Work Text:
Music For The Sadness Of Xion
It started with a seashell.
Axel found it in his pocket, next to Roxas’s winner stick. He had the habit of fiddling with the stick, as a reminder to himself that he’d bring Roxas back or simply when he found himself missing Roxas too much.
Now he held the shell up to the blue light of Kingdom Hearts and wondered where it came from. Looking at it somehow brought a strange ache, as though the mere presence of the shell touched something deep and important inside of him, but which his conscious mind had forgotten.
Axel had the fleeting urge to get rid of such a feeling and wound his arm back to throw the shell out the window.
But he couldn’t do it.
There wasn’t anything stopping him—no voice in his head or nearby crying out for him not to—he just didn’t.
He put the seashell back in his pocket.
***
Inside Sora’s heart, there was a tea party. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say, an interrogation posing as a tea party.
Roxas was sipping tea, conjured up by Sora’s memories of a wizard’s tea set on a round, medieval table.
Xion was doing the questioning. And poor Ventus was her unsuspecting victim.
“So! You met Axel before?” Smile, sip tea, set cup down, question.
“Yeah! But he was called Lea back then.”
“Was he just as handsome when you met him?”
“Wha…?”
“Xion meant, ‘what was he like?’” Roxas interjected.
“Oh! Well, uh… normal? He was wearing an orange vest and yellow scarf, I think…”
A snort came from Roxas along with a muttered, “A yellow scarf? Really?” Before Xion brought the conversation back on topic.
“And his hair?”
“Uh… very short and spiky. Oh! And he carried around two squarish frisbees with flames on them.”
“Well, that explains everything.”
“Roxas, shh.”
“But it does.”
“Uh… can I have some tea now?”
“Ven~tus~, you’ll get some tea once you’re done answering my questions.” Ventus shrank back, a little intimidated by Xion’s smiling face, which to the untrained observer was all sweetness and sugar, but which both Roxas and Ventus knew harbored an uncompromising woman who could kick both of their butts, and had, during training sessions in Sora’s heart.
Ventura gulped. “Okay.”
“Did Axel, Lea, have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?”
“How am I supposed to know that? We only met for, like, half an hour.”
“And he never indicated there was someone special to him?”
“Well, there was his friend Isa, but they seemed to quarrel a lot.”
“Isa?” Roxas tilted his head in confusion.
“Maybe Saïx?” Xion hazarded.
“They were friends?!” Roxas slammed his tea cup down in sheer disbelief, spilling tea everywhere and breaking the saucer. A thought, and everything was restored.
Several question later, Ventus was finally allowed tea, and Roxas moved his chair over next to Xion’s and pulled his now pensive girlfriend into a sideways hug. She leaned her head on his shoulder.
“He doesn’t remember me, does he?”
“No.” Roxas sadly shook his head.
“You didn’t remember me either... Say, Roxas, if they ever get you or Ventus out, do you think either of you will remember me?”
“Of course—,” he started to say, but the lie stuck in his throat. “I don’t know, Xion.” His words were heavy with guilt and remorse. “But even though I didn’t remember you, even when I didn’t remember Axel, a part of me still loved the both of you.” He turned to look at her, raising her head with his hand to meet his gaze. “Listen. I never stopped loving you. And neither has he.”
“Nobodies don’t…”
“No,” he cut her off. “Xemnas was a liar.” He removed his hand from her chin, placing it over his heart. “I know what I felt, what I feel. Don’t take that away from me, Xion.” His tone was melancholic rather than reproachful.
“Sorry,” she whispered into his chest, tilting her head downward.
“Don’t be. We were told so many of the wrong things. It’s up to us to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong now.” Roxas looked up, as he became aware of the rather envious gaze burning a hole into him. His look alike stared back while nibbling on a biscuit.
“You two are so lucky,” Ventus sighed. “At least you have each other. Here I am, stuck, and who knows what Terra and Aqua are getting up to without me? What if they’ve already forgotten about me?” Roxas rolled his eyes at the other blond’s childish insensitivity. He squeezed harder as he felt Xion tense in his arms.
“It’s okay,” he murmured to her. He rested his cheek on her black hair, and thought about the member missing from their trio. In response to his thoughts, the sun started to set, casting red light over the imaginary Destiny Islands.
“Could whichever one of you is doing that, quit it?” Ventus grumbled snappishly. “It’s way too early for it to be dark here.”
He didn’t get a response from either of them. Instead, Roxas and Xion stared into the burning sun, thankfully not blinding themselves as the sun didn’t actually exist. As the last rays dipped below the horizon, Ventus forced his will upon the world, and suddenly it was noon again. All three of them blinked, as their eyes were forced to adjust to the sudden brightness.
“At least make it late afternoon or early morning, moron.” Roxas muttered irritably. Ventus just snorted, miffed. Normally Ventus was the forgiving type, but being stuck by himself for ten years, then having to deal with a more mentally mature version of himself, along with the constant PDA, had worn away his sweetness. Once he was away from the two lovebirds, he was sure he’d return back to normal.
***
Everything hurt.
Unused to having a whole heart again, the first thing Lea did was find a private place to cry.
He cried for himself, for all the years of his life wasted, for all the people he killed, for Isa, for the girl.
He cried for Roxas, for his inability to save him, at the thought that he finally knew he had always loved Roxas, but might never see him again.
He cried even harder when he dug through his pockets for that ice cream stick, and found the shell, though he couldn’t have told anyone why.
Lea held the two objects in his hand and his heart broke. Out of the corner of his eye, through the tears, he thought he could almost make something out—a figure. He swung his head around.
He was alone.
