him. “You have to go back out soon, right?”
“Yes,” Madison says, stripping out of his shirt. He puts his coffee down on the ledge of the pass through between their living room and kitchen, stripping down to his underwear. Christian puts the sandwich he made for himself up on the pass through for Madison, then starts on the second one. “I thought you had to work tonight?”
Christian doesn’t say anything for a minute while he’s putting the sandwich together, then he finally sighs. “So it’s hard to work when the restaurant is closed,” he says.
“Did they get some kind of health code violation?” Madison asks around a mouthful of sandwich.
“No, they’re closed,” Christian says. “As in, I no longer have a job because my job no longer exists.”
Madison swallows. “Dude,” he says.
“Yeah,” Christian says, and takes a bite of his own sandwich.
It starts as a joke, then escalates from there.
just get a sugar daddy Madison suggests in their group chat. He’s at work, and Christian is at the library working on a paper. Working, in quotes because he’s actually scrolling through job listings to no avail. It’s been almost a month and he still doesn’t have a job and he’s not sure how he’s going to make his portion of the rent without borrowing against his student loans, which he super doesn’t want to do.
i’m not going to sleep with some random guy for money Christian texts back. i don’t want to sleep with a guy, period.
yeah, i used to say that, too Madison says.
you’re welcome Jakub pipes in.
Madison sends a middle finger emoji.
guys Christian sends.
You could snag a nice cougar who needs some arm candy to go to some, you know, galas or whatever and in return you could just give her some thrills Jakub says.
I hate both of you Christian says, and slaps his textbook shut before throwing both it and his phone in his bag. He’s not getting any work done today.
Christian gets an e-mail late in the afternoon on a Tuesday, when he’s really working himself into a good wallow in his misery, still unemployed and definitely mooching meals off Jakub and Madison because literally all of his money has gone to rent this month. Madison had to loan him money so that he could use his SmarTrip card. Christian feels a little like climbing a retaining wall and attempting to sprint across the Beltway.
He’s not going to, but he thinks about it.
The e-mail is polite and formal and really fucking weird.
Dear Christian,
After reviewing your ad and terms, I’d like to extend to you the offer to accompany me to a charity gala Saturday evening. The event is black tie, and I will provide you with a suit tailored to fit should you accept the offer in addition to your payment. Dinner, drinks, and transportation will also be provided.
Please respond via this message if you are able to accept.
Best,
L. Eller
Christian screenshots the e-mail and thumbs over to his text messages and sends it immediately to Madison and Jakub.
what fucking ad. what did you fucking do? Christian sends.
There’s no immediate answer, so he has plenty of time to work himself up about it. So first of all, one of his roommates has clearly taken it upon himself to submit Christian to some kind of sugar baby website. And someone has chosen Christian out of who knows how many people are potentially available on this website. And now Christian is either going to have to ghost this guy, which seems pretty rude because it was such a polite e-mail, or turn him down.
or you could make a thousand dollars cash and get a sweet suit Jakub finally responds twenty minutes later.
Christian doesn’t want to pimp himself out to strangers, but he can’t deny that getting a thousand dollars just to go to an event with some guy is a pretty sweet deal. He decides to say yes, but he’s absolutely not letting Jakub off the hook for what he did.
i can’t fucking believe you did this Christian sends back.
i just made you a thousand dollars! Jakub shoots back.
what if he expects me to have sex with him? Christian asks.
then lie back and think of sweden, juice it’s a thousand bucks Jakub says. but he’s not supposed to, that’s not in your offer
if this is gay culture i don’t think i like it Christian says, and tosses his phone on his bed to pull out his laptop.
He opens the e-mail to respond, and he stops. Would it be worth it? It’s a thousand dollars, which he could put away to pay the next month’s rent, pay Madison back for everything he’s had to borrow so far. But he really doesn’t want to end up having sex with someone for money, and that’s what this seems like it’s going to end up being, regardless of what Jakub’s just told him.
He grabs his phone again. what was my ‘offer’ he asks.
It’s a great time for Jakub to have put his phone down or whatever, and Madison is at work and hasn’t jumped in with anything. Christian wonders if what Jakub said was real, and that whatever offer Jakub put on the table for him really did exclude sex, or if that’s something that was just inherently agreed to in the terms of service of whatever website Jakub submitted him to.
He pulls up his e-mail on his laptop and stares at the e-mail from L. Eller. A thousand dollars to attend a charity gala, clothing provided, supposedly no sex. It would be worth it, even if L. Eller is old and gross and Christian has a miserable time.
His phone finally pings. Jakub has sent him the ad.
24 year old student, recently unemployed, looking for a little help through grad school. Cleans up nice, makes good conversation. Speaks English and Swedish fluently, swears beautifully in Czech. Sexual activities are not part of this offer.
