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“Garrus, Garrus,” Joker was the only one having breakfast in the mess hall. Of course it had to be him: of all the people in the Normandy, he was the only other crew member with an early schedule, lately. They usually never crossed paths, the pilot woke up earlier than him to squeeze a visit with dr Chakwas, but, alas, the good doctor was visiting a friend on the citadel, using her free night of shore leave. “I haven’t seen you around in, what, a week? Do you even leave the main battery anymore?”
“Good morning, Joker,” he muttered. “I leave, on occasion, you’ve just missed me. I shower, eat, talk to your mother through holocam,” he sniggered as he poured a caffeinated dextro drink in a mug. That would shake Joker off his feet: a joke right out of his own repertoire.
“Hey, funny, very funny Garrus,” he could imagine Joker’s face. “I’ll tell it to your mother when I see her in shore leave,” he quipped. Garrus turned around, slowly, holding the mug.
“My mother is dead, Joker,” he tried to make his voice as low and threatening as he could. His vocal cords resonated for a while. It was hard to keep it straight.
“Oh, wow, well, that’s awkward. I— I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Joker laughed nervously. “Bad joke,” he coughed.
“Do you have any good ones, Joker?” Garrus laughed, making him see he wasn’t really angry. “Come up with something better, next time: then we’ll talk,” he sat down, put his mug on the table. “And my mother isn’t dead, by the way. For future reference, maybe,” he said, trying to sound casual. He sipped his caffeinated drink. He wouldn’t share his woes with Joker, he hadn’t even mentioned his mother’s sickness to Shepard yet: he didn’t want to bother her with his problems and he had made peace with it, kind of, in Omega. Who was he kidding. He just tried not to think about it, what else could he do? Just send her a little money.
“So…,” Joker fiddled with his fingers.
“Yes, Joker?”
“Ahem, hehehe, well. Garrus: EDI mentioned something very interesting, I wanted you to illuminate me.”
“Aha,” Garrus tried to remain calm. He took another sip of his mug. It could be anything. Maybe something about the Normandy’s guns.
“You know she knows everything, right? She’s the whole ship? She saw what you were looking at last night,” he paused, smirking. Oh no: that smirk. He knew what it meant: I know something and you won’t like it, but I’ll have fun telling everyone about it.
Garrus choked on his caffeinated drink.
“And, hmm, what might that be?” he asked, trying not to sound like he was hiding something. He wasn’t, was he? No, there was nothing to— wait a minute. Spirits. He’d forgotten to bypass security for that one search. He was doomed.
“Oh, nothing much, just a little search about, what again? Human customs? Is that what you’re using your super-speed unrestricted extranet access for? Tsk, tsk”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Joker,” Garrus drank the rest of his beverage. Shepard couldn’t know about it: it was stupid. The thought crossed his mind, but it was ridiculous. He wouldn’t do it.
“Birthday parties, Garrus? And the commander’s just happens to be today?”
“I clicked on a banner by accident,” he stood up to clean the mug. He was shaking, why was he shaking? Get it together, Garrus, spirits!
“No you didn’t. You typed it down with those huge talons of yours AND, you read about it for two and a half hours,” he said. He knew that other look too: smugness.
“I must’ve left the tab open, that’s all,” he finished cleaning the mug. Poker face till the end. It had to be like that.
“Do you want me to call EDI? We can ask her,” Joker said in singsong.
“Fine: I did it. Happy now? By the spirits,” Garrus sat across Joker. “Why are you torturing me with this? Haha, very funny. Payback for the jokes?, you got me. Now please: let it go.”
“Whoa, so you turians do have feelings tucked underneath the carapace. Fleet and Flotilla was not a work of fiction after all, huh? Sappy and gooey inside, all of you,” he chuckled.
Garrus sighed. He didn’t have the energy to argue. Where was Joker going with all that? What did he want?
“Garrus, my friend— we’re friends right?” Joker put his legs on the table. Garrus let out an annoyed grumble.
“It depends on where you’re going with all this,” he squinted.
