Work Text:
Rain raced down the large window casting abstract shadows on the living room floor. Lightning flashed through the sky’s grey blanket. Thunder roared vibrating the room; it soothed Jin. Huddled in the large white chair, Jin sat staring out the window. He slouched in the chair, tucking his feet underneath him pulling his knee to his chest. The rim of his wine glass lightly traced his lips. His eyes became overwhelmed with tears. Lifting his head, he pulled his lips from the glasses edge, now watching the rain through a fog. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stared at the ceiling holding back the tears. He exhaled slowly lowering his chin. Still clutching the glass in his hand, he wiped the tears away with the brush of his knuckles. Bringing the glass to his lips again he stopped; glancing at the blood-colored wine, he swirled it around. With another deep exhale, he sat the glass down on a small side table.
For a moment Jin froze; eyes staring at the black screen of his phone. Fear overcame him. Afraid to see the time, afraid to confirm his suspicions, Jin paused. Pushing past the fear, Jin scooped up the phone in an instant pressing its home button. In bold white font, 1:53 am shinned on his screen. His fear turned to anger.
Untucking his legs, his feet fell to the floor with a thud. The hardwood was cold against his bare soles. Standing up, Jin slid his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants snatching the wine glass from the table. Walking through the dark living room, Jin navigated his way around the kitchen counter. He leaned on the stainless steel sink pouring the last sips of wine from the glass down the drain. He sat the empty glass in the sink, reaching over to his right for the bottle. Picking up the bottle by its neck, even in the dark he grew repulsed. Hours before, when he spent less than twenty seconds tracking the wine down, it was a brand new bottle. Uncorked and untouched. But now, holding it in his hand it was one-fourth of the way full. He too poured it down the drain, letting the tap water wash it away.
The sound of a key being pushed into the front door’s tumbler echoed through the home. Soon the door pushed open dragging its rubber stopper along the floor. Jin turned slightly glancing at the now open door seeing Namjoon’s tall silhouette stood in its frame. His clothes housed stains from the raindrops outside and his hair clung to his forehead. If it were any other moment, Jin’s heart would have skipped a beat. But it didn’t. Instead, Jin turned off the running water casting a silence in the home. He grabbed the now empty wine bottle and walked toward the trash can, which was placed by the front door. Jin never recognized how inconvenient it was until now. For a moment Namjoon’s heart stopped. The sensitive organ ceased pumping blood through his body. Time itself had slowed.
As Jin walked toward Namjoon, he couldn’t help but notice the stale look in his eyes. Namjoon couldn’t tell if the red irises were from the wine or tears. He cast it as a little bit of both. Continuing to watch Jin without a word his eyes roamed his body. The light grey sweatpants hung on Jin’s hips as the bottom of the pant leg barely brushed his ankles. Jin’s white long sleeve draped over his wide shoulders and fell at his sides. Namjoon could feel his breath hitch.
Stepping onto the trash can’s metal plate, it’s lid flung open. The metal top hit the wall, casting a small thud in Namjoon’s heart. Time caught up once again. Jin let the empty bottle drop in the half-filled can and walked away from the door.
He never looked Namjoon in the eye.
Namjoon watched Jin’s back disappear around the corner to the hall. He could still hear Jin’s feet shuffle into their shared bedroom. Namjoon’s breath returned to him in an instant, almost too quickly. Slowing his heart rate, Namjoon gazed at the hall’s corner only to pry his eyes to the ground. Swallowing, he turned toward the still open condo door. Pushing it closed, he found the silence of the building’s hallway softer than the silence that lurked in his own home. Such a drastic change in atmosphere separated by only a few feet of wood. just beyond the door. He shook at the thought. Slipping off his shoes, Namjoon slid them against the door with his feet. After locking the door, he made his way toward the bedroom.
Once stepping into the doorway, Namjoon noticed his boyfriend sitting on the untouched sheets. It wasn’t until then did he realize Jin hadn’t been to bed yet; instead he had waited for him. This time Namjoon felt his heart sink. Jin sat closest to the large window on the wall. Pulling his shirt over his head, Jin slid underneath the comforter facing the window.