The photos attached are at least cute, which Christian appreciates, and the price tag Jakub set is a thousand dollars per event.
I set your price tag way higher than anyone else I didn’t think that anyone would take it!!! Jakub sends quickly. everyone else is like $500 or if they’re more they’re offering sex!
A thousand dollars. No sex.
Christian clicks reply to the e-mail.
Dear Mr Eller,
Thank you for your e-mail. Per my terms, I remind you that this offer does not include anything sexual and I retain the right to terminate the date at any time if I feel pressured to engage in such.
That said, I would love to attend the event with you. Please let me know the next steps and further details.
Thank you,
Christian
Madison is the one who goes with him to pick out a suit, because of the three of them, Madison is the only one who knows anything about fashion, and the last thing Christian wants is for anyone outside of the three of them to find out what’s happening.
Christian is mad at Jakub for posting the ad, sure, even though he accepted the date. It was supposed to have been a joke, not anything serious, even though Jakub swears up and down he didn’t think anyone would accept “Christian’s” offer, given how high it was without offering sex. It doesn’t mean that Christian’s not mad he got the offer in the first place. He’s mad he was put in the position of even having the option to choose.
He’s mad at himself for choosing to do it.
The shop that Lars has sent him to for fitting and making sure that he has a well-fitting suit that looks good on is very nice. Madison chats with the salesman, who is himself wearing a very nice suit and looks like he definitely knows what he’s talking about. Christian just feels awkward and uncomfortable and ends up standing in the dressing room in his underwear, staring in the mirror wondering what the fuck he’s doing. Is rent money worth his moral integrity?
And what moral integrity? It’s accompanying someone to a party for cash, and Christian doesn’t have to have sex with him. Does that take moral integrity to just go on the date.
A knock comes at the door and Christian opens it a crack to see Madison on the other side.
“If you’re going to have an existential crisis and back out,” Madison whispers to him, “it’s better to do it now than after you’ve gotten the suit, because after that I kind of feel like that’s the point of no return.”
“You know, just standing here wondering if I’m compromising my moral integrity,” Christian says.
Madison blinks, and stares at him.
“What?” Madison finally says.
“Am I hooking?” Christian says.
“I don’t think you’re compromising morals or anything until you like, have sex with him,” Madison says. “Which isn’t in the contract. Which you signed through the website.”
“But I can back out,” Christian says.
“Yeah, but you have to do it before he spends anything on you,” Madison says. “That’s how this works.”
Christian takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be a hooker,” he says.
“Chris,” Madison says.
“I’m scared,” Christian says.
“It’s good that you’re getting all this out now, rather than on Saturday when you’re getting ready and literally can’t back out,” Madison says. He steps fully into the dressing room and closes the door. There are two suits hanging on the hooks inside the room, waiting for Christian to try them on. Both are dark, slim cuts, designed to make Chrsitian look fashionable and attractive.
“What do I do?” Christian asks.
“Look,” Madison says. “If it were me, I’d just do it. If it’s horrible, you don’t have to do it again, but the rent is covered for the next month, and you can pay us back for what you’ve had to borrow.”
“Yeah, but - “ Christian starts.
“And for what it’s worth,” Madison cuts him off, “I don’t think you’re compromising anything. And if you think you are, return the suit when it’s all over, and you’ll be even.”
Christian sighs and reaches out and grabs the shirt to pull it on.
On Saturday evening, a car arrives to pick Christian up, a text from an unknown number. It’s not an Uber, but it’s clearly a car service. Christian’s not sure what he expected - maybe a limo, or something like that.
He realizes he was expecting that he was Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - only he wasn’t going to have sex with this guy, this L. Eller. Instead, it’s like he ordered an Uber Black and he’s off to some high-end restaurant for dinner that he’d never even consider going to because he couldn’t afford it. In a suit that was bought for him.
He only feels a little bit gross about it.
When he arrives at the restaurant, he’s supposed to ask the host to direct him to the table. He’s the only one there, and he sits alone with a glass of water while he waits for Eller to show.
he’s late, he texts to Jakub and Madison. do i still get paid if he doesn’t show up?
he’ll show up, Madison texts back.
When L. Eller shows up, twenty minutes late, Christian is pretty sure that he sits there, staring with his mouth open. He knows what he expected - someone much older, definitely gross, the kind of guy who has to sign up to a site to get a date to an event like this because no one will give him the time of day because he’s a skeeze.
But the guy who sits down across from Christian doesn’t seem like any of these things. He’s much younger than Christian expected, for starters. He can’t be much older than Christian himself, and Christian definitely doesn’t understand why a man that looks like Eller would possibly need to be seeking an escort on a website.
Christian decides that he must be incredibly good looking, but awful. He’s got a faint accent and a firm handshake and blue eyes and a nice suit. Christian can’t see what’s overtly wrong with him that necessitates him paying Christian to go on this date.
