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Natasha stood in Maria’s kitchen, slicing an assortment of vegetables as Maria stirred some slowly thickening sauce in a saucepan. As soon as Natasha had casually dropped into the conversation that she had never had Italian food made by an Italian, Maria had decided to fix that, immediately. So they stood in the kitchen, chatting idly about nothing in particular, when Natasha nonchalantly brought up the topic of romance.
“You know, I met this newbie in the IT department; she’s pretty smart, cute, funny… I could see you two hitting it off.”
To her credit, Maria didn’t even falter in her increasingly unnecessary stirring as her heartbeat shot through the roof. Without looking up from the saucepan, she shook her head with a half-stifled sigh.
“I’m not really looking for anything right now.” She paused and considered for a moment, “though it would be nice to have something like you and whatshername have.”
It was silent for a moment too long, before Natasha replied simply, “actually, we broke up.”
Maria looked up and turned, trying to catch her eye and get a read on how Nat was really taking this, but Natasha only gave her a quick glance and a half smile before going back to slicing carrots with a shrug, “we weren’t so compatible in the end.”
“I’m sorry, Nat.” Maria went over their interactions during missions the past few days, just now able to piece together why Natasha had seemed a bit off – she could hide it from damn near everyone, but sometimes Maria had a sixth sense for when Natasha was hurting. “How long has it been?”
“Two, maybe three weeks? It was before that mission in Borneo.”
Maria winced, remembering some other agents making crude jokes that Nat better not marry her and live up to being another kind of Black Widow legacy; it had seemed tactless at the time, but in hindsight it was downright cruel.
“That’s a while.”
“It wasn’t important.” Natasha shrugged, playing it off, “besides, why would you care if I’m single?” She threw her a smirk, “you want some of this, Hill?”
Maria rolled her eyes, trying to focus on anything but Natasha’s faux seductive smirk which was guaranteed to make her blush just a little. “Funny. Because I care about you, even when you’re being a jackass.”
“Oh, careful, or I’ll tell Steve you used a bad language word.”
Maria tried really hard to stifle her chuckle, and mostly succeeded.
Natasha looked at her, then paused and set the knife she was using down on the chopping board, “if I’m so annoying, why are your cheeks turning pink?”
Maria groaned internally. Fuck, too late. Betrayed by her own cheeks.
“They're not! It’s just hot in here. I'm hot - I’m literally standing over a small heater.” She gestured emphatically to the saucepan on the hob.
“Okay, Hill. Sure, I believe you,” she stepped closer and whispered in her ear, “millions wouldn’t.”
Maria shivered involuntarily as Natasha’s breath ghosted past a sensitive spot on her ear.
“If you’re so hot,” Natasha took a moment to let Maria see her blatantly checking her out, “and you are hot.” She winked. “Why are you shivering?” Natasha was enjoying this way too much.
For fuck’s sake, why was her body insisting on betraying her today? Well, for lack of another viable tactic, time to play dumb. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Natasha took a step back, “sure you don’t,” she said in a way specially designed to get under Maria’s skin, before picking up the knife again and nonchalantly going back to slicing vegetables. “But if you did,” she looked over at Maria coyly, “who could blame you?” Maria focused all her energy on the sauce in the pan in front of her, staring hard enough to burn a hole straight through it. All attempts at being chill, gone; lost in the ether, forevermore.
Natasha chuckled and touched Maria’s arm gently, “you are too much fun to tease, Hill. Just too much fun.”
Before Natasha could remove her hand, Maria decided she had had enough. It was time to have some fun of her own. She put her hand atop Natasha’s on her arm, locked her slightly surprised gaze, and lowered her tone to something close to husky, “is that right?” Natasha gulped as Maria kept her gaze steady. “And that’s Commander Hill to you, agent.”
Natasha took a moment to calm the sudden whirl of butterflies in her stomach before replying with a smirk and a wink, “yes ma’am.”
Maria let go of Natasha’s hand on her arm and went back to the saucepan.