Namjoon sighed stepping into the room. He pulled the bag that hung on his shoulder and dropped it on the floor near his side of the bed. Pulling off his scarf and jacket Namjoon hung them in the closet on their respective hangers letting them dry. Standing in the dark and open closet, the sound of his belt being unbuckled occupied the silence, but somehow only amplified the tension. Namjoon let his pants drop to the floor, pooling around his ankles. He stepped out of the damp slacks, pulling his shirt over his head. Rolling his shoulders Namjoon dropped his clothes into the large wicker basket containing other recently worn clothes. Without glancing at the bed, Namjoon continued out of the closet into the bathroom. There was no need. There was enough silence in the home to hear a pin drop, let alone the shuffling of their bedsheets. A part of him wished Jin had turned around to face him, even glance in his direction. Namjoon wanted to look, letting the blind curiosity take control, but he restrained, knowing he would be disappointed.
Quickly showering, Namjoon spent the remainder of his time letting the warm water graze his back. Namjoon started to grow tired. The combination of the stresses of work, the strange tension of his love and the bathroom’s steam began to soothe him. Eventually, Namjoon retreated into the bedroom, once again returning to the closet getting dressed for bed.
Now sliding underneath the sheets of his bed, the long-awaited disappointment washed over him. Jin remained facing the window. For a moment Namjoon contemplated lying on his back. Normally when laying on his back he would sink into the mattress dozing off in an instant, but tonight he hesitated. The idea of sleeping on his side alone, caused him to be restless, but the idea of laying on his back only to find himself watching Jin’s shoulders shift as he breathed would cause an even greater pain.
Namjoon turned on his side.
For a moment he thought he had drifted into sleep when he heard Jin’s voice in his ears. Opening his eyes, he stared into the dark hall. Blinking, his lashes scrapped along the hairs of his arm. His heart began to sink as he laid in silence only to jolt to a start when Jin’s voice shot passed his ears.
“What was it this time? Studio or office?”
Namjoon’s voice cracked as he spoke, “Studio. I was finishing up a new project. When I left the buses weren’t running. I had to walk to the train station.”
Namjoon’s heart raced in anticipation. For the first time in hours, he was having a conversation with Jin. He didn’t want it to end.
After a moment, Jin replied with a hum.
Not knowing how to contain his excitement Namjoon turned over hoping to face Jin. Rather he be met with sad eyes or a bright smile, he relished in the thought of looking him in the face for the first time that day. Once again he was disappointed.
Namjoon spoke clearing his throat, “ I should’ve called, I’m sorry.”
“That’s the second time this week. Fifth time in two months.”
Namjoon’s brow furrowed and silence overtook the room.
Jin had spent time recollecting and memorizing each time Namjoon had come home late. He probably knew the exact date and time Namjoon stepped through the door.
Namjoon was at a lost for words, mind racing at a thousand miles per minute, but there was no way he could have braced himself for the next thing that left Jin’s lips.
So vulnerable and frail, the words were armed in a facade of confidence and stability. Cutting through the thick silence, they pushed through Jin’s voice in a crack.
“Are you cheating on me?”
Namjoon jerked forward.
He could never imagine himself falling for another person, let alone touching and kissing one. The thought made him sick to his stomach and the fact Jin had the courage to even think of the possibility made his head spin.
“No!” said Namjoon in a high pitched squeal.
“Why would you ask that? I love you.”
Jin spoke with harsh confidence, “You can love me and still sleep with someone else.”
Namjoon shifted in the sheets sitting up.
“Jin.”
Namjoon tried to be mindful of the time of night but the statement came out with a start.
Jin replied with silence.
Namjoon lowered his head trying to take his tone into consideration. “Seokjin, can you look at me please?”
Jin remained facing the window, his body still lying underneath the sheet, pressing into the mattress.
Jin felt Namjoon shift in bed. Dipping into the bed further, his body rocked and swayed. The sound of the bedside lamp’s chain tugging in its grooves echoed in the room. Soon the small space became flooded with a soft fluorescent light replacing the light of the city.
Letting out a small sigh Jin finally sat up in bed. With his back still facing Namjoon, Jin pulled his legs closer to him.
“It’s not just the working late, you’ve- you’ve been distant.”
Jin could feel his throat tremble as he spoke. Jin tried to swallow his emotions as they escaped. Losing grip, he sniffled.
“Can you look at me please?”
Jin almost broke at how sweet Namjoon’s voice sound, but he couldn’t. In that moment it would be too much.
“I don’t want to right now Namjoon, let me say this.”
Namjoon replied with silence through a broken heart.