“Sorry I’m late,” he says, once he’s sat down across from Christian. “Order whatever you want, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
“It’s fine,” Christian says, awkward, because what else is he supposed to say? He’s here for Eller, and whatever Eller wants.
“You can call me Lars, by the way,” he says. “I should have messaged you that you could go ahead and order drinks. Or a bottle of wine, if you want.”
“Um. If you want to order wine, we can - I don’t know what you’d want to order, so - I mean, I’m in college, we drink cheap beer,” Christian rambles out. It makes Lars laugh, at the very least.
“I’ll order a bottle of wine,” he says, as the server comes back.
Once the server is gone again, Lars shifts his attention back to Christian. “I hope this isn’t too awkward,” Lars says to him. “I know it’s kind of a weird thing, putting yourself out there on a site like that, being paid to go out with a stranger - I get it.”
“Why would you - like, you’re good looking, you shouldn’t have any problem finding someone to go out on a date with, right?” Christian asks.
Lars laughs, and Christian thinks that he even blushes a little bit. “Well,” he says. “The problem is that I’m actually very busy, so meeting people organically is really difficult. And most of the people I know I have zero interest in dating.”
“Oh,” Christian says. “So this is like, a last resort.”
“More like a stop-gap?” Lars says. “My mother’s the last resort. Her or the matchmaker.”
“That sounds…” Christian says, not sure what to say. He can’t imagine letting his mother set him up.
“Awful?” Lars says. “Yeah, I don’t love the idea of my mother setting me up, so it’s the matchmaker. But for now, it’s paying someone to go to these events with me.”
“You don’t have friends who would go?” Christian asks.
“God no,” Lars says. “These things are horribly boring. I’m just hoping that you’ll have a good time in spite of that.”
Christian just sits there, staring at Lars, who eventually starts laughing. “I’m serious,” he says. “It’s all philanthropy, but everyone gets together just to gossip about each other.”
“So they’re going to be gossiping about you and me,” Christian says.
“That’s part of the appeal of taking someone they don’t know,” Lars says.
“What do I do if they ask me how you and I ended up together?” Christian says. “I assume that you and I are … I’m playing your boyfriend or something?”
“If you want,” Lars says. “I figured you could tell them whatever you want. Even most of the truth. I’d prefer you didn’t mention the website, or that I’m paying you. But you know, tell them you’re a grad student, tell them we met in - I don’t know, a coffee shop or something. Make up whatever you want.”
“You really don’t care?” Christian asks.
“As long as it’s nothing illegal, not really,” Lars says. “Actually, I don’t really care if it’s illegal.”
“What if I tell everyone who asks me something different,” Christian says.
Lars smiles at him.
The event is boring. Lars was right about that much. The passed hors d'oeuvres are all weird, and the drinks are weak. Lars spends a lot of his time laughing a laugh that even Christian, who has known him for less than three hours, can tell is fake but that no one he laughs with seems to be able to tell is.
Christian tells one guy that he and Lars met in a cafe. The next person who asks, Christian tells they met in a club. The third one Christian tells, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial tone, he’s Lars’s dealer. He tells someone else with an absolutely deadpan face that Lars fell madly in love with Christian after Christian performed open-heart surgery on him.
“You told someone you were my drug dealer?” Lars asks when they’re getting into the car at the end of the night.
“Yeah, but I also told someone that I performed open heart surgery on you, so I figure it will all turn out alright in the end,” Christian says. He’s a little tipsy.
Lars laughs, throwing his head back, bumping against the seat. He loosens his tie and leans back in his seat.
“You know,” he says. “I have another event in a couple of weeks, if you’d like to go.” He reaches into his jacket and draws out an envelope, handing it over to Christian. When Christian opens it, it’s the thousand dollars he’s owed. Cash. “Same rules, same payment. I’ll make sure you get a new shirt and tie, so the suit’s a bit different.”
Christian takes a deep breath and holds onto it. They’re sitting at the curb down the street from his apartment. For as boring as the actual event was, he did have a nice time with Lars. And it’s another easy thousand dollars.
So Christian says, “okay.”
Christian gets a package on Tuesday with a new shirt and a different tie in it. It’s the same size as the previous shirt, and it’s already tailored, and the tie has a tiny black-on-black print in it. It’s beautiful. He hates himself for agreeing to a second date and Jakub hasn’t left for the bar yet and raises both of his eyebrows when he sees the box.
“I’m going to a second event,” Christian finally says, once he can’t stand Jakub staring at him any longer.
“Like, for money?” Jakub asks. Christian stares at him for a long moment, and he thinks Jakub shouldn’t be judging him about things he’s wearing for money, because his jeans are basically painted on and his shirt is so tight that Christian can absolutely see his nipples through it - but hey, that’s what makes Jakub tips.