~~~~~~~
A few days later, they were both back from another successful mission. Maria sat scrolling through her twitter feed with a romcom set up and loading on her laptop, positioned on a chair in front of the couch, waiting for Natasha to hurry up and join her. It was a film Tony had insisted on them watching on the plane ride home ‘to relax.’ And probably for inspiration for a way to win Pepper back. Except the flight hadn’t been long enough to finish the film and neither Maria nor Natasha enjoyed half finished things; so, they had agreed to a movie night at Maria’s. Except it was the early morning as they had both been working a lot later than expected, but such was the life of a kickass superspy and the Commander of Shield. Though for the sake of a cinematic atmosphere, Maria had pulled the blinds down and drawn the curtains, leaving the room pitch black, bar the soft, warm, orange glow from a small lamp in the corner.
Natasha finally strolled over a few minutes later with a bowl of freshly made popcorn, Maria turned her phone to silent, and they picked up right where they had left off. As the film played and the protagonists got caught up in your average dramatic miscommunication, Natasha stretched and spread out further along the couch, not realising how much closer to Maria she was getting until Maria looked to the right to find Natasha curled up like Liho against her side, still munching her way through a pretty full bowl of popcorn. Noticing Maria looking at her, Natasha caught her eye and grinned, offering the bowl to her, “Popcorn?”
Maria pretended to roll her eyes at Natasha using her like a pillow, but took a handful to munch on anyway; trying to hide a smile that tugged persistently at the corners of her mouth with how comfortable Natasha was with her. They sat like this for the rest of the film, by which time both were half asleep. Natasha yawned and stretched as the credits played and Maria shut down her laptop, “well, that’s time of my life I’m never going to get back.”
Natasha grinned at her, “you mean you didn’t enjoy the romance?” She feigned a swoon, pressing the back of her hand to her forehead in the most overly dramatic way possible and lowering her tone. “The star crossed lovers? Destined to be together if they could only work out how to actually talk to each other…”
Maria raised an eyebrow and put on a fake stern voice, “yeah well, I’m just a girl, sitting next to a girl, asking her to stop leaving popcorn all over my couch.”
Natasha laughed as Maria rose and set the laptop down on the table behind the couch, “oh, is this better?” She asked innocently, picking up some of the popcorn which had fallen between the couch cushions as though she were going to tidy it up; but before Maria could reply, she threw it at her.
Maria stood stock still for a moment, “oh you are so going to wish you hadn’t done that.” While she spoke, she walked slowly back towards Natasha, trailing her fingers along the back of the couch, before reaching for the nearest cushion in one super speedy move and throwing it at Natasha before she could so much as lift an arm to defend herself from the soft incoming projectile.Maria laughed at Natasha’s pretend-offended face, but only for a moment before a pillow hit her side, then another and in a moment, there were cushions everywhere but on the couch as they were thrown and batted away just as quickly.
Once they were both sat, breathless on the floor after ducking for cover behind various bits of furniture, and none of the cushions were in reach any longer, they called an unspoken truce.
“I totally won that.” Maria could feel Natasha’s smug grin even without being able to see it, as she lay down on the rug to recover. Shield training did not cover pillow fights, surprisingly.
“Sure, in your dreams, Nat.”
Natasha shuffled over to lay close by Maria in the middle of the floor, but upside down to her. “I heard that.”
Maria turned her head and caught Natasha’s gaze in all seriousness, “you were meant to.” Natasha rolled her eyes as Maria grinned back cheekily.
Natasha’s smile faded as she got lost in thought for a moment; she had almost forgotten how beautiful Maria looked when she smiled like that; these moments were so rare. Maria took her breath away on a regular basis with the littlest things, her quirks and endearing habits, or her fighting style and her tactical way of thinking. But this was something else, and it caught even the infamous Black Widow off guard. Natasha cleared her throat, rolled onto her side, facing Maria and stuck her tongue out before promptly closing her eyes. Maria couldn’t retaliate if Natasha couldn’t see it; it was perfectly logical, really.
