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”I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been”
The sound of his name is on the tip of Woojin’s tongue and there’s a hand ready to strip off his jacket and lay it on top of Jihoon’s drenched body. But he stops because there’s already someone else to wrap him up, hold him close, move the strands of hair out of his eyes and wipe the droplets off his face. There’s someone else and it’s not Woojin.
It never will be him again.
Woojin hates that all he can do is watch the rain trickle down his face, dripping from his hair. It’s hard seeing Jihoon there with his clothes stuck tightly on his body from how wet they’ve become, not being able to bundle him up in his coat and drag him back home. But it’s the worse to think how right now, in this moment, he wishes he could morph into a drop of water. Just one would be enough; if it meant he could hold onto Jihoon, feel his skin on his own once more.
He’s jealous of the rain and of the boy that finally comes running across, an umbrella in hand. And just like that the umbrella is over Jihoon, covering the older from the harsh weather and Woojin turns away. He turns because the rain isn’t touching him anymore, Woojin’s not touching him anymore, but someone else is.
Someone who isn’t him.
”But I always thought you'd come back,
tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery”
“ Jihoon hyung! Where have you been? Your boyfriend has taken you from us.” Daehwi teases, swinging an arm over Jihoon’s shoulder.
Woojin stabs at his food. They used to all sit together but now Woojin’s all alone, staring across at the person who was once his whole world.
“I’m happy. He’s perfect, Daehwi. I really like him.” Jihoon gushes, smiling brightly.
Woojin stares no matter how hard his heartstrings clench at the fact that Jihoon wasn’t smiling at him like this anymore. He feels his eyes water and Woojin wants nothing more than Jihoon to be his again. Woojin wants nothing more than Jihoon smiling at him, holding him, loving him.
He thought that maybe this was those things where you could easily get over with time and a bit of self love but as days past, the pain in his heart only gets worse.
“I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love”
Woojin lays on the bed, his arm stretched out onto the cold, empty space beside him where once Jihoon had lain. Woojin hates how he’s not there to cuddle into, to feel the comforting warmth from. He hates that he can’t simply reach out and know that it’s okay, Jihoon’s right here. But what Woojin hates the most is that now somebody else gets to feel all the things he did.
It wasn’t their thing now to cuddle under the covers, to litter each other with good night kisses, to whisper their love you’s before drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms. It’s sadder for Woojin to think that this was still Jihoon’s thing, this was still something Jihoon did every single night. What’s even worse is while the other does this, Woojin spends the nights crying of a love lost.
Weeping, Woojin mourns in the darkness of the night of a love he once had, gone to someone better than him.
”'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile”
“Here is our Park Woojin! You look happier.” Youngmin smiles, patting Woojin on the back.
Woojin grins. He looked happier but he wasn’t. He knew he was worrying his friends and he didn’t want anyone to pity him because he knew he’d break down, spill out all the sadness and hurt he’s felling within. Woojin doesn’t want to burden them so he pretends - he pretends that everything is okay when inside the weak stitches on his broken heart are quickly breaking away.
“Let’s go. Donghyun and Woong are waiting at the beach.” Youngmin flashes him another smile, draping an arm over Woojin and dragging him to the car.
Woojin turns his head away. His eyes begin to sting and he feels like he’s going to be sick because the beach was where it happened. The beach was where Woojin had everything slip through his hands, right in front of his teary eyes.
”I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive”
Woojin doesn’t know if he can hold himself together.
The familiar feeling of the warm sand beneath his feet used to comfort him but he just feels cold as all the memories from that day crawl back into his mind.
And even with the sun sparkling on the water, making it glimmer like a jewel, Woojin can’t seem to find the beauty in it anymore. All he sees now is how the waves were crashing over one another in the back as Jihoon’s words hit him like a bullet. All he sees now is how Woojin dropped to his knees, sinking into the sand, tears rolling down his face as Jihoon walked away.
Their words start ringing in his ears, making him feel dizzy.
-
“Woojin, we can’t do this anymore. We have to break up. I’m sorry.”
“B-but Jihoon. You love me, don’t you?” Woojin sobs, grasping onto the older’s sleeve.
Jihoon pulls his arm away, looking at Woojin in pity, “I don’t love you anymore, Woojin. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
Woojin gulps, taking in shaky breaths, “There’s nothing to forgive. It’s not your fault.”
Jihoon doesn’t move, “Woojin, I’m sorry.”
Woojin cries, softly, “Just go, Jihoon. It’s okay. I-I wish you best. I hope you find them.”
Jihoon leaves and all Woojin can do is cry his sorrows away.
-
“Woojin? Woojin! Are you okay?”
Woojin startles, looking up to see three concerned people looking at him, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Donghyun shakes his head, reaching his hand out to wipe away the tears on Woojin’s face, “You’re not.”
His voice is soft and Woojin thinks it’s okay to be vulnerable so he cries.
“Woojin, don’t keep it in.” Woong smiles, wrapping Woojin up in a safe hug.
Youngmin and Donghyun follow after and Woojin sits there, arms holding him securely as he lets the last stitch come undone.
”It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me”