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Jungkook would follow him anywhere. Would hurt for him anytime. Would give himself to him anywhere. Would do anything that he asks. That's how much devotion he has for him. His world, his light, his breath, his lifeline.
Which is why he would not tell him. Tell him how much it is hurting him that he's only someone he spend his nights with. That he only exist in his bed when it's 2 am and he feels lonely. He would not tell hin that he longs to stay; to stay until the morning. To see him when the morning lights escape the blinds in his room. To see how soft and beautiful he would look under the early morning light, his hair messed up from sleep. To see his peaceful face, deep in the premises of sleep.
But he's only for the night. He doesn't exist when the sun comes up. Which is why he hates the sun. The warmth of it could not compare to the warmth he feels when he's surrounded by him. Long, warm fingers wrapped around his body, soft sounds of pleasure directly poured in his ears. Soft cries of wanting more, filled with desperation and desire.
Maybe someday he'll get to see the morning light with him. Maybe someday he'll get to wake up and see him there. Maybe someday he'll hear the sizzling of food or the smell of coffee and him sitting in his dinner table, eating breakfast. Maybe someday he will feel his arms around him tighten more to cuddle him some more. Maybe someday he will be awakened wuth soft kisses abd hushed whispers in his skin.
But that is not today, or tonight. He's not sure anymore. He doesn'tt want to know which is why he doesn't have a clock in his room. Nor is his phone anywhere near him so he could check. Today, he watches him get dressed. His back to him. He watches with longingness as he sees him gather his things and checks the time in his phone. He sees him sigh as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to fix it. He sees his retreating back as he finds a bottle of water which he later passes on to Jungkook so he could have some as well.
"Thank you tonight, Kook-ah," he says as he finally zips his pants and fumbles with his belt.
"No problem, hyung," he says softly as he starts to get up from the bed and dress himself. "I really wish you would stay," he whispers.
"What was that?" he hears him ask.
"I wish you would stay," he looks up at him, his voice louder but with a slight tremble. His heart pounding right out of his chest.
He watches him process what he said for a few moments and then he laughs and smiles bbefore saying, "You know I can't, Jungkook, we talked about this before right?" as he again runs his hands through his hair but now out of awkwardness.
Jungkook looks down as he nods. "Y-you're right, we did, hyung. I'm sorry," he says as he sighs, gathering himself before looking up and smiling as bright as he can. "Let's go before it gets too late, hyung." he puts on his shirt and thinks 'before it gets too late and I say something to ruin this.'
He follows him to the front door and hovers. He watches him bend down to put on his shoes. He reaches out to touch him but he stops himself. He fears that if he touches him it would be for something else. Something that he's not allowed to do. He' s not his lover, as much as he loves him and as much as he wants to be, he isn't. He's just... Jungkook. A warm body that is always so ready, so open, and so pliant for his hyung to use for a few hours.
He gets up and turns to Jungkook, smiling at him with his damn beautiful and perfect dimples showing. "Well then, I'm off" he winks and chuckles, taking both Jungkook's breath and heart away. Oh, he's so in trouble. He's fallen so deep he doesn't think he can get up. He doesn't think he'll ever want to.
"Bye, hyung," he says after a few seconds of staring at him.
He nods and turns around to open the door. He watches him leave and stays standing there for a long time even after he's heard the soft click of the door being shut.
It's quiet and cold. And Jungkook is all alone. He feels his knees buckle and he sinks to the floor, sighing. He feels tears threaten to leave his eyes but he doesn't let them. He has just been held by his hyung, his love, not less than an hour ago. He's supposed to be happy and sore. But the dull ache in his body doesn't bring in the same positive feelings it did before. Now it's just a harsh reminder of what he is. Of what he is to him. And what part he plays in his world. But he guesses it's fine as long as he's in his world. So long as he's in Jungkook's. He doesn't care how and what he is so long as even for a few moments, he was Jungkook's and Jungkook was his.
Maybe someday that will change. For the better, or for worse, he doesn't know. All he knows is that he hopes that someday, when it does change, Jungkook will be able to come and exist in the morning light with him.