Maria half rolled her eyes at Natasha’s childish, yet somehow totally endearing antics, before giving up the half-hearted pretence. There were not many moments when Natasha seemed peaceful; truly peaceful, not that façade she curated on a daily basis but as though she felt safe enough to genuinely relax and seek a respite from life. But this was one of those moments and all Maria could do was appreciate and try to remember it. It was a strange thing to think of Natasha as vulnerable, but she almost looked it then, with a half smile tugging at her lips as she thought she had won their little game. Not that Maria was looking at her lips. She was just, admiring a side of Natasha she rarely got to see. The dedication, the confidence, her intelligence and the hints of ballet training that bled through into the way she moved, Maria got to see all that and a hundred other things that had attracted her to Natasha on a regular basis when they worked missions together. But this wasn’t that. This was like a line had been crossed somehow and Maria was in unfamiliar territory – which was usually a lot more stressful and a lot less intriguing in her line of work. But none of that occurred to her, she was caught up being present in the moment with Natasha.
Natasha opened one eye, peeking at Maria, and caught her staring back with a far off look written across her features. After a moment, Natasha spoke gently, so as not to startle her, “where are you?”
Maria’s expression shifted subtly, and in an instant the look was gone.
“In a parallel universe.”
“Oh yeah? Is it nice there?”
Maria gave her a small smile, “yup. There are all kinds of gelato, a beach and I’m pretty much planning to retire there.”
Natasha debated for a moment whether or not to give Maria the chance to talk about what was really on her mind. But Natasha figured she would talk about it when she was ready. Which would probably be never, knowing Maria; she could but hope.
Natasha rolled onto her back, putting her hands behind her head, “as if you would ever retire.”
Maria paused for a moment, then nodded. “You’re not wrong.” She propped her head up with her hand, facing Natasha, “but I do happen to have gelato in the freezer. Do you want some?”
“It’s like you read my mind.”
Maria smiled and got up, “oh, I totally did. I know all about your deep dark secrets too. And your plans for next Thursday? Wild.”
“Oh yeah, I’d completely forgotten about the My Little Pony contest at the Burtons. Thanks for the reminder.”
Maria laughed at the thought of Natasha being roped into another dress up game. She didn’t know how Clint’s kids did it, but she was debating turning up spontaneously to see the - no doubt fabulous - results of their handiwork. She opened a drawer to get a couple of spoons, before turning back to find Natasha lying on the carpet like she was sunbathing.
“Any toppings? Whipped cream?”
Natasha’s forehead crinkled, “who eats ice cream with whipped cream?!”
Maria paused with a grin as an idea struck her. “Oh, I don’t know.” She silently set down the take-out gelato tub and walked back to the fridge, taking the whipped cream from the fridge door where it lived. “But some people like it.”
Maria stepped lightly back over to the rug and grinned as she knelt down over Natasha, who still had her eyes closed. It was just too easy. With a barely contained chuckle, Maria squirted a little bit of whipped cream onto her nose.
Natasha opened her eyes and sat up with a start in a moment of utter disbelief. “I can’t believe you just did that.” As Natasha lightly touched the cold fluffy cream on her nose, Maria covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stifle her laughter, but to no avail. “I was defenceless.” Maria sensed that she should probably put some distance between them and started backing away, still chuckling. “My eyes were closed!”
Maria was trying not to laugh again and failing miserably. She was doubled over and barely even noticed when Natasha got up and started walking towards her. Maria stumbled off to the side, trying to escape whatever retaliation this had earned her, but Natasha blocked her smoothly with a quick step into her path, “no no no, come here. You have to suffer too.”
Natasha kept approaching and Maria kept backing away, clutching her stomach from laughing too much at the sight of a Very Serious Natasha Romanoff with a blob of whipped cream dotted on the tip of her nose; she half wished she could get a picture, though somehow she suspected Natasha wouldn’t let her keep it for long. Pretty soon, Maria was backed against a wall and Natasha less than half a step away, in front of her.
