Archive of Our Own ^beta

“The infection’s spreading, Harold…” Shaw was breaking the news to him early in the morning. “I don’t want to lie to you. It doesn’t look promising.” 

Harold had known it was coming. John just wasn’t getting better. A bullet wound in his chest had gotten badly infected. Without having the proper antibiotics administered in time, it had started to spread in to his system, causing the life giving blood coursing through his body to become septic. 

“Thank you, Miss Shaw…” Harold said quietly, looking at his sickly partner lying in the hospital bed in one of their safe houses. He left her out in the hallway, heading back to be with his partner. 

The sight of John so sick, so near death, was eating away at him. He had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that made him want to throw up. Just the thought of losing John was absolutely inconceivable to him. He’d been there for so long, been his right hand, his partner for so long, he couldn’t imagine life without him. 

No more strolls in the park. No surprise birthday gifts. No more walks in the middle of winter tailing a number through the snow, John’s steady hand on the small of Harold’s back, guiding him, making him feel safe and necessary and cared for. 

Harold moved cautiously to stand over John. He ran his hand through his hair gently, unconsciously trying to give himself as well as his partner some miniscule amount of comfort. He let the tears flow and his hand shook as he continued carding his fingers through the soft salt and pepper strands. Before he fully realized what he was doing, he found himself carefully moving the tubes and wires that John was hooked up to aside and slid himself into the bed next to him. 

He tucked his face up against the crook of John’s neck. Even with the despised anti-septic hospital smell of the room, he could still smell the unique and utterly adored scent that screamed John on him. 

This possibility has been his biggest fear for so long now… Losing John and not being able to do anything about it. 

He took a deep unsteady breath, “Thank you, John. I’ve loved you since the beginning and I will love you until the very end.” He turned his face into John’s chest, the tears staining his gray cotton shirt. “You have been the greatest gift of my life. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, I can’t imagine going on without you.” Harold let out a breath, closed his eyes and tried to compose himself as best he could.

“But I’ll be okay, John.” 

He closed his red, enflamed eyes, trying to somehow will whatever strength he possessed into his partner. As his consciousness ebbed, his mind went into free fall, swirling with dreams of past memories with his partner.