“I’m on your side, Garrus, jeez, you really think none has noticed? The longing looks across the shuttle,” he bat his eyelashes, rapidly. “I mean: even Mordin noticed and he’s oblivious to affective interactions. Everyone else is too polite so say anything, I mean, she’s the commander— and you’re a little intimidating,” he coughed.
“I’m not intimidating, what are you talking about?” he forced a laugh.
“I know you, so I know you’re cool, but the others find you aloof and then you come and make that intimidating voice like before, I mean: I’m not scared, but the others,” he laughed nervously.
“Maybe I do spend too much time locked in the main battery, but those guns do really need proper calibrating, you know?” he was so close, so close! Sidonis’ location was one lead away, he could feel it.
“Actually, EDI—,”
“Ugh,” Garrus rolled his eyes. “Ok, you got me.” He’d have to talk to EDI. Soon.
“Look Garrus, about me being on your side: I meant it. I’m team Garrus, all the way, I promise. Ever since the SR1— what, don’t give me that look! You know what I’m talking about. You have a real chance with the commander now, and look at her: I haven’t seen her smile like that, ever. Happy commander will get us through the mission in one piece, and I like all my pieces just where they are,” he added, quickly.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Joker,” Garrus coughed. Was it too early for a stiff drink? It was, wasn’t it? It was. Shepard and the rest could walk on them, any minute.
“I’ll help you throw Shepard the best birthday party she’s ever had. We have the time, it’s not like we’re going anywhere tonight, and I don’t mind going to the presidium for a little walk, get some things,” Joker wiped his mouth.
“Let’s say you’re right. Let’s say, hmm, hypothetically, I, hmm care about Shepard. Why do you want to help? What’s in it for you, really.”
“Happy commander, remember? And, arhg, I made a bet with Zaeed and Kasumi. Don’t be mad?”
“I’m leaving,” Garrus stood up. Trusting Joker with anything serious was a terrible idea. His nickname was Joker, by the spirits.
“Agh, wait, stop,” he sighed. “Alright, I don’t have many friends, ok? And I do consider you my friend. And Shepard. I think you can use a little push, that’s all. She can use a little incentive, what’s the harm? She clearly enjoys spending time with you, I’m just… giving you an edge. A little shove, see where it goes.”
“Hmm,” Garrus muttered. He didn’t like it one bit. It could backfire, badly. What if Shepard hates it? What if she thinks he’s an idiot? It was Joker he was talking to, not exactly the best guy to trust with that kind of thing; did he have any experience, at all? Spaceships didn’t count.
“Come on,” Joker pushed. “No harm. I’ll take care of everything, you already know what she likes, EDI has the shopping list you made,” he sniggered. “The guests are already on board, no need to worry about that. Just get her off the ship while I get everything done. Easy peasy.”
“If it matters so much to you, then, fine,” Garrus laughed, softly. “But if it goes bad, I’m blaming you, Joker. None else, just you: I’m throwing you under the tram and running like hell.”
“And I’ll take all the blame, gladly, I swear.”
Garrus waited by the elevator, trying to look casual. Just browsing random websites on his datapad, absolutely not waiting for Shepard to come down to the mess hall for breakfast. They usually bumped into each other, but lately he actively avoided her. And the rest of the crew, for obvious reasons after that, huh, little morning parade post Omega. If Joker realized, and Kasumi, Zaeed and, spirits: Mordin? Who else? The assassin Thane was a recent addition, and he didn’t seem like the kind to gossip, but there was the cook Gardner, Tali, literally the whole Normandy. Was the ship moving, suddenly? It couldn’t have. They were docked and the citadel had a strong artificial gravity. He leaned on the wall. His vitals were all over the place, his visor indicated he was in the middle of a battlefield.
“Garrus?” Shepard’s voice startled him, he dropped the datapad. She picked it up before he could reincorporate.
“Shepard, huh, hello, how’s it going?” he laughed, stroking his fringe.
“Great, I see you finally came out of the main battery, huh? I barely see you anymore when we’re not out on missions. Hell, I miss that face of yours,” she punched him lightly on the shoulder. “I was starting to forget what you looked like,” she handed him the datapad. “Care to join me for breakfast? Or is it back to your calibrations already?”