In a swift motion, Natasha held her shoulders pinned to the wall and booped her nose, transferring the cream onto Maria’s nose with a messy smear. Normally, Maria would have been out of that vice-like grip in a heartbeat; or at least attempting to be. Hell, she wouldn’t have been caught so easily to begin with. But she had been half preoccupied laughing and now she was 100% unable to think straight with Natasha in such close proximity. Her brain had short circuited the minute Natasha pinned her to the wall; forget fight or flight, this was something else entirely according to the rate at which her heart was thundering in her chest. Except somehow also wonderful and a moment she wanted etched into her memory forever, whipped cream on her face be damned.
In another life, she would have leant forward and kissed Natasha. But in this one, she couldn’t. All she could do was shake her head at Natasha, find a tissue to get the cream off with a roll of her eyes – despite being the one who had started it – and accept that she had been defeated, this time. With a triumphant, yet slightly too innocent and thus very worrying, look in her eye, Natasha let her go and walked back to the couch.
As much as she could almost convince herself sometimes that Natasha liked her in that way too, Maria refused to jeopardise what they already had. Natasha would be a lot to lose; a lot more than she allowed herself to think about.
~~~~~~~
It had started a while ago; whenever Natasha was off on an extended mission elsewhere, Maria would come by and look after Liho. This time, Natasha had already been gone three months with no end in sight because she was in too deep undercover to have regular contact with HQ. It didn’t help that it was also a mission which didn’t officially exist.
Maria unlocked the door to Nat’s place and walked in to find Liho lying on the couch. He lifted his head with a sleepy ‘Prrp?’ when she entered, but put his head down again when he saw it wasn’t Natasha. He liked Maria, which was evident in the way he constantly head-butted her legs and insisted on sitting on her at the most inconvenient times, but Maria suspected that right now he was also sulking a little as this was the longest Natasha had been gone in quite a while. Maria wasn’t overly happy about that either. Totally just because they were friends and she missed their easy conversations, not to mention Natasha’s sharp wit and comforting presence, it had nothing to do with her maybe having a huge crush on the woman. Nothing at all. Because Maria would sooner face a squadron of heavily armed Hydra soldiers whilst equipped with a nothing but a beanie baby, than admit her feelings.
Maria walked around Natasha’s place, watering the plant she had got for Natasha last week just because she figured Natasha might like it when she eventually returned. She thought about Natasha a lot, more than she would admit to, when she saw something she thought Natasha would like, or something happened she knew would make Natasha laugh. God, she missed that laugh. It was difficult going from being on missions together and being able to share these things and these moments every day, to not seeing each other for months. Maria sat on Nat’s couch next to Liho and picked up Natasha’s favourite blanket – though she knew Natasha would never admit to it, she liked to be tucked up in it at the end of a particularly trying day. And there were a lot of those in their line of work. She buried her face in the blanket which still smelled so much like Natasha and allowed herself to relax a little. But apparently a little was all she needed, as she fell asleep within a moment.
The door clicked open a few hours later, and Liho ran out of his seat in an instant to greet the only person he would get up for. He headbutted and purred against Natasha’s legs as she bent down to scratch his favourite spot behind his ear. “Hey little guy, miss me?” She spoke softly, before kissing him on the forehead. This was apparently enough for him, as he accepted the kiss before padding away, off to do very important cat-things, no doubt.
Natasha was about to turn the light on, when she caught sight on a figure sitting on her couch. Her gun was already in her hand with the safety off as she approached slowly, before realising who it was.
“You’re a real good guard-cat, huh Liho?”
She looked at him for a moment, sat up in his cat tree, before turning her attention to Maria, sitting up yet fast asleep on her couch, with Natasha’s blanket in her lap.