Jin spoke again, “You’ve been distant. You changed. You don’t hug me as much, you stopped kissing me, you stopped holding my hand…”
He paused gathering his thoughts.
“What else am I supposed to think? Either you’re sleeping with someone else or you don’t love- you don’t love me anymore. Do you still even want to be with me?”
The question burned Namjoon’s ears so that he felt himself turning pale.
“Yes. Yes, I still want to be with you I just-”
Jin interrupted, “Then what happened?”
Jin’s head spun around and Namjoon suddenly forgot how to breathe. Tears met their limits filling Jin’s eyes. His face slightly red underneath his eyes and along the bones of his puffy cheeks. Namjoon watched as Jin swallowed, quickly swallowing himself.
Namjoon broke the silence, “You said I smother you.”
Jin’s brows furrowed.
“I overheard you on the phone saying that I was always underneath you and always around you. I thought I was giving you space.”
Jin let his head drop.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied Namjoon.
“I thought I was doing what you wanted. I wasn’t trying to be that distant. I thought that was what you wanted but you started to act different so I thought…I don’t know.”
Namjoon trailed off too, lowering his head. He was ashamed.
Jin noticed the somber look that washed over Namjoon like a wave. He spoke.
“If I wanted distance, I would kick you out and change the locks.”
Namjoon chuckled slightly at the sudden change in Jin’s demeanor. It brightened.
Jin flashed a small smirk, as his lips pressed together.
Namjoon sighed letting his shoulders relax. Reaching up to Jin’s face, he wiped away his tears. He’d stop them completely if he could
Jin closed his eyes at his touch, “I didn’t know.”
Namjoon spoke softly, “It’s ok.”
Leaning into Namjoon, Jin let his forehead rest on Namjoon’s.
Namjoon let his eyes close. Jin’s voice almost startled him.
“It’s not ok. I caused this and I didn’t even know. I thought you were sleeping with-”
It was Namjoon’s turn to interrupt. Opening his eyes, he looked up at Jin still resting his forehead against his lover’s. He gazed into Jin’s eyes.
“Jin, it’s fine.”
Pulling Jin closer to him, Namjoon rested his face on Jin’s neck. Jin rested his head on his chest.
“Trust me,” he said.
Somehow, those two words provided Jin with such comfort. The words brushed over his ear sending a chill down his spine. Hearing the steady heartbeat of Namjoon provided him with warmth causing his whole body to catch fire.
Jin released it in all sigh.
“Hey.”
Jin pulled away from Namjoon and looked into his eyes.
Namjoon continued, “What’s the reason for gravity?”
Jin chuckled. He could feel the dried tears crack as his eyes squinted in joy. He never imagined that saying fall from Namjoon’s lips. A phrase once used on Namjoon by Jin himself was now being used against him.
Namjoon reiterated in a slightly higher pitch.
“What’s the reason for gravity?”
“To ground us.”
“Exactly. Hey, I’m not perfect and neither are you. I should have said something about what I heard instead of just taking matters into my own hands. I pushed away, and that was my fault. Now we know we need to talk more. And we would have known otherwise.”
Namjoon always knew what to say. A smirk crawled on his lips.
“I love you.”
Jin blushed at the words replying with an even softer, “I love you too.”
Namjoon leaned into Jin’s face pressing their lips together.
The sensation felt like sparks lighting up the dark. Trying to pull away, Jin leaned in further not letting Namjoon escape. He returned the kiss.
Jin’s hands traveled from the muscles of Namjoon’s arms across his shoulders. Slipping down his chest, Jin’s fingers trailed at a slow pace finally resting on his sides. Namjoon enjoyed the sensation returning the favor with a deepened kiss.
The warmth of Namjoon’s mouth was too much. Gripping onto the sides of Namjoon’s shirt, Jin’s fingers tangled themselves in the fabric.
“What are you doing?”
Namjoon let the question stumble out of his mouth in a pant. A smirk crept on his face.
Pulling Namjoon back into the kiss, Jin spoke in between kisses.
“Making up for two months.”
Running on attraction and feeling alone, the two men fell back into the sheets. Only once did they break the kiss allowing Jin to yank on the lamp’s chain; but even then their will to let go was tested.
Underneath the city lights, as rain continued to cast shadows along the walls of the room, Namjoon and Jin rid the home of its gruesome tension, making up for lost time.