“I think I’ve calibrated long enough,” he said, following her to the mess hall.
“Is it just me or do you lock the main battery’s door lately? I come by, once or twice, every day, just to say hi, and the door just won’t move,” she poured coffee in a mug.
“I’m doing dangerous work there, Shepard. Lots of cables lying around, debris. Ahem,” he couldn’t lie to her any longer. He had to tell her he was looking for Sidonis, soon. But not yet.
“Sure, yeah,” Shepard drank greedily from her mug. She took a packet of oatmeal from a box, shook it a little, then poured it into a bowl. It heated immediately; she dropped the bag, she had burned her fingers. He quickly took the bag from her, put it in the garbage; she smiled at him, nodding. She jumped on the counter and sat right there.
“Shepard, you ok? You look, how do I put it: not so good,” he said, sitting by her.
“Wow, thanks for the compliment big guy,” she chuckled, looking down at her plate. “You’re not exactly a paragon of beauty yourself,” she was joking, he could tell. He nudged her, softly. She smiled, but only half way.
“I forgot to slap more paint over here,” he pointed at his scars. “I figured, since I’m hiding in the main battery all day, no pretty girls would see me,” he whispered. “But I was wrong,” he chuckled. “I meant: you look sad, Shepard. Is something bothering you? Is it Kaidan? Do you need me to find him and, heh, maybe give him a good ass whipping?”
“That won’t be necessary, but thanks for offering,” there it was, a heartfelt laugh. He twitched his nose. “And thanks for taking out the trash the other day, my desk feels a lot less cluttered now. My mind too,” she closed her eyes, sighing.
“No problem, Shepard. I’m always here, whatever you need,” he paused.
He hadn’t really been there lately, had he? Hiding in his “calibrations”. And from her. That shore leave in Omega had been special for him, but he had gotten carried away. Did she remember him tucking her in? He all but told her he loved her. He had read too much into that night, they’d gone out as friends, that was all. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself. He was terrified of being alone with her, what if she decided she wanted to talk? “hey, Garrus, look, I had fun that night, and I appreciate you, but I can never love a turian. You’re my friend, and we’ll never be anything other than that.” He’d respect that, of course. He valued Shepard’s friendship too much, he’d never want to lose her— which is why he wouldn’t even mention his feelings to her, and hiding had seem like the perfect idea. Maybe after a week things had cooled off enough. They could be Shepard and Garrus, best pals, again. No weirdness.
“It’s my birthday today, do turians celebrate birthdays?” she played with her food.
“Not really, we’re not big on individual achievements,” he cleared his throat. “I’ve never actually thought about human birthday celebrations,” he lied. He laid awake in the dark for hours the night before thinking about it.
“I don’t think I have anything to celebrate today, Garrus. I died two years ago, and what am I now? Some kind of zombie, I don’t know,” he pushed her food around. “How old am I, even? A couple of months? Six months? How long have I been alive now?”
“Shepard, I— I honestly don’t know what to say,” Garrus held her hand, briefly. “What about Grunt? He’s a few weeks old, isn’t he? It’s a different situation you got there. But you’ll figure it out, in no time, you’ll see,” he put a hand on her shoulder.
“Well, we did figure out Grunt’s situation. He felt uneasy and all it took was killing a giant spiky worm: no biggy. Maybe that’s what I need,” she snorted a small laugh. “Maybe I need to blow off steam, take this whole thing off my system. Shoot something big and spiky.”
“You know? I still think we could’ve sorted it out with a lap dance. Easier, faster, fewer fluids, fun for all the family,” he joked. “Just a thought. Not everything needs to be blowing things up with giant guns, though, mind you, I see the appeal. I’m just saying, we do our fair share of blowing stuff up as it is, and it doesn’t seem to be helping; maybe you need a different approach. That’s all.”
“Are you offering to deliver it? The lap dance, I mean,” she smiled, pursing her lips to one side. Garrus nearly choked on his own tongue. She caught him completely off guard, he had to think, quickly. And look casual, cool, unfazed. Yes. Just go with it, Garrus.