Natasha tucked her gun back into the back of her jeans, before picking a still sleeping Maria up bridal style and carrying her to the bedroom. Natasha lay Maria down on top of the covers and took her shoes off, before covering her with a blanket. She debated joining Maria for a moment, before she thought better of it. Natasha took another blanket from the cupboard and headed back to the living room to catch some shut eye. It had been a long time since she had felt as relatively safe as she did in her own place, and able to sleep somewhat properly. She was out in an instant.
Maria woke up in somewhat familiar surroundings, but did not remember how she got to be here specifically. She sat up groggily, noticing in the same moment that she was no longer wearing shoes and that she was, in fact, in Natasha’s bed. She scooted off it in an instant; for some reason she felt strange being in Natasha’s bedroom, like it was her private space and she shouldn’t be encroaching on it.
She started heading back to the living room, before pausing in the doorway at the sight of Natasha asleep but thrashing violently on the couch. She hesitated for a moment, remembering something about not being supposed to wake sleepwalkers and wondering if that applied to this situation. But Natasha looked like she was about to fall off and hurt herself, which made up Maria’s mind for her. In a moment she was by her side, holding Natasha’s shoulders at arm’s length, keeping her somewhat steady and safely on the couch as Natasha jerked awake.
Her features relaxed a little and some of the tension left her body as she realised it had been a nightmare and Maria was actually here, holding her shoulders with a concerned look on her face.
“Hey.” Maria’s gaze softened as Natasha spoke and seemed to come back to herself.
“Hey yourself.” Maria paused for a moment, not sure whether Natasha wanted to talk about it, but wanting to check she was alright. Whatever was going in that dream, it must’ve been pretty awful to elicit that kind of reaction from Natasha. “You okay?”
Natasha nodded, “I’ve been through worse.” She said with a half smile Maria could just about see in the dark apartment, “you don’t want to see the other guy.”
Maria’s expression relaxed little, “I’m sure they’re a bloody pulp.”
Natasha shrugged and stretched out her back, “girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”
There was a moment of silence between them as Natasha sat up properly and wiped the remnants of sleep from her eyes. She would have to avoid being asleep for a while, those dreams were nothing she fancied reliving any time soon. Collapsing from exhaustion on a semi-regular basis seemed like a much preferable alternative.
Maria broke the silence, pulling Natasha from her darkening thoughts with a soft smile, “so how did I end up in there while you ended up out here?”
Natasha shrugged, “obviously the couch is a lot more comfortable than my bed, so I had to relocate you.”
A smile tugged at the corners of Maria’s lips, the way Natasha showed she cared always caught Maria off guard, and always made her heart feel strangely light in her chest. “I see.” Maria paused and considered Natasha, still half asleep and yet still somehow the most beautiful person Maria could ever hope to meet, before replying sincerely, “thank you.”
“No biggie. I’ll happily take all the comfiest places from you.” Natasha shot her a grin, to which Maria rolled her eyes.
“I mean it. Although I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Welcome back by the way. And though it is good to see you, I should probably go-” Maria took her phone from her pocket to see the time. 4am. Well, it would be pretty difficult to get a cab across town at this time. She would probably have an hour walk ahead of her instead. Great.
Natasha heard Maria sigh in the darkness as the light from her phone went out as she locked the screen again. “You could stay here. You’re welcome to get some actual sleep, rather than trudging all the way back to yours when you’ve got to be up for work in a few hours.” Natasha made some very good points. “Besides, my place is closer anyway and I can drop you off on my bike in the morning.”
That sold it.
“You have got yourself a deal.” Maria yawned, “have any pjs I can borrow?” Natasha nodded and got up, heading back to the bedroom.
Freshly changed, Maria headed to the living room to settle in on the couch, only to find Natasha there already. “Um, excuse me. You’re sitting on my bed.”
Natasha looked at her with a side smile, “keep the bed. I’ll be fine out here.”
Maria tilted her head. “You weren’t planning on sleeping, were you?”
“You gotta call me out that hard, Hill?”
“Looks like I do.” Maria sat down beside her. There was a moment of silence, before she spoke softly, “are you worried you’ll have nightmares again?”