“Yes, for money,” Christian says.
“For another thousand dollars?” Jakub asks.
“Yes,” Christian hisses. “It’s the same thing. The same … contract?”
“And no sex?” Jakub asks, like he’s totally bewildered.
“No!” Christian says.
“Was he like. Did you like him? Was he nice?” Jakub asks. Christian realizes that he’s really only talked to Madison about it, because Jakub works nights and he and Christian haven’t spoken much beyond sending each other memes in their group chat since Christian had his date with Lars.
“He was cool,” Christian says. “I was sure that I was going to find out that he was an asshole, because apparently he didn’t have any friends who wanted to go with him but it turns out they’re just really boring, terrible events and he’s waiting for a matchmaker to set him up.”
“Like Mulan?” Jakub asks, and Christian stares at Jakub for a second, then has a brief moment where he imagines Lars in the opening musical number from the Disney movie. “I didn’t know you could do that.”
“I doubt it’s like Mulan, since he’s Scandinavian,” Christian says. “You can do anything if you have enough money. He said it was either a matchmaker or his mom.”
“I’d go to a matchmaker too,” Jakub says, making a face. Christian has met Jakub’s mother, who keeps telling him about Very Nice Girls from Very Nice Families She Knows back in the Czech Republic, so Christian thinks he’d take his chances with a matchmaker as well.
“Anyway, he was nice,” Christian says. “He let me lie to everyone there. I told someone I performed open heart surgery on him and they maybe believed me.”
Jakub laughs. “But was he hot?” he asks.
Christian sighs. “He was good looking,” Christian says. “Probably not your type. Maybe Madison’s type. I should introduce Madison to him, and then -”
“Fuck off,” Jakub says, pushing at Christian, but he’s smiling.
“Anyway, I don’t know. I guess I’m on this ride,” Christian says. “He doesn’t seem like he’s an asshole, he just seems like he’s busy. And I mean, I kind of expected him to be after he showed up and he wasn’t like, old or gross.”
“Don’t be ageist,” Jakub says.
“Shut up, your boyfriend is 24,” Christian says.
“So you’re going out with him again,” Jakub says.
“I want to be clear that I am being paid for this,” Christian says. “And that I’m not attracted to him, so don’t start in on your gay agenda thing.”
“I’m just saying, Madison was straight until I moved in here, too,” Jakub says. “I know being gay isn’t contagious but it’s fun.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Christian asks, because Jakub is standing there flexing his arms and abs.
Jakub yells at Alexa and actually plays himself out of the apartment, leaving Christian alone with his shirt and tie and the stupid gay bar song echoing off the walls around him.
The second date is more fun, because things are less awkward with Lars, and because Chrstian’s had more time to come up with stupid scenarios for him having met Lars. Hiking the Appalachian trail, peace corps, rehab. He loves watching the wheels turn in people’s heads as he makes it up. No one’s had the nerve to call him on the obvious lies and ask for the real story yet.
Not that he’d tell the real story.
He drinks enough that he’s tipsy and Lars slips an arm around his waist as they walk out of the event and down to the car.
“So,” Lars says, and Christian’s too warm, sitting close to Lars in the back seat. “I’m going to ask you a question - and you can feel free to say no, and I won’t be upset - but I have another event in a couple of weeks.”
“Oh, of course,” Christian says. “I do have a great time, you know.”
“I’m glad. But there’s - it’s in New York. So we’d have to stay overnight,” Lars says. Christian takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak. “I’d get you your own room, obviously. I’m not trying to - to take advantage of the arrangement or. I’m not going to force you into something you don’t want.”
“Okay,” Christian says. “Can I think about it for a couple of days and get back to you?”
Lars looks at him for a moment, considering. Then he says, “Yes.”
Madison is dozing on the couch when Christian lets himself into the apartment. Christian goes to change, then comes back to sit on the couch next to Madison and shakes him gently until he opens his eyes and looks up at Christian.
“This isn’t weird or anything,” Madison says to him.
“I have a problem,” Christian says.
“Did Rich Uncle Pennybags hit on you?” Madison asks.
“No, but he wants me to go with him to an event in New York next week,” Christian says.
“Oh,” Madison says, and blinks at him.
“Yeah,” Christian says. “Basically, he told me he’d pay me double and he’d get me my own hotel room.”
“So why not do it?” Madison asks.
“I think it’s too much,” Christian says. “What if he expects me to - what if he thinks I’m going to -”
“Chris,” Madison says. “He knows you’re straight, right?”
“It never came up!” Christian says. “I didn’t like. Bring it up or discuss it with him. But there’s no potential sex on the table, so it shouldn’t matter. Only, he’s asking me to go out of town with him. Overnight. So what if he thinks there is sex on the table?”