“Shepard: I don’t think you’re ready to see a naked turian. Most people faint at the sight of it the first time,” he laughed, trying to sound casual. He could feel the sweat pooling between his shoulder plaques. “What will I tell Chakwas?”
“I’ve seen Fornax magazines, Garrus. I took alien biology courses: not really that impressive,” she repressed a smile.
He coughed, nervously. “It’s different in person, just saying. Pictures can be deceiving,” he leaned back, stretching his arms. Try to look cool, Garrus. That’s it, she doesn’t suspect you’re about to faint.
“I’m trying to have breakfast here: man. Disgusting,” Jack made a gagging sound from the back. Where had she come from? “I’ll take my gruel downstairs,” she grabbed a tray. “So this is what it feels to overhear mom and dad talking about it, huh? Thanks for that at least, Cerberus,” she muttered.
“So, what were we talking about?” Garrus stood up, facing Shepard. “Yes, doing something. Hm. Look, we have all day. If you need to get off the Normandy, if you need company, I’d be happy to, you know, come with. If you want.”
“Hell, you know what? That’d be nice. But no strip clubs,” she jumped off the counter. “I just want some real peace. I bet Chambers already let it slip it’s my birthday, and there must be some kind of celebration underway. I want nothing with that,” she closed her eyes, cracked her knuckles. “There’s somewhere I’d like to go, if it’s not a pile of debris. Are you ready?”
“I just need to check the guns one more time, I promise I’ll be quick and right there with you,” he walked towards the main battery. He closed the doors, then opened his omnitool:
Joker, call it off. I’m going out with Shepard, she doesn’t want any parties. DON’T ASK. Just call it off.
P.S. EDI: not a word to Shepard.
His omnitool beeped as soon as he left the main battery.
Go, Garrus!
J.
Damn, Joker.
The presidium looked as if no reaper had ever crushed with it, ever. Clean water flowed under the bridges, elegant asari strolled with their sequined dresses and painted tentacled heads, wealthy volus merchants stomped on your feet with their deceivingly heavy suits. No wonder the council didn’t believe Shepard when she said the galaxy was in peril: this part of the citadel was an oasis of perfection. No crime, happy c-sec officers, perfectly trimmed landscapes and no unbecoming odors. It unnerved him.
Shepard had been quiet during their whole skycar trip, her lips pursed. She remained like that until they made it to the Council Tower. She grabbed him by the wrist, he could feel all her fingers pressing his tender flesh, each one of them sent electric currents all the way up to his heart. Garrus followed her, no questions asked. As usual. Wherever she went, if she asked to follow, he’d go.
She sat on the steps, beckoned him to do the same next to her. In his experience, people got fines for vagrancy if they got caught sitting on the pristine steps of the City Council. He couldn’t help but feel a little nervous: but it was a stupid rule, one he’d be willing to fight. Specially for Shepard. If she wanted to sit there, he would punch one or two c-sec officers— if needed.
“This is where we first met,” she said, her eyes fixed on the water in front of them. “Do you remember what I was like back then?”
“Hmm. I remember thinking damn, this human means business,” he chuckled. He was looking at her. Her hair moved with the citadel’s synthetic breeze. He wanted to touch it, to tuck it behind her ears. She laughed, softly, wrinkling her nose.
“They made me spectre, for a reason,” she sighed. Her expression changed again, that flicker of happiness went away as quick as it came. “What if the reason isn’t there anymore? What if I don’t deserve to be a spectre? Am I—” she looked down, “a Cerberus puppet? They rebuilt me, Garrus. What if a part of me feels like I owe them? You were with me when we shut down their labs, their experiments: they were inhuman. They’re disgusting, therefore: I am.”
“Shepard,” Garrus whispered, holding her hand. “you’re not, don’t even suggest that, by the spirits. But, where is this coming from? Is it Kaidan? Did he say something to you again?” he tried his best to quell his anger, but some of it must’ve leaked in his tone. Shepard let go of his hand.
