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To Jihoon, Woojin was a dream. He was enthralled by him. Absolutely captivated. And just like a dream can become a nightmare; Woojin who was once his happiness, soon became his sadness. Once his love that soon became his heartbreak. And his everything that soon became his nothing.
It started slow, like a flickering flame in a dreary room, easily gone with one breath. Then, it evolved into a fiery furnace; intensifying each moment with each lick of its flames. But just as fast as it ignited into all its roaring glory, the ashes were not far off. Mr. Reaper was knocking at their door. And they never opened.
Ignorance is our enemy.
Jihoon should’ve noticed the way Woojin was distancing himself. Their midnight talks became 8pm texts. And “see you” became “goodbye”. Still, Jihoon was persistent. He wouldn’t agree with the facts - he couldn’t. He was invested in him, like a business man on a company.
Maybe that was the problem. They had become too methodical, a nine to five job. It wasn’t something Woojin wanted to do, but something he had to.
Was he afraid of hurting him? If you knew how far I was in, why didn’t you stop? Why didn’t you blow out that damned candle before it set the whole house on fire?
Every memory flooded his mind, reminding him of the promise Woojin has made to him that he’d be there, always.
The truth is though, he was. Constantly, Woojin was still the centre of his thoughts and he’d never leave. It was like a mark that could not be removed; huge and boisterous, taunting him of how much he had let one man consume his entire entity until it was just him; only him. It stood out for all to see, and Jihoon tried so hard to remove it.
If only there was a stain remover for feelings.
Seeing him all giddy, another man in his embrace, tugged at Jihoon’s heart strings. Everyone envied him because he was the definition of perfect. His red hair that framed his face just as perfectly as the rest of him was a blatant voice whispering in his ear, telling him of everything that used to be theirs. It reminded him of the once burning passion that danced around their feelings.
Subconsciously, Jihoon couldn’t help but hope it reminded Woojin of it, their once picture-perfect story. Did he want to come back? Maybe, Jihoon thinks, they could meet again when the spring breeze passes; when everything old becomes new again. Maybe, just maybe, Woojin would end up loving him in return.
But still after another day, another minute, another second passes Jihoon is still without him. The clock keeps ticking in the back, screaming out the fact that Jihoon is still alone right in his face. Woojin was the lifeline Jihoon longed for and it’s hard for him to move on.
The voice that used to call for him before, still lingers in Jihoon’s ears. When he shuts his eyes, it’s only Woojin that he can see so vividly. It feels like a stab in heart each time he's reminded of it.
And whilst Jihoon sits here, drenched in self-pity, he’s out there moving on as if the world never stopped for him.
Yet again, Woojin was his entire universe, and to him, he was just a single star. Burning bright at the beginning but soon fading away into nothingness.
He was out of his grasp.
The one who had won Woojin’s heart held him back and it felt as if, slowly, as the days went by, that he was drifting even further away from Jihoon’s hold. The secure bond between them started cracking and soon it had snapped with nothing able to bring it back to its former strength.
Their strong connection became a weak signal and Jihoon had soon come to the realisation that he had lost Woojin for eternity; his heart melting laugh, his stupid jokes, his beautiful eyes and gorgeous smile.
Stupidity, Jihoon thinks it was complete stupidity to fool himself into thinking they could’ve been another great love story - like Romeo and Juliet. Their love was so passionate, so powerful. Even the thought of living without each other was deemed impossible.
I guess in a way we were like Romeo and Juliet but instead I’m the only one that would die for you.
How Jihoon wished he knew he shouldn’t have fallen in love with him all those years ago.
How he wished he knew that all this would’ve come crashing down into an unrequited love.
How he wish he knew that his heart would feel so wrenched because then maybe, he could’ve saved himself before it was too late.