Chapter Text
“I am telling you, dear, you should have turned right two miles ago,” Aziraphale told Crowley in the calmest manner he would manage, hiding his annoyance behind a polite façade. As if this didn’t made Crowley more upset than plain yelling.
And, oh, Aziraphale was annoyed. He had rolled his eyes at least twice in three hours and let out short, exasperated sighs ever since Crowley lost track of where they were going to. Well, but it was perfectly justified, of course. After all, they weren’t travelling on their own, but with little, dear Adam. They had decided to take the child away in a short holiday until things cooled down both in Heaven and Hell, for since they had lost the chance for battle and had been unable to punish those responsible for this, they had been rather irritable and they feared something should come upon the kid as he was just trying to live a normal life.
Thus, by some kind of odd miracle, two uncles neither of Adam’s parents could quite recall had shown up but five hours and a half before the moment when our narrative started at the Young’s household to take their favourite nephew away on a trip. This way, they would be able to leave mere mortals away from these matters in case something did happen while they were taking care of the former Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness.
“Oh, you know nothing of this would have happened if you hadn’t insisted on carrying the fu…”
“Crowley!”
“T-the… the funny! map with us instead of the gps!!”
“Oh, but maps are so much fun,” Aziraphale smiled, looking down at it in fondness. “And they help us bond much more than those talking machines.”
“Yeah, sure, we are bonding so much right now. Look at us, totally not wanting to go at each other’s throats!”
“Surely, you are the only one who feels that way,” the angel replied with a pout, looking back to the road. “Alright, if you’re going to get mad at me whenever I try to guide and you don’t follow my instructions, thus, getting lost, I just won’t talk at all.”
“Good, give that to me,” Crowley said, making Aziraphale let out an indignant gasp as he reached out for his map. He put it on the wheel and started looking down to it and up to the road.
“It’s upside down, dear.”
“Shut up.”
“Can we turn the music lower? I want to sleep,” Adam, who had been bored of the conversation since Aziraphale started naming all the restaurants of the small villages they were going to visit, asked. He wasn’t in the best of moods either, since he had been looking forwards to playing with his friends that Saturday at Anathema’s house: they had found out that she had at home plants which made you feel funny and wanted to give them a try. Of course, Anathema would have never allowed this, but Adam didn’t quite know that.
Crowley reached out for the volume and “Mother” by Prince started sounding at the highest volume. Adam covered his ears with his hands and Dog let out a whine and a growl, hiding between his master and the seat.
“Crowley!” Aziraphale let out and turned off the music, making the demon grunt. He reached out for the radio again, but when he turned it on, a ballad started playing.
“Tchaikovsky, really?” he whined. “He was an absolute douchebag!”
“And a genius, as most Russian artists,” Aziraphale smiled, proud of his choice and remembering those afternoons in Tolstoi’s summer house. Dog went back to leaning on Adam’s lap and let out a happy sigh, falling asleep easily.
“I can’t believe you performed a miracle just to change the music.”
“It takes a real one for you to have some classical music in your car,” he said, shifting on the seat. They continued in silence for the first time since they picked Adam up and the first drops of what would soon enough turn into a storm started falling down on them.
Aziraphale looked through the window, the green English fields succeeding one after the other. They were heading up north, for no one would ever suspect Southerners to go up, having stopped in Manchester already, and they had just crossed the border to Scotland. At least that was what Aziraphale had calculated, for they had spent more than five hours by car. Well, in that case those wouldn’t be the English fields, but the Scottish. Which made him think of something.
“Was Brexit your idea?”
“Seriously, why Scotland?” Crowley asked at the same time. They both looked at each other politely and awkwardly as they tried to let the other talk first. Crowley was the first to reply. “The humans did it, as the most evil things.” He replied and Aziraphale nodded, sort of expecting the answer. He didn’t want to dwell more on the idea since he knew this could upset Crowley.
“Scotland is a beautiful land with amiable people and beautiful landscapes. Besides, who doesn’t like to wear some tartan,” he added with a smile. “And they sell the warmest wool jumpers and…”
“So you wanted to come to Scotland to indulge on the fashion,” Crowley said, not caring to hold back a smile. He knew it couldn’t be haggis. The angel was too refined to try sheep guts.
“Oh, well,” Aziraphale smiled shily. “That’s… well, there’s beautiful scenery, as I said, and I thought our little Adam would enjoy visiting it, as well as the rich mythology and legends of the place, of course.”
So he was also looking for new books for his library. Interesting.
“I see.”
“Would you have rather gone to another place?” he asked, interested.
“I would have rather gone south,” the demon replied. “Maybe Israel. Show the kid where everything started. Also… warmer,” he added in a thin voice and Aziraphale gave him a surprised and worried look.
“Oh, my, I forgot your cold blood. Don’t worry, dear, we’ll find appropriate clothing for you and Scottish houses are very well-conditioned for the weather!”
“I don’t want your… wool jumpers,” he frowned. “I’ll be perfectly fine with my leather jackets. Besides, cool weather is not a problem.”
“You can always crawl into my pocket.”
“I’m telling you it’s not a problem.”
“Of course not, dear.”
“You are being patronising.”
“I am not being patronising. I am never patronising, I…”
By that moment, the storm had become stronger. The rain fell against the car mercilessly, which, together with the darkness of the evening, made it impossible to see in the dark. Crowley took off his sunglasses to see better, although in the process of doing this, he didn’t notice the tree before him and loudly crashed against it.
“My car!!!”
“The child!!! Adam, are you alright?”
“What happened?” the kid asked, scared, as Dog whined.
“We can’t travel without gps in the night, God damn it!” Crowley got off the car to look at it. The damage was quite great and would take a great amount of power to fix it, which wasn’t convenient to use since he didn’t want to get the attention of the people below. Luckily enough, it hadn’t caught on fire like last time.
Aziraphale got off the car as well just to hear the demon yelling for all of them to help him move back the car. He helped Adam out, wrapping his jacket around him and dog, and Crowley started pushing the car until it was completely separated from that foul tree.
“What have I done to deserve this?”
“Crowley, we have to find a place to spend the night!” Aziraphale exclaimed. “We will freeze to death!”
“Because we couldn’t choose a warm destination,” he hissed.
At that moment, a light which seemed almost celestial made its way between the rain and darkness of the night, blinding Crowley and making Aziraphale and Adam squint their eyes. The figure of a young woman, who had become their saviour, started forming before their eyes, all wet from the rain, a shawl covering her shoulders, but also damp, and when she spoke, it seemed to them she did it so harmoniously they had never heard something like this, and they had never been happier of being asked such a question.
“Who are you?”