“It’s not in your contract,” Madison points out.
“Neither is going to New York and staying in a hotel and going to some fancy party with him and - “ Christian blurts out.
“Okay,” Madison says. “You just. You have to make sure that he knows. That you’re not here for sex. He knows that. You’ve talked about that.”
Christian takes a deep breath and curls up against Madison on the couch. “I really need to find a job,” Christian says. “Lars is nice and I guess maybe under normal circumstances we could be friends, but - but I don’t even know how I’d even meet him, first of all, and this is all too weird.”
“Just keep looking,” Madison says. “I mean, you could maybe see if you could work at the Starbucks with me? I don’t know if the hours would work, though.”
“I’ll see,” Christian says. Madison drops a hand down into Christian’s hair, running his fingers through.
They’re both asleep when Jakub comes in from work.
Christian sends Lars an e-mail letting him know that he’s willing to go to New York. Lars sends an e-mail back with just a phone number and the message Call me.
Christian dials the number and stares at it in his phone, afraid to dial. He runs through horrible scenarios in his head - that Lars wants more, that Lars wants to fuck him, that that’s going to be the conditions of this New York trip.
He calls the number with every intention of backing out and telling Lars that he can’t do this.
“Christian,” Lars says brightly. “Good, I just wanted to work some details out with you.”
“I can’t go with you,” Christian says.
“I - “ Lars says, then stops. “What? You just said that you were willing to go.”
“I’m not gay,” Christian says. “I’m not gay and I don’t want you to think that you can … get more out of this than what we’ve agreed to in the contract.”
“Christian, I know what’s in the contract,” Lars says. “And I genuinely do enjoy your company. And I’m not some horrible monster who is going to whisk you off to New York and force myself on you.”
“I didn’t think you were, I just - “ Christian starts.
“I understand that I’m asking a lot more than what you intended when you agreed to the first event with me,” Lars says. “But I’m genuinely asking you back because I enjoy talking to you and I enjoy all the gossip it creates when you tell people things like you’re my drug dealer. The lie you told them about meeting in rehab was truly inspired.”
“Thank you,” Christian says, and laughs.
“I really do have to go to an event in Manhattan, and everyone’s going to be stupidly uptight and I’d rather be there with you than with someone else,” Lars explains. “So the reason I’ve asked you to call is to set up a time to get you another suit, but also to make sure that we get your flight booked.”
“I’m not going to have sex with you,” Christian says. “Just so we’re clear.”
“I know,” Lars says. “This may be hard to fathom, since I’m paying you to go on dates with me, but I don’t actually want to rape someone.”
Christian flinches when Lars puts it like that. The word hangs in the silence between them on the line. Christian had been thinking of it as he wanted to draw the line at being a hooker, but he hadn’t thought about what it would be if Lars had actually forced his hand.
“I’m sorry,” Christian finally says. “I didn’t mean -”
“I know this is a strange thing we’re doing,” Lars says. “But I do enjoy having you with me at these things. I certainly think we’ve been having a good time.”
“I have had a good time,” Christian says.
“There are a couple more events in DC,” Lars says. “And once that’s done, hopefully you’ll either have found a job, or hopefully you’ll have enough of a cushion to last you until you do.”
Christian bites down on his lip and takes a deep breath in.
“Okay,” Christian says. “Okay, what do I need to do?”
On Saturday morning, Christian catches the train to the airport with a backpack and a garment bag, hoping for the best. Jakub’s still asleep and Madison’s at work, so he can’t even text them about how nervous he is.
Well, he can, but he’s just sending texts to their group chat and basically into the void, because they’re not answering.
He finds Lars sitting at the gate, and he waits, because he feels almost scared to approach him. Technically, Christian guesses they’re on a date, but it’s not like the other ones. There’s no expectation of Christian having to perform, to be something for other people to see. Right now it’s just him and Lars, and it’s going to be him and Lars.
They have the flight out, and then they’ll check into the hotel and get ready for the event. Christian likes that Lars talked about taking Christian to one of his favorite restaurants - Christian’s been to New York City before, of course, but he doesn’t have the cash flow to go to high-end places like Lars takes him to.
Right now, Lars is sitting at the gate, his garment bag draped over the seat next to him and a backpack at his feet. He’s got an iced coffee in one hand, balanced on his knee, and his phone in the other.
It’s weird to see him in regular clothes. Christian has only seen him in suits, all dressed up for the different fundraising galas Christian has accompanied him to. It’s not that Lars doesn’t seem like a normal guy, but it’s hard to process it when he’s wearing a suit and tie. Seeing him sitting there with a Starbucks straw against his lips, wearing jeans and sneakers, his sunglasses hooked into the front of his t-shirt.
