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One random day, somewhere in the wilds of New Jersey, Bob and Mikey are engaged in a very serious discussion.
“Mary-Ann. Definitely Mary-Ann.”
“Are you blind, dude? Ginger!”
“You’re an idiot. Mary-Ann!”
“No, you’re an idiot. Ginger!”
It is at this critical moment in the discussion that Ray comes walking into the room. “Guys, I have some horrible news,” he says somberly.
Bob and Mikey fall silent and turn to face him. “What is it, Ray?” Mikey asks.
Ray takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Frank’s in a coma.”
“Again?” Bob asks.
“Afraid so. Hospital called a few minutes ago.”
“What happened to him this time?”
“Nobody knows. He apparently stopped at a gas station on his way here and while he was filling up his car . . . he swooned.”
“He swooned?” Bob and Mikey ask in unison.
“According to the hospital, that’s what all the witnesses reported. That he swooned. Fell to the ground and he hasn’t been conscious since.”
“Well, I supposed we’d better go visit him,” Bob says as he gets up. “Show our support, hold his hand and whatnot.”
Mikey gets up as well, already grabbing his car keys. “Come on, I’ll drive.” He shakes his head sadly. “Poor Frankie. Another coma . . . ”
Ray begins to walk toward the door but stops as he realizes they’re missing someone. “Where’s Gerard? He knew about the band meeting, right?”
“Knew about it? He called it,” Mikey says, already heading outside. “Come on, we’ll call him from the car.”
The guys proceed to pile into Mikey’s car and speed over to the hospital. Well, actually they don’t speed at all. Frank falls into a coma every month or so, so they’re not especially concerned.
They arrive at the hospital and make their way into Frank’s room - into what is literally Frank’s room. The hospital has one on reserve for him.
There they find Frank lying on the narrow bed in the middle of the room, hands loose at his sides, eyes closed, lips parted just slightly.
“Yup, he’s in a coma, all right,” Bob says as he takes a seat next to the bed.
Ray looks around the empty room. “You know what’s really weird? His parents aren’t here. Or Jamia. Where the heck are they?”
Bob shrugs. “They must have fallen into a plot hole. Those things can come out of nowhere. But don’t worry, they’ll make their way out of it eventually.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Just then, the door swings open and Gerard enters.
“Hey, guys.”
Bob turns toward him. “Where have you been?”
“I was getting my hair styled. You got a problem with that?”
Bob gets up and stalks over to Gerard. “Yeah, we do! Poor Frank’s in a coma, again, and you’re nowhere to be found.”
Gerard pulls out a cigarette and lights it. “Yeah, about that . . . ”
Ray gasps. “Gerard, you can’t smoke in here.”
“The hell I can’t! I am Gerard Way, you know.” He takes in a huge lungful of smoke to emphasize his point. “Anyway, I came to tell you guys that I know what’s going on here. This is no ordinary coma.”
“Oh?”
“That’s right. This is an enchanted sleep.”
“The fuck you say!” Bob exclaims.
“Yeah, it’s true,” Gerard nods as he takes ten drags from his cigarette.
“And you would know this how?” Ray asks.
“I have an in with the author.” He smiles, cocking his head to the side. “She loves me.”
“The fuck you say!” Bob exclaims again.
“Yeah, well it’s true. She worships me and that’s what she told me.”
Ray looks down at Frank. “Well, come to think of it, he is looking pretty ethereal for being in a coma, what with that pale skin and blush to the cheeks and dark eyelashes and everything.” He stops speaking, leaning down to take a closer look. “Actually, he looks pretty hot.”
“Well, how does someone come out of an enchanted sleep?” Mikey asks quietly.
Gerard lights up another cigarette. “True love’s kiss,” he says, blowing smoke rings toward the oxygen tank in the corner.
Ray, Bob and Mikey stare at him blankly. “Huh?”
“Haven’t any of you guys ever seen a Disney movie?” He holds out his hand. “Don’t answer that. Only true love’s kiss will wake someone up from an enchanted sleep.”
“We’d better call Jamia then,” Ray says.
Gerard shakes his head. “Nah, it’s not her.”
“But she’s his wife.”
“Yeah, but this author doesn’t do het.”
“Slash, huh?” Ray says. “Ok, then it’s gotta be one of us. But who?”
Gerard takes a break from smoking to stare at Ray. “All that hair has finally affected your brain, hasn’t it? It’s me.”
“Why does it have to be you?”
“What are you, new? I’m Gerard Way.” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Sheesh!”
“Fine,” Bob says. “Just kiss him already so I can go back to Chicago.”
Gerard smokes down his cigarette in record time and drops it on the floor next to the other one he’s already discarded. He leans down and whispers something against Frank’s ear that sounds suspiciously like, ‘Gimme some sugar,’ before he brings his lips to Frank’s.
