Work Text:
he misses jeongguk. he says he doesnt. he scoffs at the idea. and yet.
here he is.
at 12 in the morning, changing out of his sleeping top and into jeongguk’s old, faded black t shirt.
he borrowed the shirt from the younger weeks ago and never bothered to return it.
when the younger had first given it to him, his scent still woven into every thread of the shirt, jimin had worn that shirt for a whole week before the smell finally faded and he had to reluctantly wash it.
after that, he still wears it any chance he gets, even if jeongguk’s scent isn’t there anymore.
he misses jeongguk so much.
now more than ever.
theyve been texting and talking and flirting again, for the past two months that is.
until today.
jeongguk didnt text him on sunday.
not a single word, a single peep from the younger when he promised the day before to come over to jimin’s place so jimin could play with his dog, Deojay.
and todays monday. jeongguk barely looked at him in class and just visibly and blatantly ignored jimin. jimin thinks about him all day.
the only thing running through his brain every single second of the day was “jeongguk. jeongguk. jeongguk.”
its fucking obsessive and self-reliant and jimin pities himself as much as he despises himself for feeling so.
hes always prided himself into never giving affection easily and never being all that bothered with love and feelings and emotions.
it all goes to shit when it comes to jeongguk. no matter how cold he seems or even unattached in the other’s eyes, jeongguk would never be able to grasp how much he really fucking means to him, how every single brush of his fingertip against jimin makes him want to curl up and die or how everytime the other boy so much as stare longingly into his eyes, jimin feels himself wilt, feels himself give away a part of himself unwillingly to the oh so sweet boy with the toothy grin and sparkly eyes.
jimin doesn’t understand why the other boy is acting up so.
you see, their whole relationship dynamic is just fucking messed up.
they had already broken up. three times might he add.
all on his account.
all him spitting those nasty but necessary words out everytime.
although he doesnt understand why he bothers doing so when hes always pulled back to jeongguk at the end of the day
. jimin wont go into details of their long and tiresome relationship of the past two years.
all he can say for sure now is he knows that he cant date jeongguk again.
he just cant.
even if the other boy has sworn and has proven himself to jimin countless times that hes had changed, jimin just cant let go of the past, he cant go back to jeongguk cause he’ll end up hurting not only the both of them but also tae.
taehyung joined the class late and unmistakably took a liking to jeongguk back when he and jimin had already broken up.
safe to say that ship crashed and burned but theyre on good terms right now and tae himself today told jimin:” you know id still be supportive right?”
jimin had cocked his head uncertainly and frowned:” what?”
“well if you ever got back together with jeongguk, id still be supportive. even though i know youre about to go through hell. again.”
jimin just knows that itd still hurt tae greatly even if his best friend has found real love with yoongi now. the hurt that jeongguk caused them both always found a way to rear its ugly head and reminded jimin especially why hes not made to be with jeongguk, despite him wanting to believe otherwise.
despite all that, as jimin lays, staring up at the ceiling, the numbers “12:40” from his phone illuminating his face, jimin just misses jeongguk.
his very useless, loveless core misses jeongguk.
misses all his shenanigans trying to court jimin.
trying to make jimin fall back in love.
thats fucking funny though.
jimin doesnt think hes ever really truly fell out of love with jeongguk.
sure the feeling has been awash in a sea of hurt for some time, and it took a long time for jimin to heal and finally be okay with himself.
speaking of which, it was partially jimin’s fault though, he never opened up and he took jeongguk’s love for granted, thinking its the least he deserved after the first time the boy had ever hurt him deeply.
everything after that period of hurt just wasnt enough for jimin and he became bitter and sardonic, dark and twisted and cruel.
their final breakup was a wake up call for him.
when he had finally uttered those long-awaited words, the sense of relief didnt come as he planned, had initially expected.
dread was what he felt instead.
and to this day he wondered. he wondered if he made a huge mistake letting go of jeongguk at that point.
jeongguk last sunday made him question himself even more. the boy had looked at him as if jimin himself hung the stars. looked at jimin as if hes his whole world. jeongguk’s eyes had sparkled and his face was softened, accompanied with a sweet smile and he just glowed with love.
jimin saw enough videos of people being in love and have read enough soapy yet addicting fics about love that hes somewhat familiar with “the look”.
of course hes heard of “the look”. you know the one that depicts someone looking at you in a way that just oozes love.
hes never really experienced it first hand.
until this jeongguk that is.
in that moment, sitting in the car, with jeongguk up front with his dad and jimin’s mom next to him in the backseat, going to watch jeongguk’s match, jimin just feels loved. jeongguk looked at jimin and he felt loved.
that night though, he laid restless and had asked himself why jeongguk never loved him like that back when they were dating. what is the point of this all now, what will he gain?
because jimin already made it clear to jeongguk that no matter how much love they still held for each other, his answer would always remain “no”.
why is that you ask?
jimin doesnt know.
he just cant.