Christian suddenly feels weirdly shy, like he wants to sit somewhere else. Like he doesn’t want Lars to see him in his lounge pants and t-shirt, like he should have dressed up more to even take this flight in Lars’s presence.
He goes and gets his own cup of coffee, just so that he can put off going over and sitting down next to Lars. But once he has the coffee, there’s no putting it off any longer.
“Hi,” Christian says, his voice soft as he walks up and starts to put his stuff down in a chair near Lars.
He’s not ready for Lars to look up at him and smile. He’s not ready for the full force of Lars’s smile and crinkly blue eyes and - it’s not like he hasn’t seen Lars smiling. It’s just that they’re not in a situation where either of them are pretending to be something else right now.
Christian feels overwhelmed.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Lars says, and Christian’s stomach twists.
They sit in the white noise of the airport, chatting over their coffee. Christian’s never sat in first class before, and Lars laughs and tells him to order a drink, because it’s free.
In a month, Christian has gone from being unemployed and worrying about how he was going to make rent to being on a first class flight to New York, drinking champagne. He texts a picture to the group chat with Madison and Jakub and turns his phone to airplane mode.
Lars gets them a car from the airport to their hotel in New York. Lars checks them in, and hands over the keys for Christian’s room. Christian appreciates that Lars doesn’t even open the little holder, just hands it over. Christian knows that Lars could just come back and get more keys and let himself into Christian’s room, if he wanted. But Christian likes that at least he gives the impression of safety to Christian.
“I’ll come get you at five,” Lars tells him while they’re on their way up to their rooms. “Then we’ll go to dinner and to the event.”
“Okay,” Christian says, and smiles.
Lars is in the room across the hall from Christian, and he lets himself in, leaving Christian alone in the hall.
The restaurant is the nicest place Christian has ever eaten food. He’s a little overwhelmed by the end of the meal - and a little tipsy when they slip back into the car to head to the event.
The thing is, he keeps catching himself watching Lars. Cataloging the way this Lars, the one who mingles with the ultra rich and works to raise money for the less fortunate and for causes, is different from the Lars he chatted with in the airport and on the plane. Christian likes both of them, but he thinks he prefers the softer Lars, the one who isn’t putting on a smile and a front for the dozens of people who come up to talk to him.
It’s weird. Christian doesn’t know why he feels this way. It’s New York, it’s wearing a tuxedo, it’s high end food and too much champagne.
Lars undoes his tie immediately in the car. “I hate these things,” he says. “I don’t mind going to these parties, but I hate the black tie ones.”
“I had a nice time,” Christian says. “I mean, all things considered. Although I definitely have a couple of people convinced I’m your drug dealer.”
Lars laughs at that, tipping his head back. Christian watches the way the city washes over him, muted by the tint of the windows. He’s beautiful, Christian thinks.
He and Lars walk together up to their hotel rooms. “We can grab breakfast in the morning before we head to the airport, we have plenty of time. And we can still sleep in a bit, which is always nice,” Lars tells him.
“Sounds great,” Christian says.
Silence stretches between them in the hall, and Christian stands there awkwardly, staring at Lars.
“See you in the morning,” Lars finally says, breaking the awkwardness and reaching for his door.
“Goodnight,” Christian says, and stands there for a few moments more after Lars is gone.
Christian keeps going on dates and Lars keeps paying him.
At some point, Christian feels like they should run out of events to go to, but there always seems to be something. Christian’s closet has three beautiful suits and one beautiful tuxedo, and a couple of nice pairs of slacks with blazers go to with them. He has shoes.
It’s a lot.
“Hey,” Lars says, in the car one night on their way from dinner to the event. “Do you want to do something for your birthday?”
“How do you know when my birthday is?” Christian asks him.
“I booked your flight to New York, remember?” Lars says.
“Oh,” Christian says. That’s fair.
“If you could do anything,” Lars says. “You know, before you go back to university for the semester.”
“I don’t know,” Christian says. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Would you want to go somewhere? Someplace nice? Beach vacation,” Lars asks.
“Are you trying to ask me if I want to go on vacation with you?” Christian asks.
“No, I’m offering to take you somewhere great for your birthday,” Lars says. “To the Bahamas or something like that.”
“Oh,” Christian says. “I don’t - would I have to have sex with you for that?”
“Chris -” Lars says, and throws up his hands. It’s the first time Christian’s ever seen him look genuinely angry about something.
“I just - “ Christian starts, but Lars cuts him off.
“I’m offering this because I like you and I want you to be happy,” Lars says. “Not because I’m trying to get in your pants. We’ve been doing this for months and have I ever asked you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”
“No,” Christian says, and sighs.
“You complained for weeks about your finals, you still don’t have a job, just - “ Lars says, and then sighs heavily through his nostrils. “The offer’s on the table if you want it.”