***
When Ventus left, Roxas and Xion were picking shells along the shoreline and didn’t notice his disappearance. It was only hours later, as they made their way back to the play structure, buckets filled with shells, that they called to him and received no answer.
Ventus never returned.
***
The feeling persisted.
Anytime he held the shell, he would see the figure in his peripheral vision, who’d vanish the moment he tried to follow it with his eyes.
He felt as though he was grieving for a person whose existence he didn’t know, but who was a part of every fiber of his being.
Eventually he gave up on trying to solve that particular mystery.
***
Xion was examining one of the shells she’d picked up, holding it up to the light and seeing how it sparkled, when she felt herself be ripped in half, her mind torn asunder from her heart.
She felt her body collapse as her consciousness faded from the pain. The last thing she heard, as her eyes closed, was Roxas screaming her name.
***
She awoke in a lab, to unfamiliar faces. Where was she? Who was she? Who were they?
The two men wearing black coats talked without paying any attention to her.
“I trust the puppet will work without problems this time,” the man with long silver-white hair asked.
A man with long blond hair replied: “Yes, Superior. The experiment has no memories and no heart. She’ll obey your orders without question.”
“Excellent. See to it that she’s taught her task.”
“As you wish, Superior.”
The white-haired man walked out of the room, and she was left with the blond man alone.
“Xion, do you remember me?”
She stared at him, not knowing who he was referring to.
“Do you remember who you are?”
She tilted her head in inquiry, but remained silent.
“Your name is Xion. You are a member of the Organization. You exist to fight for the Organization. Can you remember that?”
Xion. She was Xion.
Xion nodded.
“Good.”
***
Xion spent her days learning how to summon the Keyblade, fighting with Vanitas, being fixed up by Vexen afterwards, and being taught to give her all to the Organization.
Vaguely, she always felt as though something were missing, that her life was not supposed to be this dull and gray.
Sometimes she’d find herself staring at Larxene, Demyx, or Vexen’s hair, something about it triggering the faintest shadow of a feeling. Sometimes she found herself staring blankly at Saïx, wanting to ask him… something.
She was lucky that the only one who took badly to her staring was Demyx, who’d occasionally mutter things such as, “How creepy,” or wave his hands in front of her face, hoping to get a reaction. She would just blink back at him, unable to muster up any sort of response. The others simply ignored her, although Larxene would give her an assessing smirk from time to time. The smirk made her feel cold, and she would slightly shiver whenever she saw it.
***
Today was the day she would serve her purpose. She didn’t know what would happen to her after today. All she knew was that the reason for all her training, for her existence, was for this fight.
As she waited with Saïx in the maze, her gaze was drawn to the ground. Listlessly, her eyes wandered to and fro, searching for… something. But whatever the back of her mind was looking for, it wasn’t here.
Xion raised her Keyblade when two people entered their area. A shock ran through her at the sight of deep red hair and mischievous green eyes, the feeling that this person was supposed to mean something, but an unexpected wave of hurt and anger overtook that initial positive emotion as the man raised his own Keyblade against her and smiled at the woman by his side. The irrational sensation that that was supposed to be her overwhelmed her, and she rushed to attack the girl.
They fought, Xion pushing the other girl back and the man racing to block her next attack. Xion was filled with more and more rage and sadness. Eventually a third person joined them, and that man smiled at the boy too but not for her, and she attacked him.
Her mess of emotions soon culminated in pain as she saw the Superior easily disable and harm the man. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t let the Superior kill…!
Before she even knew what she was doing, she was stopping the Superior and being accused of switching sides again. Again…? Her head aching, she came up with the first excuse she could think of:
“We need him alive. You know that.”
The Superior said a bunch of gibberish she couldn’t understand, about she and the man being friends? All she understood was the order to kill the man kneeling before her. She stood up, and looked into his pained eyes.
“Who... are you…?” he asked. He didn’t know? The sting of the question caused her to gasp, even as she raised her weapon. But it didn’t matter. She had an order. Even if everything in her screamed that it was wrong, she’d do her duty.
The boy came up to her, telling her not to do it, and something about the blue of his eyes caused her to gasp again and look away in shame. But she wouldn’t let him get in the way of her orders…!
She channelled all her confusion and pain into each strike at the boy, hoping that somehow defeating him might make it all go away. Why? Why was he telling her she could stop? In that pleading, sympathetic voice? And then… her name. Said by a different voice coming out of the boy’s mouth. Someone important. She resonated with that voice, the voice of one of her most special people. Just hearing that voice, she couldn’t have stopped the tears even if she tried.
She dropped her Keyblade, as her mind split apart in agony, trying to remember who that voice was. It was so very important that she know… When she was kicked into the boy, no, into Sora, she felt her heart reconnect, just before losing consciousness.
When she awoke, it was to Roxas standing in front of her. Roxas! It felt so good to remember who he was again. She heard Axel–Axel! She remembered him too–call Roxas’s name from behind her and she couldn’t help but smile at him and call his name as well.
***
Isa faded into nothing, and Lea let himself have one moment of grief, before fiercely latching onto the notion that they would meet again. Isa couldn’t slip away from him so easily a second time.
Lea stood up, let Sora run off, and turned to face the person—no, the people—he loved. Roxas entered his vision first, and he was arrested by the blond youth’s determined gaze. He felt the love bubble up in him, but before he could even think to speak, both their attentions were caught by the sound of crying.
Worried, Roxas, rushed forward toward Xion. Lea felt the tears start to form in his own eyes as he wryly remarked, “Guess I…shoulda brought some ice cream.”
Two crying, smiling faces turned to greet him, and he rushed forward, finally home with his arms around them.