“He sent me a private message,” she snorted. “Happy birthday, Shepard. I hope you’re having fun with your Cerberus friends, or something like that. Really? He couldn’t just let it go, could he? Not even on my birthday. Classic passive aggressive Alenko. I just— I can’t deal with this right now, Garrus.”
“I’m really sorry, Shepard,” that son of a varren. Next time he saw him, he’d greet him with a nice punch in the gut. Or two. Spirits knew he deserved so much more than a little shake for making Shepard suffer like that. She’d been through so much, and what? Not even an I miss you? No trust for the woman he, supposedly, loved? He made a fist. Closed his eyes and sighed, angrily. “I can only imagine how much you’re hurting right now, but I’ll tell you this: you’re still you. I know you, I’ve seen the haunted look in your eyes every time you leave that videoconference room; if Alenko, or anyone, thinks you’re suddenly a Cerberus puppet, they certainly haven’t been paying attention. When they made you a spectre I followed you for the same reason I’m following you now: you care for people, for justice. You won’t stop until the collectors, the reapers, whatever threat is gone. Again and again, you put everyone before you: would a Cerberus puppet do that? Cerberus only cares about what Cerberus wants. And, as you very well told me: we’re using them, not the way around. Don’t forget that,” Garrus ended up short of breath, after that little pep talk. Shepard remained silent for a while, still not looking at him.
She sighed, then turned to him, smiling.
“Thank you, Garrus,” she held his hand again. He was still shaking, but the touch of her hand calmed him down a notch. “I don’t think—,” she bit her lips, then looked up at him. A keeper bumped on them, carrying something. Shepard moved closer to Garrus, he could feel her warmth trespassing the fabric of his civilian clothes. “I don’t think I could’ve done all this without you. I mean, sure. But it’s easier, knowing at least someone on the ship trusts me even when I don’t,” she was smiling, wasn’t she? But still managed to look sad, somehow. Spirits. It broke his heart.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been, available lately. I really am. I promise the main battery will always be open to you, if you need to talk,” he whispered.
“It would mean a lot,” she whispered back. “Even if it’s just to hear you say can it wait for a bit, I’m in the middle of some calibrations,” she laughed, softly.
“Hey, I don’t say that. Not all the time,” he laughed.
“Aha, sure,” she lifted an eyebrow. “I mean it, though, it’s good to hear your voice, to know you’re there. Don’t lock me out again, huh? I’m the commander, remember? I can make EDI open the doors whenever I want to anyway,” she put an arm around his shoulders. He stiffened. What did that mean? Was it a friendly hug? Of course it was, he had just been comforting her through a heartbreaking letter from her ex. He clasped his hands on his lap, trying to look casual.
“I didn’t know you could do that, but thanks for the heads up,” he laughed.
“Oh? Are you doing something you’re not supposed to, Garrus? Worried I’ll walk in on you? Don’t worry. I’m scarred for life after entering the cockpit like that. Never again,” she made a funny face as she laughed.
“Better not risk it, then,” Garrus made a negative gesture with his hands. “But I promise I’ll keep it decent in there, just in case,” he winked.
“Always so considerate, that’s what I lo— like about you, Garrus,” she corrected herself, quickly, or had it been a glitch on his translator? A glitch, definitely a glitch. If not, she had corrected herself. She didn’t want him to get to conclusions, right?Ahem. He decided to, at least pretend, to drop it.
“Anywhere else you’d like to go to, Shepard? We still have all day.”
“Actually, yes, there’s a place. Ever been to Armax Arena?” Garrus negated with his head. “It’s a combat simulator, in Silversun Strip. I’ve never been, but hell, I’ve always wanted to try it. They say you can fight Cerberus operative holos there.”
“Sounds like a fun and cathartic way to spend the day,” Garrus stood up. “If you need someone to watch your back, I’m your turian,” he helped her get up.
“Let’s get moving, then. The last one to get to the sky car is the Illusive Man,” she started running without warning.
“That’s cheating, Shepard!” he yelled, laughing, as he ran after her.
“What? I can’t hear you!” she laughed in the distance.