The car rolls to a stop in front of Christian’s building and Lars has pulled his phone out. Christian feels like he’s been dismissed.
Madison is on the couch in his pajamas when Christian walks in. Jakub has just gotten home, and is in the kitchen talking about something, but breaks off when Christian comes in.
“Rough night?” Madison asks.
“Huh?” Christian asks, confused.
“You look…” He waves a hand.
“I pissed Lars off,” Christian says.
“What? Why?” Jakub asks. He comes to the doorway of the kitchen, a giant bottle of water in his hands. Christian could almost laugh - Madison and Jakub have decided they love Lars, and they’ve never even met him.
“He asked me if I wanted to go to - I don’t know, the fucking Bahamas or something - for my birthday and I asked him if I had to have sex with him to get that,” Christian says.
Madison whistles and Christian can hear Jakub’s exhale of breath, and then a string of words in Czech that Christian doesn’t recognize.
“You’re an idiot,” Madison finally says, once Jakub stops talking to no one in particular since neither Christian nor Madison speaks Czech and banging cabinet doors.
“I think it’s a valid question,” Christian says.
“You’re stupid,” Jakub yells, too loud for how late at night it is.
“You’ve been going to events and shit with him for months,” Madison says. “He has never tried to have sex with you. Why would he do it now?”
“I don’t know! Seems like something you have to put out for!” Christian says.
“Get out of my sight,” Jakub says. “I hate you, I don’t want to see you - you - “
“Jakub, shut up,” Madison says.
Jakub is stomping through the living room and down the hallway, banging his and Madison’s bedroom door shut behind him.
“Look,” Madison says, getting up off the couch, because now he has to go soothe his boyfriend. “I just think that this has been going on for too long for him to push for sex now. I think he genuinely wants to take care of you. And if you’re okay with that, let him do it.”
“But - “ Christian starts.
“No buts,” Madison says. “Either let him take care of you because he likes you and he wants to do it, or get a job and stop going on dates with him. But stop disrespecting him by constantly expecting him to force you to have sex with him when you don’t want to.”
“You don’t even know him,” Christian says.
“Chris, I know enough,” Madison says, and then he goes down the hall and into his bedroom.
Christian texts Lars.
i’m sorry.
When they get to the resort, Christian realizes that he doesn’t have sunglasses. They spend nearly half an hour in the resort’s gift shop trying to pick out a new pair for him before they can head to the beach.
They’re sharing a suite this time, instead of having two rooms, but there are two bedrooms, and Christian can lock himself in his if he feels like he needs to get away. But he thinks Madison is right - Lars isn’t going to force himself to do anything. And Lars wants to take care of him.
Christian wants Lars to take care of him, but he’s tired of feeling like a hooker.
Feeling like a hooker is the least of Christian’s problems, after they head to the pool for the first time and he sees Lars in his swim trunks. There have been times he’s thought that Lars was beautiful, like the night in New York, or in the airport when they flew from DC. But this is - Christian feels overwhelmed.
He can’t text Madison and Jakub so he locks himself in his room before dinner, while Lars is in the shower, and connects to the wifi to message them.
he’s hot Christian sends them. It takes a couple of minutes, during which Christian chews all of his fingernails off, but Madison finally responds.
who? Madison asks.
we just got back from the pool and now we’re going to dinner and - what does it mean if he’s hot?
that he’s hot? Madison replies.
but.
have you ever thought that before?
once or twice. but i’m not, like. into guys.
i don’t know, bud, sounds like you’re into him Jakub weighs in.
but i’ve never been interested in a guy before Christian says.
i was never into a guy before jakub Madison points out.
Christian is so, so fucked.
They go to dinner, and it’s awkward.
Christian doesn’t know what to do or say anymore, now that he’s dealing with the fact that he might be attracted to Lars. Is that the reason he kept expecting Lars to pressure him for sex? Did he want Lars to do it, so that he could give in? He’s sure that he would’ve felt horrible for it, just like he felt horrible at first for going on the dates in the first place.
There’s a live band on the terrace of the resort and Lars bribes him with beers to go watch them, even though they’re kind of terrible.
“Come dance with me,” Lars says, and Christian shakes his head, but it’s the first time Lars doesn’t take Christian’s no for an answer. “It’s not like anyone you know is going to see you.”
Christian finds himself acting like an idiot on the dance floor with Lars, laughing as Lars dips him, and then almost drops him on the floor. Lars falls, and Christian ends up laying on the dance floor, laughing until there are tears squeezing out of his eyes.
“What happened?” he asks Lars, and Lars can’t answer him for laughing.
“I’m so sorry,” Lars says. “I slipped.”
They get back to their feet, and they’re still laughing as they head to their room.