Natasha gave a barely there nod. Maria considered this for a moment, before picking up the blanket with one hand, taking Natasha’s hand in the other and heading to the bedroom.
“I’ll sleep over here,” she pointed to the floor, “and if anything, I’ll wake you up.”
Natasha looked at her quizzically, “why would you sleep on the floor? It’s a massive bed. Rihanna literally wrote a song about it.” Maria raised an eyebrow. “Okay not my bed specifically, but you know what I mean. Now, really? the floor?”
Maria nodded, “it’ll be fine.” Natasha looked nowhere near convinced. “We’ve both slept in worse.”
“Yes, but we’re not on a mission. Or in a muddy trench. It doesn’t make sense for you to be uncomfortable all night when there’s plenty of space for both of us.” Maria caught her lip between her teeth. “Look, you’re doing this for me, right? So I can get some sleep? So why does that mean you have to sleep there,” Natasha stepped closer to her. “Why don’t you want to share a bed with me? Really.”
Maria looked at those transfixing green eyes, knowing Natasha had an excellent bullshit detector, and a thousand percent sure she did not want Natasha close enough to somehow hear her heart thudding in her chest at a million a minute. She shrugged, “I’m not very good at sleeping with other people in the same room.”
Natasha folded her arms, “we’ve literally been bunk mates on a plane with four other dudes and a hulk, and you slept just fine. You looked dead. We had to check your pulse four times. Try again.”
Maria smiled and looked at the ceiling. For someone whose job included lying and telling half truths, and it was a job she was damn good at, there was not a single reason she could think of as to why she couldn’t sleep with Natasha.
“I guess, I just don’t want to keep you up.”
Natasha looked at her sceptically, before Maria saw her expression change. “Is it because I move in my sleep? You don’t want to get accidentally socked in the jaw? That’s okay, you know. It’s fine. I’ll sleep on the floor, you sleep in the bed and-”
Maria stopped Natasha with a hand on her folded arms, “hey, it’s not that. Honestly, that doesn’t bother me.” Natasha looked at her, unsure for a moment. “I would tell you if it did.” Maria shrugged and stepped back, “besides, I could always just pin you down if you started thrashing.”
Natasha took the distraction, “oh you think you’re stronger than me, huh?”
“Is that a question,” Maria looked at her and raised an eyebrow, “or a statement of truth?”
Natasha laughed, stepping closer, challenging her, “oh you wish.”
But Maria wasn’t one to back down so easily, “bring it.”
Natasha brought it, and although it was a valiant effort, sure enough Natasha soon had Maria pinned against the wall, but only for a moment. With a quick distraction and a smooth move, Maria flipped their positions.
“Told you.”
Natasha grinned, “you’re pretty cocky there, Commander.”
Maria inched closer, “it isn’t cocky if it’s true.” She smirked, “then it’s just confidence.”
But Natasha saw a way to win, “it’s not over yet,” and she took it. She locked Maria’s gaze for a moment with an intense look, before slowly closing the gap between then, closing her eyes, and kissing her softly. Maria hesitated for a moment, but then she was kissing her back.
Natasha was planning to use the kiss to startle her, to put her off her game and allow her to flip their positions again. She wasn’t planning on the feeling that bloomed in her stomach when she kissed Maria, or the way she suddenly felt lighter than air and was instantly addicted to the feeling.
In a moment, Maria’s hands were no longer pinning her to the wall, they were tangled in her hair and suddenly Natasha forgot that this had started out as a playful tactic; every thought that wasn’t Maria evaporated from her mind without a trace. She kissed her again and again, and Maria returned her kisses with just as much verve, until kissing wasn’t enough anymore, and she was picking Maria up, wrapping her legs around her and carrying her over to the bed for the second time in one night.
Between kisses, Natasha set Maria down on the bed, before crawling onto the bed over her and bending down to kiss her again, only to have Maria flip them in one smooth move. She straddled Natasha, running her hands up her waist, before starting to unbutton her shirt.
Who needs sleep?