Several long seconds pass before he straightens, smoothing his hair. “All righty, then.”
They all stand back and wait for the magic to happen. And they wait. And wait. And wait. But Frank does not open his eyes. He doesn’t even so much as twitch.
“Huh, look at that,” Bob says, smirking. “It didn’t work.”
“But how could it not? I’m Gerard Way. I mean, come on . . . Frerard. It’s always me and Frank.”
Ray claps him on the shoulder. “Sorry, man.”
“No!” Gerard exclaims desperately. “Let me try again. This time I’ll slip him some tongue . . . ”
Bob gives him a slight shove as he moves past him to the bed. “You’ve had your turn already. Now it’s my turn.”
As they all look on, Bob leans down and plants a firm one on Frank’s mouth.
Once again, however, Frank does not stir.
“Well, I guess it’s me then,” Ray says. He steps up to the bed and smooths down his fro. “The things I do for this band,” he mutters just before he takes his turn kissing Frank.
But just like the previous two attempts, nothing happens.
Gerard throws his hands in the hair. “Ok, then! Maybe it is Jamia after all.” He begins to head for the door. “Well, I gotta go, guys. I have to find my wife. She’s probably stuck in one of those damn plot holes.”
“Wait a minute,” Bob says. “Mikey hasn’t had his chance.”
Mikey blushes and looks down.
“It’s not Mikey,” Gerard says.
“How do you know?”
“Mikey? Come on. He’s not a sexual being. No offense, brother.”
“None taken.” Mikey looks up. “I know it’s not me.”
“See? He knows.” Gerard lights up another cigarette. “Anyway, you guys coming or what? I haven’t seen my wife in over two hours. I’m having withdrawals.”
Bob and Ray shrug and give Mikey apologetic looks as they walk to the door.
“Come on, Mikey,” Ray says. “Jamia will be here soon, I’m sure. She’ll fix him.”
Mikey nods and makes to follow them but finds himself sitting down on the edge of the bed instead. With infinite gentleness, he brushes a stray lock of Frank’s hair away from his forehead. “Oh, Frankie. You always get in the worst messes. How does someone even fall into an enchanted sleep anyway?”
He chuckles softly, pulling Frank’s hand into his own. “Well, I guess if anyone can, you can.” He rubs his thumb against Frank’s skin, finds it silken to the touch.
“Ray was right though, you do look pretty amazing right now.” He smiles and blushes. “Who am I kidding, you always look amazing.”
Impulsively, he leans down and brings his lips to Frank’s, giving him a quick, chaste kiss. He pulls away immediately, dropping Frank’s hand and blushing.
“Oh man, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I know it’s not me. I just-” His babbling is cut short by the sight of Frank’s eyes slowly fluttering open.
He scoots back on the bed, watching as Frank sits up and stretches and yawns.
A moment later, Frank’s sleepy eyes find him. Smiling, Frank whispers, “Hey.”
“Um . . . hey.”
“So, it’s you, huh?”
Mikey looks around. “What? Me, what?”
“My true love. It was you that kissed me, right?”
“Well, we all kissed you, so it was probably somebody else,” Mikey says quickly. “It was probably Gerard.”
Frank reaches out and runs his fingers down Mikey’s arm. “It wasn’t Gerard. Gerard’s not here. It was you.”
“It can’t be me. How can it be me?”
The smile slowly disappears from Frank’s face as his fingers still. “So, you don’t love me?”
“Agh! What am I saying? Of course I love you, ok? You’re Frankie and you’re funny and kind and talented and gorgeous and amazing and . . . of course I love you.”
The smile is back. “Really? Good, cause I love you too.”
“You do?”
“Well, yeah. This true love’s kiss thing? It’s gotta be mutual or it doesn’t work.”
“Really?”
“Of course,” Frank says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“How in the world would you know that?”
“The person under the spell always knows.”
“Wow, there’s a lot to this enchanted sleep thing, isn’t there?”
Frank’s smile grows mischievous. He tugs at Mikey’s arm. “Come here.”
Mikey does, getting so close he can see the flecks of gold in Frank’s eyes. “I still can’t believe it’s me,” he mutters.
“You’re sweet and gentle and beautiful and caring and funny . . . You’re amazing. Of course it’s you.”
And this time when they kiss, it is neither quick nor chaste.
A few minutes later, Bob pushes open the door to the hospital room and enters. “Hey Mikey, we got all the way to the car and realized you weren’t there, man. And you have the car keys.”
He stops, staring for a moment as his brain computes.
True love’s kiss.
Frank awake.
Mikey and Frank kissing.
He begins to cackle under his breath. “Wait til Gerard hears about this.”
Then he shuts the door, giving the lovebirds some well-deserved privacy.