Christian’s a little breathless as they’re standing in the living room of the suite, and Lars is looking at him, still smiling. Christian doesn’t know what comes over him, but he leans in, closes the space between them, and kisses Lars.
He can feel Lars freeze underneath him. Lars doesn’t move, doesn’t kiss him back, doesn’t touch him at all.
Christian jerks back immediately. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, his eyes wide. He covers his mouth with his hands. “I’m so, so sorry.”
He doesn’t give Lars a chance to say anything and instead sprints into his room and closes the door behind him.
He ends up sitting on the floor, staring at his laptop.
i kissed him He sends to Madison and Jakub.
we went to dinner and we were dancing to this terrible band and he dipped me and slipped and fell and we were laughing and when we got back to the room i kissed him and he didn’t do anything he just stood there
i don’t know what to do what if he hates me now
please you guys i need help
There’s a soft knock on the door then. Lars doesn’t try the knob or anything. “Chris,” he says, his voice clear but still quiet. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either,” Christian whispers. He doesn’t think that Lars can hear it.
please Christian sends another message pleading into the void.
“Chris,” Lars says. “If you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s okay. But we can talk about it in the morning.”
Lars isn’t in the hotel room when Christian finally drags himself out of bed the next morning, but he’s left a note letting Christian know he’s gone to the pool. And they have to have a conversation. Christian knows that they do.
Besides, both the messages he received from Madison and Jakub said talk to him! with varying degrees of capslock and emojis.
He steels himself, sprays himself with sunscreen, slides on his sunglasses, and heads to the pool.
Lars is stretched out on one of the lounge chairs in the sunshine. Christian thinks his eyes are closed. He might be asleep. He’s thrown a towel across the adjacent chair to save it for Christian, at least, and Christian flops down on it.
“Good morning,” Lars says without moving. It is not morning anymore.
“Hi,” Christian says. “So - “
“Do you want to order food?” Lars asks, cutting him off. “I mean. I already ate, but I figured you’d probably be hungry.”
“Oh,” Christian says. “Yeah, sure.”
Lars pushes himself up on the lounger and waves at one of the pool staff. Someone comes toward them.
“I need to talk to you,” Christian says. He can’t say if Lars is looking at him, because Lars doesn’t take off his sunglasses.
They’re quiet while Christian orders food, and then on second thought, orders drinks for both of them. He looks up to see Lars smiling slightly.
Once the server is gone, Christian runs a hand through his hair. “So,” he says again. “I’m really sorry about - I shouldn’t have. I just.” He flaps a hand, because he doesn’t know what to say. Lars sighs and pushes his sunglasses up onto his head so that Christian can actually meet his eyes.
“I just don’t understand,” Lars says. “Is all.”
“I don’t either,” Christian admits. “It’s not because I was drunk or because - it’s just. Sometimes I look at you and I see how beautiful you are, and I don’t expect to feel that way. Because I don’t feel that way. About guys. Normally.”
“Okay,” Lars says, his voice quiet. Like he’s giving Christian time to talk it through.
“And I know that I’ve - that I’ve made a big deal about this not being sexual at all, because I don’t want to be. I don’t want you to pay me for sex,” Christian says. “And I thought that would be okay, because I’m not - I’m straight, right? But maybe I’m not.”
“You know I’m not going to push you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Lars tells him. “I never wanted to do that. I never hoped that you’d ever be anything more than a real friend, and I thought that maybe was too much, since you were someone I paid to spend time with me.”
“I don’t want to have sex with you just because you give me money,” Christian says. He can feel his cheeks start to heat, even on top of the heat from the sun. “I want - I don’t know what I want.”
“You wanted to kiss me,” Lars says.
“Yes,” Christian says. “I remember thinking how beautiful you looked when we were in New York and the lights were all muted from the car windows and - and then last night we were laughing and I.”
Christian holds his hands up in despair.
“I’m not going to judge you if this is what you want,” Lars says. “I want you to have what you want.”
“I don’t know what I want,” Christian says.
“Well, if you wanted to kiss me, you can do that,” Lars says. “I’m okay with it. If you want to explore… whatever this is. Your sexuality. You can do that.”
“I don’t want to be a hooker,” Christian says.
“Christian,” Lars says. “You’re not a hooker. I’ve never thought of you as that. I liked having you as a companion.”
“I still haven’t found a job,” Christian says. “You’re still paying me.”
“I want to take care of you,” Lars says. “I want you to have a place to live. I want your roommates that I’ve never met to have a place to live because you’re able to pay your third of the rent.”
“They love you, you know,” Christian says. Lars laughs.
“Keep looking for a job,” Lars says. “I’ll make sure your rent is paid. But don’t think that it’s because I’m paying you for sex. If we have sex.”
“Let’s start with kissing and go from there,” Christian says.
Lars laughs, and Christian leans across the space between their loungers to kiss Lars for real this time.